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Message Auto Reply
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I've lost count of the number of ladies profiles I've seen where it is stated "No reply is a reply" (Now by definition it's not a reply but this post isn't about semantics).
I understand this happens because the ladies of the site are swamped do not have the time, energy or message allowance to reply to all but a handful of their hundreds of messages with "Hi, thanks but no thanks"
This leads to multiple messaging from some blokes, anger and abuse from others and general bad feeling.
Could an auto rely button be considered on each messages reply option that a) can be tailored by the user to give their own personalised short "thank you but no thank you" reply and b) not come off their message allowance so they can then use those messages to talk to those that actually interest them.
While it may increase site traffic it would possibly also help reduce the amount of reported profiles.
Thoughts? |
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Is getting the same number of ‘thanks but no thanks’ messages back that you send actually going to make you feel any better than getting no replies?
(Also, if people are going around reporting people that don’t reply to them, that’s wild.) |
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"
(Also, if people are going around reporting people that don’t reply to them, that’s wild.)"
It also shows that not replying was the right choice.
And it explains why important stuff that gets reported doesn't get dealt with quickly. |
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I actually meant ladies having to report the idiot blokes who multiple messages or get arsey.
As for replies of no thanks I'm thinking more along the lines of courtesy and trying to ease the hassle that so many feel on the site rather than some weird trip about getting replies. |
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"I actually meant ladies having to report the idiot blokes who multiple messages or get arsey.
As for replies of no thanks I'm thinking more along the lines of courtesy and trying to ease the hassle that so many feel on the site rather than some weird trip about getting replies."
Ok, fair enough, thank you for the clarification.
But we’re talking about the equivalent of someone shouting ‘hi’ (usually a lot worse tbh) through my letterbox because I’ve put an advert in the newsagent’s window. And even if someone thinks they’ve crafted the perfect first message, the recipient more likely than not, will disagree.
Courtesy is often mentioned on this topic. Why does anyone owe a response, of any kind, when 99 times out of a hundred the sender has shown the recipient zero courtesy by sending a nonsense/rude/copypaste message in the first place? |
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Here's the quote from FAQs (a link to which can be found at the bottom of the home page
.
.
There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!
It's not rude not to reply.
Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here? |
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"Ok, fair enough, thank you for the clarification.
But we’re talking about the equivalent of someone shouting ‘hi’ (usually a lot worse tbh) through my letterbox because I’ve put an advert in the newsagent’s window. And even if someone thinks they’ve crafted the perfect first message, the recipient more likely than not, will disagree.
Courtesy is often mentioned on this topic. Why does anyone owe a response, of any kind, when 99 times out of a hundred the sender has shown the recipient zero courtesy by sending a nonsense/rude/copypaste message in the first place?"
Well maybe looking at that 1% of us that aren't like that with messages. The ones that take time to be polite, pleasant and communicate as we would in a face to face scenario.
And on that point surely if a bloke said hello or complimented you on your outfit in public and was perfectly respectful, would you ignore and just walk off? I doubt it.
It seems social skills on both sides are becoming something of a lost art. Now I'm not saying ladies are anywhere near as bad as some of the blokes on here as I've heard plenty of horror stories but come on, if a bloke is perfectly decent towards you, don't they deserve a small piece of decency?
As for the shouting through your letter box, I don't really agree with that analogy. Yes you've advertised but effectively with a PO Box, Fab is not your doorstep. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 11 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Ok, fair enough, thank you for the clarification.
But we’re talking about the equivalent of someone shouting ‘hi’ (usually a lot worse tbh) through my letterbox because I’ve put an advert in the newsagent’s window. And even if someone thinks they’ve crafted the perfect first message, the recipient more likely than not, will disagree.
Courtesy is often mentioned on this topic. Why does anyone owe a response, of any kind, when 99 times out of a hundred the sender has shown the recipient zero courtesy by sending a nonsense/rude/copypaste message in the first place?
Well maybe looking at that 1% of us that aren't like that with messages. The ones that take time to be polite, pleasant and communicate as we would in a face to face scenario.
And on that point surely if a bloke said hello or complimented you on your outfit in public and was perfectly respectful, would you ignore and just walk off? I doubt it.
It seems social skills on both sides are becoming something of a lost art. Now I'm not saying ladies are anywhere near as bad as some of the blokes on here as I've heard plenty of horror stories but come on, if a bloke is perfectly decent towards you, don't they deserve a small piece of decency?
As for the shouting through your letter box, I don't really agree with that analogy. Yes you've advertised but effectively with a PO Box, Fab is not your doorstep. "
Worry less about the replies you're not getting and focus on the ones you are.
It's not rude, anti social nor wrong to not reply.
Just because you think you are potentially compatible with someone doesn't mean they'll feel the same.
If people can't handle not receiving a response then maybe just don't send messages and sit back and wait for incoming mail?
|
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"
Well maybe looking at that 1% of us that aren't like that with messages. The
And on that point surely if a bloke said hello or complimented you on your outfit in public and was perfectly respectful, would you ignore and just walk off? I doubt it.
It seems social skills on both sides are becoming something of a lost art. Now I'm not saying ladies are anywhere near as bad as some of the blokes on here as I've heard plenty of horror stories but come on, if a bloke is perfectly decent towards you, don't they deserve a small piece of decency?
"
I think we need to move away from the idea that men 'deserve' anything for being what they think of as decent and nice. This implies that women owe men a response or risk being called rude.
By all means pay a woman a compliment or say hi but you know *nothing* about her, nothing. You also do not deserve anything just for being decent, that's the least I would expect of anyone.
Don't decent women *deserve* to be free to not respond to men who think saying hi or telling someone they look nice entitles them to something? |
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By *elkieWoman 11 weeks ago
Durham |
"I've lost count of the number of ladies profiles I've seen where it is stated "No reply is a reply" (Now by definition it's not a reply but this post isn't about semantics).
I understand this happens because the ladies of the site are swamped do not have the time, energy or message allowance to reply to all but a handful of their hundreds of messages with "Hi, thanks but no thanks"
This leads to multiple messaging from some blokes, anger and abuse from others and general bad feeling.
Could an auto rely button be considered on each messages reply option that a) can be tailored by the user to give their own personalised short "thank you but no thank you" reply and b) not come off their message allowance so they can then use those messages to talk to those that actually interest them.
While it may increase site traffic it would possibly also help reduce the amount of reported profiles.
Thoughts?"
The thing that would make me reply to more messages is if the site lost the feature where someone who you have previously replied to can always message you even when your message filters should block them.
The other one would be if men put a question in their message to make it easy to reply to them. |
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Well this has certainly taken a turn. I pose a question about an idea that I thought MAY help site users (and not just the ladies on the site). And I point out normal everyday social etiquette and all of a sudden I'm saying men deserve a reply to messages.
And this is half the problem, assumptions are being made here. At no point did I say men deserve a response. Do not think that men are all the same and feel entitled because we don't. If I felt that way I'd be ranting about not getting replies rather than offering a suggestion that might make life less combative on here.
We ALL deserve to be treated with respect on an individual basis.
If you don't like my suggestion then that's entirely up to you and I respect that. Just don't turn into something it's not. |
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"Well this has certainly taken a turn. I pose a question about an idea that I thought MAY help site users (and not just the ladies on the site). And I point out normal everyday social etiquette and all of a sudden I'm saying men deserve a reply to messages.
And this is half the problem, assumptions are being made here. At no point did I say men deserve a response. Do not think that men are all the same and feel entitled because we don't. If I felt that way I'd be ranting about not getting replies rather than offering a suggestion that might make life less combative on here.
We ALL deserve to be treated with respect on an individual basis.
If you don't like my suggestion then that's entirely up to you and I respect that. Just don't turn into something it's not."
Respect is earned for a start. Your response above saying we wouldn't do it in a face to face situation if a man approached us or gave us a compliment, actually, I would. If a random stranger approached me to say hi or start talking to me, I would walk away and ignore them. It's creepy. I don't go out in public to be approached by random strangers and I can still be a decent human being by ignoring them. I'm not pushing granny's in front of buses or calling everyone a cunt, I was raised with manners and self respect, no one is entitled to my time if I choose not to give it.
Don't speak for everyone assuming we are all rude. |
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Maybe be less precious? Of course it's lovely to get a response but it's easier to send a message then delete it from your sent items and add a private note saying you sent it. Then move on and see what happens patiently, the right person is the one that replies positively, why worry about anyone else? |
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"Well this has certainly taken a turn. I pose a question about an idea that I thought MAY help site users (and not just the ladies on the site). And I point out normal everyday social etiquette and all of a sudden I'm saying men deserve a reply to messages.
And this is half the problem, assumptions are being made here. At no point did I say men deserve a response. Do not think that men are all the same and feel entitled because we don't. If I felt that way I'd be ranting about not getting replies rather than offering a suggestion that might make life less combative on here.
We ALL deserve to be treated with respect on an individual basis.
If you don't like my suggestion then that's entirely up to you and I respect that. Just don't turn into something it's not."
'if a bloke is perfectly decent towards you, don't they deserve a small piece of decency?'
What did you mean by this then if you weren't saying that men deserve a response if they talk to a woman? |
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Whilst I can sympathise with how it must be being a single guy on here and I see where your're coming from, I don't think really it's feasible.
We get, maybe not hundreds, but tens of messages a day, few winks and more likely than not random friend requests out the blue. Now, and my hubby agrees with me on here, most are interested in me as the female and he just comes "as part of the package unfortunately". We often see attention spike when we upload new photos or video.
It is frankly impossible to reply to everyone, even with a "thanks but no thanks". We generally take a cursory glance at the age and location of said messenger. Most are deleted or not replied to if they're out of our age range or other end of the country - we're not travelling to Aberdeen or Cornwall for a shag. If they're somewhat local, or at least commutable distance, within age range, we'll look at profile. If we like what we see on inital viewing, then we may reply.
Some days is easier than others, as some days you get absolutely overwhelmed with messages and others more manageable.
When we first joined the site, we tried to be courteous and reply to everyone even if they weren't our cup of tea. Although some didn't take offence, some did and we got abuse or constant messages from profiles we'd politely turn down.
At the end of the day, there has to be an attraction for all parties.
The way I look at it, your're at the pub and offer to buy a lady a drink. Some will outright ignore you, some will say "no I've got a boyfirend". Ok, it initially stings your pride and hurts but do you follow them around the pub and ask why not? No, you probably think "alright, f you then" and move on.
C xoxo |
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Let’s look at the top three messages in my inbox, which I will paraphrase slightly:
1. Aren’t you a pretty little thing?
2. Hello, great pics.
3. (Paragraph about a kink I specifically say I’m not into on my profile.)
I expect all three senders thought these messages would hit the spot, but unfortunately I completely disagree - they show zero courtesy to me as an individual and what I put in my profile, so I feel within my rights to ignore them. |
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"Let’s look at the top three messages in my inbox, which I will paraphrase slightly:
1. Aren’t you a pretty little thing?
2. Hello, great pics.
3. (Paragraph about a kink I specifically say I’m not into on my profile.)
I expect all three senders thought these messages would hit the spot, but unfortunately I completely disagree - they show zero courtesy to me as an individual and what I put in my profile, so I feel within my rights to ignore them."
·
I think this pretty much sums it up.  |
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The trouble with replying "no thanks" (OP) is that it starts a dialogue and most often leads to further messages from the sender.
If there were an auto response that's what would happen. The only way the auto response you suggest would work is if it blocked sender at the same time. X |
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There is a no thanks button on a different site I use that sends a message along the lines of [Hey, this person has let you know they're not interested, but keep looking, you'll find the right someone for you] which I quite like. It's rare someone persists past that. |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
|
"Let’s look at the top three messages in my inbox, which I will paraphrase slightly:
1. Aren’t you a pretty little thing?
2. Hello, great pics.
3. (Paragraph about a kink I specifically say I’m not into on my profile.)
I expect all three senders thought these messages would hit the spot, but unfortunately I completely disagree - they show zero courtesy to me as an individual and what I put in my profile, so I feel within my rights to ignore them."
Hi. Apologies for jumping in on this. You have a fair point and quite rightly so. However, when a guy has taken the effort to message you politely and respectfully, only to be completely ignored in return, then is it any wonder why so many guys do indeed send the type of messages that you have just given an example of?
This needs to be looked at from both sides. Single women & couples are bombarded with messages from single guys & can’t possibly reply to all, even if it is a ‘thanks but no thanks’. Equally, it’s exhausting for single guys to constantly put effort in to messaging and trying to stand out, only to face an almost certain rejection anyway. |
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"Ok, fair enough, thank you for the clarification.
But we’re talking about the equivalent of someone shouting ‘hi’ (usually a lot worse tbh) through my letterbox because I’ve put an advert in the newsagent’s window. And even if someone thinks they’ve crafted the perfect first message, the recipient more likely than not, will disagree.
Courtesy is often mentioned on this topic. Why does anyone owe a response, of any kind, when 99 times out of a hundred the sender has shown the recipient zero courtesy by sending a nonsense/rude/copypaste message in the first place?
Well maybe looking at that 1% of us that aren't like that with messages. The ones that take time to be polite, pleasant and communicate as we would in a face to face scenario.
And on that point surely if a bloke said hello or complimented you on your outfit in public and was perfectly respectful, would you ignore and just walk off? I doubt it.
It seems social skills on both sides are becoming something of a lost art. Now I'm not saying ladies are anywhere near as bad as some of the blokes on here as I've heard plenty of horror stories but come on, if a bloke is perfectly decent towards you, don't they deserve a small piece of decency?
As for the shouting through your letter box, I don't really agree with that analogy. Yes you've advertised but effectively with a PO Box, Fab is not your doorstep. "
How is receiving an automated no thank you reply making you feel better exactly?
“The recipient of your message has deleted it - thank you for your expression of interest”
Recalibrate your ego |
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By *ucka39Man 11 weeks ago
Newcastle |
"I was on a site years ago that gave 5 standard replies I think, it made it so impersonal it was unbelievable. At points you didn't know if you were messaging a chat bot if you did get reply."
As you've mentioned a chat bot fab doesn't have any, everyone is a human and those humans decide to reply or not |
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By *bi HaiveMan 11 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Let’s look at the top three messages in my inbox, which I will paraphrase slightly:
1. Aren’t you a pretty little thing?
2. Hello, great pics.
3. (Paragraph about a kink I specifically say I’m not into on my profile.)
I expect all three senders thought these messages would hit the spot, but unfortunately I completely disagree - they show zero courtesy to me as an individual and what I put in my profile, so I feel within my rights to ignore them.
Hi. Apologies for jumping in on this. You have a fair point and quite rightly so. However, when a guy has taken the effort to message you politely and respectfully, only to be completely ignored in return, then is it any wonder why so many guys do indeed send the type of messages that you have just given an example of?
This needs to be looked at from both sides. Single women & couples are bombarded with messages from single guys & can’t possibly reply to all, even if it is a ‘thanks but no thanks’. Equally, it’s exhausting for single guys to constantly put effort in to messaging and trying to stand out, only to face an almost certain rejection anyway. "
If someone isn't interested in you because of what's in your profile, your photos, your interests, your veris, your status updates or anything you may have posted on the forums....
Then the message quality/content is irrelevant.
This is probably the one thing many seem to forget or ignore.
Sending a message is your choice, not anyone else's. If they choose not respond that's their right and prerogative. |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
|
"Let’s look at the top three messages in my inbox, which I will paraphrase slightly:
1. Aren’t you a pretty little thing?
2. Hello, great pics.
3. (Paragraph about a kink I specifically say I’m not into on my profile.)
I expect all three senders thought these messages would hit the spot, but unfortunately I completely disagree - they show zero courtesy to me as an individual and what I put in my profile, so I feel within my rights to ignore them.
Hi. Apologies for jumping in on this. You have a fair point and quite rightly so. However, when a guy has taken the effort to message you politely and respectfully, only to be completely ignored in return, then is it any wonder why so many guys do indeed send the type of messages that you have just given an example of?
This needs to be looked at from both sides. Single women & couples are bombarded with messages from single guys & can’t possibly reply to all, even if it is a ‘thanks but no thanks’. Equally, it’s exhausting for single guys to constantly put effort in to messaging and trying to stand out, only to face an almost certain rejection anyway.
If someone isn't interested in you because of what's in your profile, your photos, your interests, your veris, your status updates or anything you may have posted on the forums....
Then the message quality/content is irrelevant.
This is probably the one thing many seem to forget or ignore.
Sending a message is your choice, not anyone else's. If they choose not respond that's their right and prerogative. "
Agreed. But what isn’t right is when women/couples here complain that single guys don’t make any effort and are rude, when plenty of us guys do actually put the effort in.
We seem to all be tarred with the same brush right from the start. |
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"Hi. Apologies for jumping in on this. You have a fair point and quite rightly so. However, when a guy has taken the effort to message you politely and respectfully, only to be completely ignored in return, then is it any wonder why so many guys do indeed send the type of messages that you have just given an example of?"
I don't get the logic.
They're not answering my well thought out messages because they're drowning in spam from people who haven't bothered to read the profile? I guess the only solution here is to join the copy paste spam brigade so they're less inclined to bother giving anyone else a chance either 💜 |
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By *bi HaiveMan 11 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Let’s look at the top three messages in my inbox, which I will paraphrase slightly:
1. Aren’t you a pretty little thing?
2. Hello, great pics.
3. (Paragraph about a kink I specifically say I’m not into on my profile.)
I expect all three senders thought these messages would hit the spot, but unfortunately I completely disagree - they show zero courtesy to me as an individual and what I put in my profile, so I feel within my rights to ignore them.
Hi. Apologies for jumping in on this. You have a fair point and quite rightly so. However, when a guy has taken the effort to message you politely and respectfully, only to be completely ignored in return, then is it any wonder why so many guys do indeed send the type of messages that you have just given an example of?
This needs to be looked at from both sides. Single women & couples are bombarded with messages from single guys & can’t possibly reply to all, even if it is a ‘thanks but no thanks’. Equally, it’s exhausting for single guys to constantly put effort in to messaging and trying to stand out, only to face an almost certain rejection anyway.
If someone isn't interested in you because of what's in your profile, your photos, your interests, your veris, your status updates or anything you may have posted on the forums....
Then the message quality/content is irrelevant.
This is probably the one thing many seem to forget or ignore.
Sending a message is your choice, not anyone else's. If they choose not respond that's their right and prerogative.
Agreed. But what isn’t right is when women/couples here complain that single guys don’t make any effort and are rude, when plenty of us guys do actually put the effort in.
We seem to all be tarred with the same brush right from the start."
Why do people assume they're being tarred with a brush due to anyone other than themselves?
I'm responsible for me. Nobody else's actions or behaviour on here reflects on me and I don't impact anyone else's experience.
That always comes across as a convenient cop out to me. 🤷♂️ |
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"
Why do people assume they're being tarred with a brush due to anyone other than themselves?
I'm responsible for me. Nobody else's actions or behaviour on here reflects on me and I don't impact anyone else's experience.
That always comes across as a convenient cop out to me. 🤷♂️ "
A bit like "oh well, it's their loss"
Actually it isn't, they don't want to interact with you like you do with them. They haven't, that's a win for them. |
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I'm quite happy that no reply is a reply. I do occasionally get a thanks, but no thanks from some people, but I don't really feel any better for that than if I received no reply to be honest. Once I received a rather scathing 'what made you think you could message me' reply, again, didn't bother me, move onto someone else. Hmm, there's an idea, maybe we should have 2 buttons, a 'polite decline' and an 'I think I'm out of your league' button? |
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so no response kills the chat which is still being respectful.
No body asked for a message and don't automatically deserve a reply 