FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Should i give up ?
Should i give up ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Me and hubby have always met people for the first time together for my safety reasons and if the person i was meeting was polite and fun etc i could always meet as a 1-2-1 still with hubbys knowledge but not there as such.
But in the last couple of weeks its become clear that he is no longer enjoying those first meets and doesnt want to be part of my extra sex life.
Now the question is this should i carry on meeting people with no input on who and when i meet with or should i give up meeting others altogether and go back to it being just me and him ?
We do have a good sex life between us but ive always enjoyed more than 1 guy at a time and toys are just that toys not the real feeling of having someone with you for sex when hubby isnt around.
I would like him to change his mind about this and carry on meeting people with me and helping me work out the gen from the non genuine but think his mind is made up.
Give up my swinging fun or leave it all behind me ? xx |
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By *hinaManMan
over a year ago
Twickenham |
Do what makes you both happy. Life is too short not to be happy. Perhaps sit down with your husband and find out what he is not enjoying? Anyway the poster above is spot on - only you will know what is right. Wishing you all the best and hope things work out for you. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me and hubby have always met people for the first time together for my safety reasons and if the person i was meeting was polite and fun etc i could always meet as a 1-2-1 still with hubbys knowledge but not there as such.
But in the last couple of weeks its become clear that he is no longer enjoying those first meets and doesnt want to be part of my extra sex life.
Now the question is this should i carry on meeting people with no input on who and when i meet with or should i give up meeting others altogether and go back to it being just me and him ?
We do have a good sex life between us but ive always enjoyed more than 1 guy at a time and toys are just that toys not the real feeling of having someone with you for sex when hubby isnt around.
I would like him to change his mind about this and carry on meeting people with me and helping me work out the gen from the non genuine but think his mind is made up.
Give up my swinging fun or leave it all behind me ? xx "
Surely it's between you and him what you decide to do?
Maybe ask him whether he'd prefer you to give up swinging with other guys completely, or if he's happy for you to carry on but he just doesn't want to know about the details. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds to me OP that hubby has had enough and is thinking that letting you play away will keep you happy.
He is, probably, grudgingly saying this, and what he would prefer is for you both to give it up.
Respect his decision and give it up yourself.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think he would be ok with me meeting others for fun totally alone but dont think i would feel comfortable meeting someone when he is sat in the front room alone having to listen to whats going on elsewhere in the house couldnt exactly ask him to go walk the dog etc so i could just fuck a guy ! xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Might be totally wrong but to me it sounds a case of swinging??? or relationship???
That being the case i know which i'd choose without a doubt! and No the answers not swinging lol...
Just my personal opinion
Billy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A simple solution I woulda thort!
Ask him.
If he doesn't wanna meet others you either give it up or continue and I'm afraid deal with whatever the consequences of your choice are .
Maybe currently he thinks meets are all focused around what you want and not much about what he may want 
Perhaps now it has all become reality he doesn't like seeing you pawed about with by other guys etc etc etc  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would he really???
Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel?, am sure deep down you know what he is saying.
I believe he is trying to exit but at the same time hold the door open for you to see if you leave with him or stay behind. |
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If I were part of a swinging couple, it would be something we did together, and something either one of us would stop in a heartbeat if one of us wasn't happy.
Only you know whether sex with strangers will be detrimental to your relationship and is more important to you.
The fact you seek the advise of strangers regarding something so personal to you is telling.
Good luck to you both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me and hubby have always met people for the first time together for my safety reasons and if the person i was meeting was polite and fun etc i could always meet as a 1-2-1 still with hubbys knowledge but not there as such.
But in the last couple of weeks its become clear that he is no longer enjoying those first meets and doesnt want to be part of my extra sex life.
Now the question is this should i carry on meeting people with no input on who and when i meet with or should i give up meeting others altogether and go back to it being just me and him ?
We do have a good sex life between us but ive always enjoyed more than 1 guy at a time and toys are just that toys not the real feeling of having someone with you for sex when hubby isnt around.
I would like him to change his mind about this and carry on meeting people with me and helping me work out the gen from the non genuine but think his mind is made up.
Give up my swinging fun or leave it all behind me ? xx "
Probably doesn't help, but I'd fuck you regardless |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A simple solution I woulda thort!
Ask him.
If he doesn't wanna meet others you either give it up or continue and I'm afraid deal with whatever the consequences of your choice are .
Maybe currently he thinks meets are all focused around what you want and not much about what he may want
Perhaps now it has all become reality he doesn't like seeing you pawed about with by other guys etc etc etc "
I think he does think meets are focused around me tbh and that is the truth as no-one wants a married guy who is allowed to play away same as i am ive seen the messages he gets and being called liar cheat etc hasnt helped the situation
As far as him watching me being pawed by others he has always enjoyed watching me play or even knowing im playing at home when he is at work as we talk about meets ive had afterwards like most couples who are able meet apart do xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Difficult to say but if your hubby is the most important thing in your life and very happy with him, don't think it's worth it going swinging solo if he not interested anymore, you can have a good sex life with hubby, maybe do something different and new ideas without involving a third party, but think it's only you can decide what is the best for you and hubby.
Good luck whatever the outcome is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Difficult to say but if your hubby is the most important thing in your life and very happy with him, don't think it's worth it going swinging solo if he not interested anymore, you can have a good sex life with hubby, maybe do something different and new ideas without involving a third party, but think it's only you can decide what is the best for you and hubby.
Good luck whatever the outcome is."
 |
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I think you need to sit down together and review this as a couple, and then reach a common consensus BUT repeat the discussion at regular intervals to see if you have both modified your ideas since.
Humans are not static creatures, feelings and opinions change on a regular basis.
This is something you MUST BOTH, honestly discuss and agree on however |
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Think you know the answer to this.
He wants it just back to you and him and you've bitten the poisonous apple and want others.
You have just the one decision to make.
A non-monogamous lifestyle or your marriage.
Best of luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A pal of mine was telling me a story bout a mate of his who was considering getting himself n wife into swinging. My pal told him ' b absolutely sure it's what you want cos once u open that door n walk thro n see your wife having sex with another man you can NEVER retrace your steps cos the image will be FOREVER imprinted in your mind ' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is such a difficult situation where you have both been sharing , then one of the partners suddenly does not want it .
In all honesty as long as he is still no 1 in your life then an open marriage is possible .
I do think it unfair that both have to stop lifestyle because of another's insecurities or some other reason .
As previous poster said , you have both bitten the apple , you enjoy , he doesn't .. Why should he stop you from you enjoying the fruits of others ??
 |
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I do feel for you, your posts seem to come across quite heartfelt.
It's tough, but... I think people sometimes forget that men can have their ups and downs too.
Personally I'd take the approach of saying, "you know what, you've always enjoyed this, but I know you've not been getting as much out of it recently. We still have a great sex life together, so lets pack it in for a bit, and see how we both feel about it?"
Us men are like kids in a sweatshop, and sometimes we stuff ourselves a little too full put it on the back burner for a while and see how you BOTH feel.
It may be he turns around and says he's missing it - or you may even find its not such a big thing to you and that you both just want it as a that something extra occasionally?
Either wAy, you'll probably be in a better position to talk it through once you've both not been doing it for a little while.
Like I said earlier, we all have our moments, he could just be a little down, could be something totally unrelated? - but theses things can manifest in different ways.
Good luck, reading between the lines it sounds like you have a good relationship together, so I'm sure you'll find some middle ground and the strength to talk it through.
D
Xx |
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"I do feel for you, your posts seem to come across quite heartfelt.
It's tough, but... I think people sometimes forget that men can have their ups and downs too.
Personally I'd take the approach of saying, "you know what, you've always enjoyed this, but I know you've not been getting as much out of it recently. We still have a great sex life together, so lets pack it in for a bit, and see how we both feel about it?"
Us men are like kids in a sweatshop, and sometimes we stuff ourselves a little too full put it on the back burner for a while and see how you BOTH feel.
It may be he turns around and says he's missing it - or you may even find its not such a big thing to you and that you both just want it as a that something extra occasionally?
Either wAy, you'll probably be in a better position to talk it through once you've both not been doing it for a little while.
Like I said earlier, we all have our moments, he could just be a little down, could be something totally unrelated? - but theses things can manifest in different ways.
Good luck, reading between the lines it sounds like you have a good relationship together, so I'm sure you'll find some middle ground and the strength to talk it through.
D
Xx"
That's excellent advice, why not take a 3 month agreed break and then see how you BOTH feel after that ? |
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"This is such a difficult situation where you have both been sharing , then one of the partners suddenly does not want it .
In all honesty as long as he is still no 1 in your life then an open marriage is possible .
I do think it unfair that both have to stop lifestyle because of another's insecurities or some other reason .
As previous poster said , you have both bitten the apple , you enjoy , he doesn't .. Why should he stop you from you enjoying the fruits of others ??
"
It's unfair that one has to stop if they want to carry on? Unfair? Really?
This lifestyle should be about enhancing relationships not driving a wedge between them.
What if you we're in fantasy relationship when one party utters a safety word in order to stop the fun because they feel uncomfortable but you carry on because that's unfair..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Me and hubby have always met people for the first time together for my safety reasons and if the person i was meeting was polite and fun etc i could always meet as a 1-2-1 still with hubbys knowledge but not there as such.
But in the last couple of weeks its become clear that he is no longer enjoying those first meets and doesnt want to be part of my extra sex life.
Now the question is this should i carry on meeting people with no input on who and when i meet with or should i give up meeting others altogether and go back to it being just me and him ?
We do have a good sex life between us but ive always enjoyed more than 1 guy at a time and toys are just that toys not the real feeling of having someone with you for sex when hubby isnt around.
I would like him to change his mind about this and carry on meeting people with me and helping me work out the gen from the non genuine but think his mind is made up.
Give up my swinging fun or leave it all behind me ? xx "
Why ask strangers when theyre the last people who know how you and your partner tick?
Set aside a few hours for yourselves with no interuptions ( going for a drive is always good -phones switched off)
You can discuss what you both want, yor expectations and desires, Set your boundries or make a difficult (or easy) decisions after the chat when youve had time alone to process your thoughts feelings.
No-one can really advise you but yourselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is such a difficult situation where you have both been sharing , then one of the partners suddenly does not want it .
In all honesty as long as he is still no 1 in your life then an open marriage is possible .
I do think it unfair that both have to stop lifestyle because of another's insecurities or some other reason .
As previous poster said , you have both bitten the apple , you enjoy , he doesn't .. Why should he stop you from you enjoying the fruits of others ??
"
So if he doesn't enjoy it anymore and wants them both to stop... she should carry on enjoying the fruits of others- you're saying she should cheat on him??! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I haven't read everyone's posts but sure they are constructive.
Personally I think you have to put the relationship first. As a couple surely that means more than this lifestyle
Im not sure of his reasons for lack of enjoyment but if he know longer wants to see you with others it seems only fair you both leave.
Im not suggesting the reason necessarily is that he doesn't like seeing you with other men but it happens to some couples and if this game is not for you it cannot be nice seeing your partner with someone else.
I hope that helps x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is such a difficult situation where you have both been sharing , then one of the partners suddenly does not want it .
In all honesty as long as he is still no 1 in your life then an open marriage is possible .
I do think it unfair that both have to stop lifestyle because of another's insecurities or some other reason .
As previous poster said , you have both bitten the apple , you enjoy , he doesn't .. Why should he stop you from you enjoying the fruits of others ??
So if he doesn't enjoy it anymore and wants them both to stop... she should carry on enjoying the fruits of others- you're saying she should cheat on him??! "
No , I don't consider it cheating if he is fully aware of her needs and desires .
If he wants to take a break , that's fine , but if OP wishes to carry on seeing others BUT ensures he will always be No 1 in her life then I can't see a problem .
It may be he is tired of 4 sums and would prefer 1 to 1 himself .
It's something that can work if they love and respect each other . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thankyou for the advice on this subject both through this thread and privately
We have talked about where we are both going from here and i have decided that even though i have met some fantastic people through this site and had some amazing fun with people my husband will always be my number 1 priority and so will be hiding my profile for a little while to give enough time to say goodbye to friends ive made and then ill be closing my profile down altogether.
If in the future i come back it will be as a couple and if i dont come back then i wish you all happy and safe swinging.
xx Lois xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thankyou for the advice on this subject both through this thread and privately
We have talked about where we are both going from here and i have decided that even though i have met some fantastic people through this site and had some amazing fun with people my husband will always be my number 1 priority and so will be hiding my profile for a little while to give enough time to say goodbye to friends ive made and then ill be closing my profile down altogether.
If in the future i come back it will be as a couple and if i dont come back then i wish you all happy and safe swinging.
xx Lois xx "
Good luck for the future n hope everything goes really well for BOTH of u |
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