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Bi and married
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm a married man and have 3 lovely kide 18 and twin sons of 12 my problem is I would love to tell my wife that I'm bi as every time I met a guy I feel so guilty it's getting to the stage where I can't cope anymore and starting with depression it's like I'm having an affair although iv never been with another women I no it's the same thing really but I love my family very much and don't want to lose them so iv tride to stop but you can't stop it's like a drug I no some of you will laugh but this is it for me I'm 43 and known since I was 17 I was bi now what to do tell my wife and risk it or carry on and end up dead ? |
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There seems to be a fair few married men who are on here and meeting guys without their lady knowing. Personally, if I discovered my husband was cheating on me I could cope better knowing he was seeing men than knowing he preferred other women to me. That would make me feel inadequate as a woman. At least if he was meeting men it would not be a case of my not satisfying him.
However, to find that out second hand, which could happen, one text error, or someone seeing something... phew! That would be a marriage wrecker! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it's eating you up you have to do something about it. Face your fears and sit her down and tell her. I would want to know. If you can't give up sex with men you have to be prepared to give her up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is a problem, no doubt.
I told my wife about my crossdressing, but not my bisexuality...and that was hard enough for both of us.
My advice......if you have kept it from her for so long, telling her now will do more harm than good. Just be very very discreet, and always ALWAYS practice safe sex.
It may seem (and to some, it WILL seem) that you are setting yourself up for a fall, but if you are careful, and most importantly can deal with the guilt (and there will be loads more guilt to come) in a manner that will not drag you into despair, then DO NOT TELL HER.
If you want a one to one chat on this, just message me...always a willing shoulder to cry on here.
xxSindy |
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I lived a lie regarding a relationship for a year and more. That was with another woman but I also knew I was bi. I've decided never to live a live in lie again, it's horrible.
The fact is as these feelings are going through you, your wife is probably wondering what's up with you. It happened with mine.
Now I'm very honest in my relationships, it's a lot easier. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am bi and had been chatting men on fabguys behind the wives back. But I bit the bullet and told her now I meet guy's with her and on my own with her blessing. |
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"I'm a married man and have 3 lovely kide 18 and twin sons of 12 my problem is I would love to tell my wife that I'm bi as every time I met a guy I feel so guilty it's getting to the stage where I can't cope anymore and starting with depression it's like I'm having an affair although iv never been with another women I no it's the same thing really but I love my family very much and don't want to lose them so iv tride to stop but you can't stop it's like a drug I no some of you will laugh but this is it for me I'm 43 and known since I was 17 I was bi now what to do tell my wife and risk it or carry on and end up dead ?"
Someone once said.. “Circumstances alter cases...” We all have our reasons for being here; I never presume to know what goes on behind closed doors, I do not walk in your shoes. Your life and your cicumstances are yours to bear and live on a day-to-day basis! You enjoy men that seems clear but you feel bad/guilty for the pleasuere your get and the deception you create! I have no counsel for you OP...this is your life and you must decide how you want to live it...now and for ever....!
Take care and be safe...always!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have a good sex life now she's got made redundent "
What I meant when I asked if she was liberal is, would she use a strap-on on you? Or would she call you by another mans name during sex? Is she into mmf threesomes? All these things could help introduce her to the idea of you being bi! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't really feel I (Mrs) could give you any advice but it sounds like a similar situation to what we went through, he was really suffering and I knew something was up, had been up for a while, when he eventually told me I was expecting something truly horrific that we'd never get past and was frankly relieved that it was something so relatively minor!! Over time we've accepted it together to the point of having those encounters together and its been great. He gets what he needs, I get to experiment and I get to see 2 guys together (a major fantasy!)
I realise we are probably extremely lucky and I'll emphasise that its taken several years to get to this point, but we never take it for granted.
Good luck however you handle the situation.
J x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a married man and have 3 lovely kide 18 and twin sons of 12 my problem is I would love to tell my wife that I'm bi as every time I met a guy I feel so guilty it's getting to the stage where I can't cope anymore and starting with depression it's like I'm having an affair although iv never been with another women I no it's the same thing really but I love my family very much and don't want to lose them so iv tride to stop but you can't stop it's like a drug I no some of you will laugh but this is it for me I'm 43 and known since I was 17 I was bi now what to do tell my wife and risk it or carry on and end up dead ?"
How will u end up dead ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If it's eating you up you have to do something about it. Face your fears and sit her down and tell her. I would want to know. If you can't give up sex with men you have to be prepared to give her up"
agree |
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"I'm a married man and have 3 lovely kide 18 and twin sons of 12 my problem is I would love to tell my wife that I'm bi as every time I met a guy I feel so guilty it's getting to the stage where I can't cope anymore and starting with depression it's like I'm having an affair although iv never been with another women I no it's the same thing really but I love my family very much and don't want to lose them so iv tride to stop but you can't stop it's like a drug I no some of you will laugh but this is it for me I'm 43 and known since I was 17 I was bi now what to do tell my wife and risk it or carry on and end up dead ?
How will u end up dead ?"
Hate to worry you but it does normally happen
Seriously though I think I know where he's coming from, living a lie can have very bad affects on you, it certainly did on me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been meeting married men for 40 yrs, I have 3 regulars who I have known and meet regularly, for over 30 yrs, They all feel guilty, when their balls are empty.
Many gay men, marry, because it seems easier, after a few years and a few kids, they realise something is missing, in their life, some do something about it, some don't, they find it easier to lie to themselves, or their wife, everyone handles it differently.
In my experience, many wives except the truth, in fact they have always known, something isn't right, some think their husband is cheating, which must be horrible, if you need someone to talk to, I am always around, good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you marry someone, aren't they are supposed to be your "best friend" which means you should be able to tell them everything...I know this is weird and maybe I'm crazy but one of the first things I told mine was that I'm Bi...Maybe it's different for guys... People tell me I'm really open minded about things so things that would bother someone else wouldn't me lol
I say have a chat with her, if its bothering you the way you say it is, she's bound to know something's going on with you. Best of luck to ya  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not an easy one to answer only u know ur wife but at some point she may find out and she will be more hurt but u have kept this from her this long whitch she may find that hard to plus ur kids how will they take it I aint saying continue cheating but u have to face up to pro's and cons only you can deal with this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good luck. I (Mr) kept my bisexuality from several previous partners, before I met LittlePea. It's hard to tell someone the truth after such a long time, but I think you and your partner owe yourselves to be honest with each other. There is no reason why being bi needs to ruin your relationship. The affairs you've had might give you a lot to talk about and a lot of trust issues to deal with, but if you still love your partner and she loves you then you can work through it.
It's not going to be an easy thing to do, I imagine, but I think you're doing the right thing. Good luck x. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most definately not a laughing matter.
I've been on the receiving end of someone who met men behind my back. It was very very painful when I found out by complete accident. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Awwww this is a bit sad really because it takes me back to the time I told my ex wife I felt I wanted to meet people, both female and male. She went Ballistic on me and soon after we parted. I'd tried doing the sneaky stuff behind her back job and I was just such an awful liar she knew something was up. I was glad she found out.
I don't profess to know what the answer is. If you are the sort that can lie and forget about it then maybe that's the answer but there again you are exposing your family to other undesirables things and that is not really fair to do.
Telling her could mean you end up like me and believe you me the grass may be greener on the other side but the baggage I've picked up is very very heavy at times. My Partner is very accepting of my Bisexuality and is one of the best people you could wish to meet but she has some awful troubles with her son which at times makes me wish I'd just kept it in my trousers and put up with my ex wifes lack of understanding.
All very difficult to explain in a forum post but I think you get the gist of what I am saying, which is think very carefully about how you go forward. Things will pan out in a way you never expected.
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