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Must be doing something wrong
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey hey, so we have been on and off here for around a year as a couple and have had let's say, a disappointing response.
Our profile gives a rough guide to what we are after but we can't seem to find anyone who we think fits the bill.
Plenty of maybes but ones worth taking it further with are few and far between 
We are fussy as hell, who isn't. Any ideas? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey hey, so we have been on and off here for around a year as a couple and have had let's say, a disappointing response.
Our profile gives a rough guide to what we are after but we can't seem to find anyone who we think fits the bill.
Plenty of maybes but ones worth taking it further with are few and far between
We are fussy as hell, who isn't. Any ideas?"
Give up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couple looking to meet a single guy, yet to be asked for a pic of the male in nearly a year!"
Maybe its your prospective meets that aren't too fussy then! I like to know exactly who it is i'd be spending my time with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couple looking to meet a single guy, yet to be asked for a pic of the male in nearly a year!
Maybe its your prospective meets that aren't too fussy then! I like to know exactly who it is i'd be spending my time with."
This! 
Plus with the male being bi curious - that may put a lot of single guys off! Some will assume you're both looking to play with them - hard to tell from your profile but i imagine this would be a concern for many.
Plus your upper age limit is two years too low!   |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Couple looking to meet a single guy, yet to be asked for a pic of the male in nearly a year!
Maybe its your prospective meets that aren't too fussy then! I like to know exactly who it is i'd be spending my time with."
have to say i agree with this....
and what the last person say... if the first impression goes a long way, and the first words in your profile are negative, then what are you telling people????
not really funsters up for a "laugh, giggle and a damn good time...."
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"Your profile is funny and well written, but perhaps a little hostile at the beginning ...?"
^ This, kind of.
Humour is hard to get across in writing. Even though it says no seriousness, to me your profile reads quite serious. If you were in my area, I'd probably pass your profile by.
More pics, not just of F's ass and make the text sound less demanding. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Plus with the male being bi curious - that may put a lot of single guys off! Some will assume you're both looking to play with them - hard to tell from your profile but i imagine this would be a concern for many. "
I think this is where the problem is. You are only looking for men but you dont explain what kind of man you are looking for or for what. Are you looking for a bi/gay man to explore the mans curiosity? Or is the man for the lady? If the later you probably aren't getting responses from straight men becauseof the bi curious thing. If the former then absolutely you need pics of the man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey hey, so we have been on and off here for around a year as a couple and have had let's say, a disappointing response.
Our profile gives a rough guide to what we are after but we can't seem to find anyone who we think fits the bill.
Plenty of maybes but ones worth taking it further with are few and far between
We are fussy as hell, who isn't. Any ideas?"
Don't think the right word is 'fussy' - maybe 'unrealistic' would be better. It comes down to what 'kind' of guy you are actually looking for? If it is someone who is sexually confident and mature enough to feel that they can live up to your requirement for someone who is 'awesome', then the reality is they are going to be thin on the ground.
I'll say the same to you as I do single males in your age bracket - go to clubs. Think you will be able to identify the kind of guys who you like much more quickly and easily there, and you get to see the real person and not their internet persona that way.
ted. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Hey hey, so we have been on and off here for around a year as a couple and have had let's say, a disappointing response.
Our profile gives a rough guide to what we are after but we can't seem to find anyone who we think fits the bill.
Plenty of maybes but ones worth taking it further with are few and far between
We are fussy as hell, who isn't. Any ideas?"
If I were a bloke I'd have no idea if I was what you wanted, as you don't say what you want. And the last line? It's probably a joke, but I bet there are a fair few people out there who think you mean it. |
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the profile says nothing - it doesn't tell us about you and it doesn't let you tell us what you want! Bland, uninformative and dull is what I'd say.
While most people don't want to read War and Peace or Ulysses, a little clue as to what you want out of a meet and out of the person you meet, would be a tad useful!
Oh, and don't expect the decent men to be flocking to you, they're already too busy having fun. Why not make an effort. Spend an evening in on the laptop looking at the site and localish men and send some messages out - you'll soon sort the wheat from the chaff! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The bi thing really is here nor there, it's just there to out those who turn up thinking a threesome is some sort of tag team match where never the three shall meet, those put off by it simply means working as intended.
For the dull and bland comment, giggle, come on! You have read some profiles on here!?
The description of what we are looking for may be vague and unrealistic, vague in order to be inclusive sure, unrealistic, I guess you mean the bar is too high? It may be but it's not moving and surely there must be at least a couple of people in the whole land of perv who fit the bill.
Rambling dismissive answer coming to a close, the advice so far is appreciated, the constructive stuff anyway, but I'm still not convinced on any particular point of why its not working out. Maybe we just are in the wrong area?
Ps anyone dumb enough to think the last line is serious, please don't forget the numbers on the back.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The bi thing really is here nor there, it's just there to out those who turn up thinking a threesome is some sort of tag team match where never the three shall meet, those put off by it simply means working as intended.
For the dull and bland comment, giggle, come on! You have read some profiles on here!?
The description of what we are looking for may be vague and unrealistic, vague in order to be inclusive sure, unrealistic, I guess you mean the bar is too high? It may be but it's not moving and surely there must be at least a couple of people in the whole land of perv who fit the bill.
Rambling dismissive answer coming to a close, the advice so far is appreciated, the constructive stuff anyway, but I'm still not convinced on any particular point of why its not working out. Maybe we just are in the wrong area?
Ps anyone dumb enough to think the last line is serious, please don't forget the numbers on the back.
"
age range..
bi-cur male half...fake or true(perhaps have a little bit more faith in us single men that do enjoy straight group sex????)
perhaps its off putting if the male is organizing everything ...something I hate most of the time the ' surprise my wife with a man' routine....
One pic of an arse...
one verify in a good while...(theres tonnes of ways to increase ur notability around fab, and I'm sure ur aware of them all) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just out of interest - how much time do you spend browsing profiles and sending out messages to those that catch your eye?
Those couples that operate on a 'proactive' rather than 'reactive' basis always seem to enjoy more success in finding the right company - certainly the case on my couples profile, as even with filters you can't stop those you're just not attracted to from getting in touch!
Either that - or an old trick many use! Find local couples similar to yourselves and if their veri's are visible - see who they've met! Nothing wrong with this approach and can often prove fruitful - plus you'll get additional feedback on them rather than just what's in their profile!
Good luck!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couple looking to meet a single guy, yet to be asked for a pic of the male in nearly a year!"
Hi Perv and Hot, I seem to remember messaging you some months back. You did reply saying you were interested, but said you had lots of messages and you'd get back to me, which I think for whatever reason never happened.
Perhaps as you say it might be your selection process, as you must have been getting enough messages?
Either way I loved your profile and it is exactly the sort of thing I'm looking for too, and actually even the bi-curiosity is something that may have changed in myself of the last month or so and is something I might be interested in trying (again). I definitely would want to see what your other half looked like though!
Perhaps I wasn't quite what you were looking for, I don't know, but if I am then feel free to PM me! (and I can send you a face pic)
Olly |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just out of interest - how much time do you spend browsing profiles and sending out messages to those that catch your eye?
Those couples that operate on a 'proactive' rather than 'reactive' basis always seem to enjoy more success in finding the right company - certainly the case on my couples profile, as even with filters you can't stop those you're just not attracted to from getting in touch!
Either that - or an old trick many use! Find local couples similar to yourselves and if their veri's are visible - see who they've met! Nothing wrong with this approach and can often prove fruitful - plus you'll get additional feedback on them rather than just what's in their profile!
Good luck! "
Damn you man, very very little. We are very reactive and lazy, dismissive and hot and cold when it comes to actually putting any effort in.
This is a would like to do, not life ruled by thing and yep sure, we are slack when putting effort into it. This is probably the nub of the issue.
So you have probably nailed one of the reasons there we are lazy. Quite a useful post even if it is an answer that might take actual effort. Git.
As to the age range / man doing the organising / fake post, blah what can I say, age is a choice ms typically has better things to do wether we are genuine or not is for people who talk to us face to face to decide, the opportunity of at least a chat on cam with everyone involved is always given.
I have lots of faith in single guys and may be fake bi or whatever you want to call it but most guys I have found will happily talk about limits etc on that front and it does instantly repel the not really looking for a couple would prefer a single female brigade quite well! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Couple looking to meet a single guy, yet to be asked for a pic of the male in nearly a year!
Hi Perv and Hot, I seem to remember messaging you some months back. You did reply saying you were interested, but said you had lots of messages and you'd get back to me, which I think for whatever reason never happened.
Perhaps as you say it might be your selection process, as you must have been getting enough messages?
Either way I loved your profile and it is exactly the sort of thing I'm looking for too, and actually even the bi-curiosity is something that may have changed in myself of the last month or so and is something I might be interested in trying (again). I definitely would want to see what your other half looked like though!
Perhaps I wasn't quite what you were looking for, I don't know, but if I am then feel free to PM me! (and I can send you a face pic)
Olly"
Pm sent |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well, I was hoping to return to this thread to read that some light had been shed on where the nub of the 'problem' you've been having lies...
From what I can see from the other comments, people have tried, but there is a great big shade preventing that light getting through and it pains me to say that I rather feel that shade is the approach you have taken to being in the Swinging world from day one.
Taking everything I've read both above and from your profile, I think you really need to make a major adjustment in the attitude you employ. I have a feeling you've come into Swinging thinking you can 'dabble' and the moment it doesn't go exactly your way, you can stop. Got news for you - you can't.
Before ANYONE ventures into this world, they need to examine their OWN mind, their OWN motivators and their OWN limits and boundaries first before they make aspersions about anyone elses: the single guy who 'has' to meet a couple just to fuck the wife???? Come on!!
There are many of us on here who will quote you more or less the same piece of uncomfortable advice.... When you have tried everything, met a number of people, kept changing your pics and profile etc etc and it STILL isn't working for you, what is the common denominator...?????
You.
Time to look in the mirror.....
ted. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not just aspersions friend friend, fact tried and true, it happened.
And as far as not dabbling, and being a fully commited "lifestyle" member goes I'm sure there are many who do see it all as super serious business, we don't though and don't quite believe that's the only way!
I totally agree though, my attitude towards the whole thing probably isn't helping, but I'm just not ready to learn the super secret handshake and self meditation techniques that you suggest are required to organise some sticky fun.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not just aspersions friend friend, fact tried and true, it happened.
And as far as not dabbling, and being a fully commited "lifestyle" member goes I'm sure there are many who do see it all as super serious business, we don't though and don't quite believe that's the only way!
I totally agree though, my attitude towards the whole thing probably isn't helping, but I'm just not ready to learn the super secret handshake and self meditation techniques that you suggest are required to organise some sticky fun."
And there, in the last paragraph, lies a perfect illustration of the point I was making.... Oh dear....
I don't wish to sound like an old git, or your Dad, but - like many on here - I have been doing this for a long time (it's just the current profile which is new) and I have encountered people time and again who have got hurt personally, left their partner wide open to getting hurt emotionally and have had their relationships left in tatters or ended due to not getting their heads around what can happen in this world if you don't learn early on that YOU have to work the way the Swinging world does, not the way you want it to.
But what do I, or anyone else who has taken the time and trouble to offer their view and/ or advice, know...???
You will do it your way... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Prove you have read our profile by including your full name, DOB, long card number, expiry date and the last three numbers on the back of your card in the subject line please. why would you ask for these ?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well, I was hoping to return to this thread to read that some light had been shed on where the nub of the 'problem' you've been having lies...
From what I can see from the other comments, people have tried, but there is a great big shade preventing that light getting through and it pains me to say that I rather feel that shade is the approach you have taken to being in the Swinging world from day one.
Taking everything I've read both above and from your profile, I think you really need to make a major adjustment in the attitude you employ. I have a feeling you've come into Swinging thinking you can 'dabble' and the moment it doesn't go exactly your way, you can stop. Got news for you - you can't.
Before ANYONE ventures into this world, they need to examine their OWN mind, their OWN motivators and their OWN limits and boundaries first before they make aspersions about anyone elses: the single guy who 'has' to meet a couple just to fuck the wife???? Come on!!
There are many of us on here who will quote you more or less the same piece of uncomfortable advice.... When you have tried everything, met a number of people, kept changing your pics and profile etc etc and it STILL isn't working for you, what is the common denominator...?????
You.
Time to look in the mirror.....
ted. "
I agree totally with this, I've only ever been swinging as a single female. I've been on and off here for 18 months and just couldn't get it right for me. My profile is war and peace but I've tried to keep it funny and for the most part it gets rid of the rubbish!
The last few weeks I've changed it to club meets only and that's working perfectly for me and the fun is rolling in!
So, it is more about being specific with what you want then 90 percent of guys that don't fit your want list will stay away. Plus, being proactive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just out of interest - how much time do you spend browsing profiles and sending out messages to those that catch your eye?
Those couples that operate on a 'proactive' rather than 'reactive' basis always seem to enjoy more success in finding the right company - certainly the case on my couples profile, as even with filters you can't stop those you're just not attracted to from getting in touch!
Either that - or an old trick many use! Find local couples similar to yourselves and if their veri's are visible - see who they've met! Nothing wrong with this approach and can often prove fruitful - plus you'll get additional feedback on them rather than just what's in their profile!
Good luck!
Damn you man, very very little. We are very reactive and lazy, dismissive and hot and cold when it comes to actually putting any effort in.
This is a would like to do, not life ruled by thing and yep sure, we are slack when putting effort into it. This is probably the nub of the issue.
So you have probably nailed one of the reasons there we are lazy. Quite a useful post even if it is an answer that might take actual effort. Git.
As to the age range / man doing the organising / fake post, blah what can I say, age is a choice ms typically has better things to do wether we are genuine or not is for people who talk to us face to face to decide, the opportunity of at least a chat on cam with everyone involved is always given.
I have lots of faith in single guys and may be fake bi or whatever you want to call it but most guys I have found will happily talk about limits etc on that front and it does instantly repel the not really looking for a couple would prefer a single female brigade quite well!"
I get where you're coming from!!
Yes - to many this kind of lifestyle is more of a permanent state of mind - nothing wrong with that so long as its not the 'be all and end all'! I think for those like yourselves who want to approach it more casually as and when you're in the mood, you'll always have different obstacles to others - being on site less frequently, one or other of you doing the bulk of the interaction, responding to messages slower than others and being more reactive than proactive. Again - nothing wrong with that - the site is here to be used as people see fit !
If any of the previous posts have been useful to you - great! If not - you'll always find people have different views and opinions. That's the joy of the forums!!!
Signed - Git ! |
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