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meeting seperaty
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So here goes. I really would like some advice from those couples that meet without each other. I Jez have started a new job that means I work nights and am always knackered and find my sex drive dropping. So we have always agreed we would never meet separately. However I am beginning to think this isn't fair on Tracy and I am thinking about suggesting to her she meets on her own with people we trust and that I know she will be safe with. I don't want to know when she will be meeting or know any play
details. So your thoughts on this please.  |
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I don't have a conventional relationship with my partner, we don't live together or 'coexist' so different from your situation. But I met him two years ago on a very similar site and shortly afterwards I decided I wasn't going to meet anyone else.
A few months ago things changed and it got to the point we only got to be together maybe once every 3 weeks. We are in almost constant contact communication wise, I get all the love I need from him. But I found the lack of intimacy incredibly hard. It got so the physical side of things was all I could think about and he ended up feeling guilty about that and I didn't want him to feel guilty. It was a vicious cycle!
He suggested I should find some extra fun and I must admit I had sort of been waiting for that to happen. I didn't make a big deal of it, just said ok. And I did. But I knew he'd never want to know details (which is why I use this site - because he doesn't). And it has made things sooo much easier. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jez, I think you may be heading for a problem and it's all summed up in your very last sentence - not wanting to know anything about your partners meets, should she have any.
Ruby and I meet people on our own, but have only started doing so in the last six months and, as Ruby has far less swinging 'experience' (hate that expression!) she is still catching up with where I am in handling the inevitable emotional tugs knowing your partner is off somewhere, having sex with someone else.
We tell each other all the way down they line what we are arranging, with whom, where we are going etc etc, and at the meet we text each other to let the other know we are okay - Ruby even phones me when she gets to the hotel with her guy IN FRONT OF HIM to tell me where she is and how she feels, and I feel a whole lot better that she does. When we get together after our meets, we hug and kiss and tell each other whatever the other one wants to know - there is NOTHING concealed from each other. We have both been cheated on badly by our previous partners and KNOW that the route to a stress-free swinging relationship is openness.
I honestly think by not wanting to know anything about what your partner may be doing, you will end up walking around with some images in your mind or, worse, your subconscious (as you seem to want to suppress the reality) that have the potential to seriously affect you.
Have you told your partner how you feel about this? I really think you need to have a very deep conversation about this before you embark on it....
best wishes
ted. |
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maybe you can sort something out.
my ex worked nights and i wish his sex drive had gone down ,we sometimes only had a 2 hour window in the day but still moaned like hell if he not have sex .
ask her if she still wants it all the time
x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From what I read in your original post.. Nothing in there suggest that you are really happy with the situation. Stating that your don't want to know, not good, spells out that you clearly don't want seperate meets. IMHO I think your setting yourselves up for a fail, but good luck in whatever you decide.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I read in your original post.. Nothing in there suggest that you are really happy with the situation. Stating that your don't want to know, not good, spells out that you clearly don't want seperate meets. IMHO I think your setting yourselves up for a fail, but good luck in whatever you decide.."
 this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me and my wife Jaybug have an open marriage where by she tells me where she is going and who with. She texts me when she arrives and tells me when she has left, I don't mind hearing about her meets I find it quite a turn on the fact other guys want my wife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jez, I think you may be heading for a problem and it's all summed up in your very last sentence - not wanting to know anything about your partners meets, should she have any.
Ruby and I meet people on our own, but have only started doing so in the last six months and, as Ruby has far less swinging 'experience' (hate that expression!) she is still catching up with where I am in handling the inevitable emotional tugs knowing your partner is off somewhere, having sex with someone else.
We tell each other all the way down they line what we are arranging, with whom, where we are going etc etc, and at the meet we text each other to let the other know we are okay - Ruby even phones me when she gets to the hotel with her guy IN FRONT OF HIM to tell me where she is and how she feels, and I feel a whole lot better that she does. When we get together after our meets, we hug and kiss and tell each other whatever the other one wants to know - there is NOTHING concealed from each other. We have both been cheated on badly by our previous partners and KNOW that the route to a stress-free swinging relationship is openness.
I honestly think by not wanting to know anything about what your partner may be doing, you will end up walking around with some images in your mind or, worse, your subconscious (as you seem to want to suppress the reality) that have the potential to seriously affect you.
Have you told your partner how you feel about this? I really think you need to have a very deep conversation about this before you embark on it....
best wishes
ted."
Well said, we're with you totally on this, especially what you've said about openness. If one of us was against doing something, neither of us would. Simple.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are a fairly New couple and like another poster we don't live together. We get to see each other pretty much weekly but due to work commitments this isn't always possible.
The other weekend I (Evie!) went. Go visit a rewind in Manchester and we went to cupids. I felt so strange going there without my OH ans he felt strange knowing I was going. I didn't play with anyone, I knew I wouldn't. This is a thing for us to share.
If we were ever to meet with other people I think not telling each other about it would make it worse. It would be the elephant in the room almost, wondering if he has met someone, was it good, is he going to meet her again etc.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd like to come back in on this for a mo. The comment about has brought something back in my mind which I think is relevant to the OP's original statement.
When I was going through confronting my ex about the long-term affair she had (five years) I broke down to one of her friends and said that it was killing me not knowing whether 'he' (the ex's bloke) was better in bed than me (hard to believe now, but that's how it got me).
Although she (the ex's friend) would not have considered herself a Swinger, she had had a very wide range and large number of partners. She looked me straight in the eye and said... 'Look. In bed there is no such thing as 'better or worse' - there is ONLY 'different'. He's just different to you. That's all'.
Took me a while to get it in my head, but she was absolutely bang on the money.
It was NOT knowing what my ex had been doing with him which led to the state I had been in. I couldn't ask her about it, and there was no way she was ever going to tell me (and she never has). But the images which I formed in my own mind were literally driving me down in a spiral which ended at anti-depressants.
That 'Elephant in the room' has a nasty habit of lifting it's foot and stamping on you unless you either get it under control (very difficult) or take it out of the room.... And the way to take it out the room is to be open about it...
ted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd like to come back in on this for a mo. The comment about has brought something back in my mind which I think is relevant to the OP's original statement.
When I was going through confronting my ex about the long-term affair she had (five years) I broke down to one of her friends and said that it was killing me not knowing whether 'he' (the ex's bloke) was better in bed than me (hard to believe now, but that's how it got me).
Although she (the ex's friend) would not have considered herself a Swinger, she had had a very wide range and large number of partners. She looked me straight in the eye and said... 'Look. In bed there is no such thing as 'better or worse' - there is ONLY 'different'. He's just different to you. That's all'.
Took me a while to get it in my head, but she was absolutely bang on the money.
It was NOT knowing what my ex had been doing with him which led to the state I had been in. I couldn't ask her about it, and there was no way she was ever going to tell me (and she never has). But the images which I formed in my own mind were literally driving me down in a spiral which ended at anti-depressants.
That 'Elephant in the room' has a nasty habit of lifting it's foot and stamping on you unless you either get it under control (very difficult) or take it out of the room.... And the way to take it out the room is to be open about it...
ted."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So here goes. I really would like some advice from those couples that meet without each other. I Jez have started a new job that means I work nights and am always knackered and find my sex drive dropping. So we have always agreed we would never meet separately. However I am beginning to think this isn't fair on Tracy and I am thinking about suggesting to her she meets on her own with people we trust and that I know she will be safe with. I don't want to know when she will be meeting or know any play
details. So your thoughts on this please. "
This may have already been said...but its pretty normal to NOT want to know the details of yer OH's meet....at first! 
But once your brain gets used to the idea....you'll get turned on just thinking about it, I try to vid and take pics at certain points in the meet, my bf can watch, perv on pics, ask questions...fantastic for gettin those pesky trust issues sorted and for bringing you closer to each other!
Well done for thinking of her needs, maybe askin her would be the first step tho!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So here goes. I really would like some advice from those couples that meet without each other. I Jez have started a new job that means I work nights and am always knackered and find my sex drive dropping. So we have always agreed we would never meet separately. However I am beginning to think this isn't fair on Tracy and I am thinking about suggesting to her she meets on her own with people we trust and that I know she will be safe with. I don't want to know when she will be meeting or know any play
details. So your thoughts on this please. "
So suggest to her she has a single profile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jez, I think you may be heading for a problem and it's all summed up in your very last sentence - not wanting to know anything about your partners meets, should she have any.
Ruby and I meet people on our own, but have only started doing so in the last six months and, as Ruby has far less swinging 'experience' (hate that expression!) she is still catching up with where I am in handling the inevitable emotional tugs knowing your partner is off somewhere, having sex with someone else.
We tell each other all the way down they line what we are arranging, with whom, where we are going etc etc, and at the meet we text each other to let the other know we are okay - Ruby even phones me when she gets to the hotel with her guy IN FRONT OF HIM to tell me where she is and how she feels, and I feel a whole lot better that she does. When we get together after our meets, we hug and kiss and tell each other whatever the other one wants to know - there is NOTHING concealed from each other. We have both been cheated on badly by our previous partners and KNOW that the route to a stress-free swinging relationship is openness.
I honestly think by not wanting to know anything about what your partner may be doing, you will end up walking around with some images in your mind or, worse, your subconscious (as you seem to want to suppress the reality) that have the potential to seriously affect you.
Have you told your partner how you feel about this? I really think you need to have a very deep conversation about this before you embark on it....
best wishes
ted."
I totally have to agree withthe above Ted. It's ok saying to meet with people you trust, but it's different meeting on your own. I'm here as a single female and like Ruby, I have a friend that acts as my safety net. I call him, let him know where I am, who I'm with & roughly how long I intend to be. If the meet goes on longer then I will call him & let him know thta I am still Ok. I also call him when I leave. It's for personal safety. xxx |
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