FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > so hard for genuine guys to get noticed

so hard for genuine guys to get noticed

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Recently I've sat with a few female friends on Fabs and have watched the constant barrage of messages they get, it's ridiculous.

Most men can send 30-50 messages and your dead lucky if you get one back, so the actual genuine ones , nine times out of ten get ignored....but I can see why, there's no way you could take any notice of all the messages coming through......it's really frustrating, especially if there's a certain woman you'd really like to speak to

And why do some add u as a friend and totally ignore u...what's the point of that?

Rant over

Ivan

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By *ondonpride69Couple over a year ago

Blackpool

Yes, everyone sees there selves as genuine. It's the recipient who has to make that judgement call.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Agree with that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Alot of it is men dont just simply read profiles,often woman etc write wot they want down,men think try there luck anyway,u get bombarded with cybersex and asked to Drive 5hrs away for bit of nooky lol looking threw that lot of messages u take ages to get to the genuine guys WHO tick the boxes for wot u really want lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's why I now use the chatrooms.

I used to get 20, 30, 40 inbox messages a day, and it was extremely time-consuming to try to work out which ones were the nice guys. Trying to build up a rapport with someone was even harder.

The chatrooms have the advantage of immediacy, and I find it is much easier to work out (quickly) who I am likely to get along with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always try and reply to all messages but since its a couples profile my hubby sometimes has a quick look while at work and doesn't reply grrr drives me mad

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Alot of it is men dont just simply read profiles,often woman etc write wot they want down,men think try there luck anyway,u get bombarded with cybersex and asked to Drive 5hrs away for bit of nooky lol looking threw that lot of messages u take ages to get to the genuine guys WHO tick the boxes for wot u really want lol "

I allways make a point of reading the whole profile...not one for just sending messages saying...u fancy a fuck tonight....lol...maybe they are the ones that work!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Most men can send 30-50 messages and your dead lucky if you get one back, so the actual genuine ones , nine times out of ten get ignored....but I can see why, there's no way you could take any notice of all the messages coming through......it's really frustrating, especially if there's a certain woman you'd really like to speak to"

Two points here!

If someone's sending 30-50 messages - that screams to me that they're really not that fussy as to who they're trying to contact - almost trying the scattergun approach in the hope that one shot might hit!

And secondly - just because there's someone you really want to speak to it doesn't mean they'll be the slightest bit interested in interacting with you!

The argument that its down to the sheer numbers of messages that women receive that stops 'the genuine guys' getting through is, and always will be, total bollocks! Otherwise nobody would ever meet as they'd be ignoring every message!

At the end of the day people just have to realise that Fab is nothing more than a website. A great one - but none the less - just a means of contacting people - no guarantee of a response or interest, no guarantee of a meet, a shag or anything whatsoever!!

Those that recognise this tend to have less stressful lives on here and elsewhere on the Internet. Those with any sense of expectation don't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I allways make a point of reading the whole profile...not one for just sending messages saying...u fancy a fuck tonight....lol...maybe they are the ones that work!!!!"

Nah being polite and making a gal laugh showing ur personality,much better than the fuck tonight messages lol in my case anyway, that Bit U say abt friends invites i just friend people ive Met,people know wot im upto and i know wot there upto,then they surprize me and go where im going Its like fab reunions lol no point in me reading Updates of a bloke in scotland WHO chatted for a few days and will never meet

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By *tirling DarkCouple over a year ago

Stirling

We will get 10-15 messages a day from single males, 90% of which failed to read, or grasp, our profile. We would imagine many couples on here have the same .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I allways make a point of reading the whole profile...not one for just sending messages saying...u fancy a fuck tonight....lol...maybe they are the ones that work!!!!

Exactly...just can't see the point...I have woman as a friend on mine, I really want to meet her, I've sent her quite a few messages but she's never even read one...why did she add me then?

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By *tirling DarkCouple over a year ago

Stirling

You sent her quite a few messages, why? Surely after a couple you would have thought she isn't interested and moved on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes, everyone sees there selves as genuine. It's the recipient who has to make that judgement call."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I allways make a point of reading the whole profile...not one for just sending messages saying...u fancy a fuck tonight....lol...maybe they are the ones that work!!!!

Exactly...just can't see the point...I have woman as a friend on mine, I really want to meet her, I've sent her quite a few messages but she's never even read one...why did she add me then?"

I couldnt speak for her as to why,but If she Not even reading after long time and Not chatted at all then she cant be interested,maybe delete and move onx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I allways make a point of reading the whole profile...not one for just sending messages saying...u fancy a fuck tonight....lol...maybe they are the ones that work!!!!

Exactly...just can't see the point...I have woman as a friend on mine, I really want to meet her, I've sent her quite a few messages but she's never even read one...why did she add me then?"

I couldnt speak for her as to why,but If she Not even reading after long time and Not chatted at all then she cant be interested,maybe delete and move onx

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By *lackshadow7Man over a year ago

Toronto

"Yes, everyone sees there selves as genuine. It's the recipient who has to make that judgement call."

And those that can, usually do stand out without much problem anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We get so many messages from those who are not what we looking for its gets you jaded and you just can't see the wood for the trees. Genuine hot and funny are the ones that stand out to us.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Recently I've sat with a few female friends on Fabs and have watched the constant barrage of messages they get, it's ridiculous.

And why do some add u as a friend and totally ignore u...what's the point of that?

Rant over

Ivan"

you..... get..... out..... what.... you.... put...... in......!!

you can be "most men" if you like.... I'd rather be me... i tend to find that being yourself is the best selling point one has.....

the site gives you the tools to make it work.... its like a big jigsaw where you can use as many or as little as you want...

onus is still on you....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We answer every message we get unless it's not worth answering like if a single word like "fuck?"

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By *ourbonKissMan over a year ago

a land up north..... of leicester

Two points here!

And secondly - just because there's someone you really want to speak to it doesn't mean they'll be the slightest bit interested in interacting with you!

Those that recognise this tend to have less stressful lives on here and elsewhere on the Internet. Those with any sense of expectation don't. "

Spoken like a true Jedi master Obi

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have woman as a friend on mine, I really want to meet her, I've sent her quite a few messages but she's never even read one...why did she add me then?"

To see your private pics maybe? ...perhaps hoping for a face pic there? Seems quite a sensible thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What does " genuine " mean anyway ? I'm sure lots of genuine guys message me but if they are not matching my ultra picky spec - I'm not going to reply - so its not just about being genuine .... But reading the bleedin profile ! Lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Spoken to a few fem friends too and it's funny and ridiculous the crap men send to women on here , I understand why women bulk delete or ignore altogether . Men will never learn ...lol....me being the exception of course ...;)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two points here!

And secondly - just because there's someone you really want to speak to it doesn't mean they'll be the slightest bit interested in interacting with you!

Those that recognise this tend to have less stressful lives on here and elsewhere on the Internet. Those with any sense of expectation don't.

Spoken like a true Jedi master Obi

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What does " genuine " mean anyway ? I'm sure lots of genuine guys message me but if they are not matching my ultra picky spec - I'm not going to reply - so its not just about being genuine .... But reading the bleedin profile ! Lol

quite agree.If genuine means 'I will meet you for sex, whoever you are' then that is not sufficient reason for me to meet them. It all comes down to personal preferences- appearance, how well they present themselves, having good manners- nothing too extreme or outrageous expected or offered. I appreciate it is difficult for single guys. At a club night yesterday, lots of blokes 'hanging round' and lurking. It would have been nicer for me if they were being chatty and less lecherous. Maybe the guys who get noticed are the ones with better social skills?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Well just look at my verifications, they all basically say the same thing...I treat people right

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well just look at my verifications, they all basically say the same thing...I treat people right"

Trouble is - women and couples do the same thing as single guys - they look at the pictures as well as what is written!

And certain styles of profile photo can put people off faster than anything!!

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By *iss_Samantha_LovecockTV/TS over a year ago

bmth /poole sometimes blandford

unfortunately most men fail to read the profile. they just fire off an email,usually its something dull like how are you or what u up to or do u want to suck my dick...if guys took a bit of trouble to make their message interesting and informative and include a face pic im sure theyd get better results .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"unfortunately most men fail to read the profile. they just fire off an email,usually its something dull like how are you or what u up to or do u want to suck my dick...if guys took a bit of trouble to make their message interesting and informative and include a face pic im sure theyd get better results ."

I do...try to keep it different and interesting

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nope - I have no problem.

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By *wingerdelightCouple over a year ago

eastliegh

"Recently I've sat with a few female friends on Fabs and have watched the constant barrage of messages they get, it's ridiculous.

And why do some add u as a friend and totally ignore u...what's the point of that?

Rant over

Ivan"

we have just had a mail from a guy, he had obviously read our profile and sent a message to suit, after thinking if he was what we were looking for, result freind invite and a reply, and probible meet, so not hard really, oh ant the other 20 idiots who messaged today without doing any of the above got a block, not hard really

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two points here!

And secondly - just because there's someone you really want to speak to it doesn't mean they'll be the slightest bit interested in interacting with you!

Those that recognise this tend to have less stressful lives on here and elsewhere on the Internet. Those with any sense of expectation don't. "

I totally agree with this and would also add, that if there were enough interest from both parties then your message wouldn't go unread or unanswered for long!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"why do some add u as a friend and totally ignore u...what's the point of that?

Rant over

Ivan"

To look at any private pictures usually.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Exactly, us decent blokes who reply in a respectful way and even with a fun joke or two very rarely get a reply. Common decency is a must !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

By posting on the forum you are taking part in discussion and this will get you noticed.

Some people may not like what you say and block you. But you have still been noticed

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By *ucy and CarlCouple over a year ago

Broadstairs

Wish I could find someone genuine. Seem few and far between

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

read profiles and text ones that are appropriate to you . chat in the forums .. pm for private jokes .. you'll be hanging before you know it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Get used to it is my advice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Two points here!

And secondly - just because there's someone you really want to speak to it doesn't mean they'll be the slightest bit interested in interacting with you!

Those that recognise this tend to have less stressful lives on here and elsewhere on the Internet. Those with any sense of expectation don't. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it not like a physical club. Those you say "nice dress, wanna dance" and say no are not interested, those that say "really?, thank you I would like to dance" are interested.

Then if you hold a conversation and have them giggling is likely it can go further.

So, whether is messages, winks, forums, chatrooms depends on how you would like to chat. I find the chatrooms impossible on my phone, and rarely connect here from a PC. For me its messages.

However, it would seem large numbers of guys say "fuck" and when they get no reply get aggressive and rude. Does not work in a physical club, so why would it work here ?

Of course, in a physical club the bouncers exit the aggressive, perhaps we should report more with that tendency.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Prime example of the kind of messages women get on here. I had four in the space of 5 minutes and all before 7am.

I'm free, are you

Fancy a chat

Hows you

Nice Legs

I answered the first then blocked. He was 145 miles away and obviously not reading profiles and just pouncing on any women that came on line!

I've not answered the others as I just can't be bothered. I'm not usually a grumpy mare but when you get messages like that as soon as you come on line it just makes some men look desperate!

If someone has made an effort to read my profile and sent a decent message then I will answer but men sending me one line messages willy nilly will get nowhere.

Over and out - Grumpy Legs

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

"Prime example of the kind of messages women get on here. I had four in the space of 5 minutes and all before 7am.

I'm free, are you

Fancy a chat

Hows you

Nice Legs

I answered the first then blocked. He was 145 miles away and obviously not reading profiles and just pouncing on any women that came on line!

I've not answered the others as I just can't be bothered. I'm not usually a grumpy mare but when you get messages like that as soon as you come on line it just makes some men look desperate!

If someone has made an effort to read my profile and sent a decent message then I will answer but men sending me one line messages willy nilly will get nowhere.

Over and out - Grumpy Legs

Haha! I once got 'wank/suck fun?' from a bloke. He obviously didn't read my profile

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP sometimes women message men they would like to meet as well. You have mainly cock pics on your profile which are all similiar.

This may work against you as when people receive messages a lot of them will look at your profile before reading the message.

We have all heard the I know what a dick looks like statement. So maybe you should think about including some other kinds of photos.

I sat down with a female member and looked at her inbox not long after joining last year and discussed messages.

Since then I have probably sent out 50 messages in total and that was in November.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with you here, and now ive written my own profile which sounds so blunt ann 'not me' in order to get the message across. whatever I write tho I guess itll take some sorting thru to find the guys im after?!x

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Exactly, us decent blokes who reply in a respectful way and even with a fun joke or two very rarely get a reply. Common decency is a must !!"

so you are "owed" for sending mail.....????

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By *edangel_2013Woman over a year ago

southend

To be honest, I disagree, the sheer amount of junk I get makes the more genuine men stand out. When you get 20 1 liners, and someone sends a witty message, showing they have read your profile, they are a whole lot easier to spot!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We know personally and know of lots of guys that dont need to message couples, girls etc, because they get messaged first because of their reputation of reliability, knowledge and attitude to the scene.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To be honest, I disagree, the sheer amount of junk I get makes the more genuine men stand out. When you get 20 1 liners, and someone sends a witty message, showing they have read your profile, they are a whole lot easier to spot!! "

My sentiments exactly

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By *ighland_RoseCouple over a year ago

Brigadoon

"Well just look at my verifications, they all basically say the same thing...I treat people right

Trouble is - women and couples do the same thing as single guys - they look at the pictures as well as what is written!

And certain styles of profile photo can put people off faster than anything!! "

"And certain styles of profile photo can put people off faster than anything!!"

I was thinking exactly that then scrolled down to see my thoughts had been written down already!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't know why people moan about it .... Nothing will change on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a genuine guy too. I'm also quite nice too and I don't get many replies either. Actually, I hardly ever get replies apart from my friends on here.

Why does it always have to be so difficult to get to meet anyone if they won't try and get to know me?

I do read their profiles and try to come up with a good opening message but still end up with the same result.

I may not be the most good looking guy but I do have feelings you know. If its all down to looks on here rather than personality then I'm really disappointed.

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By *livia_KWoman over a year ago

South London

I am not sure what the OP is complaining about. Been a member for 11 months and has had 11 meets. If you ask me that's pretty bloody good going!

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

"I am not sure what the OP is complaining about. Been a member for 11 months and has had 11 meets. If you ask me that's pretty bloody good going!"

certainly better than my successes in here

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By *lackshadow7Man over a year ago

Toronto

"Don't know why people moan about it .... Nothing will change on here"

You make your own luck. Some of us do quite alright without a negative mindset. Just saying.

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By *ordonBennettMan over a year ago

dover

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't know why people moan about it .... Nothing will change on here

You make your own luck. Some of us do quite alright without a negative mindset. Just saying."

Certainly not negative its just the way it is

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't know why people moan about it .... Nothing will change on here

You make your own luck. Some of us do quite alright without a negative mindset. Just saying.

Certainly not negative its just the way it is "

Not for everyone!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As ive said before many people use the site as a sort of roman emperor empress thumbs up or down power trip brandishing a power they can never have in any other scenario or circumstance ...the ego is the enemy and there are lots on here who have trouble curtailing theres ...and so speaks someone who has enjoyed many meets with nice genuine fabsters

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By *erendipity99Woman over a year ago

Runcorn

"Recently I've sat with a few female friends on Fabs and have watched the constant barrage of messages they get, it's ridiculous.

And why do some add u as a friend and totally ignore u...what's the point of that?

Rant over

Ivan"

Always the so called genuine single men like yourself blame the idiot single men on here for your lack of meets.

Any single man who is not getting meets is a fool if he believes he is not getting meets because of the idiot single men on here.

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By *erendipity99Woman over a year ago

Runcorn

I allways make a point of reading the whole profile...not one for just sending messages saying...u fancy a fuck tonight....lol...maybe they are the ones that work!!!!"

Just because you actually bother to read the profile means nothing. Oh you read my profile properly lets shag then.

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By *erendipity99Woman over a year ago

Runcorn

It has been said may times by couples and women on here that when they get a messsage before opening it they look at the persons profile. If the profile doesn't interest them the message is not read and deleted or read and deleted.

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By *erendipity99Woman over a year ago

Runcorn

"Exactly, us decent blokes who reply in a respectful way and even with a fun joke or two very rarely get a reply. Common decency is a must !!"

It has been said many times on the forums if somebody does not reply they are not being disrespectful or ill mannered. A no reply = a polite no thanks.

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By *erendipity99Woman over a year ago

Runcorn

"Don't know why people moan about it .... Nothing will change on here"

And why should it? No reply = no thanks.

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By *he MuncherMan over a year ago

Dundee

I allways make a point of reading the whole profile...not one for just sending messages saying...u fancy a fuck tonight....lol...maybe they are the ones that work!!!!

Just because you actually bother to read the profile means nothing. Oh you read my profile properly lets shag then. "

Given that most Females and Couples Complain about people not reading the profiles, It can be argued that the above statement will only encourage people to NOT bother reading profiles and then you get the 1 line "Wanna Fuck" message.

Seems to me like you need to make up your mind what you want in a message?

Only common sense really don't you think..

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By *uncpl2015Couple over a year ago

Bridgend Area

And to be honest thats the way it has to be. we dont meet anyone without meet in person veris unless at a fab social do and we never do short notice meets we make that clear...

so last night we get a very polite message from single guy wanting to meet last night..no pic at all on his profile and non meet verified.. so thanked him for his message pointed out we dont do short notice meets (we have kids) and dont meet unverified guys.. and wished him happy swinging.

His reply made me so angry thank god i deleted my next reply to him as its was horrid.. he came back to my first reply with...thats because people like you are timewasters. he said this isnt a shag site its a site for people to come on and mess people around when they know full well they are not interested in meeting them....then a further message from him said.. block me lol..

Now we had never seen this guy before he contacted us wanting meet we replied politely.. (he could have got that we wouldnt meet him from our profile if he read it). Saying no thanks and wishing happy swinging.. to get that..

Now how we messed him around we havent got a clue... And guys wonder why they get no replies.. we reply to all but tbh f it not going to from now on.. its not worth the shit you get back.

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By *UNCHBOXMan over a year ago

folkestone

"Recently I've sat with a few female friends on Fabs and have watched the constant barrage of messages they get, it's ridiculous.

And why do some add u as a friend and totally ignore u...what's the point of that?

Rant over

Ivan"

I don't think ive sent 30-50 unsolicited messages on this site in all the sites ive been on put together in 10 years.

A lot of single guys don't get it that they have to market themselves to stand out from all the rest. A lot of guys profiles are frankly rubbish with little or no effort put into them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Recently I've sat with a few female friends on Fabs and have watched the constant barrage of messages they get, it's ridiculous.

And why do some add u as a friend and totally ignore u...what's the point of that?

Rant over

Ivan"

Never understood what "Genuine" means in relation to this site. The trouble is that the word genuine has been devalued here so as to mean fuck all. It's just like the Sydney University disclaimer, people have seen it used on profiles and think it's something to use on theirs. Monkey see monkey do.

It should be blindingly obvious that even people who are unverified, regularly waste people's time and delete/remake profiles on a weekly basis are still going to say they are genuine. They're not going to scream "I'll waste your time and abuse you" are they?

Stop making intangible claims like "I'm genuine" and work on making your profile and mails more acfeptable to potential dates.

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By *pecifically1Woman over a year ago

Hull

Two points here!

And secondly - just because there's someone you really want to speak to it doesn't mean they'll be the slightest bit interested in interacting with you!

Those that recognise this tend to have less stressful lives on here and elsewhere on the Internet. Those with any sense of expectation don't. "

as usual Obi - spot on....nobody wants to think of themselves as a pot shot...

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