FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > What is wrong with my verifications
What is wrong with my verifications
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After several years with my profile, and many more in the scene I have had a series of replies from different people saying that they do not want to meet, talk to me due to some of my verifications attitude towards safe sex and/or some recent drama/developments.
The messages don’t elaborate any further, and one even said you know why! They then block me so I can’t get more clarity.
Please help me understand what has happened. I have three different people say this in the last week |
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Nothing the matter with your verifications if they are a true and honest reflection of you and what you like to do
For many they maybe nicked, but I’m sure you’re not after the many but the few that align to you
Personally I do not like seeing or what ever message anyone who has photos of them with others on their profile
Obviously you have a kink side and part of that is consent and trust. How does anyone know that the people in them have consented to being there even if you say they have |
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"Nothing the matter with your verifications if they are a true and honest reflection of you and what you like to do
For many they maybe nicked, but I’m sure you’re not after the many but the few that align to you
Personally I do not like seeing or what ever message anyone who has photos of them with others on their profile
Obviously you have a kink side and part of that is consent and trust. How does anyone know that the people in them have consented to being there even if you say they have "
Niche not nicked!! |
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I hate verifications with passion, and here’s a prime example of why.
Personally, I find your verifications too graphic but that’s probably just me. I would also say something about verifications or whatever as an excuse to not meet if I don’t fancy someone, or their profile, for whatever reason.
You could always hide them if you find them to be problematic. |
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Your verifications are a bit niche. That's fine. Why would you want to appeal to people you're not compatible with anyway.
As to safe sex and recent events, that's more likely to do with word of mouth following a particular incident. You probably do have at least some inkling of what that is if you think about it 💜 |
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I wouldn't let it bother you OP as it may be more about one of the people who have verified you that had upset someone else which can result in playground like name calling. Just how it is on here sometimes and if they won't tell you what the issue is there's no point losing sleep over it. |
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Judging from your first paragraph I would guess that the veri thing is a red herring and you have either pissed someone off or done something they were unhappy about and now you are being talked about behind your back. |
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Thanks for the constructive feedback appreciate it
"Nothing the matter with your verifications if they are a true and honest reflection of you and what you like to do
For many they maybe nicked, but I’m sure you’re not after the many but the few that align to you
Personally I do not like seeing or what ever message anyone who has photos of them with others on their profile
Obviously you have a kink side and part of that is consent and trust. How does anyone know that the people in them have consented to being there even if you say they have "
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Maybe, but I am not sure what I have got caught up in
"I think the problem is probably more to do with some perceived "drama" that has happened around a meet and been discussed with others, rather than your verifications. "
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Yeah it is a double edged sword - I prefer slightly less graphic ones but I do seem to get them - then you get ina dilemma of hiding verifications making people think there is a issue or showing them and being judged 🤦♂️
I totally accept I am a kinky guy with a skill set in domination and look to match with those that are wanting those experiences
"I hate verifications with passion, and here’s a prime example of why.
Personally, I find your verifications too graphic but that’s probably just me. I would also say something about verifications or whatever as an excuse to not meet if I don’t fancy someone, or their profile, for whatever reason.
You could always hide them if you find them to be problematic."
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This is the interesting bit I can’t think of a recent thing that deserves this level of response
I had cancelled a meet at last minute recently and the person was upset ( and rightly so I don’t like doing that to anyone) but how that spirals out into this makes little sense to me
And I don’t want to appeal to those I am not right for, and the people I messaged appeared to either have liked my pics or had things in their profile that made me think it was appraise to explore talking.
"Your verifications are a bit niche. That's fine. Why would you want to appeal to people you're not compatible with anyway.
As to safe sex and recent events, that's more likely to do with word of mouth following a particular incident. You probably do have at least some inkling of what that is if you think about it 💜"
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Yes that’s good advice - thank you
I think it is just in my 20’years in the swinging scene I have never experienced something like this and so it has challenged me a little
"I wouldn't let it bother you OP as it may be more about one of the people who have verified you that had upset someone else which can result in playground like name calling. Just how it is on here sometimes and if they won't tell you what the issue is there's no point losing sleep over it."
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Yeah I can see how at times fab does go a bit like that, just wish I had a clear understanding of what I may have done to deserve such an out pouring
"Judging from your first paragraph I would guess that the veri thing is a red herring and you have either pissed someone off or done something they were unhappy about and now you are being talked about behind your back."
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"Yeah it is a double edged sword - I prefer slightly less graphic ones but I do seem to get them - then you get ina dilemma of hiding verifications making people think there is a issue or showing them and being judged 🤦♂️
I totally accept I am a kinky guy with a skill set in domination and look to match with those that are wanting those experiences
I hate verifications with passion, and here’s a prime example of why.
Personally, I find your verifications too graphic but that’s probably just me. I would also say something about verifications or whatever as an excuse to not meet if I don’t fancy someone, or their profile, for whatever reason.
You could always hide them if you find them to be problematic."
I think it might be a good idea to hide them until the whatever drama is going on behind the scenes passes but be willing to show to whoever you are engaging with more in detail.
Or leave them be as they are an indication of who you are and what you are good at and ignore the drama but I would take the paragraph going into detail about said drama from your profile but again, you do what ever feels best for you. |
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Thanks that’s really helpful. I always feel a little odd hiding all verifications but it is definitely an odd moment so might be best.
Leaving my profile as is for a little bit incase something useful can be seen on it from people reading this thread
"Yeah it is a double edged sword - I prefer slightly less graphic ones but I do seem to get them - then you get ina dilemma of hiding verifications making people think there is a issue or showing them and being judged 🤦♂️
I totally accept I am a kinky guy with a skill set in domination and look to match with those that are wanting those experiences
I hate verifications with passion, and here’s a prime example of why.
Personally, I find your verifications too graphic but that’s probably just me. I would also say something about verifications or whatever as an excuse to not meet if I don’t fancy someone, or their profile, for whatever reason.
You could always hide them if you find them to be problematic.
I think it might be a good idea to hide them until the whatever drama is going on behind the scenes passes but be willing to show to whoever you are engaging with more in detail.
Or leave them be as they are an indication of who you are and what you are good at and ignore the drama but I would take the paragraph going into detail about said drama from your profile but again, you do what ever feels best for you."
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These are good verifications and yes some are bit graphic and may not appeal to few but they are still a reflection of people enjoying your company, I would absolutely not hide or change them. Some people just feel obliged to detail their experience and that is fine, it gives others an idea of what to expect and gauge each other's boundaries.
Like many have said, the problem with drama is probably something else. |
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"These are good verifications and yes some are bit graphic and may not appeal to few but they are still a reflection of people enjoying your company, I would absolutely not hide or change them. Some people just feel obliged to detail their experience and that is fine, it gives others an idea of what to expect and gauge each other's boundaries.
Like many have said, the problem with drama is probably something else."
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Thanks for that positive feedback - appreciate it
"These are good verifications and yes some are bit graphic and may not appeal to few but they are still a reflection of people enjoying your company, I would absolutely not hide or change them. Some people just feel obliged to detail their experience and that is fine, it gives others an idea of what to expect and gauge each other's boundaries.
Like many have said, the problem with drama is probably something else."
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We had met before, we are still friends on here and not blocked etc..
Appreciating that being pestered by a guy that let them down may not be appropriate in our last conversation I did say I would leave it to them to reach out when/if they are open to connecting again
"Have you kept in contact with the meet you cancelled at short notice ?"
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This is true, and so far none have said they have had an issue with me or passed on that I am not to be met etc…
"I can’t stop you wondering that, I am genuinely trying to understand what has happened
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Only those directly involved can answer that question."
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I still don’t know if drama occurred
My cancelled meeting occurred after the last verifications
It is possible the 3 messages have come from people that know each other, but is unlikely that they know either of the most recent verifications or the person I cancelled on
"I mean I read your profile, looked at the veris (which i did not find graphic at all ? ) did the drama occur after your latest veri? potentially the ladies know each other?
"
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"I hate verifications with passion, and here’s a prime example of why.
Personally, I find your verifications too graphic but that’s probably just me. I would also say something about verifications or whatever as an excuse to not meet if I don’t fancy someone, or their profile, for whatever reason.
You could always hide them if you find them to be problematic."
We would agree.....we simply don't post graphic verifications.
We prefer to keep things a little classy. |
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Just to say thanks for all the feedback, think this can now be closed off as it has become a bit more of a profile review whereas it began as trying to check if I had got caught up in some fab drama without knowing it through someone on my verifications list based on some messages I had received
Thanks everyone |
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I always think that people who don't like what you do or something about your profile are just demonstrating that they're not compatible with you. It's not really a problem because you'd be unlikely to meet anyway and changing to suit their tastes would be pointless. |
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Agree and I totally understand too
Wouldn’t particularly approach those that are not into the dynamic that I enjoy
I have tried to be pretty transparent in my profile to ensure my preferences are reflected 
We all like what we like and don’t need to dismiss anyone’s else’s preferences in this wonderfully diverse world of Fab
"I always think that people who don't like what you do or something about your profile are just demonstrating that they're not compatible with you. It's not really a problem because you'd be unlikely to meet anyway and changing to suit their tastes would be pointless. "
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I read that as they are not wanting to meet you, because of some of the people you have met, that they don't like.
Personally I'd keep all the veris you want to show on show, you can't people please everyone and you wouldn't want to meet jealous people, who feel the need to moan to you about your meets anyway. |
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Thanks for that
"I read that as they are not wanting to meet you, because of some of the people you have met, that they don't like.
Personally I'd keep all the veris you want to show on show, you can't people please everyone and you wouldn't want to meet jealous people, who feel the need to moan to you about your meets anyway."
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