FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Do women on here message guys first
Do women on here message guys first
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I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here! |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
Blimey you have a very low opinion of the people of fab  |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
So sweet. |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
Regardless of the "level" you perceive someone to be, everyone has the right to hold out for someone they find attractive. Being picky isn't the sole preserve of those you deem to be a 10.
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
What a way to ensure you get no messages... |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
Wow!
So people you think are unattractive should not have the right to be picky? What an awful attitude you have. |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!
Wow!
So people you think are unattractive should not have the right to be picky? What an awful attitude you have. "
But...but...his profile says all women are beautiful!
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If the profile is exciting, intelligent and engaging and the photos take my fancy then, yes definitely I'll send the first message.
When I see threads from men complaining about women not sending the first message, their profiles are either really dull or uninviting. Sticking up a photo of your willy and having a profile bio as exciting as toast without butter isn't going to inspire many women. (This isn't directed at the OP, just a general observation). |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!
Regardless of the "level" you perceive someone to be, everyone has the right to hold out for someone they find attractive. Being picky isn't the sole preserve of those you deem to be a 10.
"
Very well said! Must have respect for everyone! |
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Once. They had mistaken me for someone else who they clearly had some kind of beef with, there was a tirade of insults, then they blocked me. Also were obviously bad mouthing me in the chat room as well because although they'd blocked me I could see other people saying I wasn't who she thought I was. Very odd behaviour! |
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"Maybe should of asked the question differently...do women search and look for men to message or just wait to get messages "
It’s as simple as Some do and some don’t and those that do, won’t some times and those that don’t, might occasionally do.
Hope this clears it up |
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I've said numerous times that it's almost 5 years since I last messaged anyone on here and every conversation I've had since has been through women making first contact so the answer is yes, they definitely do. |
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Very rarely but it does happen .. and very welcome, and doesn't mean it's carte blanche .. just means she's interested and wants to chat. It's a refreshing thing to happen. Should never be afraid to say hello, a lot of us are perfectly decent and able to have conversations without crudeness or rudeness lol .. |
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By *uzzleMan 2 weeks ago
Hastings |
I suspect 1% of women do message guys first but the guy probably has to look like a model and have had absolute compliance with the list of requirements on the womens profile.
Interestingly, a chap at work is on dating sites and mentioned that guys are still expected to message first or make the first move.
Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it! |
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"Very rarely but I'm lazy 
With your figure it’s easy to let guys do the work … we won’t mind ..
Aww thankyou ☺️
I should probably make more effort though "
No no… pop some thing comfortable* on and put your feetup .. what do you need doing
* or something uncomfortable if in mood .. |
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By *C44Man 2 weeks ago
Ipswich |
"I suspect 1% of women do message guys first but the guy probably has to look like a model and have had absolute compliance with the list of requirements on the womens profile.
Interestingly, a chap at work is on dating sites and mentioned that guys are still expected to message first or make the first move.
Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it!"
I look about as far from a model as a guy can get. I still get messages. I think we men sometimes fall in to the trap of thinking all women want the same thing. Yes there are people who will tick a higher proportion of the populations boxes than others but that works both ways. |
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"I suspect 1% of women do message guys first but the guy probably has to look like a model and have had absolute compliance with the list of requirements on the womens profile.
Interestingly, a chap at work is on dating sites and mentioned that guys are still expected to message first or make the first move.
Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it!"
You're having a laugh.
I don't look like a model, I'm almost 60 and anyone paying even the slightest bit of attention to my forum contributions will see that I'm far from compliant and don't jump through hoops for anyone.
It's all about attraction and most women find men who treat them as equals much more attractive than those who put them on pedestals. |
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"I suspect 1% of women do message guys first but the guy probably has to look like a model and have had absolute compliance with the list of requirements on the womens profile.
Interestingly, a chap at work is on dating sites and mentioned that guys are still expected to message first or make the first move.
Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it!"
Forum related or friends notwithstanding, of course any guy I'd message would be what I'm looking for on my profile. Why would I message those who aren't?  |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!
Blimey you have a very low opinion of the people of fab "
Not at all… My wording could be better but you know what I mean.. |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!
Blimey you have a very low opinion of the people of fab
Not at all… My wording could be better but you know what I mean.."
Yes it could be a lot better. I know exactly what you mean, I don't agree with it. |
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By *ibLeiMan 2 weeks ago
Manchester |
"Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it!"
I’m not sure equality has any relevance in this discussion. Asymmetry in male:female ratio and hypergamy are real things—whether males like it or not.
From a male perspective, the REAL problem is when this imbalance leads to a lack of reciprocity when dealing with certain ladies. E.g (something that has happened to me): being messaged by a lady asking me to show me face, with her only reciprocating if she likes me. Not understanding reciprocity = not understanding fundamentally what a relationship is. Ironically, male halves in couples are the absolute worst at this… |
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"Course they do , or we would be guilty of trawling fab searching out single ladies
And we would like to think that we are better than that !"
???
Not quite sure I understand what you mean. Surely anyone who sends a message to another here has had to "trawl" Fab to some degree? Exceptions such as spotting someone on the forums apply, obviously, but searching Fab for those in whom you might be interested is kinda par for the course, no? I'm unsure why you sitting back waiting to be messaged makes you better than those who actively search for potentially compatible people to message |
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From a guys point of view, it’s rare to get a message or even a wink from a girl, unfortunately it’s a numbers game on fabs, men far outweigh the ladies,
Best not take this site to seriously, and just enjoy it for what it is, chat when you can have laugh and whatever comes ….comes x |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!
Blimey you have a very low opinion of the people of fab "
It is the reality though.
All of life is here!
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I messaged a guy first a few years ago and, after a little bit of chatting and life trying to get in the way (I broke my knee, badly, 2 days later and ended up in hospital for nearly a month), we met. We are still together now, in an open relationship. |
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"Course they do , or we would be guilty of trawling fab searching out single ladies
And we would like to think that we are better than that !
???
·
Not quite sure I understand what you mean. Surely anyone who sends a message to another here has had to "trawl" Fab to some degree? Exceptions such as spotting someone on the forums apply, obviously..."
•
Not in my experience. All the messages that I've received have been via the forums — either from women forum-dwellers or lurkers, in addition to those who have 'seen' me in their local feed or noticed my status update/s. |
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"?????"
If other sites are anything to go by, research has shown that about 5% get 95% of the messages from women.
The whole "finance, trust fund, 6 foot 5, blue eyes" thing basically.
The remaining 5% are short and fugly, but funny. |
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"
From a male perspective, the REAL problem is when this imbalance leads to a lack of reciprocity when dealing with certain ladies. E.g (something that has happened to me): being messaged by a lady asking me to show me face, with her only reciprocating if she likes me. Not understanding reciprocity = not understanding fundamentally what a relationship is. Ironically, male halves in couples are the absolute worst at this…"
I’m not sure I understand
Reciprocity only applies surely if the other person finds you attractive? They asked for a face pic, which you sent willingly without force and you weren’t what they were looking for. They don’t owe you anything. You can choose not to send face pics, you can ask them to send first… it’s up to you to set your own boundaries. What’s the point in wasting your time sending face pics if the conversation isn’t going to go any further?
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By *ibLeiMan 2 weeks ago
Manchester |
"
I’m not sure I understand
Reciprocity only applies surely if the other person finds you attractive? They asked for a face pic, which you sent willingly without force and you weren’t what they were looking for. They don’t owe you anything. You can choose not to send face pics, you can ask them to send first… it’s up to you to set your own boundaries. What’s the point in wasting your time sending face pics if the conversation isn’t going to go any further?
"
If someone asks for things that they aren’t ready to do themselves in the first place, it’s a clear sign that they don’t value reciprocity. She’s more than welcome to ask for a picture and not feel the need to share one. I also have the freedom not to engage with people who don’t understand that reciprocity is at the core of any healthy relationship—regardless of how many people are throwing themselves at “you” : ) |
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"Most woman on here too up their own a** to even acknowledge anyone never mind send first message haha"
Some yes like guys who are like that. However in my experience the vast majority lovely people. Don’t let that spoil things . |
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By *edSirenWoman 2 weeks ago
Leighton Buzzard |
Don’t see anything wrong with messaging first. If I want, then I want 😉
I’m more confused by winks tbh. Why do they exist?? You like someone enough to wink but not to talk to? Just awkwardly wink and run away? 😅 I don’t get them at all 🙈😂 |
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"Don’t see anything wrong with messaging first. If I want, then I want 😉
I’m more confused by winks tbh. Why do they exist?? You like someone enough to wink but not to talk to? Just awkwardly wink and run away? 😅 I don’t get them at all 🙈😂"
·
I just interpret winks as some perfunctory action. I don't send winks. Indeed I haven't sent one for over three years, other than those which are part of a forum game or a challenge (an equally pointless exercise). |
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"Most woman on here too up their own a** to even acknowledge anyone never mind send first message haha"
This is the attitude single guys need to take. This one is sure to be dripping in fanny in no time🤣🤷♀️🍿 |
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I message people first, usually if I see them saying something profound or nice on a forum and they have a good profile.
Obviously a lot of time I spend on fab, I spend replying to messages so it's not always possible |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
Wow. You think you are the judge of who should and shouldn't get attention on Fab. Smooth. |
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By *essTTWoman 2 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I suspect 1% of women do message guys first but the guy probably has to look like a model and have had absolute compliance with the list of requirements on the womens profile.
Interestingly, a chap at work is on dating sites and mentioned that guys are still expected to message first or make the first move.
Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it!"
Have men on this site never interacted with a woman in real life before? |
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By *essTTWoman 2 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it!
I’m not sure equality has any relevance in this discussion. Asymmetry in male:female ratio and hypergamy are real things—whether males like it or not.
From a male perspective, the REAL problem is when this imbalance leads to a lack of reciprocity when dealing with certain ladies. E.g (something that has happened to me): being messaged by a lady asking me to show me face, with her only reciprocating if she likes me. Not understanding reciprocity = not understanding fundamentally what a relationship is. Ironically, male halves in couples are the absolute worst at this…"
You realised you could of said no right? Like you weren't forced to send her a face pic? |
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"
I’m not sure I understand
Reciprocity only applies surely if the other person finds you attractive? They asked for a face pic, which you sent willingly without force and you weren’t what they were looking for. They don’t owe you anything. You can choose not to send face pics, you can ask them to send first… it’s up to you to set your own boundaries. What’s the point in wasting your time sending face pics if the conversation isn’t going to go any further?
If someone asks for things that they aren’t ready to do themselves in the first place, it’s a clear sign that they don’t value reciprocity. She’s more than welcome to ask for a picture and not feel the need to share one. I also have the freedom not to engage with people who don’t understand that reciprocity is at the core of any healthy relationship—regardless of how many people are throwing themselves at “you” : )"
I think you miss my point. If the person doesn’t feel attraction then there is not going to be any relationship |
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By *d4ugirlsMan 2 weeks ago
Green Cove Springs |
"Most woman on here too up their own a** to even acknowledge anyone never mind send first message haha
This is the attitude single guys need to take. This one is sure to be dripping in fanny in no time🤣🤷♀️🍿"
Hilarious, fitting Fab name. Thanks for the chuckle this morning. |
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By *ibLeiMan 2 weeks ago
Manchester |
"Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it!
I’m not sure equality has any relevance in this discussion. Asymmetry in male:female ratio and hypergamy are real things—whether males like it or not.
From a male perspective, the REAL problem is when this imbalance leads to a lack of reciprocity when dealing with certain ladies. E.g (something that has happened to me): being messaged by a lady asking me to show me face, with her only reciprocating if she likes me. Not understanding reciprocity = not understanding fundamentally what a relationship is. Ironically, male halves in couples are the absolute worst at this…
You realised you could of said no right? Like you weren't forced to send her a face pic?"
How do you know I didn't say no to this lady?  The point is not about what to do in that situation. The point is about not understanding reciprocity which is key to any relationship (even if it's pure sex). |
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By *essTTWoman 2 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Ladies - this is not equality. Of course we all know that you only want equality when it benefits you. I don't actually have a problem with this, I'd just like women to admit it!
I’m not sure equality has any relevance in this discussion. Asymmetry in male:female ratio and hypergamy are real things—whether males like it or not.
From a male perspective, the REAL problem is when this imbalance leads to a lack of reciprocity when dealing with certain ladies. E.g (something that has happened to me): being messaged by a lady asking me to show me face, with her only reciprocating if she likes me. Not understanding reciprocity = not understanding fundamentally what a relationship is. Ironically, male halves in couples are the absolute worst at this…
You realised you could of said no right? Like you weren't forced to send her a face pic?
How do you know I didn't say no to this lady? The point is not about what to do in that situation. The point is about not understanding reciprocity which is key to any relationship (even if it's pure sex)."
So if you send a pic and the person isn't interested they should still send you one back?
Lmao |
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By *essTTWoman 2 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
So these "horror shows" shouldn't have preferences and should just have sex with anyone who messages them? |
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By *ibLeiMan 2 weeks ago
Manchester |
"
So if you send a pic and the person isn't interested they should still send you one back?
Lmao "
I don't send pics to people who ask for things they evidently aren't ready to do themselves  Sorry, not sorry for sticking to Courtesy 101 |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
.
.
Wow, an outstanding effort to get you onto many peoples block list 👏
With comments like this, how could anyone who you message take any compliments that you may make seriously.
You should remember that everyone is beautiful in their own right, including you, and that many, whatever their opinions on your looks/body, will rarely come out with comments like yours |
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"Don’t see anything wrong with messaging first. If I want, then I want 😉
I’m more confused by winks tbh. Why do they exist?? You like someone enough to wink but not to talk to? Just awkwardly wink and run away? 😅 I don’t get them at all 🙈😂"
Wink wink 🤭 |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
Agreed |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!
.
.
Wow, an outstanding effort to get you onto many peoples block list 👏
With comments like this, how could anyone who you message take any compliments that you may make seriously.
You should remember that everyone is beautiful in their own right, including you, and that many, whatever their opinions on your looks/body, will rarely come out with comments like yours "
Not one reference was body or look specific..A 10 involves a personal assessment which could factor personality, profile pics, messages, interests, location and comparability...so it's a factual statement that there will and are some horrors on here.
Automatically assessing the statement to looks speaks more on you than them, and that's good that people block it eliminates non compatible more should learn that |
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"...There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows...
...there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
·
Being picky and discerning has little relevance to hierarchy or calibre. If the ladies are exhibiting such behaviour then I say good luck to them. That also goes for the men who have a prerogative to be selective.
IF there are some ladies getting more attention then I suspect the 'fault' lies with those who are giving it to them. It's not like they are ruffling their plumage at all and sundry to attract attention.
As for "sub par men".... ...you can recognise them quite easily: they tend to be resentful with 'sub par' attitudes belittling above-average men. |
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By *HUSH-Man 2 weeks ago
London |
Yes women do message first on here.
I suggest having some kind of ice breaker on your bio that makes it easier for someone.
As it stands your bio reads more like something on a traditional dating app. That’s fine if you want to find a partner but that’s likely to be a much smaller pool of women. |
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"I think they probably don’t need to make the first move…
What makes me laugh about fab…. There some clearly level 10 ladies on here and I get they can be picky but there’s also some total horror shows who also get way more attention than they would in real life yet they have the same attitude because there’s also a huge majority of sub par men on here!"
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By *aven3Man 2 weeks ago
Stoford |
"Some of the women on here are right munters ! But think they are the knees & bees because they get plenty meets, Bet the guys shagging you wouldn't be seen in public with you Bring on the flak lol"
Plenty not my type,but no accounting for taste.A sense of humour,nice smile and being a pleasant person can be attractive.We can't all be super models,after all. |
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"Some of the women on here are right munters ! But think they are the knees & bees because they get plenty meets, Bet the guys shagging you wouldn't be seen in public with you Bring on the flak lol"
You know these women who think (quite rightly in my opinion) that they're the 'bees knees' wouldn't be seen in public with the men they're having sex with either. It's a two way street |
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They do but there have been a few fakes so unless a profile is well and recently verified, we proceed with caution.
Be very careful when you get too good to be true messages, there are some really sick people around. |
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By *hirleyMan 2 weeks ago
somewhere |
I made a thread about this the other day and put it in the wrong section, it's all interlinked; guys feeling let down because they can't get meets/the meet they feel they deserve.
I don't think you can temper expectation here  |
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By *essTTWoman 2 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"Some of the women on here are right munters ! But think they are the knees & bees because they get plenty meets, Bet the guys shagging you wouldn't be seen in public with you Bring on the flak lol"
If you're so attractive why hasn't anyone met you? |
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We've had a few in our years on here,probably less that 10 and can guarantee that 90% have had their profile deleted within a few days for what we can only assume is fakery as its not UNLOS profiles. |
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"I have done it with poor results. Not anymore "
Same here. On my previous profile I was accused of being desperate since I messaged first.
I left the site for a while but came back to enjoy the forums as community on here rather than meeting anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site) 2 weeks ago
|
I do...
Not your generic "Hey" but normally if I've seen someone really interesting in the forum I may stray into their inbox.
So I have a small understanding of that most men get when their message goes read but unanswered.
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» Add a new message to this topic
Not my thing unfortunately 
