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Honest Question and Thoughts
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Honest Question and Thoughts
We've been part of the lifestyle for a while now, yet we still consider ourselves "newbies" since we haven't fully connected or played with anyone.
We wanted to share a bit about our experience and see if anyone else has gone through something similar.
It seems that there are established groups of couples who often play together, forming a bit of a “circle” or community of friends. To clarify, we're not talking about niche groups with particular kinks; rather, it’s couples who are friends, attend events together, and usually play within their circles. As newcomers, it's been tough to find a place in these social circles.
While we’ve received positive signals and even compliments from some of these groups, it’s felt challenging to go beyond that. We’ve often heard through the grapevine that others think highly of us and are interested (“We love these two!”), but we’re noticing that no one has yet made that first step to invite us to join in or get to know us better.
We’re both a bit shy, so reaching out directly can feel intimidating, especially with more experienced couples. We’d really appreciate if someone could take the lead and approach us—it would be a huge confidence boost for us and help us feel a little more comfortable.
Have other couples here felt similarly? And if so, do you have any tips for breaking the ice with established groups or maybe building confidence to make the first move ourselves?
Hope that makes sense.
Any advice from others who’ve been in our shoes would be greatly appreciated! |
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You seem a gorgeous couple to us, so no idea why you don't get more meets. May be try going to clubs more? Pleasures is close to you xx
We are the same tho lots of chat, they want to meet, but when we say give us a date it goes silent. |
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By *an1978Woman 2 weeks ago
GONE/TIMEOUT (No DMs please) |
I really like your profile, you have put the effort in and you have lots of great photos so it isn't that.
You both being straight could make it a longer search, as many couples look for bi curious or more.
(I'm also straight)
The only thing that put me off is the name Dom... is that a name or role?
As anyone calling themselves a Dom is an instant no for me.
|
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Ohhhh I wouldn't even think of Dom as in Dominant unless they say I'm A Dom...
Are you struggling in clubs or on fab?
You're not alone tho.... we're not great socialising in clubs, however we're fortunate to have a circle of friends who go to the same club that gives us comfort and a safety net!! It took effort, offered games of pool... chatting etc to get there
If we go to a new club we're totally the awkward couple looking lost!!
K
X |
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OP - this isn’t a swinging thing, more of a life thing. _You_ have to make things happen. I know it is scary and intimidating but if you want to meet then you have to approach others. Swinging is not for the faint hearted.
You are not alone in this - pretty much everyone on the site struggles with this (couples and singles, male and female). Relying on others to be proactive is very unlikely to give _you_ what _you_ want.
Roll the dice and reach out. See if you can get a social and, if you like them, see if they want to take it further.
Couples do struggle on here as you need a four way attraction and that is notoriously hard to find. |
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We would say we are struggling in clubs, we have just started trying to engage people in this website as well so can't really say anything yet. 
But your example is exactly our point, we normally see groups of friends that go to clubs together and even if you (or them) start an approach it never happens to have more than a brief, even though joyfull, conversation even if you regularly meet the same people at the club, let alone being introduced to the group of friends. If that makes sense. |
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It's taken us ages to realise that actually .... (many) swingers are shit at socialising, at saying 'hey... wanna play' (us included)
And as someone else said.... a 4way play is quite hard to find.
But it does taken effort... putting yourself out there, accepting of the risk of others saying 'no thanks'
K |
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I get exactly what you are saying. I guess we are similar and generally have a circle of friends.
We chat in a kik room of local like minded people daily. It's a great way of making a connection, getting to know people, and maybe getting together. The group covers the south east with lots of Kent members so drop us a message if you want details. A bunch of us were at Pleasures this weekend. |
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"Dom is a name, it's short for Domenico and I use that in everyday life because non Italian people can't say it properly, so I decided to short it.
Maybe is unfortunate that turns out like this."
****
Why not Nico? |
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People in general will gravitate towards existing friends and people they feel comfortable with.
I used to worry about feeling excluded and being an odd weirdo out on my own. But then why would they have to make the first move? Especially with couples who at least can happily just chill with their other half even if the rest of the group of friends is occupied.
I've found myself in a lot more fun situations and meeting more people since learning to suck it up and face the potential for rejection by just approaching the people I'm interested in knowing more about.
As a single female I am rarely short of offers for company. But I'm a lot happier with my lot since learning to just say hi to the people I want to talk to, instead of only the people who initiate conversation with me 💜 |
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We refer to ourselves as club tourists and love seeing new ones, so rarely meet friends unless we specifically plan to.
As such, to maximise our chances we always put a meet up when we go, join any forum/kik or telegram chats for the night. That way we already have friendly faces and drink socials lined up. I’m quite outgoing and have no issues chatting to new people, my partner is less so. But things that help with openers is having something that is a talking point, like a quirky/unique outfit/underwear/headdress/bag etc. be open and actively smile and make eye contact, a good wink/flirt rarely goes awry.
When natural chat comes to the will we/won’t we point (everyone will be feeling it if you are), be open and say we’re heading to x room would you like to join us?
I hope some of this helps?
Xx
Ms |
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Clubs can be the same tho little clicks of friends or circle of people only playing with them. That’s why we don’t go on a Friday or Saturday night to clubs purely for that one reason. Plus most of them people are what we class as underwear models fashion show look at us.
We try going on a Sunday to clubs that open due to it being more relaxed and less of these clicks
A club with a hot tub we feel gets more people talking and relaxed around each other and helps break down barriers. |
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Plus if you are struggling in the clubs then that club might not be for you try another until you find one that suits you and your needs.
There are two ish types of clubs dress up ( clothes sexy outfits etc)
Dress down (towels or sexy underwear for ladies and towels or boxers for gentlemen)
Decide on which type is for you and good luck |
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"People in general will gravitate towards existing friends and people they feel comfortable with.
I used to worry about feeling excluded and being an odd weirdo out on my own. But then why would they have to make the first move? Especially with couples who at least can happily just chill with their other half even if the rest of the group of friends is occupied.
I've found myself in a lot more fun situations and meeting more people since learning to suck it up and face the potential for rejection by just approaching the people I'm interested in knowing more about.
As a single female I am rarely short of offers for company. But I'm a lot happier with my lot since learning to just say hi to the people I want to talk to, instead of only the people who initiate conversation with me 💜"
 |
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Hi ops
I think your profile looks good
It's tough for couples on here and I think even harder when you're both straight , so looking for partner swaps (I'm half a couple).
We're not really active at the min, but when we are, we go to socials or clubs. As it's so difficult relying just on fab.
Many couple profiles just show one Person or are looking for fem play.
We made more connections through socials than here.
Good luck. |
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