FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Is it any wonder?
Is it any wonder?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I honestly do feel for a lot of the single guys on here and it's unfair that a lot of them ruin it for the genuinely nice respectful ones.
In honesty we're not looking for single guys but it doesn't stop us being harassed by them. So far we've had one guy who showed us some respect and sent a message worthy of reading.
It's not just on here either. We went to a club for Steve's birthday and were followed around the club by a hoard of singles. Yes, a hoard!
We go from the pool to the sauna and get followed. From the sauna to a playroom and get followed. Along the way the hoard is growing. One member decides to whack his cock out and shove it in Fay's face demanding that she sucks it. The word 'no' seemed to have somehow been erased from this guys vocabulary.
We then leave with a couple to enjoy some time with them all the while being shadowed by these sexually frustrated cling-ons. It started feeling like the scene in Forrest Gump when he goes for a run.
By the end of it we had a train of about 20 single guys tailing us. Had just one of these guys showed even one ounce of respect for our boundaries we might have invited him in just to piss the rest off. But unfortunately they were all the same.
So a message to all you guys on here asking why you get no attention or meets. Ask yourselves 'is this what I do at clubs and parties'?
We have been to parties with single guys and the ones that got laid were the ones that showed patience and respect. They are the ones that get verifications telling everyone how respectful they are. Ergo the ones that get meets through Fab. |
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I totally agree with most of this post.
I don't go to clubs as a single man, I hate people looking at me as one of the 'hoard'.
Whatever you do and however you behave at clubs some couples assume you are a 'sexually frustrated cling-on' and wont even speak to you even if you are polite and respectful.
I know at a club i am not going to get an invite, I am too old for most couples and so I don't go.
The cost makes it less likely for me to attend as well, but I know why clubs charge what they do and it is my choice to stay away.
Please OP dont assume single men are all the same.... we are not; just as all couples / single ladies are different.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We give people the benefit of the doubt and before the first guy started stalking us we explained our views on single guys clearly during our hour long conversation with him. Up until the point of stalking us he seemed like a nice bloke.
We're a sociable couple and will talk to anyone, no matter what age or marital status  But we will always make our intentions clear.
I'm not tarring all the single guys with the same brush but the many spoil it for the few unfortunately.
Anyone that thinks shoving a cock into someone's face and demanding they suck it or following a couple round wanking don't have any decorum or etiquette.
These experiences will teach us something; not sure what yet but I'm sure we'll handle the next situation differently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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some guys just see sex involved and nothing more. like on here, one messege which is usualy just sex talk..no conversation or nothing!
in clubs instead of socialising when out, they stand there..follow peeps and like u say just get cock out and expect sex when not shared any words!!
many dont realise that swinging isnt just about sex.
people in clubs socialise and chat..thats how you end up then playing with someone if both parties are interested and choose too. main thing is respect..which some guys dont have. The guys who do get meets or get fun in clubs..generaly are the ones who can also have conversation and socialise aswell as show respect. but then we all should be like that anyways  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We give people the benefit of the doubt and before the first guy started stalking us we explained our views on single guys clearly during our hour long conversation with him. Up until the point of stalking us he seemed like a nice bloke.
We're a sociable couple and will talk to anyone, no matter what age or marital status But we will always make our intentions clear.
I'm not tarring all the single guys with the same brush but the many spoil it for the few unfortunately.
Anyone that thinks shoving a cock into someone's face and demanding they suck it or following a couple round wanking don't have any decorum or etiquette.
These experiences will teach us something; not sure what yet but I'm sure we'll handle the next situation differently."
2 things strike me, firstly, can you not see why a single guy that you spent an hour socialising with, my just possibly have thought that you were interested in him?
Secondly, these men that were wanking and/or shoving a cock in your face - did you say no to them and if they ignored iot did you report it to staff?
It's easy to demonise single men, but there are good and bad in all - be it ingle men, women or couples. And as regular club goers, we've seen all of those acting inappropriately. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
I need to go to these clubs with groups of single men following people around because it never happens to me. In fact I usually have to approach the guys myself else I wouldn't get a shag. |
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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago
Midlothian |
We've found that some Clubs seem to cater for the zombies  whilst other Clubs don't entertain them at all but have nice,chatty,respectful gentlemen there.Needless to say which Clubs we prefer 
(susie) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need to go to these clubs with groups of single men following people around because it never happens to me. In fact I usually have to approach the guys myself else I wouldn't get a shag."
No way!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What you have to think about aswell is these guys maybe regulars at the clubs and ive seen couples where they go in a room or play on the open beds and its a free for all, they may think that thats what other couples are into and are worried they might miss out.
As someone else said its not just the singles that act inapropriately |
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"We've found that some Clubs seem to cater for the zombies whilst other Clubs don't entertain them at all but have nice,chatty,respectful gentlemen there.Needless to say which Clubs we prefer
(susie)"
Zombies ? ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd had mixed experiences with single guys at clubs...and because of this I'm really nervous about going alone. Some have been fine, chatty, no issues but others have been a bit more 'aggressive'.
One my FB had to warn off because if I left his side for a second he was following me - I had told him no more than once in the evening, and found it a bit disrespectful that he thought I would just leave my FB waiting whilst I went to play (he wouldn't have known this was a FB and not a partner either!). Had another block my exit from the toilet and try to herd me into a private room...he backed off when I asked if he wanted to wear his balls as earrings. And there has been the 'conga line' of followers - although that tends to vary according to how many other women are in the place and who is playing!
Have also had one or two guys seem to understand the work no when I'm sat with my FB, but then if he nips to the loo or the bar they'll come and ask again - again just plain rude. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
actually... as a single guy that does go to clubs.....can i say a couple of things...
different clubs have different nights and tend to cater to different people...
so i went on one night... did seen attitudes and behaviours that didn't appeal to me... so made the decision to go on a different night instead.....
I know... radical and rational....
on the night I go... you actually find the worst offenders for bad behaviour aren't the single blokes... because they have a lot to lose..... if it married guys who wander round by themselves... and go into all the areas thinking they are bulletproof because they came with lady.....
or couples who have had too much to drink... think everyone is fair game and won't take "no thank you" for an answer....
see.... dangerous to stereotype.. and for those who have never been to clubs, try them before knocking them.... |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
As I have had the pleasure of meeting and spending time chatting and fliirting with the op I can understand the interest. The ops are lovely and easy to chat with.
It depends which club you go to and how many single men they allow in the club too. That makes a difference.
But yes as you say its not good to be followed like that and have had it myself at a club on single guy night.
As _abio said the single men who also see a single lady as a prey while his oh is playing in a 3some then decides to come try his luck given opportunity.
I had the displeasure of being badly chatted up recently. He wasnt given any encouragement or eye contact but he was on a role lol. He decided to try his luck when I left my friends side. He was put in his place by my friend but after pushing his luck.
Hope you have a better night soon.
Fruit xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I quite like all the attention when I go to clubs, but, when I finally persuaded my husband (after many years of trying) to come along, he was followed by a transvestite all night! On several occasions, the girl would openly wank, stick her tonge out and blow kisses to him!! I found it amusing, but I think it has put my husband off for life!! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"on the night I go... you actually find the worst offenders for bad behaviour aren't the single blokes... because they have a lot to lose..... if it married guys who wander round by themselves... and go into all the areas thinking they are bulletproof because they came with lady..... "
I think that also speaks volumes about the club, rather than the couples.
we know that vanilla alternative and liberty elite both frown on this, and if a guy is trying to play without his wife/gf/fb etc they are warned or told to go home.
To the OP, single guys who trawl will do so because they are allowed by couples who don't say anything. Speak up, tell the guys to go elsewhere, and report them to the management of the club.
Again trawling single guys says something about a club - quality clubs will act on trawlers. If they (club management) do nothing.. perhaps choose a better club! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How many people will actually say anything either to the pesky towel tuggers or staff at a club though?
I see no end of complaints about single men and yet I only attend on nights with single guys and never have problems with single guys.
If towel tuggers or puppies begin to follow I will turn round smile and say something simple like 'it is not going to happen, please do not follow me'
Mostly I've found other 'groups' are worse, especially when drinking.
FTR I've been grabbed by more women then men. And I dont care who it is, I dont allow random touching.
Unless people actually voice their concerns though (at the time), they cant expect things to change. If the staff know of a problem they can deal with it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I quite like all the attention when I go to clubs, but, when I finally persuaded my husband (after many years of trying) to come along, he was followed by a transvestite all night! On several occasions, the girl would openly wank, stick her tonge out and blow kisses to him!! I found it amusing, but I think it has put my husband off for life!! Lol "
 |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
As a single bloke this so frustrates me. I hate that bad and anti social behaviour by so many men gives all of us a bad reputation.
I love being able to chat and talk about all sorts either on here or in clubs. Getting to know someone and wondering if you will get an invite to jointhem is a great part of the excitment.
I will say though some people (probably through bad experience) dont make things obvious to us single guys in clubs. The best experience for me was alovely couple who when first in a room said to the guys around they were welcome to watch but nothing else. As they played he then invited individuals to join in. Very clear what they wanted!
Come on single guys. Show some respect! |
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We have had mixed experiences at clubs and have been followed about by single guys.We either go on couples nights or make it clear by going into the couples room where single guys are not allowed(even though one time a single guy came in!!.
If we want to be watched then we will find an empty room for ourselves and J will invite guys to join us but we take the initiative by saying at the start what we want and dont want.
Have had some great fun with single guys who know the rules and are respectful...which we feel the majority are....unfortunately because of incidents that the OP describe they get "tarred with the same brush"
Over all since we have been swinging over several years now we feel that they are more respectful and understand the rules of the club and swinging better but No always means No.... with a thankyou because respect is a two way thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is frusrating to be tarnished with same brush as time wasters sadly theres bugger all i xan do.
Once i manage a meet i tend to get call backs which clearly is good so basically perserverance is key along with being just normal and not pretending to what you think the other party wants. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm pretty new to this whole scene but I'm enjoying it. I guess as a younger single guy it's always going to be tough but I guess if you carry yourself in the right way, respect others and just be yourself then people will see that.
It's sad to be tarnished with the same brush but it doesn't bother me because I know I don't have that kind of front to boss people around and expect every woman to want to end up with me and I don't know how some guys seem to think that. |
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Luckily we attend a club that only let a few single guys in on a sat night,so we don't get loads chasing us around,we have found them, to be very respectful,dependind on what kind of mood the wife's in ,if we want them to watch ,allow them to touch while playing,or if she is horny on the night she may give oral orinvite them for threesomes or morrsomes,.if it gets to the point where to many are let in,we will either play in private rooms with who we chose or stop going to club ,until it gets under control again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP - you're not going to like what I have to say, but it needs pointing out. Like many other things which are raised in the forums, there is often a single common denominator - and that is usually YOU.
From your own admission, you allowed this 'hoard' of guys to grow, to follow you over protracted period of time AND.... even allowed one to slap your missus in the face with his cock.
Regardless of the rules of that club and/or the status of the night on which you went there, I am sorry to say this is largely down to yourselves.
If this had happened to me and Ruby, I would have put a stop to it the SECOND I realised we had a 'developing hoard' following us around and either some of them - or WE - would have been out of there.. after having kicked up such a stink with the management they would be dreading the 'review' I would give them.
I do not for one second condone such behaviour from ignorant cock-driven idiots like those present on your night, but I have to say I do feel you were the 'master of your own destiny' on this one.
Like I keep saying (to the point of being boring), in Swinging 'you reap as you sow' - a lesson learned that night, I hope.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't get why it's assumed all guys are tarred with the same brush. There are decent single guys that go to clubs, but as a single female the few idiots have made me cautious of going alone as it only takes one idiot to potentially ruin my night. When you've had hassle just because you left a guys side to go to the toilet on your own it makes you wary - or do I have to put up with that in the hope that all the decent guys will come to my rescue should I need them?
I can vet single guys that I meet alone before I come face to face with them - in a club I haven't got quite the same luxury as I don't choose who's allowed in. Yes you can tell management - but you can only really do that after an incident has taken place.
I'm sure others have had issues with single women and couples but I haven't so I can't use those experiences for my decisions on clubs - I can only use the experiences I have had! |
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"Really don't get the whole tarred with the same brush logic. Surely the idiots just make the decent guys stand out all the more?"
Because it can be difficult to find the decent guys and we for sure aint going to try them all until we find a decent one.Understand what you mean but this is meant to be fun not some kind of "identity parade" hence the feelings some have towards single guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have visited a few clubs and we tend to gravitate to the ones that have a policy of limited single guys.
We played at a Kinky Salon Party recently and they have a policy of sharing the etiquette of swinging before you can join in.
The Lodge in Gloucester gave us a tour and explained the rules and etiquette of the rooms on our first visit. Really useful.
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never been to a club so can't comment on the whos, whats & wherefores -
but that won't stop me commenting -
here's an idea for the op (and others):
when faced with a growing hoard of followers, maybe the female half should offer a single blowjob. the idea is that the hoard must all get down and suck each other, and "last man standing" gets the blowjob.
if they say they're not bi/gay, tough luck - that's the offer - suck it or fuck off.
it probably won't stop them following but it might discourage a few. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Really don't get the whole tarred with the same brush logic. Surely the idiots just make the decent guys stand out all the more?"
see... its this.. and the white knights I don't think help the situation....
no one or group of people ever speak for me... I am no ones stereotype and no one generalises how I am.... |
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There are good guys and bad guys, just as there are couples.
Personaly if that had happened to us I (tony) would have told them that it's not happening so go away. Failing that report them, if it still carries on the club isn't worth staying in and certainly not worth going back too if you had reported it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me and my partner Morrigan have never had a problem in the clubs we have gone to, I have in the past experienced the "train of fools" in the past but as Fabio said go on a different night and its much better. We love the club scene and it seems the club scene love us lol |
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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
Perhaps I go to different clubs?
I like single men being there, the more the merrier. If approached and I don't fancy them a simple no is all it takes. They don't know until they ask do they? I am a social creature and have no hesitation in making the first move, but I know women who have been to clubs and said they had a terrible time as no one approached them! Single guys can't win can they?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I quite like all the attention when I go to clubs, but, when I finally persuaded my husband (after many years of trying) to come along, he was followed by a transvestite all night! On several occasions, the girl would openly wank, stick her tonge out and blow kisses to him!! I found it amusing, but I think it has put my husband off for life!! Lol "
He he love it ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have never been to a club, and i am sure its not all like this. However, it is these types of stories that would stop me ever going. It just sounds seedy and grim 
+1  "
+2 |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"Perhaps I go to different clubs?
I like single men being there, the more the merrier. If approached and I don't fancy them a simple no is all it takes. They don't know until they ask do they? I am a social creature and have no hesitation in making the first move, but I know women who have been to clubs and said they had a terrible time as no one approached them! Single guys can't win can they?
"
So agree with this. Often is the case. Single guys often need to show more respect but fems and couples often need to be more obvious about what they want. |
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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago
In a crisp poke on the A814 |
You have to remember that a lot of people that go to clubs are not members of this site or any other....
These clubs are not xclusive to online...They are available to anyone that knows about them....
As has been said, its not just the single guys that do this....
What stopped you turning round and telling these guys to quit following you about?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe a few of you guys that are in couples should go along to a club as a single guy and see what response you get without your woman with you. See how hard it is for a single guy to get respect and not treated like all the single guys on here  |
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By *zanyCouple
over a year ago
truro |
We don't date single guys but do meet at parties and clubs. Yes there are persistent ones lacking social skills(which you do need) but most are pretty well behaved and polite. There are couples also that can be a nuisance. And let's face it we all know why we are in that surrounding. Most clubs do couples only nights if it bothers you.
D an C xx
D and C xx |
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I guess that another thought is that these guys follow ladies/couples around in the hope of actually getting/seeing some of the action for which they went to the club in the first place. They've paid their money and they're (seemingly) not really forcing anyone into anything - they're all just competing to be at the front of the queue in the event that there's anything in which they can participate or watch. Really, who can blame them ?
Would you be happy if you bought a ticket to the cinema and were then told that you had to sit in the foyer rather than watch the stars in the movie ?
If there is fault to be apportioned, surely the bulk of it must go to the clubs that permit a surplus of single males to enter , rather than the single males themselves.
But then, I suspect that single males are the great cash crop to most clubs.
Perhaps the solution would be for clubs to limit the number of single males, single females, and couples, and charge each person the same entry fee ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been going to clubs years and had lots ask never been rude .. So makes me think what club you going too ..... as the ones I go too on a Friday men would get booted out the door if like that . |
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"actually... as a single guy that does go to clubs.....can i say a couple of things...
different clubs have different nights and tend to cater to different people...
so i went on one night... did seen attitudes and behaviours that didn't appeal to me... so made the decision to go on a different night instead.....
I know... radical and rational....
on the night I go... you actually find the worst offenders for bad behaviour aren't the single blokes... because they have a lot to lose..... if it married guys who wander round by themselves... and go into all the areas thinking they are bulletproof because they came with lady.....
or couples who have had too much to drink... think everyone is fair game and won't take "no thank you" for an answer....
see.... dangerous to stereotype.. and for those who have never been to clubs, try them before knocking them...."
It takes me a while to know someone before playing, I don't always have penetrative sex so the thought of a club turns my stomach frankly.
As does the thought of gang bangs and bukake. It's not knocking what other people do, it's something I know I'd never enjoy.
I don't need to poke my finger into a live socket to know it's not a good idea, likewise I know a club would not be a good idea: for me! |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
"Another Single Guy kicking post !!!! "
If its the club I think it is then I can understand why they werent happy.
You must understand some single guys can be awful and rude and generally enter with the wrong attitude.
How you treat the men following you around like sheep depends in your character.
Some are blunt or damn right rude to tell them to go away. Others like me tend to avoid eye contact and stick with a no thanks and others may just say nothing.
If clubs let loads of men in without balancing it with couples and single fems then that causes and inbalance. It is alot to do with the people they allow in. Some men make the effort and others dont. Some men are thinking they paid their money so will be pushy.
Its a hard balance to get. X |
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