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Fantasy vs reality
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Met a couple recently,(they're aren't on fab). They both said it was their fantasy for her to be with someone while he watched. You can tell they were nervous so I was really careful to be patient and kept my eye on them both at every stage waiting for the nod to keep going.
From the get go she definitely was into it and started to really enjoy it. 5 mins in he said " wow I'd have been done by now " he said he'd join in but was very hesitant to. When he finally did there definitely was a size difference between us and I think that bothered him. He couldn't get hard no matter what she did. I asked him to just come lay with us and talk and try take his mind off the tension, even offered to give them time alone all of which he refused. They were both very friendly and polite and she very much enjoyed it .
I guess the fantasy should have just remained that. I hope they're OK.
Anyone else experience this? |
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By *bi HaiveMan 11 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"It happens, it's not a big deal, performance anxiety can get the best of many men especially on their 1st time.
As long as everyone still had fun it's all good."
This.
Some men get performance anxiety just from having another guy in the room. Comparing cock sizes definitely doesn't help. For those new to the scene there's the added pressure of nerves and unfamiliarity.
Most get over it after a while. Some don't.
I always encourage the couple to spend time focusing on eachother as much as involving me. Makes for a more relaxed environment for them, keeps everyone involved and also gives me a chance for a breather now and then. |
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"Met a couple recently,(they're aren't on fab). They both said it was their fantasy for her to be with someone while he watched. You can tell they were nervous so I was really careful to be patient and kept my eye on them both at every stage waiting for the nod to keep going.
From the get go she definitely was into it and started to really enjoy it. 5 mins in he said " wow I'd have been done by now " he said he'd join in but was very hesitant to. When he finally did there definitely was a size difference between us and I think that bothered him. He couldn't get hard no matter what she did. I asked him to just come lay with us and talk and try take his mind off the tension, even offered to give them time alone all of which he refused. They were both very friendly and polite and she very much enjoyed it .
I guess the fantasy should have just remained that. I hope they're OK.
Anyone else experience this?"
It's happened to us a few times with couples.
If its brought up by them we always respond.
Do you have a problem when alone with your wife, if not, then you don't have a problem.
It's happened to Paul a few times but generally because the lady is too rough.
Rough as in not too gentle.  |
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"It happens, it's not a big deal, performance anxiety can get the best of many men especially on their 1st time.
As long as everyone still had fun it's all good.
This.
Some men get performance anxiety just from having another guy in the room. Comparing cock sizes definitely doesn't help. For those new to the scene there's the added pressure of nerves and unfamiliarity.
Most get over it after a while. Some don't.
I always encourage the couple to spend time focusing on eachother as much as involving me. Makes for a more relaxed environment for them, keeps everyone involved and also gives me a chance for a breather now and then."
We ( myself and wife) really tried to encourage him to spend time with just them two but he insisted he would watch then join in when he's ready. I definitely think he wasn't ready for the reality but she 100% was |
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By *oxy jWoman 11 weeks ago
taunton somerset |
most on fab are fantasy and fantasy only very few are real lifestyle swingers / other kinks ...
we avoid the fantasy /roleplay crowd we want to meet real lifestyle funsters only ...no baggage unlike alot of those into fantasy/roleplay only |
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"most on fab are fantasy and fantasy only very few are real lifestyle swingers / other kinks ...
we avoid the fantasy /roleplay crowd we want to meet real lifestyle funsters only ...no baggage unlike alot of those into fantasy/roleplay only"
But doesn't the lifestyle start off from a fantasy? Avoiding fantasists is un avoidable? |
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By *oxy jWoman 11 weeks ago
taunton somerset |
"most on fab are fantasy and fantasy only very few are real lifestyle swingers / other kinks ...
we avoid the fantasy /roleplay crowd we want to meet real lifestyle funsters only ...no baggage unlike alot of those into fantasy/roleplay only
But doesn't the lifestyle start off from a fantasy? Avoiding fantasists is un avoidable?"
no i and hubby wanted to try things from a ''real'' point of view nothing we do sexually is from fantasy/roleplay to us its real get on with it not pretend fantasy roleplay .... we do not dream when it comes to sex |
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There's a lot of 'I think' in what you're saying. He was saying what he wanted to do while you and his wife were trying to persuade him to do otherwise. It's entirely possible that he was really enjoying himself but nerves got the better of him and he wasn't comparing himself or not ready for the reality. |
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"There's a lot of 'I think' in what you're saying. He was saying what he wanted to do while you and his wife were trying to persuade him to do otherwise. It's entirely possible that he was really enjoying himself but nerves got the better of him and he wasn't comparing himself or not ready for the reality. "
I agree we were trying to get him to relax, join us as this was his initial wish. He kept saying he was happy watching and everytime he tried to join in he just couldn't get hard. We even stopped and said let's just chat. |
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I had very similar experience with one of my exes. We talked about a threesome, and we decided to meet a guy through here. On a meet, my ex struggled to even join us at first, then once he did join us, he couldn't get hard. So yes, it happens, swinging is not for everyone. |
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"I had very similar experience with one of my exes. We talked about a threesome, and we decided to meet a guy through here. On a meet, my ex struggled to even join us at first, then once he did join us, he couldn't get hard. So yes, it happens, swinging is not for everyone. "
Is he still in lifestyle or stopped completely |
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Typically those situations is a conversation difference rather than performance. She's probably never told him how he doesn't last long enough to satisfy her. Assuming it's simply about cock size is probably just as irrelevant. From only your narrative he seems really insecure and that is definitely a sexual turn off. You too offered them the opportunity to reconnect while the moment was going and he refused. That probably was also more of a turn on for her perspective as well simply because you were assessing the situation and doing something about it which again he seemingly refused to do. Poor woman I hope she and he gave an honest conversation going forward because after getting a taste of better it's hard to go back to mediocre. |
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"most on fab are fantasy and fantasy only very few are real lifestyle swingers / other kinks ...
we avoid the fantasy /roleplay crowd we want to meet real lifestyle funsters only ...no baggage unlike alot of those into fantasy/roleplay only
But doesn't the lifestyle start off from a fantasy? Avoiding fantasists is un avoidable?
no i and hubby wanted to try things from a ''real'' point of view nothing we do sexually is from fantasy/roleplay to us its real get on with it not pretend fantasy roleplay .... we do not dream when it comes to sex "
It's a major issue with UK "swingers" most are into temporary escapes rather than it being who they are and what they are. That's why it's called a lifestyle in the states and not just a one off tick box as it is here. |
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"most on fab are fantasy and fantasy only very few are real lifestyle swingers / other kinks ...
we avoid the fantasy /roleplay crowd we want to meet real lifestyle funsters only ...no baggage unlike alot of those into fantasy/roleplay only
But doesn't the lifestyle start off from a fantasy? Avoiding fantasists is un avoidable?
no i and hubby wanted to try things from a ''real'' point of view nothing we do sexually is from fantasy/roleplay to us its real get on with it not pretend fantasy roleplay .... we do not dream when it comes to sex
It's a major issue with UK "swingers" most are into temporary escapes rather than it being who they are and what they are. That's why it's called a lifestyle in the states and not just a one off tick box as it is here."
Interesting, I think porn has a part to play in this, creating false impressions of what it actually is |
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"most on fab are fantasy and fantasy only very few are real lifestyle swingers / other kinks ...
we avoid the fantasy /roleplay crowd we want to meet real lifestyle funsters only ...no baggage unlike alot of those into fantasy/roleplay only
But doesn't the lifestyle start off from a fantasy? Avoiding fantasists is un avoidable?
no i and hubby wanted to try things from a ''real'' point of view nothing we do sexually is from fantasy/roleplay to us its real get on with it not pretend fantasy roleplay .... we do not dream when it comes to sex
It's a major issue with UK "swingers" most are into temporary escapes rather than it being who they are and what they are. That's why it's called a lifestyle in the states and not just a one off tick box as it is here.
Interesting, I think porn has a part to play in this, creating false impressions of what it actually is"
Very true.
Some single guys, mainly younger guys who are sexually inexperienced can tend to use porn as a litmus test of real intimacy and sexual acts.
Sadly, for most of us, porn is an act.
By all means act out porn if the partner is agreeable but never think or presume its real.
|
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"most on fab are fantasy and fantasy only very few are real lifestyle swingers / other kinks ...
we avoid the fantasy /roleplay crowd we want to meet real lifestyle funsters only ...no baggage unlike alot of those into fantasy/roleplay only
But doesn't the lifestyle start off from a fantasy? Avoiding fantasists is un avoidable?
no i and hubby wanted to try things from a ''real'' point of view nothing we do sexually is from fantasy/roleplay to us its real get on with it not pretend fantasy roleplay .... we do not dream when it comes to sex
It's a major issue with UK "swingers" most are into temporary escapes rather than it being who they are and what they are. That's why it's called a lifestyle in the states and not just a one off tick box as it is here.
Interesting, I think porn has a part to play in this, creating false impressions of what it actually is
Very true.
Some single guys, mainly younger guys who are sexually inexperienced can tend to use porn as a litmus test of real intimacy and sexual acts.
Sadly, for most of us, porn is an act.
By all means act out porn if the partner is agreeable but never think or presume its real.
"
Don't ruin their delusions lol |
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Every occasion and sexual engagement is different and this couple probably understand that. We also reflect on what's happened and what we might do differently.
If something is excruciating, painful or causes harm, we'll be more reluctant to try it again. But if it's just the kind of thing that's stressful and results in stress or anxiety related effects, then we'll more likely learn and try differently, though won't have first time nerves, which can often be the worst |
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"I had very similar experience with one of my exes. We talked about a threesome, and we decided to meet a guy through here. On a meet, my ex struggled to even join us at first, then once he did join us, he couldn't get hard. So yes, it happens, swinging is not for everyone.
Is he still in lifestyle or stopped completely "
I have no idea, we broke up not long after that experience - it had nothing to do with the threesome, we just realised we weren't really compatible. |
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By *AYENCouple 11 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
"It happens, it's not a big deal, performance anxiety can get the best of many men especially on their 1st time.
As long as everyone still had fun it's all good.
This.
Some men get performance anxiety just from having another guy in the room. Comparing cock sizes definitely doesn't help. For those new to the scene there's the added pressure of nerves and unfamiliarity.
Most get over it after a while. Some don't.
I always encourage the couple to spend time focusing on eachother as much as involving me. Makes for a more relaxed environment for them, keeps everyone involved and also gives me a chance for a breather now and then.
We ( myself and wife) really tried to encourage him to spend time with just them two but he insisted he would watch then join in when he's ready. I definitely think he wasn't ready for the reality but she 100% was "
It sounds like he might have felt a bit inadequate and insecure, and the more you and the wife tried to persuade him to do something he didn't want to do the more it spiralled.
We both only have fantasies we'd actually enjoy in reality, so it was easy for us both from the very go, but I think for many it's blurred.
If the pleasure was greater than the 'pain' I expect he'll get over it. K. |
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"most on fab are fantasy and fantasy only very few are real lifestyle swingers / other kinks ...
we avoid the fantasy /roleplay crowd we want to meet real lifestyle funsters only ...no baggage unlike alot of those into fantasy/roleplay only
But doesn't the lifestyle start off from a fantasy? Avoiding fantasists is un avoidable?
no i and hubby wanted to try things from a ''real'' point of view nothing we do sexually is from fantasy/roleplay to us its real get on with it not pretend fantasy roleplay .... we do not dream when it comes to sex
It's a major issue with UK "swingers" most are into temporary escapes rather than it being who they are and what they are. That's why it's called a lifestyle in the states and not just a one off tick box as it is here.
Interesting, I think porn has a part to play in this, creating false impressions of what it actually is
Very true.
Some single guys, mainly younger guys who are sexually inexperienced can tend to use porn as a litmus test of real intimacy and sexual acts.
Sadly, for most of us, porn is an act.
By all means act out porn if the partner is agreeable but never think or presume its real.
Don't ruin their delusions lol"
Haha.
Sadly, in life, Mr Reality always comes knocking on your door.
For some of us it's in our late teens / twenties and we discover that alien world of maturity, but for some poor wretches it comes later on and is a difficult pill to swallow. |
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