FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Serious misunderstanding!!

Serious misunderstanding!!

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Following a post I made earlier there has been a HUGE misunderstanding that has caused a lot of upset

I wanted to get some advice and strategies on dominance and find out what other people could suggest as it's something I'm still experiencing as a newbie

Unfortunately my post got a severe backlash and my partner has been accused of all sorts!!

This has caused a lot of upset as things genuine aren't the way people have suggested at all.

Me and James have been together a while now and he has been an absolute saint. I came out from a nasty relationship where I was beaten and raped and even the kids were subject to some violence too. I had almost given up. But then I met James and his perseverance and dedication meant he was able to help me to overcome what I has experienced and I realised I was actually able to trust this man 100% with everything. This brought us both a LOT closer and we decided to embark on a journey and joined fab. Swinging was something that James had experienced before but I was completely new to it but excited by what he was telling me and what I was seeing with my own eyes. We found ourselves a couple of meets and I was always clear with James on how I was feeling and he was always conscious of me which made it an absolutely great experience for me. We have had tonnes of in depth discussions about things that we might like to try, even if it meant we decided after it just wasn't for us. James had experiences in a few things but he understood that I wasn't too keen on doing some things and he respected my _iews.

We decided we might like to try some dom/ sub stuff and gave a few different things a go. I found that I loved having James in control and I will, even now, often "not do as I'm told" to awaken his dominant side a little. When we're in the middle of sex I find a little roughness and dominance can be a turn on. He's had me doggy while gripping my hair, he's had me hard while pinning me down, he's even slapped my arse so hard it cut the skin a little! But I was always happy and comfortable.

Everybody has there own enjoyments in sex and this was what we were both finding we enjoyed every now and then to make things a little different. I've never had James do something I havent liked. I even made the poor guy try watersports for the first time coz I was so intent to do it with him!

Sometimes he likes to take me by surprise and this too turns out to be very fun and we BOTH get enjoyment from it. If either of us doesn't like something then we discuss it and we have an understanding.

I know James likes nothing more than having his cock sucked. What man wouldn't tbh? Lol. But I'm aware that he's not too keen on performing oral sex himself. That's fine with me coz I wouldn't like to know he's doing something he doesn't want to. And I can make up for missing oral in our meets

This morning he decided to take me by surprise. He grabbed by hair and made for me to suck him off. This is something we've done a few times in the past and it's our own little way of having a spice to things. This morning it took me a little by surprise as I wasn't expecting him to do it and he had a slightly hard grip. It wasn't something he did on purpose and I had a play fight with him resisting his cock before I decided to ask him to let go and I told him he was hurting me. He let go... And I think he felt bad to know it had hurt

We went on to watch a video about ways that women like to be dominated and I watched a video with him where people were doing all sorts to this woman and she didn't seem to be bothered at all by the pain it may of been causing or anything! James then had to go to work and it made me wonder about domination...

After some discussion I've come to see that a safe word would be a good thing to have so that we both understand that one of us isn't quite happy. It would be a nicer option than me saying stop, you're hurting me and upsetting him about it.

I just wanted to know if anyone else had some advice and strategies that we could use as we're still experimenting. I've seen some severe cases of Dom / sub and some of the things I know aren't for me at all

We're both happy in our relationship and strive to give each other as much satisfaction as we can. That's all

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

That's an interesting story. I also found it quite interesting that you used the metric 'tonnes' instead of the old imperial 'tons'. I might read the other thread now!

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

The safe word should be something you normally would NOT use. I suggest "BAZINGA!!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The safe word should be something you normally would NOT use. I suggest "BAZINGA!!" "

Thanks for your suggestion... I'll put it forward for consideration ha

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My safe word is Tottenham - it was Ruby (as Ruby isn't my real name) but then my ex Dom said it in a scene and so I stopped. So we had a conversation about a word that would take a lot of getting out! Something that I wouldn't normally say in a scene. I'm a Chelsea fan and he is an Arsenal fan so Tottenham was born.

I would also talk about using a signal if you can't speak (like I said on your other post getting words out with a cock in your mouth is not easy)

I think you guys really really need to talk about limits and whether the D/s is going to just in a role play/bedroom situation (and by that I mean with a clearly defined start and finish) or a more lifestyle situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's an interesting story. I also found it quite interesting that you used the metric 'tonnes' instead of the old imperial 'tons'. I might read the other thread now!

The girl spills her guts and that's what you pick up on?

Jeez.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I stand by everything I posted on that thread. You posted a pretty clear opening thread which pretty much everyone interpreted in the same way then changed your version of events because you didn't like how the thread was going.

If you put things up for discussion you have to accept it may not go the way you want.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My safe word is Tottenham - it was Ruby (as Ruby isn't my real name) but then my ex Dom said it in a scene and so I stopped. So we had a conversation about a word that would take a lot of getting out! Something that I wouldn't normally say in a scene. I'm a Chelsea fan and he is an Arsenal fan so Tottenham was born.

I would also talk about using a signal if you can't speak (like I said on your other post getting words out with a cock in your mouth is not easy)

James is a through and through tottenham supporter. I think if I shouted that out he wouldn't be stopping lol. But I agree with what you're saying

We did discuss the d/s thing a while ago and we decided it was just for the bedroom so we don't lose the intimacy we have together

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I stand by everything I posted on that thread. You posted a pretty clear opening thread which pretty much everyone interpreted in the same way then changed your version of events because you didn't like how the thread was going.

If you put things up for discussion you have to accept it may not go the way you want."

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If you put things up for discussion you have to accept it may not go the way you want."

Please... I didn't change things because I didn't like the response... I realised people were reading what I had written in a different way than I intended. I've been in tears over what people have been saying. He honestly isn't like that. He saved me and my kids from that kind of lifestyle. It killed him to know what is been through

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Traffic lights make a good safeword,

Green, like this but ease off a bit

Amber, stop this but don't stop, do something else,

Red, stop stop stop

Also hand signals, fist to fingers stretched out back to fist and so on,

I think what caught you out this morning was context, try a little roleplay, give a scenario you can get involved in, if he just grabs you it can be difficult to rationalize, but if you are both playing a role (nothing major, find a simple sub/captor scenario) you may find you will enjoy it more with the added context

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Traffic lights make a good safeword,

Green, like this but ease off a bit

Amber, stop this but don't stop, do something else,

Red, stop stop stop

Also hand signals, fist to fingers stretched out back to fist and so on,

Thank you. That's a really helpful suggestion

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would also talk about using a signal if you can't speak (like I said on your other post getting words out with a cock in your mouth is not easy)

James is a through and through tottenham supporter. I think if I shouted that out he wouldn't be stopping lol. But I agree with what you're saying

We did discuss the d/s thing a while ago and we decided it was just for the bedroom so we don't lose the intimacy we have together "

In that case I think you should agree times when the control is going to be handed over. Agree beforehand. It won't lose spontaneity, it'll just make you aware of when the control is being taken which I think could have been the issue this morning.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple over a year ago

Slough

"then my ex Dom said it in a scene and so I stopped

You thought your Dom safeworded?

Why would a Dom have a safeword?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How and why did his last relationship end!

No don't tell me I really don't want to know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because sometimes if you're playing edgily with things you want a way to cut a scene short.

I have a safeword when I top, it's basically quick code for 'it's not you, it's me, and we have to stop now'.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"That's an interesting story. I also found it quite interesting that you used the metric 'tonnes' instead of the old imperial 'tons'. I might read the other thread now!

The girl spills her guts and that's what you pick up on?

Jeez. "

"Spilled her guts"..... Yes, I found what she said interesting. I said so in my post. What did you find interesting? Steve.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Green, like this but ease off a bit

Amber, stop this but don't stop, do something else,

Red, stop stop stop

That's not quite the usual interpretation of the words.

Green - all ok, carry on

Amber - nearing my limits

Red - stop, now!

Couples can agree whatever meanings they want, of course, but this could cause confusion if playing with, or around, strangers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Green, like this but ease off a bit

Amber, stop this but don't stop, do something else,

Red, stop stop stop

That's not quite the usual interpretation of the words.

Green - all ok, carry on

Amber - nearing my limits

Red - stop, now!

Couples can agree whatever meanings they want, of course, but this could cause confusion if playing with, or around, strangers."

And this is why each couple have different safewords, the interpretation of the words is different for each couple.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I haven't seen your other post but don't feel like you need to or have to justify your relationship or prior post to anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We use yellow and red as safe words. But also he can tell From my eyes plus how i move if he needs to stop or ease off

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

If you put things up for discussion you have to accept it may not go the way you want."

This!

Personally, I think you protest too much!

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By *atasha_DavidCouple over a year ago

Slough

I have a safeword when I top, it's basically quick code for 'it's not you, it's me, and we have to stop now'."

Ruby said Dom, if topping perhaps you would need to explain but I would have thought as a Dom you just stop and then perhaps explain afterwards or do something different.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a safeword when I top, it's basically quick code for 'it's not you, it's me, and we have to stop now'.

Ruby said Dom, if topping perhaps you would need to explain but I would have thought as a Dom you just stop and then perhaps explain afterwards or do something different.

I just find it's a polite way of signifying to my submissive partner that for some reason that isn't to do with them, I don't want to carry on with the scene. Otherwise you're just stopping abruptly and that's not very nice and leaves them wondering why. It's not always a good time to explain right then.

If you have an understanding partner you'll also get loads of cuddles and aftercare, which sometimes even a top/dom needs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I haven't seen your other post but don't feel like you need to or have to justify your relationship or prior post to anyone."

I didn't go into a full on explanation in my last post and just gave a gist of the story which led to some sorry consequences

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks for the suggestions. I think a traffic light safe word system would be a good thing to use

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We use yellow and red as safe words. But also he can tell From my eyes plus how i move if he needs to stop or ease off"

It takes time for that too.. even with experience it can sometimes be got wrong.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to say now reading both threads and your profile there is a definite mix up between who is D & S.

Profile states your decision and coming round to....contradiction.

You are defending a post made clearly by yourself that you were surprised it happened and it hurt & not sure how to handle it.

I don't think anyone is vilifying your OH, I think you are emotionally sensitive and I would even go as far as to say I do not think swinging is for you.

It screams at me of blurred boundaries and expectations and that you do not have the solid foundations or communication within your relationship and I could see a meet going horribly wrong. Imagine if your OH did it to another lady?

If I was you I would take a massive step back and work out what you want in your relationship sexually wise and what the D&S role is for you both before any damage is done permanently.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's an interesting story. I also found it quite interesting that you used the metric 'tonnes' instead of the old imperial 'tons'. I might read the other thread now!

The girl spills her guts and that's what you pick up on?

Jeez.

"Spilled her guts"..... Yes, I found what she said interesting. I said so in my post. What did you find interesting? Steve."

That both are willing to learn about the scene and not winging it.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I don't mean to sound harsh but are you trying to justify your relationship to yourself or to us....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We use yellow and red as safe words. But also he can tell From my eyes plus how i move if he needs to stop or ease off

It takes time for that too.. even with experience it can sometimes be got wrong.

Cali"

Agreed and if he can't see my eyes or hear me, it needs experience and trust for the other to pick up on the body language.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple over a year ago

Slough

If you have an understanding partner you'll also get loads of cuddles and aftercare, which sometimes even a top/dom needs."

If a Dom needs, not enjoys giving but needs, cuddles after a scene I think they might be in the wrong place

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We use yellow and red as safe words. But also he can tell From my eyes plus how i move if he needs to stop or ease off

It takes time for that too.. even with experience it can sometimes be got wrong.

Cali

Agreed and if he can't see my eyes or hear me, it needs experience and trust for the other to pick up on the body language."

Yea thats what 4 Meant body Language. He can read mine. Its best to Take it slowly and to actually work as a Dom.sub relationship there needs to be a Lot of trust. plus Clear boundaries set out. We Listed our do and donts . Yes now and then push boundaries but Know when to stop. And cuddles after are great as a hard Session can Take it out of both of you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you. We always cuddle up when we go to sleep

I never saw it being as aftercare but I can see what you're saying. And the idea of using a traffic light system or something similar sounds like a great idea to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have to say now reading both threads and your profile there is a definite mix up between who is D & S.

Profile states your decision and coming round to....contradiction.

You are defending a post made clearly by yourself that you were surprised it happened and it hurt & not sure how to handle it.

I don't think anyone is vilifying your OH, I think you are emotionally sensitive and I would even go as far as to say I do not think swinging is for you.

If I was you I would take a massive step back and work out what you want in your relationship sexually wise and what the D&S role is for you both before any damage is done permanently.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I didn't read your previous post but it seems to me that you and your OH are very much in love & have 100% trust (it takes a lot of trust to consider role playing if the D/S type!)

I don't think you should listen to people who are saying swinging isn't for you - it's a learning curve!! And the fact that he instantly stopped the second that you expressed to him he hurt you & it shocked you, shows he has the upmost respect for you, your relationship & your sexual relationship!!

It seems by asking advise you are both going about it the right way & the only way you'll learn is to try new things slowly & carefully.

I think you were fully articulate & I completely understand this thread and can also understand how upsetting it can be for people to jump on your post and read things a different way to how you intended the post to go.

I wish you both luck (& fun!!) K (Mrs) Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I didn't read your previous post but it seems to me that you and your OH are very much in love & have 100% trust (it takes a lot of trust to consider role playing if the D/S type!)

It seems by asking advise you are both going about it the right way & the only way you'll learn is to try new things slowly & carefully.

I wish you both luck (& fun!!) K (Mrs) Xxx"

Thank you so much. Your message was really kind and I'm glad you understand. I just wanted to know how others deal with things, that was all. He's not a nasty man at all, he's been amazing and has helped me so much with absolutely everything. Even though he has more experience than me with swinging, he still finds things a learning curve too, but he's made it a positive learning curve for me and always made sure I'm comfortable. I just wanted advice from people who were trying similar things

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

To be fair, your initial thread was described totally different than this one so I don't think it is fair that you are saying it was read wrong and this is how it is now.

People just commented on what they read.

I would be giving two different answers to your two different posts, but for this one I would say.....only you two will know your bounderies and I really think they should be discussed in detail.

We don't use a safe word, he just knows me and my body language but the traffic light one seems a good one if you want safe words.

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By *irtyDee33Woman over a year ago

South Yorkshire

If you put things up for discussion you have to accept it may not go the way you want.

Honey I never saw your other thread but I had bad experiences in childhood and dealt with them and I too enjoy similar things to you!!!

But the big difference now for us both is WE are consenting to it and it's ok!!!!

Sod everyone else, u just enjoy each other, James sounds like a lovely guy and I'm glad u have found a good one to restore your faith!! Bigs hugs xxxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I briefly looked at your original post didn't add to it.. I just want to say that I am sorry for the fact that you have been put in a situation where you feel you need to justify yourself and your relationship and to share some deeply personal things.

I'm sorry it has upset you to the point of tears.

All to often here I see a post and can hear the wagons circling in the distance. It's not always what is said but the way it is said. People sometimes feel they can express themselves without humanity behind a computer screen.

That said you will need to develop thicker skin for this sort of environment. What you decided to share with total strangers and how you let their words impact you is your decision.

As far as a safe word goes... I like 'Banana Hammock' but I am a firm believe that if you pursue this you should have discussed it in enough depth to never need to use it!

Good luck and don't let them grind you down!

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By *al2001Man over a year ago

kildare

I wonder wat all this is about.I saw the heading but didnt bothrr to read any of the posts.u may well wonder why I posted myself.so do I.if anyone wud b kind enuf to pm me a brief synopsis. And I mean brief.and ill post my opinion on it then.I hope its nothin too serious and my lightheartedness seems cruel.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Honey I never saw your other thread but I had bad experiences in childhood and dealt with them and I too enjoy similar things to you!!!

But the big difference now for us both is WE are consenting to it and it's ok!!!!

Sod everyone else, u just enjoy each other, James sounds like a lovely guy and I'm glad u have found a good one to restore your faith!! Bigs hugs xxxx"

Thanks for your message. It's nice to read after the awful day I've had. He really is honestly a lovely guy and he restored my confidence so much and in such a kind way. I questioned myself why I ever thought I couldn't trust him. He's been there for me in so many ways and helped me with the kids even if they do drive him mad at times. We chose to do this TOGETHER. I just wanted for once that I could get some advice from somewhere that wasn't him. I'm always going to him. It must drive him insane. We've already joked between us that he's like my own personal google! I've really enjoyed my journey so far with him and what he's been able to show me. Just don't want it to end really x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I briefly looked at your original post didn't add to it.. I just want to say that I am sorry for the fact that you have been put in a situation where you feel you need to justify yourself and your relationship and to share some deeply personal things.

I'm sorry it has upset you to the point of tears.

That said you will need to develop thicker skin for this sort of environment. What you decided to share with total strangers and how you let their words impact you is your decision.

As far as a safe word goes... I like 'Banana Hammock' but I am a firm believe that if you pursue this you should have discussed it in enough depth to never need to use it!

Good luck and don't let them grind you down!

Thank you... I just felt some people were too cruel with some of the comments. I had to justify myself, and James! He was deeply shocked by what some people were saying about him. And I know some people will defend there partners, I was stupid enough to do it myself for years with my ex, but he's not like that at all!! I've honestly never met as nice a guy as him... And as he says I'm getting on a bit lol. He didn't mean to hurt me this morning. I just wasn't sure how to tell him he was coz it's never happened before where I've felt a little uncomfortable. He's a really gentle and considerate lover but we both decided we liked a bit of rough to alternate things around a bit. Thanks for your message though x

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By *ayandess1Couple over a year ago

bridgwater

I didnt read the previous thread - and going by this one you both seem pretty clued up.

We started in a sub/dom relationship which was based on a daddy dom kind of dynamic (ie im a caring dom) but i still can be a sadistic bastard when i want to be.

We use several different types of safe scenarios. She has never used safewords as i can tell by her body language when i am about to go to far.

Remember though, part of a subs learning curve is pushing through limits - so this may well happen again.

My best advice is this. After every scene or playtime - talk. Not just a little chat but a long in depth converastion about what you BOTH thought about the play. I do this in my aftercare time (cuddles and snuggles after any play) and it helps us BOTH understand whats going on in eachothers heads. Afterall he may do something to you that he thinks you like, but in fact makes you sick, but you do it to please him!.

If you have to use a safeword you have already gone too far.

As for a suggestion above about a Dom using safewords - this is always a very very bad idea. At all times a sub is thinking about her/his dom. If you just stop and walk away or use an unexplained safeword that poor sub will be distraught. Its in the syche of a sub to wonder what they did wrong and they will agonise on it internally. If a dom has a problem they must explain exactly what it is.

Thats my 10 pennies worth. hope you can take something from it.

xxx

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

the problem is now that because original post has been removed.... we are now getting a one sided _iew of what was written and people are now commenting on that which is extremely unfair....

I did see the original thread... and as rugby said, if the situation had been described in the same terms as this, then people would have never have commented in the way they did......

if wasn't... it was a lot darker... and people commented on that, whether that was your intention or not.... and to be honest I am quite glad that people had your welfare in mind when writing replies, whether you agreed with it or not.....

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By *lackCherryCouple over a year ago

Bristol

Due to the thread being gone its impossible to comment really, if you're happy then you're happy justifying yourself in this manner just comes off as feeling like you need too which smacks of an underlying issue with what you're doing or a deep rooted insecurity with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I didnt read the previous thread - and going by this one you both seem pretty clued up.

We started in a sub/dom relationship which was based on a daddy dom kind of dynamic (ie im a caring dom) but i still can be a sadistic bastard when i want to be.

We use several different types of safe scenarios. She has never used safewords as i can tell by her body language when i am about to go to far.

Remember though, part of a subs learning curve is pushing through limits - so this may well happen again.

If you have to use a safeword you have already gone too far.

Thats my 10 pennies worth. hope you can take something from it.

xxx"

Thank you for your advice. It's good to hear what other people find helps them in situations. We've tried a couple of things in the past that he's sensed I'm not 100% but some of the trouble like this morning is we like to play fight and sometimes, only sometimes, we don't always realise the other one isn't 100% anymore. This morning for example I was play fighting but I decided actually I wanted it to stop but that just puts the brakes on everything then so I wondered how other people dealt with things... Tbh I made him do something he wasn't 100% with once coz I honestly thought he'd enjoy it so I just kept reassuring him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thank you... I just felt some people were too cruel with some of the comments. "

No one was cruel on the original thread and I think the allegation that people were is not only untrue but disrespectful to those that posted.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Thank you... I just felt some people were too cruel with some of the comments.

No one was cruel on the original thread and I think the allegation that people were is not only untrue but disrespectful to those that posted.

I agree I posted what I thought were helpful comments it seems the huge misunderstanding might be mine in trying to help.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you... I just felt some people were too cruel with some of the comments.

No one was cruel on the original thread and I think the allegation that people were is not only untrue but disrespectful to those that posted.

I agree I posted what I thought were helpful comments it seems the huge misunderstanding might be mine in trying to help. "

No not at all. Your comments were very helpful and I appreciated you replying so thank you!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thank you... I just felt some people were too cruel with some of the comments.

No one was cruel on the original thread and I think the allegation that people were is not only untrue but disrespectful to those that posted.

I didn't read the first post so I can't comment whether people were cruel or not BUT the OP says she 'felt' people were cruel....how can you say her feelings are disrespectful?! You can't possibly know how she felt about what people were saying?! Feelings are personal & should not be discounted by another person, attempting to do so is disrespectful in itself!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you... I just felt some people were too cruel with some of the comments.

No one was cruel on the original thread and I think the allegation that people were is not only untrue but disrespectful to those that posted.

Thank you...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?"

He'd do it if I asked. I just know it's not something he massively enjoys. And knowing that means I'd rather he doesn't. He doesn't demand me to do it... It's just something we both know I enjoy doing?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?"

Sex isn't a like for like activity though, I love to give oral but don't like to receive it, I like to be restrained but don't expect a person to want to be restrained in turn. Selfish sex is not trying to understand what your partner wants and needs in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have read through both of your threads and in my opinion your relatshionship comes across as very one sided!

It seems to be all about the male half!

I can see why some of the comments on your other thread thought what happened this morning as a tad ott!

Maybe having a heart to heart with your oh would prevent any future misunderstandings

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sex isn't a like for like activity though, I love to give oral but don't like to receive it, I like to be restrained but don't expect a person to want to be restrained in turn. Selfish sex is not trying to understand what your partner wants and needs in my opinion."

Yeah, not everybody likes the same things. We both like when I give him oral. We both like when I'm restrained. I know he's not too keen on it back though. He knows I like to try and play with him anally, he doesn't know how he feels about it but he doesn't not like it so we try it occasionally

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

If I was the guy, I would be mortified.

All the best to you both.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?

Yes but if you did enjoy receiving it would you not feel a bit put out that your partner just didn't do it. I would find that very frustrating as I have experienced it in the past myself. whatever works for you though, just not something I would be happy with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have read through both of your threads and in my opinion your relatshionship comes across as very one sided!

It seems to be all about the male half!

I can see why some of the comments on your other thread thought what happened this morning as a tad ott!

Maybe having a heart to heart with your oh would prevent any future misunderstandings "

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?

As far as I'm concerned sex in a long term relationship needs to have room for compromise and I would hope that if I really enjoyed oral sex and my partner didn't want to give it that we could reach an agreement but if I knew he didn't enjoy it I wouldn't coerce him just as I would hope a partner wouldn't coerce me into doing it if I didn't like it. You say that him insisting on it is wrong but suggest that the answer is that she insists in return.

You say "whatever works for you" and me not doing something I don't like works very well

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?

You say "whatever works for you" and me not doing something I don't like works very well

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Haven't read any of the posts other than a quick flick of the first one and it doesn't seem a good idea at all to mention that your kids have been subject to abuse and to have your face, location etc. on display.

Given how swift admin are to close down the most menial of discussions I'm very surprised that's been allowed.

And equally surprised at the stupidity and lack of consideration in doing in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?

You say "whatever works for you" and me not doing something I don't like works very well

I didn't mean in relation to you, it was to the OP. Yes of course its about compromise, I've been in a relationship for 7 years now so am aware how it works.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Haven't read any of the posts other than a quick flick of the first one and it doesn't seem a good idea at all to mention that your kids have been subject to abuse and to have your face, location etc. on display.

Given how swift admin are to close down the most menial of discussions I'm very surprised that's been allowed.

And equally surprised at the stupidity and lack of consideration in doing in the first place."

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?

You say "whatever works for you" and me not doing something I don't like works very well

I didn't mean in relation to you, it was to the OP. Yes of course its about compromise, I've been in a relationship for 7 years now so am aware how it works. "

ok, but to be fair you didn't make that clear and the first part of your reply was to me or I assumed that as you quoted me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do find it a bit odd that he is happy for you to perform oral, in fact demands it as part of play but does not reciprocate, is it just me that thinks it is quite selfish?

You say "whatever works for you" and me not doing something I don't like works very well

I didn't mean in relation to you, it was to the OP. Yes of course its about compromise, I've been in a relationship for 7 years now so am aware how it works.

ok, but to be fair you didn't make that clear and the first part of your reply was to me or I assumed that as you quoted me."

well I posted in relation to the thread, you thought what I said was wrong and I was responding which is why I quoted you, probably past my bedtime anyway!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

probably past my bedtime anyway!"

lol probably way past mine too

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Thank you... I just felt some people were too cruel with some of the comments. x"

To clarify, none of the replies on the previous thread were against rules or cruel.

As I said up there, I don't think it fair that you are making out something that wasn't there at all, those people gave you an honest answer to your post which painted a much darker picture than the OP here, so I am shutting this now

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