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How to ask a long term partner to be open to this
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By *kguy4fun OP Man 2 weeks ago
milton keynes |
I’ve been in love with my wife all my life. However I have had to hide my side that she does not see, the outgoing bi side and the joy of great sex. We have it in and out of the bedroom but just us. I want to approach the subject but I’m worried that it would affect us long term. Anyone who has any advice I would appreciate it. |
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By *ed_BlueCouple 2 weeks ago
Loughborough |
Once she finds out youve been playing for years, your fucked anyway.
Maybe be honest, which will risk the relationship anyway, or hide it and hide the guilt for hiw ever long you can.
If you cant be honest with a partner then it isnt going to work
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It will come as a shock to your wife because she thinks she knows you and will realise that she doesn't and hasn't for all the time you've been together. So you'll need to emphasise that you love her and reassure her that won't change, unless it has now become a deal breaker for you.
Your relationship will have to change, you can't expect it to remain the same. Are you prepared for that? If so, sit down with your wife and tell her that you'd like to explore other partners with her and that you're bisexual. I can't predict how things will work out but I wish you both good luck |
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I don't know your wife or how she will react i can only go on what I would do if someone who claims to have loved me all their life has lied and cheated on me more than once.
I would leave not because of the fact you were bi but the lying and cheating in my opinion would be unforgivable and once that trust is broken for me theirs no going back. |
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By *VLrnTV/TS 2 weeks ago
Scotland |
I don’t think the OP is talking about coming clean to his wife about the past - just that he’d like to explore it with her in future.
Personally, I think the outcome is pretty much the same to be honest. It’ll be a huge shock to your partner to discover you’re bi and want to explore that. Realistically the chances of her being supportive are slim so you’ll need to decide whether the reward of living out your fantasies is greater than the risk of losing her. |
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The stress of living with secrets like this will shorten your life.
Our advice would be to lay it all on the table. We don't know what the consequences will be or how your wife will react, but your conscience will be clean and you can both move on however you choose to |
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The problem I see with that situation is the truth will always come out, it may be someone they have met secretly in the past in their other life, once the partner finds out op has been lying for a good part of their relationship? Well it would take an extremely understanding person to forgive that. |
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"Swinging requires trust and communication, you clearly don't have that so leave the subject and don't cheat on someone who you claim to love."
Was just about to say the same! If you’ve been lying to her about this and meeting behind her back then the trust is already gone.  |
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Any partner I have I’m up front about my crossdressing the minute I think we are getting serious. It has meant a break up at times but also a stronger relationship when that person is understanding.
However I have lived with my desire to crossdress all of my life, so it’s a part of me and it’s not easy to hide it. So the honesty with a partner has to be something I feel I’m obligated to at the start.
But I do think sexuality can change over time and desires for other types of intimacy can happen. So as others have said I would encourage you to be honest and explain that you’ve changed since the relationship started. But honesty isn’t always rewarded with a happy ending so expect it will probably go badly.
I’m not here to judge, plan for both outcomes good or bad, especially as the hurt she’ll feel that you have been hiding this for some time.
Good luck. |
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