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Frustrations!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We are new to the scene and still very much learning, but would just like to ask (probably rhetorically) why so many single men look at couples profiles and fail to see there is a male in there as well? Is it sexually driven myopia?
In addition to the usual crop of chat up lines like, 'Hows you' which, of course, have my wife buckling at the knees with lust for the anonymous authors, the vast majority of messages are addressed solely to my wife, basically offering her the shag of her life if she's bright enough to chase them for it. None of them give any indication how they would welcome 'working' with me in trying to give my wife the kind of memorable experiences I (or almost any man) could not give her alone.
Perhaps we need to change our profile.
We're open to bringing another male into our play as an addition, not as a male replacement or surrogate, to enhance our joint experience, and hopefully the single guy will have his fun helping us achieve that.
I don't suppose things will change soon, but that's my two pennorth for what it's worth! |
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"We are new to the scene and still very much learning, but would just like to ask (probably rhetorically) why so many single men look at couples profiles and fail to see there is a male in there as well? Is it sexually driven myopia?
In addition to the usual crop of chat up lines like, 'Hows you' which, of course, have my wife buckling at the knees with lust for the anonymous authors, the vast majority of messages are addressed solely to my wife, basically offering her the shag of her life if she's bright enough to chase them for it. None of them give any indication how they would welcome 'working' with me in trying to give my wife the kind of memorable experiences I (or almost any man) could not give her alone.
Perhaps we need to change our profile.
We're open to bringing another male into our play as an addition, not as a male replacement or surrogate, to enhance our joint experience, and hopefully the single guy will have his fun helping us achieve that.
I don't suppose things will change soon, but that's my two pennorth for what it's worth!"
Well said that man! And we have pics of Mrs bacause we are looking for single males for the same purposes and being straight, flashing my cock to our target audience is not neccessary  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don't need to flash your cock.. A pic of the guy and girl in ur avatar and I bet it would change the way a lot of people address you"
It doesn't. We have had both of us in the avatar pic and lots of pics of mr on our profile. But about 1 in 10 messages off single males are directed at both of us. We just know who not to meet because of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont get what the huge fuss is really...
if Iam messaging a couple, yeahh I do think its good to greet both...
however..I have learned in many years, I'm ended up sitting with the male half basically talking through what HE wants never mind what his partner wants..then it comes to the crunch..I'm led to believe she was never actually that aware of the mails...
Anyway...as a couple that only play together..what would be the issue really in attaining a meet where the guy hasnt greeted the mail half etc etc, when it will happen on the meet
to be honest I just think people wish to make swinging more difficult by choice...making excluding factors that are not necessary in the long run.. whether it gets them attention for it so be it, something to perhaps chat about when an actual cpls meet pops up
"those single guys! tsk tsk" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As per the post above, I often get annoyed speaking with couples to find the female has no idea about the conversation and that 'she'll see my pick later' all the while whilst I suspect the guy is curious but won't admit it |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"You don't need to flash your cock.. A pic of the guy and girl in ur avatar and I bet it would change the way a lot of people address you
It doesn't. We have had both of us in the avatar pic and lots of pics of mr on our profile. But about 1 in 10 messages off single males are directed at both of us. We just know who not to meet because of it"
and in a sense it is working... because you are using it as a filter to one the ones you dont meet....
its kind of the same in clubs where people will only address one half, but not the other...
even if it only a few pictures... it does get it in the mind that you address both people.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We get messages all the time saying stuff like "hey babe" or your so "sexy" We just assume they are Bi and respond that we are not into that sort of thing!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We get messages all the time saying stuff like "hey babe" or your so "sexy" We just assume they are Bi and respond that we are not into that sort of thing!
"
On the couples profile I just respond to those with "Am I really your type?" 
Then after a few messages full of compliments i'll let on that it's not actually Fox! Now if they'd bothered to ask in the first place..........  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don't need to flash your cock.. A pic of the guy and girl in ur avatar and I bet it would change the way a lot of people address you"
I agree with this but as youve tried that, not sure what to suggest now. Good luck
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not quite sure what the logic is behind some of the answers here. If single guys are of the mind that they are really writing to the male because the female isn’t aware of what’s going on, then why are they writing to the male as if it is the female?
If they believe they are communicating with the female and they are doing so in terms where the husband/partner is totally ignored – and remember this is a couples profile looking primarily for couples or a select single male to join them, not replace the male partner – then perhaps I am misguided, but I find that offensive and thoughtless.
As newcomers to the scene we were very open to all approaches, provided they were polite and respectful to both of us, but we are rapidly understanding the anti-single men lobby.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not quite sure what the logic is behind some of the answers here. If single guys are of the mind that they are really writing to the male because the female isn’t aware of what’s going on, then why are they writing to the male as if it is the female?
If they believe they are communicating with the female and they are doing so in terms where the husband/partner is totally ignored – and remember this is a couples profile looking primarily for couples or a select single male to join them, not replace the male partner – then perhaps I am misguided, but I find that offensive and thoughtless.
As newcomers to the scene we were very open to all approaches, provided they were polite and respectful to both of us, but we are rapidly understanding the anti-single men lobby.
"
Don't fall into the trap of there being an 'anti-single men' lobby - if anything, there's possibly an 'anti idiot/disrespectful/demanding single men' lobby - but given what you've experienced regarding messages these should be easy enough to spot!
Be proactive and search for company yourselves rather than wait for the inbox intake and you'll encounter many single guys that are just your cup of tea!  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Not quite sure what the logic is behind some of the answers here. If single guys are of the mind that they are really writing to the male because the female isn’t aware of what’s going on, then why are they writing to the male as if it is the female?
If they believe they are communicating with the female and they are doing so in terms where the husband/partner is totally ignored – and remember this is a couples profile looking primarily for couples or a select single male to join them, not replace the male partner – then perhaps I am misguided, but I find that offensive and thoughtless.
As newcomers to the scene we were very open to all approaches, provided they were polite and respectful to both of us, but we are rapidly understanding the anti-single men lobby.
"
see... as i said earlier on, you can use it as part of your filtering process, in which if they are not prepared to address both of you, you can say "thank you but no thank you"
in a sense, everything we say, or write is part of that very process....
but if there is only pictures of one person, it doesn't always give the sense of "couple" even if you are only going to the playing with one half....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not quite sure what the logic is behind some of the answers here. If single guys are of the mind that they are really writing to the male because the female isn’t aware of what’s going on, then why are they writing to the male as if it is the female?
If they believe they are communicating with the female and they are doing so in terms where the husband/partner is totally ignored – and remember this is a couples profile looking primarily for couples or a select single male to join them, not replace the male partner – then perhaps I am misguided, but I find that offensive and thoughtless.
As newcomers to the scene we were very open to all approaches, provided they were polite and respectful to both of us, but we are rapidly understanding the anti-single men lobby.
"
my logic is ive been swinging for 6years..sometimes as a 'proper' couple.I have fun with who i meet regardless of their sex/status, however while mailing away there is only so much two straight males can talk about, and more often than not in my experiences its been some kind of cybertextchat
I've loved meeting many cpls, but I really wont fall into the bendoverbackwards routine when it comes to messaging..I'm perfectly capable of moving on to someone else when I feel its not being played out evenly |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
I've loved meeting many cpls, but I really wont fall into the bendoverbackwards routine when it comes to messaging..I'm perfectly capable of moving on to someone else when I feel its not being played out evenly"
and i think this is the part that some couples fail to understand...
for the complaints about "some" single men, there are a lot of single guys out there that are having fun... and the popular ones are able to pick and choose as much as couples...
attracting someone is a two way street... if people don't give me a reason (and i don't just me pictures... my brain has to be stimulated as well) to meet... then i'll happily move onto someone else who does.... just as i would expect couples to do the same
couples may be able to get people to cowtow and jump thru hoops for their meets... but the popular ones won't have to do that..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" but I really wont fall into the bendoverbackwards routine when it comes to messaging..I'm perfectly capable of moving on to someone else when I feel its not being played out evenly"
Is there an element of 'we persecuted single guys paranoia' creeping in here?
We certainly haven't expected anyone to bend over backwards - all we expect is the very simple courtesy of being addressed as a couple when we post as a couple.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" but I really wont fall into the bendoverbackwards routine when it comes to messaging..I'm perfectly capable of moving on to someone else when I feel its not being played out evenly
Is there an element of 'we persecuted single guys paranoia' creeping in here?
We certainly haven't expected anyone to bend over backwards - all we expect is the very simple courtesy of being addressed as a couple when we post as a couple.
"
hardly paranoid lol
just giving a different viewpoint
if I had mailed urselves and said, I really like ur pics
it would be profile aimed..of course its the female half Ive fabbed or even a shot together of u's I'd fab
but I do think the comment about understanding the anti-single male brigade never really helped
and my main advice was its easy enough to get through an email that appears to be sent to the fem half, and most of the time I doubt that when the meet takes place that the male half would be ignored
messaging isnt easy(I think I'm lucky with it most of the time), and moreso for the single male ilk..its a highly competitive market
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
but I do think the comment about understanding the anti-single male brigade never really helped
and my main advice was its easy enough to get through an email that appears to be sent to the fem half, and most of the time I doubt that when the meet takes place that the male half would be ignored
messaging isnt easy(I think I'm lucky with it most of the time), and moreso for the single male ilk..its a highly competitive market
"
Thanks for your observations which I assume are intended as guidance.
Simple responses to yours;
para 1. Probably badly phrased on my part but in this context anti-single-guys means its easier to stay with couples than wade through 100's of ridiculous messages to get 1 good message from a single man.
para 2. I realise you are trying to put the single guys point of view. Why should we wade through 100's of ill thought out emails to try to fathom out if the writers are really going to respect the male if a meet is arranged? If they cannot respect the male in the messaging why should they be given the benefit of the doubt?
para 3. As newcomers I agree it certainly isn't easy messaging, but we as a couple don't go messaging only the fems in other couples profiles. Given that it is a competitive market for single guys it is even more important they put together decent message appropriate to the profile they are contacting. We (well this couple anyway)are not about to start making allowances or second guessing what they really meant but didn't bother to write. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
but I do think the comment about understanding the anti-single male brigade never really helped
and my main advice was its easy enough to get through an email that appears to be sent to the fem half, and most of the time I doubt that when the meet takes place that the male half would be ignored
messaging isnt easy(I think I'm lucky with it most of the time), and moreso for the single male ilk..its a highly competitive market
Thanks for your observations which I assume are intended as guidance.
Simple responses to yours;
para 1. Probably badly phrased on my part but in this context anti-single-guys means its easier to stay with couples than wade through 100's of ridiculous messages to get 1 good message from a single man.
para 2. I realise you are trying to put the single guys point of view. Why should we wade through 100's of ill thought out emails to try to fathom out if the writers are really going to respect the male if a meet is arranged? If they cannot respect the male in the messaging why should they be given the benefit of the doubt?
para 3. As newcomers I agree it certainly isn't easy messaging, but we as a couple don't go messaging only the fems in other couples profiles. Given that it is a competitive market for single guys it is even more important they put together decent message appropriate to the profile they are contacting. We (well this couple anyway)are not about to start making allowances or second guessing what they really meant but didn't bother to write."
Just a couple of thoughts from me (and I have my single male profile and a couples one - so I've seen the kind of messages you refer to!).
100's of messages? Really? When we post a meet request we usually get 20 odd max - in addition to maybe the same number throughout the week and when we upload new pics. Those destined straight for the bin are usually obvious and take seconds to delete. We also block proactively those we find through our own searches that we know we're not interested in, and also those sending sub standard or uninteresting first messages.
As a result we don't need to block single males - they're easily 'managed'.
It didn't take us long to get into this routine and while I've been on here several years, Fox has been on less than 6 months. I'd have thought after over a year on site you'd have worked out how Internet based contact works - you have to be proactive as much as reactive - and take the rough with the smooth sometimes otherwise it impacts on your enjoyment.
Good luck !!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont get what the huge fuss is really...
if Iam messaging a couple, yeahh I do think its good to greet both...
however..I have learned in many years, I'm ended up sitting with the male half basically talking through what HE wants never mind what his partner wants..then it comes to the crunch..I'm led to believe she was never actually that aware of the mails...
Anyway...as a couple that only play together..what would be the issue really in attaining a meet where the guy hasnt greeted the mail half etc etc, when it will happen on the meet
to be honest I just think people wish to make swinging more difficult by choice...making excluding factors that are not necessary in the long run.. whether it gets them attention for it so be it, something to perhaps chat about when an actual cpls meet pops up
"those single guys! tsk tsk""
I don't think you've understood the OP's frustrations. The point he makes is not that he is not greeted by men, but that his presence as an active partner is completely ignored, as if she were a single female playing alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not quite sure what the logic is behind some of the answers here. If single guys are of the mind that they are really writing to the male because the female isn’t aware of what’s going on, then why are they writing to the male as if it is the female?
If they believe they are communicating with the female and they are doing so in terms where the husband/partner is totally ignored – and remember this is a couples profile looking primarily for couples or a select single male to join them, not replace the male partner – then perhaps I am misguided, but I find that offensive and thoughtless.
As newcomers to the scene we were very open to all approaches, provided they were polite and respectful to both of us, but we are rapidly understanding the anti-single men lobby.
"
Apologies if not clear. If I ever message a couple it is 'hello both' etc. I think that one of the only reasons I do ok on here is because of my ability to hold a conversation! I do not consider myself a cut above the rest physically which hopefully demonstrates that single men can succeed!
My point however was slightly separate in that if I have couples email me #I get frustrated when finding out after detailed conversations that the female isn't taking part. I dont like to waste time messaging unless I know it is leading somewhere.
Back to the Op's point - isnt this exactly why some single males struggle - the inability to construct a message to factor in that when speaking to couple there is a Mr as well as a Mrs!!! |
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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago
Bridgwater - Somerset |
"I dont get what the huge fuss is really...
if Iam messaging a couple, yeahh I do think its good to greet both...
however..I have learned in many years, I'm ended up sitting with the male half basically talking through what HE wants never mind what his partner wants..then it comes to the crunch..I'm led to believe she was never actually that aware of the mails...
Anyway...as a couple that only play together..what would be the issue really in attaining a meet where the guy hasnt greeted the mail half etc etc, when it will happen on the meet
to be honest I just think people wish to make swinging more difficult by choice...making excluding factors that are not necessary in the long run.. whether it gets them attention for it so be it, something to perhaps chat about when an actual cpls meet pops up
"those single guys! tsk tsk"
I don't think you've understood the OP's frustrations. The point he makes is not that he is not greeted by men, but that his presence as an active partner is completely ignored, as if she were a single female playing alone. "
Those that think they're a male partner replacement have blown it. Block and delete.
Other advice already given, change profile to 'not looking for single men' and find them yourself.
Not all of us single men are rude, stupid or ignorant. 
MFM has to work for all parties, to do this everyone needs to understand what is required. |
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