FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > 'soft swing only' - a turn off?

'soft swing only' - a turn off?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hi I'd just like your opinions please - chatted to a few couples, who although liked our profile and pics were not interested in meeting as I (female) have no interest in full sex with another man, other than my boyfriend, although if the mood was right I wouldn't mind him having sex with the other girl. They just weren't prepared to stick to soft swaps. Now I realise that the guy from any couple we met might feel a bit short changed if D got to screw his girl and I didn't return the favour but I just can't do it. Too intimate. So are there really many couples who would be content to soft swing only?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi I'd just like your opinions please - chatted to a few couples, who although liked our profile and pics were not interested in meeting as I (female) have no interest in full sex with another man, other than my boyfriend, although if the mood was right I wouldn't mind him having sex with the other girl. They just weren't prepared to stick to soft swaps. Now I realise that the guy from any couple we met might feel a bit short changed if D got to screw his girl and I didn't return the favour but I just can't do it. Too intimate. So are there really many couples who would be content to soft swing only?"

Not at all...some of our most erotic encounters have been with friends of ours who only soft swing...

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

yes there are lots its just a case of biding your time. Have a good read through profiles on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

honestly we dont do soft swap as if we wanted to only have sex with eachother we could do that at home! without travelling and paying 4 hotel. but every1 is different we all have our own boundaries and principles its important you dont feel pushed into anything

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Although we are a full swap cpl ,we enjoy soft swap for the sensual erotic side.

Everyone has their own preference but you should stick to what you enjoy and only do what your comfy with.have fun.

S&Lx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks guys and girls, wish us luck!

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By *otwife CoolhubCouple over a year ago

Bathgate

Your choice will be limited but you're much better sticking to your parameters than trying to fit with someone else's and causing yourselves hassle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We pretty much have the same preferences as you. I am very bi and originally came on here looking for other bi fems to have fun with. When we re-joined as a couple my preferences stayed the same but the more meets we had I realised I was turned on at the thought of seeing Silk with another woman but I still didnt feel the desire to be with other men. i have felt as a couple that our preferences come under closer scrutiny and its far more acceptable for a man not to play with other women then it is for the woman not to play with men.

You will find couples who also enjoy this play and we have had amazing meets but be prepared for a lot of questioning and couples who try to make you change your boundaries or question the validity of your relationship or say it must be because your partner is jealous that you don't sleep with the make rather then accept its just the way you feel.

Good luck with your search and take your time getting to know people

MissD

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

"We pretty much have the same preferences as you. I am very bi and originally came on here looking for other bi fems to have fun with. When we re-joined as a couple my preferences stayed the same but the more meets we had I realised I was turned on at the thought of seeing Silk with another woman but I still didnt feel the desire to be with other men. i have felt as a couple that our preferences come under closer scrutiny and its far more acceptable for a man not to play with other women then it is for the woman not to play with men.

Good luck with your search and take your time getting to know people

MissD

This is pretty much us too...

It does work very well just stick to your guns and be honest. We have found much, much more success in clubs. When people can see you are genuine and serious and you can see the same from them as you are talking face to face it makes a lot of difference.

On an aside if Mr D may be the one full swapping and you are playing as a couple maybe worth sticking a couple of pictures of him in your public gallery aswell? Just something we noticed whilst perving your profile

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We class ourselves as full swap with the right people but don't turn away soft swap meets either. We've played with some of our best swing friends who only soft swap and had some really sexy nights and more to come.

We find its the people that count and if you enjoy each others company you can still have great swing fun. And what's wrong with finishing the night with the I e person who knows you best and knows how to turn you on

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By *exycleanerWoman over a year ago

pontefract

make sure you have rules and stick to them

what if at the meet things change.

this happened to me years ago met a soft swap cpl they did sep room only guy fucked me and the lady not my then hubby.

the guy said not to tell my hubby we had full sex so i didnt and when he found out

all hell broke loose .

so please be careful xx

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By *livia_KWoman over a year ago

South London

Firstly, you should never feel that you should hav to change your boundaries or preferences just to suit others. Different people enjoy different things for different reasons. End of. And people have no right to question why.

I have enjoyed soft swap in the past with couples and us girls have had our girlie fun and I did not go full sex with the man. However, I have had couples message me saying they are only into soft swap, yet the fem is straight? Not quite sure how that would work really as what would I do? I would kinda feel like the third wheel in that scenario so in that case I just say that I'm maybe not for them.

But each to their own and just do what makes you feel comfortable. Swinging should be about NO PRESSURE and NOT QUESTIONING boundaries or preferences. Actually, sex in any situation should be exactly the same if you ask me.

It's all just about having fun isn't it? Putting pressure on yourself and others just removes the fun element if you ask me.

Good luck!

Oli xx

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By *andACouple over a year ago

glasgow

We don't do full swap and haven't had any problems getting meets etc.

I would say though that I can definitely see a problem if your partner is looking to full swap with the female half of another couple but that's not an option for the male half. Not sure many guys would be happy with that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't feel you have to change your principals. We are soft swap and have no problem with meets. Maria & Chris x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we have found that its often a case of people skimming through profiles without actually taking much notice and quite often trying to push their own preferences, and also during messaging sometimes the small but important 'rules' get overlooked or not mentioned, if everyone tries to be thorough before a meet and check everyones boundaries it can make things a lot smoother!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

me martine is happy only happy with soft swap but i like the thought of h having another woman but inwouldnt want another man fuckin mm xx

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By *ev and TrevCouple over a year ago

cardiff

We are a soft swing only couple & although we have had no problems getting meets we have found that the term means different things to different people, so much so that we clarify on our profile what it means to us.

As long as you're clear what you want from a meet & stick to what you're happy with then I'm sure you'll find couples to suit you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nothing wrong with soft swing, you do your thing and enjoy it that's what's important

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks again for the advice, I think a public pic of D is a good idea. I've told him I don't mind him full swapping but ifpplaying with another couple tbh I don't think he would anyway. Happy to see me with a girl and just play lol.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Thanks again for the advice, I think a public pic of D is a good idea. I've told him I don't mind him full swapping but ifpplaying with another couple tbh I don't think he would anyway. Happy to see me with a girl and just play lol. "

Lol who wouldn't be happy seeing that?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd accept a bj from A...if that helps..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

to be honest, its not always about getting ur hole as it were...but full swap(I have been one and not been one), tend to see the picture as:-

being sexually comfortable with the WHOLE thing...they might actually question a level of 'swingturity'

there is nothing worse than seeing a cpl who ruin nites thru shit communication or jealousy when their partner starts shagging someone

I have nothing against soft swing in the slightest myself, I tend to take in the atmosphere rather than thinking I should be getting a shag

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

Soft swing is a bit too mumsy, dorm-room, virginal, boring, frustrating, prostituty for me.. dont see the turn on or point of it at all.

You are attracted to each other, which is why you met in the first place, so to just wank each other off just leaves you feeling dirty I think. I dont see how getting naked and reaching the point of getting each other off leaves sufficient respect because you havent fucked. It defeats all objects for me

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple over a year ago

Fareham

Soft swing is a bit too mumsy, dorm-room, virginal, boring, frustrating, prostituty for me.. dont see the turn on or point of it at all.

Mumsy and PROSTITUTY? In the same sentence? What a load of bollocks you are talking.

We are a soft swing couple but spending some erotic time with another couple licking, sucking, bi play and ultimately penetrative sex with our own partners whilst fondling everyone within reach is hardly 'mumsy' and is most definitely not prostituty! What an utterly bizarre and offensive thing to say!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We prefer soft swap, we avoid the harden swingers. Stick to your guns and you will find the right people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Each to their own. Do what your comfortable with and dont let anyone change that. To us soft swap is like being in a chocolate shop and not being able to take a bite lol

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

Soft swing is a bit too mumsy, dorm-room, virginal, boring, frustrating, prostituty for me.. dont see the turn on or point of it at all.

Mumsy and PROSTITUTY? In the same sentence? What a load of bollocks you are talking.

I don't really care what you do, what you get up to, or how erotic you think having someone naked and available for sex but refusing them is. To me, bizarre and offensive as it is. It has a dirty almost incestuous feel to it for me.

Don't mean to talk bollocks mate, but the op did ask how people felt. What floats your tastes, certainly don't float mine.

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple over a year ago

Fareham

Soft swing is a bit too mumsy, dorm-room, virginal, boring, frustrating, prostituty for me.. dont see the turn on or point of it at all.

Mumsy and PROSTITUTY? In the same sentence? What a load of bollocks you are talking.

Don't mean to talk bollocks mate, but the op did ask how people felt. What floats your tastes, certainly don't float mine.

Then that's what you say - ie each to their own but it doesn't float my boat;You are entitled to your preferences and opinions. However, INSULTING people who soft swing by calling them incestuous (WTF??) and that it's 'prostituty' IS offensive.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

There's plenty of people on this thread that haven't taken it as personally as you. Opinions are that, something that is not your own, simply because I (or you) disagree doesn't mean its offensive. Grow some skin and stop trying to flame a thread needlessly

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple over a year ago

Fareham

"There's plenty of people on this thread that haven't taken it as personally as you. Opinions are that, something that is not your own, simply because I (or you) disagree doesn't mean its offensive. Grow some skin and stop trying to flame a thread needlessly

I don't have a problem with the thread AT ALL - I appreciate people (including you) have preferences. My issue is with the terms you used to describe people who soft swing. DO you even know what the terms 'prostitute' and 'incest' mean?? GO and check the definitions then come back and explain to me what they have to do with not having penetrative sex with another couple who feel the same.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If im honest soft swing puts me off & is one of the reasons i no longer meet couples on here. I respect everyone has boundaries.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

Tiny correction, I never called anyone any names. I was taking about the act itself, after all it is the topic of the thread, if you bother to read it. There is quite a big difference as it happens.

Now as I said, grow some thicker skin and try not to take things as personally as you are.

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By *aster of a mindCouple over a year ago

York

I (Dan)agree that you should never be pushed into anything you do not wish for. However, for me 'soft swap' is just that. I would feel short changed if a soft swap was organised, and half way through you decided you wanted to see your man fuck my wife, to me that then becomes 'full swap'. Now either we meet for 'soft' or 'full' this must be decided before hand and not changed, as in my opinion this only invites problems!

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By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It seems there are a lot of couples where the woman's bi curious leanings are questionable, why do you need hubby there to be with another woman?

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple over a year ago

Fareham

"It seems there are a lot of couples where the woman's bi curious leanings are questionable, why do you need hubby there to be with another woman?"

Maybe it's just something couples like to share and explore together. I know I enjoy seeing Zed playing with another guy (and I like participating too). And equally, I know Zed likes seeing me play with another lady so it cuts both ways

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think your main problem that your happy for your fella to have full sex with the female but you are not comfortable to do the same which if course is fine but that Is not really soft. This to us would be a no we are a full swap couple happy to play soft but not half soft half full that is a recipe for disaster

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think your main problem that your happy for your fella to have full sex with the female but you are not comfortable to do the same which if course is fine but that Is not really soft. This to us would be a no we are a full swap couple happy to play soft but not half soft half full that is a recipe for disaster "

We would agree with that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would soft swing and prefer it, x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I guess we're very new to this and just hoping for meets where we can break ourselves in gently lol. Everyone starts somewhere, right? We're not looking for one-offs but regular playmates who we can progress and grow in confidence.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we only do full swap as have had soft swing encounters before and tend to find people that do this are generally not into swinging they just think they are and are testing the water each to there own but its just not for us lol

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By *aster of a mindCouple over a year ago

York

"we only do full swap as have had soft swing encounters before and tend to find people that do this are generally not into swinging they just think they are and are testing the water each to there own but its just not for us lol

Not sure I'd say that soft swap isn't swinging, as I believe that soft swap also involves giving oral to the other couple....or am I mistaken? but there does seem to be so many different types of 'soft' swing that it can all gets complicated. but half and half is a big no no for us!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely you would be better for just looking for a single Bifem

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not sure I'd say that soft swap isn't swinging, as I believe that soft swap also involves giving oral to the other

couple....or am I mistaken? but there does seem to be so many different types of 'soft' swing that it can all gets complicated. but half and half is a big no no for us!! "

No your not mistaken but we have had situations where couple have not wanted to play and basically wanted to show us them having sex which was weird lol and also where the guy hasn't wanted to see his partner play with us so like I say might be our bad experiences but just not for us

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Firstly, you should never feel that you should hav to change your boundaries or preferences just to suit others. Different people enjoy different things for different reasons. End of. And people have no right to question why.

It's all just about having fun isn't it? Putting pressure on yourself and others just removes the fun element if you ask me.

Good luck!

Oli xx"

That's some wonderful advice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would happily meet a guy and not have full sex, I must prefer the foreplay, and night of licking and sucking without the guy rushing it for a shag would suit me fine

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By *ishopstippleMan over a year ago

Purley

The "couple dyamimic" is always a tense one, each partner has their agenda and limits and then there is the "couples agenda and limits" so trying to find the correct play couple is by its nature difficult. But if your honest with the other couple from the getgo then this should be ok. The problems comes from the unsaid expectations of both parties and the whole 4 of you, and yes imo and experiance they are different.

So when the group play is only partly-full swap then the chances of meets are less than a full swing or softswing only meets. Unfortunaly selfishness is very rife within the swinging scene as are hidden agendas.

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By *nfieldishCouple over a year ago

Enfield

Don't mind soft...but.......if I ain't shaggin your girlie....you ain't shaggin mine.........

Fairs fair.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I will add that yes, we are also looking for the elusive single fem in our profile and also we are completely upfront in messages when talking to couples on here about our limitations so we wouldn't get to the stage of meeting and playing and misleading anyone. TBH we have only played with one couple and one single fem so far. As far as D full swapping and me not, it would be a case of, if the girly wanted it whilst playing and her partner was happy for it to happen, having known in advance our limitations

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

myself personally I see no point in softswinging .. so on that basis I wouldnt meet people if all that wanted was a little fumble and tumble ...

Possibly if I was in a club/group enviroment i would..

For me I dont want to waste my time travelling somewhere etc only to feel frustrated sexually at the end of it ..

Each to their own though,. fair play to those that do enjoy soft swing ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Like a few have already said soft OR full is fine for us but has to be one or the other. We would not meet a couple where only half a couple may want full be it male or female as one of us would be left out swinging for us is all parties involved not sat on the side lines

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also you may find that a lot of soft couples may be put off by the male half possibly wanting full swap and visa versa for the full swap couples. Not to say that it doesn't happen just narrows down your choices

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"myself personally I see no point in softswinging .. so on that basis I wouldnt meet people if all that wanted was a little fumble and tumble ...

Possibly if I was in a club/group enviroment i would..

For me I dont want to waste my time travelling somewhere etc only to feel frustrated sexually at the end of it ..

Each to their own though,. fair play to those that do enjoy soft swing .. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have found that couples who are not straight full swap are far more flexible and understanding of other people's preferences. Full swap couples not all may I stress but some, seem to think its fine to attack other people's preferences particularly if its the f who doesn't want to sleep with other men. It is far more acceptable for a man to want to see his wife/partner play whilst watching taking a backseat then it is for a woman wanting to see her partner do the same thing.

MissD

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By *un KnightsCouple over a year ago

South West

We are normally soft swing, anything goes except actual intercourse, as we enjoy all of the sensual side and play and building the fun without feeling a need or pressure to fuck. That said we have been known to full swap if it has felt right with the particular couple or person. This has happened when meeting for a second or more time.

As hubby enjoys seeing me have fun and being pleasured we have had times where we have met another couple and he has joined in with me and also then watched whilst I play with the couple. He has ended up with the other wife cooling down over a drink together whilst her hubby and I have continued to play. It is all just part of a no pressure do what feels right evening of pleasure.

We have also had a long term, years, female friend who we have had threesomes with or played with individually girl/girl or girl/hubby depending on life work and mood and lived with for a number of years. Anything is possible as long as you are open, honest and willing to talk about what everyone wants.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

it's like oral sex it's a matter of taste

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By *exxxesCouple over a year ago

Newbury / London

We started off trying soft swap, until such a point that we both felt comfortable and excited with trying full swap. This happened quite naturally and was not forced in any way, sometimes it just takes time.

Now we're happy with either, and usually intend when meeting it's under the cover of drinks, chat and then see how we all feel. For us this is why club / party nights work well. I guess for some the idea of reverting back to a night of soft fun following full encounters could be frustrating, hence their reluctance to meet soft couples.

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