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Experienced swingers pushing boundaries
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By *NMazing OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Newcastle |
My partner and I are now to this and had agreed to only soft swinging. We played with a very experienced couple (17 years or so) who were respectful of our limits and we all had fun.
Upon messaging it was clear he was the only one typing and he would make comments about PIV, fair enough. We set a boundary though saying that we're not ready and don't want to talk about it until we are, seemingly there was no issue with this.
Fast forward a few days, we've talked about what we might do on a future meet, flirty chat etc but then there's a joke made about PIV (specifically him doing it to me). It made us feel uneasy because yes, this is a swinger site, but we set a boundary and it wasn't adhered to. We replied saying 'we said no PIV chat' and got the reply of 'sorry, it was a joke' and then 'maybe we're not for you because we like to have a laugh'.
We typed back saying something like 'we love a joke too but we need to know boundaries are respected so yeah, maybe we won't play together but we got on with you guys so we'll see you around'
The response was then 'yeah. No worries'
A couple of days later and we've realised we're blocked. My concern is that as they're seemingly a big part of the community and everyone else seems to love them/feel super comfortable etc, is this going to impact who we will meet/play with since they could easily say whatever and would probably be believed due to their standing/influence? It feels like we're really off to a shitty start when I don't think we did the wrong thing here. Any thoughts? |
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Most people we've met are respectful and we've had no issues.
However when someone gets excited and wants your partner people may push you to get what they want.
Communication between yourselves is crucial.
If anyone tries to push your boundaries, it just shows they aren't your people.
Don't be encouraged, as you may regret it.
Wishing you both all the very best with your journey.
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By *bi HaiveMan 2 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"My partner and I are now to this and had agreed to only soft swinging. We played with a very experienced couple (17 years or so) who were respectful of our limits and we all had fun.
Upon messaging it was clear he was the only one typing and he would make comments about PIV, fair enough. We set a boundary though saying that we're not ready and don't want to talk about it until we are, seemingly there was no issue with this.
Fast forward a few days, we've talked about what we might do on a future meet, flirty chat etc but then there's a joke made about PIV (specifically him doing it to me). It made us feel uneasy because yes, this is a swinger site, but we set a boundary and it wasn't adhered to. We replied saying 'we said no PIV chat' and got the reply of 'sorry, it was a joke' and then 'maybe we're not for you because we like to have a laugh'.
We typed back saying something like 'we love a joke too but we need to know boundaries are respected so yeah, maybe we won't play together but we got on with you guys so we'll see you around'
The response was then 'yeah. No worries'
A couple of days later and we've realised we're blocked. My concern is that as they're seemingly a big part of the community and everyone else seems to love them/feel super comfortable etc, is this going to impact who we will meet/play with since they could easily say whatever and would probably be believed due to their standing/influence? It feels like we're really off to a shitty start when I don't think we did the wrong thing here. Any thoughts? "
Thoughts?
If they're that experienced then they should know and understand how to repect boundaries, especially if they know someone else is less experienced.
Will them blocking you affect you? No. Nobody has that much influence despite what they may themselves believe.
You've dodged a bullet in my mind. |
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It might be useful to know how people use blocks on here. It’s not a negative thing. If someone isn’t right for you or not a match, many block so they don’t come up in feeds and cannot contact. It’s a pruning method and also can serve to remind one when there isn’t a fit once the conversations are long forgotten.
You do what you’re comfortable with and only that. Your relationship comes first and it’s better to go low and slow rather than experiencing frenzy and burn out. |
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When I was on here as part of a couple exploring this was an absolute nightmare. Wanted to take it slow but found very few responding to soft swap only. The end result was that we went to clubs, played together and had a good time but never with any other couples. Wish you the best of luck though in finding what you want. |
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"That's the thing, our boundaries have changed since then. If he'd have only waited then it would have been a non-issue "
Same our boundaries changed naturally in the right moment, with the right people. |
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Soft swing isn't much of a barrier in our opinion. We were strictly soft swing, not so much these days depending on who we're with and how we're feeling. However I'd say that hard swing isn't necessarily always hotter than soft swing anyway. Generally what makes something hot is the dynamics and chemistry rather the the technically of who puts who's penis in who's partner. And lots people (hard or soft swing) recognise this, their focus is you as people and sharing a hot act in the bedroom rather than hung up on a particular act. So we've had a lot of hot experiences from a soft swing pov with hard swing couples. We've not really found soft swing a barrier.
Naturally for some it's hard swap or nothing (which we find is rare). And that's fine, we're all here to fulfill our desires. If someone doesn't respect your boundaries then their not the people you want to play with and best to avoid. |
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our first ever social with a cpl we agrred f2f play own partner and maybe after few meets soft swap,we were off to a club ,few days later we got email from the female swapping the goalposts she wanted full everything. we said no got the block went to club on own had great time.we were soft swap cpl for 15 years before we done full. moral is do what you want not others. |
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Boundaries definitely should be respected we would never discuss anything that they are not comfortable with unless they were to bring it up first.
As for being worried about them being quite active in the lifestyle and what they might be saying about you,
I'd be lying if I said people don't talk as they definitely do but we and plenty of other people we know like to make our own minds up about people this isn't a school playground.So I wouldn't worry to much about any of that.
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I think if you're clear in what you are and aren't looking for and people either disregard this or make fun of you, it says much more about them than you op.
Only do what is right for you, this may change in time and with experience, or it may not.
I'm half a couple and straight and over the years we've had couples trying to persuade me to try bi play. We tell them I'm still straight, so it's not something I'm into and won't change.
We've then had some who kept mentioning it, so we blocked them for it, we weren't compatible.
If someone can't respect your boundaries, then they're not for you, experienced or not. So I think they did you a favour.
Don't worry what others think, stay true to yourselves and you'll find your people.
Good luck. |
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Don't worry about it.
I'm one half of a couple and we've been at it for 27 years.
Had a few pushy meets back in the day when we where new. Now we just move ignore it and wouldn't dream.of pushing anyone into doing something they where not ready for.
We always do the newbie nights at our local club just to sit and chat with first timers and give afldvice we never got. Honestly can't beat face to face interactions, especially in a no pressure environment. It's kore organic than on here. |
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