FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > What are we doing wrong?
What are we doing wrong?
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Hey everyone,
As per the title, we’ve had a bit of a break and we’ve come back on and for the past month we’ve been pretty active on here, hundreds and hundreds of messages to us, probably the same amount of friend invites and a shit load of winks.
But for some reason so many couples are just strange around being able to send a face picture, they have like one picture on their profile, they only show the female on their photos or they talk for a bit then just disappear once we try and arrange a meet.
Before anyone replies saying go to a club, completely not interested in it. We prefer nice hotels, lodges & private accommodation and things like that.
We posted some videos up over the past month as well to see if it works that way, a couple of them where at the top of the hot photos and video section on here, which resulted in even more messages but even with those messages everyone just seems to flake eventually.
We know that life gets in the way, but the numbers don’t really lie, we are a pretty normal couple. We don’t have any mad kinks apart from seeing each other fuck… lol. And we are fit and healthy etc…
Help! No idea what we’re doing wrong or is it just the norm xx |
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"But for some reason so many couples are just strange around being able to send a face picture, they have like one picture on their profile, they only show the female on their photos or they talk for a bit then just disappear once we try and arrange a meet."
Sounds to me like they are blokes pretending to be a couple. Stick to your guns about what you want, and relax about it. The worst pressure is self induced pressure. Given time, you'll surely find someone. |
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4 way attraction is difficult.
It only takes one person to be put off one thing to kill it in the water.
Then the sexuality lottery. Some straight couples won't meet even bicurious people because they're convinced they'll push for more or that bisexual people are somehow dirty. Some bisexual couples won't deal with only bicurious people because it feels like a performative piece for the other half more than an active engagement.
Plus talking on here through couples profiles. One person isn't available so if they only reply together you're left hanging, or you're talking to one person who seems really keen but it turns out the other half wasn't even aware of you yet and simply isn't interested.
Finding and keeping that energy going on here is hard work as a single, never mind a couple. |
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I dont think there is a magic formula.
You have a good profile and photos. You are engaging with people. That you can control.
You cant control how they respond, what life chucks up in the way or design out people being fickle on here.
There is so much choice people often move on, no real reason, no real explanation, they just do.
Its why we have met up with so few people (fingers of one hand in over a year) as unless you entertain the “fuck and go, meet now” people, planning anything meaningful takes time and effort. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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Welcome to social media in England where everyone is fake that’s your answer. Since Covid and social media exploding people have realised they can have fun looking at photos and not even leaving their bedrooms. It’s simple as that hopefully your meet A couple are genuine, but don’t hold your breath in 2024. It’s a mess out there.
We are now looking at immigrating |
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You summed it up perfectly to be honest! We just didn’t think it would be ‘this’ hard to find a couple as we aren’t really asking for more than what the site is here for (to hook up lol) I was curious and looked on your profile, your pictures are very artistic x |
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In the face of it there should be no reason - your profile is great and your pictures are great.
Have you ever thought of the socials that are organised in various locations - usually city centres like Manchester and York etc.? An evening of meeting and chatting to like minded people but not in the club setting.
I’ve never been to be but from the forums they always seem to be popular. |
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For us we find it practically impossible to meet couples. We haven’t had a play meet with a couple in over a year. Even single guys are incredibly difficult to meet if you are a bit selective.
We’ve been to a club a couple of times and found it was full of impenetrable groups who all knew each other. Been to a house party but not really anyone we were attracted to.
We’re seriously considering just packing it in as it’s now practically impossible to find compatible couples who actually want to meet up. Need to find a new hobby.  |
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By *rlandoMan 10 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
the " couple profile " where it s just a man online posting pictures ?
then there are folks who have a profile but only meet in clubs but dont say so on their profile ?
Not everyone with a profile is a swinger , just window shopping ! ..
It can be a great way to waste a lot of your time , if you have time to waste ?  |
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It’s really, really hard isn’t it? Three years we’ve been here and we gave up trying to meet via fab.
I know you said clubs are not for you but maybe socials are the are the way to go.
And just to agree with what others have said 4 way attraction is hard! You both clearly are very attractive but even then it doesn’t guarantee fun.
I really would reccomend a social group meet (it’s just in a pub)
If also maybe there is a really nice club nearby? We often go to our local knowing we’re just going for giggles or some between ourselves only. That puts a nice boundary up for us and removes expectation
That said we’d love a hotel meet in lovely surroundings… but gave up… it was just too hard to make happen |
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"Hey everyone,
As per the title, we’ve had a bit of a break and we’ve come back on and for the past month we’ve been pretty active on here, hundreds and hundreds of messages to us, probably the same amount of friend invites and a shit load of winks.
But for some reason so many couples are just strange around being able to send a face picture, they have like one picture on their profile, they only show the female on their photos or they talk for a bit then just disappear once we try and arrange a meet.
Before anyone replies saying go to a club, completely not interested in it. We prefer nice hotels, lodges & private accommodation and things like that.
We posted some videos up over the past month as well to see if it works that way, a couple of them where at the top of the hot photos and video section on here, which resulted in even more messages but even with those messages everyone just seems to flake eventually.
We know that life gets in the way, but the numbers don’t really lie, we are a pretty normal couple. We don’t have any mad kinks apart from seeing each other fuck… lol. And we are fit and healthy etc…
Help! No idea what we’re doing wrong or is it just the norm xx"
It's a shame we are out of your age range xx |
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I think we prefer it online because she get to see what people look like naked first lmao, saves any surprises when the clothes come off lol
"In the face of it there should be no reason - your profile is great and your pictures are great.
Have you ever thought of the socials that are organised in various locations - usually city centres like Manchester and York etc.? An evening of meeting and chatting to like minded people but not in the club setting.
I’ve never been to be but from the forums they always seem to be popular."
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Your profile name matches your profile! Yeah, we just find clubs look a bit dirty so it’s just not our thing, each to their own though… we get the positives of them, but because we are quite new, we just have like our own ideas of what suits us like hotels, hot tub lodges etc xx
"Shame you don't do clubs, we'd be interested in you if we were your types too. "
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"Hey everyone,
As per the title, we’ve had a bit of a break and we’ve come back on and for the past month we’ve been pretty active on here, hundreds and hundreds of messages to us, probably the same amount of friend invites and a shit load of winks.
But for some reason so many couples are just strange around being able to send a face picture, they have like one picture on their profile, they only show the female on their photos or they talk for a bit then just disappear once we try and arrange a meet.
Before anyone replies saying go to a club, completely not interested in it. We prefer nice hotels, lodges & private accommodation and things like that.
We posted some videos up over the past month as well to see if it works that way, a couple of them where at the top of the hot photos and video section on here, which resulted in even more messages but even with those messages everyone just seems to flake eventually.
We know that life gets in the way, but the numbers don’t really lie, we are a pretty normal couple. We don’t have any mad kinks apart from seeing each other fuck… lol. And we are fit and healthy etc…
Help! No idea what we’re doing wrong or is it just the norm xx"
It's the norm for Fab unfortunately. What you're describing is most other people's experiences also. |
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As part of a couple, I can confirm that finding another compatible couple purely using Fab is very difficult.
Not only does there need to be 4 way attraction but you need to be looking for the same thing.
From my perspective, the fact that you're on the younger end of the spectrum, and are looking for fit couples who will forego protection, will significantly reduce your options.
That's not to say you won't find anyone, these things just make it more difficult.
Best of luck. |
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It’s completely fine and normal to have preferences and to make it very clear what you do and don’t find attractive. Your profile’s very good for that. The issue is, the more prescriptive you are, the more likely people will be to rule themselves out. For example, despite being conveniently located (and forgetting age for a moment), I’d not contact you because I’m probably too fat, one of those with ‘mad kinks’ and I’d never meet anyone with a preference for bareback. Maybe that’s what you want to happen - but what I’m saying is that women (so single female and female-controlled couple accounts) are more likely to see a single potential non-compatibility (that for you might not even be an incompatibility) and then move on.
I’d maybe have a look again at some of the more ‘humorous’ bits of your profile text. It’s really hard to get that kind of stuff to land, and in my opinion it doesn’t.
I completely get that you don’t want to go to clubs (although having one of the country’s best ones 45 minutes away seems a waste…) - but it’s also less realistic to expect anyone to do private meets, especially ones that involve expense, without some kind of separate social aspect first. 4 way attraction’s really hard, and photos only go so far. |
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"Definitely couples as most were verified with the green flag… we can spot the fakes lol x"
Thank only really works if the couple are new. There will be a lot tha we're photo verified as a couple yonks ago but hae since split up. |
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Well from our experience here on and off and another site over 15 years three things
1. Some couples are actually just guys running accounts
2. Some couples have a pressurised other half. These people are a disaster to meet
3. Some couples are just plain and simple hard work
Take your time, you all see the genuine ones, patience and effort into your profile and messages will pay off |
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By *bi HaiveMan 10 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
If you don't want to do clubs then organised socials are the perfect alternative. Great for networking, chatting face to face and building up a list of contacts.
Most will be held in vanilla locations too, such as private rooms in bars and clubs.
There's honestly no easier way to meet other couples.
*outside of clubs of course. 🤷♂️ |
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We've had the same experience as an older and less fit couple so it's a relief to see from your post and the replies it's not just us having this issue!
Hubby is a lovely bundle of nonsense and passion but has social anxiety so clubs absolutely not an option for us, socials not easy either, and also love the hotel setting and wish it worked better, but getting meets is extremely hard and we've had to accept that, but it is frustrating yes, we travel around to increase our chances but it doesn't help much, although we'd travel to see some of the lovely couples in the replies here |
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Couples generally don't like sending face pics and leave it till absolutely sure they want to meet the person. I get a lot of winks from couples who say 'don't wink us' on their profile. They also insist on seeing your face even though they haven't sent anything themselves.
Truth is there are very few genuine couples on this site and hell of a lot of single males. Btw, the couples you are looking for maybe having fun with single males. Furthermore, you're looking for attractive couples that match your tastes. That's a very small pond you are fishing in.
Going to clubs will not fix this as some have suggested. The couples you are looking for are simply hard to find.
Try to simplify your profile so that it looks less like an essay and more a synopsis of what you're looking for.
Gentler approach works best and you need to show a lot of patience. Meet couples for drinks first maybe and look out for socials. Pictures don't give you the essence of the person and some people are not photogenic but very attractive in the flesh.
Change fab locations if possible. This worked wonders for me as area I live in is pretty thin on quality meets. There are loads of hot couples down south who'd love to play with you im pretty sure. Travel a little bit outside your preferred areas.
All the best.
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By *harAndBryCouple 10 weeks ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
OP: just keep at it - you seem genuine and normal and if (a) we were closer and (b) in your age range then we'd love to hook up (but we'd be too scared to message as you're WAY out of our league!)
It's hard work - guys think couples have it easy, but it's really difficult finding three or fourway attraction, even discounting the single guys pretending to be couples.
(Bry) |
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Thank you everyone for the replies we’re just going to grind it out until we find a 4 way attraction… We do get it that it’s hard but we don’t get that chats get to booking in the diary stage and you just watch the tumble go lol. It’s just a waste of everyone’s time x |
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"Thank you everyone for the replies we’re just going to grind it out until we find a 4 way attraction… We do get it that it’s hard but we don’t get that chats get to booking in the diary stage and you just watch the tumble go lol. It’s just a waste of everyone’s time x"
You have a great profile hope you find what you are looking for x |
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"Some people on here are a nightmare! The ones that get me are the ones who wink us and friend request us first and then when we message they ignore. What a waste of time"
What? Now that makes no logical sense IMAO |
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