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play on the first meet?
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By *ands12 OP Couple
over a year ago
north walsham |
Do you play on the first meet?
We met a couple on monday for drinks and they are really lovely and put us at complete ease but I dont feel ready to play yet I know hubby does but I (mrs) dont. We have agreed to meet up again this time they are coming to our house I hope I feel ready to play as I dont want to disappoint them as they are so nice and say they are happy to go at our pace as we are new to swinging. Xx |
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Go at your own pace. Are you here cause both of you want to be here equally? Or are you here cause you want to make hubby happy? Are you attracted to this other couple or are they just nice people that you want to be attracted to? |
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We only meet and play at clubs. We find it more relaxing than pre arranged meets. Sometimes we play on first meets other times we get to know the person over a period of time. It all comes down to how you feel. If you play when you are not ready you will regret it. If these people are genuine they will go at your pace. If they push you they are not right for you. Sometimes you need a little push to get started as we did but it was only a little push. Take your time and set boundaries and explore them then change them as you gain experience. Hope this helps. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you play on the first meet?
We met a couple on monday for drinks and they are really lovely and put us at complete ease but I dont feel ready to play yet I know hubby does but I (mrs) dont. We have agreed to meet up again this time they are coming to our house I hope I feel ready to play as I dont want to disappoint them as they are so nice and say they are happy to go at our pace as we are new to swinging. Xx"
Forget disappointing 'them' - you have go to be doing this because YOU want to. What anyone else expects of you - hubby included - doesn't come into the equation.
Clearly there is something you are not happy/confident about and I would strongly suggest you sort that out, either in your own mind or by talking it through with your husband, before you put yourself in a situation you may regret later.
Take YOUR time - not anyone elses...
ted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do what you feel comfortable with, have played on first meets, have had socials and never played but still see them socially, have met for socials then arranged play dates.
Never feel pushed into anything, and play because that's what somebody else expects.
Talk to them let them know your feelings.
If you play and aren't ready I suspect it will be uncomfortable for all involved. Go with the flo and relax...
Lol sorry I tend to babble 
Good luck   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a second meet though? What are the others couples expectations - have you told them that you might not be playing? I personally think that it is fairly reasonable to assume that a meet at your home following a successful social meet is going to involve play. If the couple know that you are not sure about playing then really you have no reason to worry about disappointing them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I nearly always do, but I think it's different for couples, there are more people to consider. Everyone should go at their own pace and never feel pressured into doing anything they are not ready for. |
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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
Sometimes I play on the first meet, sometimes I don't.
It all depends on the person and situation.
A couple of gentleman I met socially quite a few times first. Now I would say they are close friends with great benefits. So waiting can be better in the long run. |
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By *ands12 OP Couple
over a year ago
north walsham |
We are both on here as its something we BOTH want to do. I guess its more nerves holding me back as I dont want to let anyone down, I tend to over think things a lot and worry I may be crap at doing whatever with the woman etc.... I am definitely attracted to the couple and both they and hubby all say its at my pace. The more I think about it the more I come to realise it is nerves holding me back I worry about not being sexy enough etc for them. Xx |
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I fully agree with the advice given so far. I think its important not to analyse and think through the next meet. Many times folks on here will mention 'go with the flow', and that's good advice! This cpl obviously like you guys, they are attracted, so that's hurdle no 1 overcome. Don't try to think the meet through, what happens when and how, will happen! But ALWAYS should be with everyone's consent and desire. No one is expecting this to be a porn video shoot! Take small steps and see where each one leads. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are both on here as its something we BOTH want to do. I guess its more nerves holding me back as I dont want to let anyone down, I tend to over think things a lot and worry I may be crap at doing whatever with the woman etc.... I am definitely attracted to the couple and both they and hubby all say its at my pace. The more I think about it the more I come to realise it is nerves holding me back I worry about not being sexy enough etc for them. Xx"
I don't think I could do what you are doing, they find you attractive. I find if I'm nervous one or two drinks help
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are both on here as its something we BOTH want to do. I guess its more nerves holding me back as I dont want to let anyone down, I tend to over think things a lot and worry I may be crap at doing whatever with the woman etc.... I am definitely attracted to the couple and both they and hubby all say its at my pace. The more I think about it the more I come to realise it is nerves holding me back I worry about not being sexy enough etc for them. Xx"
Sorry OP, but I don't think you're ready for this. There seems to be a confidence/self-esteem 'thing' coming through in what you have said so far. For some people (and it is only 'some') swinging can help boost their confidence. For others, it can leave what little they had to start with in tatters...
I go back to what I said earlier - you and your partner need to talk, not 'think'.
ted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I imagine this must be a common scenario as the same thing happened to us on our first ever couple meet . We arrived at theirs at 9 ish and the wine and conversation flowed and we all got on great . By 12.30 it was kind of obvious all of us wanted to play but no one made a move . So my wife ( and it was her first time ) moved in and just snogged the other woman ! Well needless to say it was a night to remember and set us on our path to enjoy the swinging lifestyle .
That was 3 years ago . We have just celebrated our first wedding anniversary and never looked back .
So ..... sod the nerves , they are an integral part of the thrill . If you think you are not sexy enough they wouldn't wanna meet again would they ?
Just go ahead and enjoy it ....embrace the nerves and have fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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on our first meet (with a single guy), I (mrs) was really nervous, we sat and chatted for a bit, then once I felt at ease, I took myself off to the bedroom and told the boys to come up in 5mins. this gave me time to settle my nerves before anything happened and gave me a little me time during the evening to make sure that it was what I wanted to do. once things got started, the nerves disappeared and it ended up being a fun time.
just relax, take your time, and if needed take yourself off somewhere to think before anything happens. if your still unsure, then don't feel pressured into it, and if you don't feel like doing anything once things get started don't be afraid to say stop
hope this helps xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would try not to over think things, all the advice above is good advice, just because your nervous is doesnt mean your not ready though.
Everyone has been through the "1st meet" and probably a big percentage of those were very nervous. I remember our first few meets, I used to get so nervous that I made a million toilet stops on the way, now we have been doing it for a few years I dont get that nervous/butterflies in stomach..... I must admit I now miss that feeling  |
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We have gone straight from a pub meeting to the bedroom, but we prefer to have a social then discuss things when we're alone. During all our years of swinging we've only met one couple we were not happy with, and only had one other couple ring us and say "no thanks." But we think that's better than being steam-rollered into sex with people you're not happy with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jaz and I are finding more and more that we want to go for a social meet first (and only a social) in order to eliminate any pressure to play. This is a new thing, we used to meet up for a social and see how it goes, but because we're looking for people who we can interact with socially as well as having fun with, we have found that this is the best way to do that.
Not only should you not feel pressured into doing anything, as the others have said, but you should also perhaps consider what you're looking for. What it is you want to do during the potential play date with this couple, and what is it that's making you uncertain? Hope that helps.
Lily |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some like a social first to see if threes attraction then meet a second time for sex. I'd prefer to meet and if thee is then have sex later. Some people have to travel miles and if there's an attraction then why the hell not. Before many meets I bet there's been enough choppsing on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I haven't read all the thread but I am sure the advice is if you don't want to play then you are not obliged to.
Make sure though that the couple are fully aware that you are unsure if you are ready for play.
Don't feel that you need to live up to anyones expectations as that will just make you more nervous.
You have only been on the site for 3 weeks, take things at your own pace however you said in your OP the male half was ready to play and that suggests to me he is more keen to swing than the female.
Make sure you talk in an honest & open manner about what you both want out of the experience and your boundaries are set prior to any meet.
Everyone gets nervous prior to meets and especially the first time but don't go along with it for the sake of it or for a partner.
This is a NSA site in the main and while most people like socials to start with, not many would be keen to have social meets continuously as they are here for the NSA side of sex so I would definitely make sure the other couple are aware as they then might not want to meet you and meet other people who are comfortable with playing.
Whatever you choose to do I wish you luck.
Me personally - yes I will play on a first meet if we all get on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely only go at your pace, only do what you feel comfortable with otherwise your only end up regretting it , there is some very good advice already posted
For couples meets our first meet is only ever a social only as its harder with four people all have to be happy to progress , if we're meeting a single guy we always say our first meet is a social ( takes the pressure off everyone) but if we're all happy things can go further. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We normally play on a first meet as we very rarely have time off together and a sitter so when we do we like to make the most of it. That said that doesn't mean just because we meet somebody we garuntee to play. On a normal meet we will spend time chatting having a couple of drinks before anything happens as we still both get incredible nervous. This for us is not a sign of insecurity or one partner wanting it more than the other it's just the way we are. We think of it like bungee jumping when your at the top waiting to jump your hearts going your nervous as hell once you've done it its An amazing feeling. That's how we feel about swinging every time those butterfly's are what enhance our experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are happy to play on the first meet so long as everyone is happy. Have to say, we do find it horny to meet some strangers in a pub, 2 pints later strip them and have sex with them.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you will know if its right to play or not, so no point wondering if the rest of the site does or doesnt.
only if its right for you.
and dont let hubbies cock dictate what you want to do and when. |
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As long as the social has gone well I am usually happy to play on a first meet and have most times. When I had my first meet with a lady though it took us until the third meet to actually play. A lot of that was due to shyness on both sides, but I think it made for a better time overall as we were more comfortable with each other when it actually happened |
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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago
South London |
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It just depends on how the meet goes. I never promise sex on a first meet and often just promise a social meet at first, and then if all goes well and we get on it more often than not turns into a play meet as well.
Sometimes though I like to start with purely a social meet and then arrange a play meet later. Just depends on the person and how I feel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are both on here as its something we BOTH want to do. I guess its more nerves holding me back as I dont want to let anyone down, I tend to over think things a lot and worry I may be crap at doing whatever with the woman etc.... I am definitely attracted to the couple and both they and hubby all say its at my pace. The more I think about it the more I come to realise it is nerves holding me back I worry about not being sexy enough etc for them. Xx"
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Hi guys I like you know how you feel I've only had 2 meets as a couple... Our first meet was at the house but we all got in the hot tub with bubbles... It was great cos hands were touching each others bits and no one knew who belonged to who it deffo helped my nerves.... But I did get very nervous before for about a week but as it got closer and like everyone has said the pace is down to you so you are in control and if you don't want to then just say no, please don't do it if you really don't want to xxx  
Oh by the way your not to far away from us x so pm me if you want a chat x |
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We tend to plat on first meet if we like people or person we are meeting .as we don't get to play very often .that's why we prefer the club .we can wander around in nice relaxed are we do enjoy party's to as we can pick who we want to play with .so hoping for a few more invites |
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