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Advice on how to get a girl to open up about her kinks/fantasies
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So I’m seeing this girl and she’s fully aware that I’m into watching and sharing but she says that’s not for her. She is very vanilla and I’m trying to open her mind to new things but she always says. “I don’t know” when I ask her what thoughts turn her on. I can tell she’s attracted to other guys because I’ve caught her the odd time looking at a guy then she’ll pretend she’s not when she notices me looking. Just need some advice on what things I could suggest to her or how I can get her to open up about her fantasies |
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She said it's not for her.
Do you think trying to push her in that direction anyway will build anything other than resentment?
Let it go. If she thinks she's in a monogamous relationship either set her straight or go do monogamy.
Maybe one day she'll consider it. But it'll be because she wants to and is willing to admit it, and every time you bring it up after she's already said no you're only going to make her want it even less 💜 |
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By *ack688Man 2 weeks ago
abruzzo Italy (and UK) |
There are online questionnaires that you can each take that asks each of you separately about your likes, dislikes, kinks etc and the website compares the results and lets you know the things you have in common so you can use that as a basis for a conversation of exploration. But it may be she doesn’t like anything you like! |
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By (user no longer on site) 2 weeks ago
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Initially it read that you want it more than her and you're falling into the trap of trying to convince her. You've told her that's your thing and she'll either be interested or not (sounds like not). |
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Firstly, it would be fair for people to only open up about their most intimate desires and fantasies, with those they trust. Thus building and being worthy of trust is important.
Secondly, there's no guarantee that people will share the same fantasies and interests. If someone feels under pressure, they may back off and rescind the trust that they have for you, perhaps sensing ulterior motives that you may have.
We find out over time and increasing intimacy and established trust, how compatible we might be with others. How open minded you are, may influence how much she warms to you. How much do you unconditionally accept others? |
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"No im completely ok with not trying it maybe I didn’t word it right but im curious if people have any ideas on other things we could try to make sex that bit more crazy"
You want to be a bit more crazy
But she may feel whatever you do is crazy (for her)
Just like your other post about kink .. what she thinks of as kink may be your vanilla
You can't make her if she's an introvert and doesn't vocalise things that's her
Perhaps you should look at
How much you like her
Are you really compatible
Because clearly you are playing the field ... Are you being fair/is she going to get hurt emotionally by you...
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"Haha different girl "
Could you ask the woman in your previous Forum post who enjoys having wild sex, anal and cleaning up afterwards maybe have a chat with your vanilla girlfriend and tell her what she's missing out on ? |
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"There are online questionnaires that you can each take that asks each of you separately about your likes, dislikes, kinks etc and the website compares the results and lets you know the things you have in common so you can use that as a basis for a conversation of exploration. But it may be she doesn’t like anything you like! "
What's that site called? |
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"She said “not for her”
Respect that and don’t “try to….” Do anything.
"
Yes to that, but have you ever been won over, once you've been brave enough to try something new? This could be food, drink, holidays or even a comedy/comedian?
Explanation and exploration yes!
Extortion: no! |
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"She said “not for her”
Respect that and don’t “try to….” Do anything.
Yes to that, but have you ever been won over, once you've been brave enough to try something new? This could be food, drink, holidays or even a comedy/comedian?
Explanation and exploration yes!
Extortion: no!"
I always thought I would hate a cruise holiday but I decided to give it a go and found I really enjoy it and now have been on lots |
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"She said “not for her”
Respect that and don’t “try to….” Do anything.
Yes to that, but have you ever been won over, once you've been brave enough to try something new? This could be food, drink, holidays or even a comedy/comedian?
Explanation and exploration yes!
Extortion: no!
I always thought I would hate a cruise holiday but I decided to give it a go and found I really enjoy it and now have been on lots"
Exactly that.
Who or what caused the mindset change?
I tried flogging, 2 sessions in a week and sounding session too.
Great job done by the dommes, fully recommend them, but like tea: it ain't for me.
This I hope speaks volumes.
I thought I wouldn't like Lyon, but I love that city, much better than Paris.
It |
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By *essTTWoman 2 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"So I’m seeing this girl and she’s fully aware that I’m into watching and sharing but she says that’s not for her. She is very vanilla and I’m trying to open her mind to new things but she always says. “I don’t know” when I ask her what thoughts turn her on. I can tell she’s attracted to other guys because I’ve caught her the odd time looking at a guy then she’ll pretend she’s not when she notices me looking. Just need some advice on what things I could suggest to her or how I can get her to open up about her fantasies "
If she was comfortable with you she would open up and tell you what she wants/likes |
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If you google kink bdsm teat you'll get the website, it's a bit of fun you might be able to have a laugh together over it.
You could ask her if she likes wearing sexy lingerie, would ever be interested in helping you try a cock ring, would she like a little clit tease vibrator... Things which are fairly benign but might make her feel good, and don't put any pressure at all on her. Keep it light and sweet
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"So I’m seeing this girl and she’s fully aware that I’m into watching and sharing but she says that’s not for her. She is very vanilla and I’m trying to open her mind to new things but she always says. “I don’t know” when I ask her what thoughts turn her on. I can tell she’s attracted to other guys because I’ve caught her the odd time looking at a guy then she’ll pretend she’s not when she notices me looking. Just need some advice on what things I could suggest to her or how I can get her to open up about her fantasies "
But she has allowed you to share her pics on a swinging site. Can't be that vanilla. Or does she not know👀🤷♀️ |
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By *tar25Man 2 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
Get her results from "the test"
== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
97% Degrader
97% Dominant
95% Brat tamer
94% Rigger
94% Master/Mistress
93% Primal (Hunter)
93% Non-monogamist
90% Experimentalist
90% Daddy/Mommy
90% Sadist
89% Exhibitionist
89% Owner
64% Voyeur
63% Ageplayer
43% Degradee
37% Switch
37% Masochist
24% Vanilla
19% Rope bunny
14% Pet
13% Girl/Boy
12% Primal (Prey)
12% Submissive
12% Brat
10% Sl*ve |
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It’s important to understand two things; the line between fantasy and reality, and what “no” means.
Fantasies:
One of the biggest things that helped me to expand my range of sexual activity was partners who understood that I had fantasies I wanted to talk about, but not do. We had a wonderful time talking about those fantasies without me feeling that I was being pushed to do them.
If your partner were to say she sometimes thinks about sex with other men, can you enjoy her fantasy for its own sake, or would you be thinking “Great! We’re well on the way to a gang bang now”?
“No”
The other thing that makes someone a safe enough partner to explore with, is them having a really good understanding of “no”. It doesn’t mean “as me again”. It doesn’t mean “ask me differently”. It means no. You need to understand “no” and her right to say it.
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