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Approaching a non swinging friend.
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By *asa84 OP Man 4 days ago
Exeter |
Should we stay away from this or risk embarassing a joint female friend to see if she would like to join us? She has no idea of our swinging. Wife and I cant decide and feel its probably a bad idea, but keen to see if others have done it and how they went about suggesting it. |
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"Should we stay away from this or risk embarassing a joint female friend to see if she would like to join us? She has no idea of our swinging. Wife and I cant decide and feel its probably a bad idea, but keen to see if others have done it and how they went about suggesting it. "
Wife’s had a couple of friends / work friends who you would never think would do that sort of stuff
But at parties / places it’s happened |
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By *bi HaiveMan 4 days ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Should we stay away from this or risk embarassing a joint female friend to see if she would like to join us? She has no idea of our swinging. Wife and I cant decide and feel its probably a bad idea, but keen to see if others have done it and how they went about suggesting it. "
Would probably be much easier to find someone on here, especially if you had a couples account. That way there'd be no risk to an existing friendship and your wife could be involved in the selection process. |
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"Should we stay away from this or risk embarassing a joint female friend to see if she would like to join us? She has no idea of our swinging. Wife and I cant decide and feel its probably a bad idea, but keen to see if others have done it and how they went about suggesting it. "
If she's really your friend, she won't judge you for being swingers but it's up to her how she takes being invited to partake.
If you value the friendship thread lightly.
The blokes in the pub know I get up to naughty clubs but I've never approached them ( they are kind of like my brothers , pops and uncles mostly) but I wouldn't be offended if they approached me.
Yeah don't go straight in with the approaching her as a playmate especially if you don't know her sexual preference and she doesn't know yours.
I usually have men approach men and have women approach women...simply because we understand the gender anxieties....
Bit different if it's LGBTQIA and gets tricky. I went to a lesbian and allies night for moral support with a friend. I'm clinically straight and the ally...lol! The friend thought that everyone was more interested in me( sexually? attraction-wise?) than them. I think I was less nervous than they were and just interested in people as people instead of as potential sexual or romance partners.
My sister knows I'm a swinger and surprisingly her head didn't explode so.... you won't know until you...disclose the lifestyle...gently... |
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Don't. That's about it really.
Some, well quite a lot of women get sick and tired of everything being about sex. If platonic friends want to make it sexual it can make them question the value of that friendship in the first place. Leave it be and try finding women that you know are interested in swinging |
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I’d maybe let the wife subtly approach the subject. Woman to woman is definitely less intimidating. Me and a very close girlfriend used to joke around all the time then one night it happened. Best part is we have remained really close. It didn’t affect our friendship and we keep snogging on nights out 😂😂
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"Should we stay away from this or risk embarassing a joint female friend to see if she would like to join us? She has no idea of our swinging. Wife and I cant decide and feel its probably a bad idea, but keen to see if others have done it and how they went about suggesting it. "
Test her way of thinking without being too obvious !!. Just the odd one liner dropped into random conversations and see how she reacts. Say mention a swinging program on tv you'd seen, claim you were surprised but check her reaction  . You could also very slowly increase affection from you both and again check her reaction, facial expression and body language... |
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"Should we stay away from this or risk embarassing a joint female friend to see if she would like to join us? She has no idea of our swinging. Wife and I cant decide and feel its probably a bad idea, but keen to see if others have done it and how they went about suggesting it.
Test her way of thinking without being too obvious !!. Just the odd one liner dropped into random conversations and see how she reacts. Say mention a swinging program on tv you'd seen, claim you were surprised but check her reaction . You could also very slowly increase affection from you both and again check her reaction, facial expression and body language..."
I know you probably didn't mean it this way but this sounds really creepy. |
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"Keep the swinger life and vanilla world separate. Don't blur the lines. "
We told a good vanilla female friend of ours we visited sex clubs, kep't away from the term swingers, and asked her if she'd like to visit one with us. She said she'd always been curious about them so yes she'd come with us. We were leaving the next question till we got to a club and see if the vibe was there. Unfortunately she found a new boyfriend before we managed to get it sorted and it never happened. So in our opinion as long as you think said friend is open minded it could well happen, although we never did find out if she'd have took the plunge with us at a club.  |
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This is purely a matter of your ability to read a room and the sort of person your freind is. By all means you can gently probe to find out where she's at. She not a swinger so first you're best to try and work out if she'd have any sexual attraction to either or both of you. That would definitely be good a starting. Maybe something you could delicately gauge in genral/hypothetical conversation. If so then maybe again just gently probe her attitudes towards threesomes maybe. If your getting the right vibes and you have the right sort of friendship that won't be easily harmed or offended then be open with it and put it on the table.
However if you're in any doubt about the feedback coming back then don't risk it.
Mr |
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It depends on the friend and if asking her would likely ruin the friendship etc if she said no.
We have had a full swap foursome with my best friend and her ex husband. My friend is very kinky and quite sexually adventurous, however we didn't feel like asking her outright was the best option. However, one night, things developed organically and it was an amazing time. It hasn't affected our friendship at all (she's very much of a "we're all adults, so what if we've fucked" type attitude).
I would weigh up the pros and cons and if you still feel uneasy don't.
C xoxo |
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Some of my friends are aware I am open about my lifestyle if asked some asked and could not believe it and got lot of questions asked which i answered honestly.
Regarding the OP I feel you answered the question in your post.
Never second guess yourself you clearly had doubts so do not mention to the friend.
What if she feels offended by it, most definetly not worth risking friendship for.
Can I ask whose idea it was to approach the friend initially? |
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Op mr was into this lifestyle with a previous partner. They was a couple who was really good friends and was a lot of flirting and flashing over the years then one night they all ended up in bed and was a disaster the other guy finished in a few pumps witch led to his wife insulting him and belittling him . The next day they split up and the relationship was over as frends it was the same he said he could no longer look at them as frends after as all he could see was his now ex wife with them both . So be very cairfull |
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