FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > First time jitters
First time jitters
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"Hey! Hope everyone reading this is well! I am writing for some advice really. We are new to this so bare with me. I'm looking for a vwe black man for my ladies first experience. We have been together for 10 years and I'm her only sexual partner. We have both discussed doing this in detail, actually met a guy in cap dagde a few months ago but I got a bit anxious and we called it off. I instantly regretted it,but we had a nice talk and although she was disappointed, she understood. Is the feeling of nerves normal? Can anyone suggest how we can get over it easier? We are both excited and bit nervous. Have you got any advice for us to get over the nerves? Could you reccomend a nice man for her first time please? Jamie & Jemma x" Welcome to what is a really exciting, rewarding lifestyle. I can tell you that the nerves are completely normal, and can sometimes be a mix of adrenalin too as your body gets ready for 'performance'. I would say don't dismiss or bury any feelings, talk about it, keep checking in with each other that you are both enjoying it. And definitely chat about what you would most like to experience together and if something new becomes a possibility as you play...make sure you are both comfortable with it. Happy swinging, TGB | |||
"Communication is vital before, during and after. Maybe go to a few clubs where there’s less pressure, then you can take it at its own pace. Nerves are completely normal, especially for the first time. Regarding finding a guy, go with your instincts. A good first message, great profile and glowing veris will help you make the right decision. If it helps, maybe arrange a video call beforehand. Only you two can make that decision. Good luck. I’m sure you’ll both have a ball x" Great advice. X | |||
"Communication is vital before, during and after. Maybe go to a few clubs where there’s less pressure, then you can take it at its own pace. Nerves are completely normal, especially for the first time. Regarding finding a guy, go with your instincts. A good first message, great profile and glowing veris will help you make the right decision. If it helps, maybe arrange a video call beforehand. Only you two can make that decision. Good luck. I’m sure you’ll both have a ball x" Wouldn't add much to the above other than talk through every scenario in detail. Put first MMF rather ran away with itself as we hadn't considered the other M doing a particular thing and it took us by suprise. That then led to the single M controlling the dynamic, not us. Remember they are a guest with you, not the other way round. Most decent single M recognise this. Best of luck  | |||
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"Communication is vital before, during and after. Maybe go to a few clubs where there’s less pressure, then you can take it at its own pace. Nerves are completely normal, especially for the first time. Regarding finding a guy, go with your instincts. A good first message, great profile and glowing veris will help you make the right decision. If it helps, maybe arrange a video call beforehand. Only you two can make that decision. Good luck. I’m sure you’ll both have a ball x Wouldn't add much to the above other than talk through every scenario in detail. Put first MMF rather ran away with itself as we hadn't considered the other M doing a particular thing and it took us by suprise. That then led to the single M controlling the dynamic, not us. Remember they are a guest with you, not the other way round. Most decent single M recognise this. Best of luck ""They are a guest with you." - core to how it should be. Joining a couple is a privilege for a single male, whatever the dynamic. 😊 | |||
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"Nerves are normal. Just be sure this is what you want. If it really is then take things slowly. Maybe meet a guy for a drink first" Yes, we definitely plan to have a drink first probably would be at the hotel/airbnb though. I guess we will do a video call before we meet too! Is there any way she should be preparing herself for the size difference? | |||
"Communication is vital before, during and after. Maybe go to a few clubs where there’s less pressure, then you can take it at its own pace. Nerves are completely normal, especially for the first time. Regarding finding a guy, go with your instincts. A good first message, great profile and glowing veris will help you make the right decision. If it helps, maybe arrange a video call beforehand. Only you two can make that decision. Good luck. I’m sure you’ll both have a ball x Wouldn't add much to the above other than talk through every scenario in detail. Put first MMF rather ran away with itself as we hadn't considered the other M doing a particular thing and it took us by suprise. That then led to the single M controlling the dynamic, not us. Remember they are a guest with you, not the other way round. Most decent single M recognise this. Best of luck "100%. Set boundaries for you both - and for your extra M - and stick to them. When the fun stops, stop! | |||
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"Nerves are normal. Just be sure this is what you want. If it really is then take things slowly. Maybe meet a guy for a drink first Yes, we definitely plan to have a drink first probably would be at the hotel/airbnb though. I guess we will do a video call before we meet too! Is there any way she should be preparing herself for the size difference?" Only in as far as she should control the pace. Take some lube in case but vaginas are wonderfully receptive if a woman is relaxed and properly turned on. After all we can get 8lb babies out. | |||
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"I'm going to go against the grain and say....this aybr isn't for you. I've been swinging with my wife (this is just my solo account) for 28 years so a lot of experiance. Our dynamic is other women so not exactly the same BUT I have been the guy who hotwifed someone for the first time. Due to past experiances If either party has any reservations or it feels like one is pressuring the other, I don't do it. Not saying you are being pressured here. Just saying it's not something I'll be part of. The reason being, I've seen one to many couples break up over 28 years not long after I had interaction with them. Its not many I'll admit but in those handful of cases he was super nervous and unsure. Seemed to be more going along with it to please her than because he was getting something out of it. Now, I don't know you, I don't know your partner and I don't know your mindsets. I don't even know if you'll love or loath acting out your fantasy. But I do know that if you already got the jitters and pulled the plug, then maybe youre not 100% ready for this or at least maybe consider something a bit different before you commit to this. Maybe consider trying doing a club instead. Just watching others or talking with others without any pressure to do something you may not want to. Either way...being nervous is one thing. Pulling a whole meet because of it is another. Sit and talk, be honest about your feelings and try again if you want to but just be certain it's what you really want. " I'm inclined to agree with a lot of what you say. | |||
"Thats our rules and our views but honestly why should they work for others. You need to find your own path in this lifestyle by talking to each other. All the best!!!" Thank you for this! You make a lot of sense and advice we will definitely follow. Much appreciated xxx | |||
"Hey! Hope everyone reading this is well! I am writing for some advice really. We are new to this so bare with me. I'm looking for a vwe black man for my ladies first experience. We have been together for 10 years and I'm her only sexual partner. We have both discussed doing this in detail, actually met a guy in cap dagde a few months ago but I got a bit anxious and we called it off. I instantly regretted it,but we had a nice talk and although she was disappointed, she understood. Is the feeling of nerves normal? Can anyone suggest how we can get over it easier? We are both excited and bit nervous. Have you got any advice for us to get over the nerves? Could you reccomend a nice man for her first time please? Jamie & Jemma x" My advice has always been 'swinging is more of a marathon, than a sprint' Don't be tough on yourselves and make sure your manage your expectations and as everyone else has said, ensure you communicate your wishes, wants, desires, dos & donts Make sure, as a couple, you discuss your boundaries establishing a variety of hard and soft ones Make sure you are both on the same page at all times - before and during the meet Swinging should be fun. It shouldn't be prescriptive or orchestrated but it often needs to be planned, so allow yourselves enough time to ensure 'its the right time!' If you choose to have your first encounter as a private meet, then do your homework. Read profiles and check that the guy is the right one for you - this is where verifications play a huge part But also be prepared for the guy to check you out too as you have no verifications A social is a perfect first step for all concerned as you are making it very clear that is all you initially want - you can then hopefully arrange your next meet, part ways or drag him home and devour eachother before you finish your cuppa! Alternatively, there's plenty of parties around for you to choose from Again, I'd advise you do your homework, read forums, verifications, and club reviews Feel free to check out the BMFC website as we have loads of info displayed there- comprehensive FAQs, advice, tips & hints, etiquette, dos & donts etc which should apply to anyone attending any swingers party not just a BMFC Party Parties can be a great way of meeting 'real' people without spending hours trawling through profiles on here - but parties aren't for everyone Any good party organiser will manage the guest list to ensure that the male:female ratio is as they advertise, they will source purpose built/designed venues, and they will each have a selection process for their guests too. They will also host the party and be available to assist with any issues or queries during the night However you choose to take things further, just ensure that you discuss all eventualities Remember, not all guests at a party play with other guests. Some go to have sex just with eachother in public (every voyeur needs an exhibitionist) so don't think you have to do everything all at once! However you choose to go forward, remember it should be fun and if its not, well it maybe time to review things | |||
"Hey! Hope everyone reading this is well! I am writing for some advice really. We are new to this so bare with me. I'm looking for a vwe black man for my ladies first experience. We have been together for 10 years and I'm her only sexual partner. We have both discussed doing this in detail, actually met a guy in cap dagde a few months ago but I got a bit anxious and we called it off. I instantly regretted it,but we had a nice talk and although she was disappointed, she understood. Is the feeling of nerves normal? Can anyone suggest how we can get over it easier? We are both excited and bit nervous. Have you got any advice for us to get over the nerves? Could you reccomend a nice man for her first time please? Jamie & Jemma x My advice has always been 'swinging is more of a marathon, than a sprint' Don't be tough on yourselves and make sure your manage your expectations and as everyone else has said, ensure you communicate your wishes, wants, desires, dos & donts Make sure, as a couple, you discuss your boundaries establishing a variety of hard and soft ones Make sure you are both on the same page at all times - before and during the meet Swinging should be fun. It shouldn't be prescriptive or orchestrated but it often needs to be planned, so allow yourselves enough time to ensure 'its the right time!' If you choose to have your first encounter as a private meet, then do your homework. Read profiles and check that the guy is the right one for you - this is where verifications play a huge part But also be prepared for the guy to check you out too as you have no verifications A social is a perfect first step for all concerned as you are making it very clear that is all you initially want - you can then hopefully arrange your next meet, part ways or drag him home and devour eachother before you finish your cuppa! Alternatively, there's plenty of parties around for you to choose from Again, I'd advise you do your homework, read forums, verifications, and club reviews Feel free to check out the BMFC website as we have loads of info displayed there- comprehensive FAQs, advice, tips & hints, etiquette, dos & donts etc which should apply to anyone attending any swingers party not just a BMFC Party Parties can be a great way of meeting 'real' people without spending hours trawling through profiles on here - but parties aren't for everyone Any good party organiser will manage the guest list to ensure that the male:female ratio is as they advertise, they will source purpose built/designed venues, and they will each have a selection process for their guests too. They will also host the party and be available to assist with any issues or queries during the night However you choose to take things further, just ensure that you discuss all eventualities Remember, not all guests at a party play with other guests. Some go to have sex just with eachother in public (every voyeur needs an exhibitionist) so don't think you have to do everything all at once! However you choose to go forward, remember it should be fun and if its not, well it maybe time to review things " That's so incredibly nice of you to respond with so much detail. Each paragraph makes total sense and rules that we will follow! We have both read all the advice you have given us and totally agree with everything. Our first meet will be in private, just feels more comfortable that way for us. We are definitely thinking about going to BMFC if all goes well. It is our first time after all, she has never been with another man. Could you maybe reccomend any nice respectful men for our first time? | |||
"Could you maybe reccomend any nice respectful men for our first time? " Sorry but I would never make any recommendations for the reasons given above - you are not verified, so how could I recommend to a guy that you are a genuine/great couple to hook up with? Sorry if it sounds brutal, but its not just couples who need to have evidence that the guys are real, the guys deserve that information too Walk into a party and you will know for sure that EVERYONE is 100% real. You may not fancy everyone and vice versa but they are real The rest is up to the guests - to chat, flirt and have a giggle and then hopefully click with the one, two three or more ... | |||
"Could you maybe reccomend any nice respectful men for our first time? Sorry but I would never make any recommendations for the reasons given above - you are not verified, so how could I recommend to a guy that you are a genuine/great couple to hook up with? Sorry if it sounds brutal, but its not just couples who need to have evidence that the guys are real, the guys deserve that information too Walk into a party and you will know for sure that EVERYONE is 100% real. You may not fancy everyone and vice versa but they are real The rest is up to the guests - to chat, flirt and have a giggle and then hopefully click with the one, two three or more ... " We are both happy to do a video call with anyone you reccomend. However, we totally understand and respect your position. Thanks again for the advice! | |||
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"^^ people aren't commodities to be recommended to each other like restaurants or holiday destinations. You need to make your own decisions about who you'd like to meet through personal interaction be that face to face or on line. " Didn't mean any offence by that. Just that we would like to find someone we can trust. We have been looking ourselves. I just don't want her to be disappointed by someone letting us down on our first experience with this. | |||
"^^ people aren't commodities to be recommended to each other like restaurants or holiday destinations. You need to make your own decisions about who you'd like to meet through personal interaction be that face to face or on line. Didn't mean any offence by that. Just that we would like to find someone we can trust. We have been looking ourselves. I just don't want her to be disappointed by someone letting us down on our first experience with this." Anyone has the right to say no or call a meet off, as you know. You can't guarantee that you won't be 'let down' even if someone recommends another person. Are you contacting people you're interested in on fab? Why not arrange a coffee date with one or two guys and see if you all get along. Keep in mind that the experience is as much about them as it is about you. | |||
"^^ people aren't commodities to be recommended to each other like restaurants or holiday destinations. You need to make your own decisions about who you'd like to meet through personal interaction be that face to face or on line. Didn't mean any offence by that. Just that we would like to find someone we can trust. We have been looking ourselves. I just don't want her to be disappointed by someone letting us down on our first experience with this." And the other person also deserves to find someone they can trust ... Maybe you need to stop 'looking' and just get yourselves to a party where everyone is real You say that you dont want to be let down but please remember, it was you that called off the first meet | |||
"^^ people aren't commodities to be recommended to each other like restaurants or holiday destinations. You need to make your own decisions about who you'd like to meet through personal interaction be that face to face or on line. Didn't mean any offence by that. Just that we would like to find someone we can trust. We have been looking ourselves. I just don't want her to be disappointed by someone letting us down on our first experience with this. And the other person also deserves to find someone they can trust ... Maybe you need to stop 'looking' and just get yourselves to a party where everyone is real You say that you dont want to be let down but please remember, it was you that called off the first meet " All true, can't argue with that. | |||
"Hey! Hope everyone reading this is well! I am writing for some advice really. We are new to this so bare with me. I'm looking for a vwe black man for my ladies first experience. We have been together for 10 years and I'm her only sexual partner. We have both discussed doing this in detail, actually met a guy in cap dagde a few months ago but I got a bit anxious and we called it off. I instantly regretted it,but we had a nice talk and although she was disappointed, she understood. Is the feeling of nerves normal? Can anyone suggest how we can get over it easier? We are both excited and bit nervous. Have you got any advice for us to get over the nerves? Could you reccomend a nice man for her first time please? Jamie & Jemma x" I’ve been in the scene over 10 years and still get really nervous That’s why I like spontaneous meets at clubs rather that planned meet ups  | |||
"Hey! Hope everyone reading this is well! I am writing for some advice really. We are new to this so bare with me. I'm looking for a vwe black man for my ladies first experience. We have been together for 10 years and I'm her only sexual partner. We have both discussed doing this in detail, actually met a guy in cap dagde a few months ago but I got a bit anxious and we called it off. I instantly regretted it,but we had a nice talk and although she was disappointed, she understood. Is the feeling of nerves normal? Can anyone suggest how we can get over it easier? We are both excited and bit nervous. Have you got any advice for us to get over the nerves? Could you reccomend a nice man for her first time please? Jamie & Jemma x I’ve been in the scene over 10 years and still get really nervous That’s why I like spontaneous meets at clubs rather that planned meet ups "Are you less nervous at clubs? Maybe we will just go to a club then for her first experience x | |||
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