Honesty and trust are key to a dynamic. Make a list of things you would both like to try, talk to her about what she needs for after care as sub drop can have consequences and lead to a break down in communication. Trying something new should be done slowly ask if she wants it harder softer tighter or loser. Enjoy dynamics can be beautiful |
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"Honesty and trust are key to a dynamic. Make a list of things you would both like to try, talk to her about what she needs for after care as sub drop can have consequences and lead to a break down in communication. Trying something new should be done slowly ask if she wants it harder softer tighter or loser. Enjoy dynamics can be beautiful"
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"Thanks we are exploring through chat everything she would like to experience and of course both her pleasure and education will be of the upmost on my mind "
You've already said that you have limited experience so your own education is also very important.... it keeps yourself and your sub safe.
Enthusiastic consent is absolutely vital and understanding it and knowing when to stop is critical. As is knowing what aftercare your sub needs. |
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By *elkieWoman 15 hours ago
Durham |
Build the dynamic, not the play. So first aftercare: figure out what you personally need after harder play, and make sure you text good morning the day after in case she drops. Let her ask for what she needs.
Reflection: find a way of communicating what worked well during play and what didn’t. I keep a journal with one dom. For me, text works better than in person for this.
Headspace. You can create a very intense sense of submission by controlling her space and time. Ask her to kneel for you - it’s a very vulnerable position to be in. Create pauses where she is wondering what you’re going to do. Your presence as a dom is more important to her experience than any toys you use or weird kinky shit you try, and I say this as someone who is into weird kinky shit.
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"Build the dynamic, not the play. So first aftercare: figure out what you personally need after harder play, and make sure you text good morning the day after in case she drops. Let her ask for what she needs.
Reflection: find a way of communicating what worked well during play and what didn’t. I keep a journal with one dom. For me, text works better than in person for this.
Headspace. You can create a very intense sense of submission by controlling her space and time. Ask her to kneel for you - it’s a very vulnerable position to be in. Create pauses where she is wondering what you’re going to do. Your presence as a dom is more important to her experience than any toys you use or weird kinky shit you try, and I say this as someone who is into weird kinky shit.
"
Perfect has not only helped get my mind right but given me great advice much appreciated |
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By *ensualMan 18 minutes ago
Sutton |
I would suggest some alternative views.
Trust and honesty are the bedrock of any relationship, there is nothing special in that regard to D/s.
Possibly OP you have things the wrong way around. If you are the dominant, what motivates your dominance, what is about being a Dominant or Top that excites you. What is that you bring that excited the sub. Then the hard bit usually is finding a sub who: (a) has matching desires, and (b) with whom you can form a relationship and whose company you enjoy.
However, if you have not done the work to discover yourself , then it is hard to lead another.
So, as the others have asked, do you know what she is interested in and wants. What kind of relationship does she want? Is it 24/7, is it just play based or something in between. What are both your needs and wants from a relationship, and how does that tie in with the D/s.
In terms of cookie cutter information about scenes there are 1001 articles out there about it. But unless the scene gives you deep satisfaction and incorporates what the sub needs there is a 1000 ways to get it wrong.
What may work for 50 people may not work for the 1 person that counts.
So do you research about each other and then think about doing a scene.
There are knowledgeable people on Fab, but you still have to do your own work.
For example if she does not know what aftercare is (and I have run into this before) are you able to explain in simple terms what causes it, and give suggestions as to what may help? If not do the research.
Good Luck
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