FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > What Should I do?
What Should I do?
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Hi There ,
Quite a few weeks I have been on here . I have given up and almost don't know what to do.
I don't get engagement or replies or even views.
I tey to engage and be polite I never jump off to obscene recommendation, anyone help me on what should I do or should I just give up on here since I am brown and no one wants that apprently |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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There's 2 other threads asking for advice and there's some good replies
Use the search function to search for profile advice
Get involved in the forums
Don't rely on the site
|
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"There's 2 other threads asking for advice and there's some good replies
Use the search function to search for profile advice
Get involved in the forums
Don't rely on the site
"
I am using others' advice as well but it just doesn't seem to work for me people ghost me nonetheless and its left me feeling like the problem is just me |
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"There's 2 other threads asking for advice and there's some good replies
Use the search function to search for profile advice
Get involved in the forums
Don't rely on the site
I am using others' advice as well but it just doesn't seem to work for me people ghost me nonetheless and its left me feeling like the problem is just me "
You are 24. Most people on here have kids your age or older. Get yourself out to bars and clubs and meet people that way.
You need thick skin to be on here and it looks like you are struggling after only being here a short time.
Best of luck for the future  |
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"There's 2 other threads asking for advice and there's some good replies
Use the search function to search for profile advice
Get involved in the forums
Don't rely on the site
I am using others' advice as well but it just doesn't seem to work for me people ghost me nonetheless and its left me feeling like the problem is just me
You are 24. Most people on here have kids your age or older. Get yourself out to bars and clubs and meet people that way.
You need thick skin to be on here and it looks like you are struggling after only being here a short time.
Best of luck for the future "
So is it just my age ? Cause I do see a lot of youngins get a lot of action here , I dont even get conversation, I am not trying to be argumentative , hope you understand my problem |
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Look for people who are interested in someone like you.
It's essential to have realistic expectations here, to keep level headed and confident. Most people are not mutually compatible with most other people. Hold this truth at the forefront of your mind.
Look at the posts from the multitude of single men here, thinking it's this, that or the other reason stopping them getting what they expected, unrealistically here. Take the advice and tips on board. |
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There are over 41000 profiles online at the moment and you are just one of them. 2 to 3 months is no time at all on here so as a previous poster said, maybe get out into the real world and interact with people.
Good luck. |
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"Look for people who are interested in someone like you.
It's essential to have realistic expectations here, to keep level headed and confident. Most people are not mutually compatible with most other people. Hold this truth at the forefront of your mind.
Look at the posts from the multitude of single men here, thinking it's this, that or the other reason stopping them getting what they expected, unrealistically here. Take the advice and tips on board. "
Thanks this was very helpful still I feel its very vague , I have managed to politely contact a lot number or couples or women who would be interested in my features as I go through their bios , but the end result is same they ghosted me |
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"There are over 41000 profiles online at the moment and you are just one of them. 2 to 3 months is no time at all on here so as a previous poster said, maybe get out into the real world and interact with people.
Good luck."
Thanks, this is where I come to be different, day to day life I meet people and they behave differently, this is the site where I struggle |
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"There are over 41000 profiles online at the moment and you are just one of them. 2 to 3 months is no time at all on here so as a previous poster said, maybe get out into the real world and interact with people.
Good luck.
Thanks, this is where I come to be different, day to day life I meet people and they behave differently, this is the site where I struggle"
Then concentrate on day to day life...you know it makes sense. |
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By *ppicplCouple 13 weeks ago
Glasgow |
I’m sorry to hear this is getting you down. I don’t have any answers as such but I hear it’s particularly difficult for lots of single men. We’re fairly new to this and although as a couple we’re privileged to get lots of messages and attention (simply because there are more men than women on the site) you’d be amazed even then how much work it takes to get a meet. In my last 5 attempted meets 4 were cancelled/stood us up and one guy’s behaviour was so bizarre that a fun meet was impossible. So hours of planning is often wasted and as working parents we don’t have much free time to start with. What I’m trying to say is that people aren’t necessarily looking at your profile and thinking ‘he’s no good’ they’re possibly wading through dozens of messages from time wasters and fantasists and finding it overwhelming and confusing. The only thing I can think to suggest is to see if there are any group based socials in your area. We’ve only been to one but it was super-friendly and the women seemed to outnumber men. I really hope your racial background isn’t a factor but of course there are bigots out there - we’ve always been delighted to meet people of all backgrounds, cultures, religions etc., … to repeat what others have said - try to maintain outside interests too, Fab can be a dark place |
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"I’m sorry to hear this is getting you down. I don’t have any answers as such but I hear it’s particularly difficult for lots of single men. We’re fairly new to this and although as a couple we’re privileged to get lots of messages and attention (simply because there are more men than women on the site) you’d be amazed even then how much work it takes to get a meet. In my last 5 attempted meets 4 were cancelled/stood us up and one guy’s behaviour was so bizarre that a fun meet was impossible. So hours of planning is often wasted and as working parents we don’t have much free time to start with. What I’m trying to say is that people aren’t necessarily looking at your profile and thinking ‘he’s no good’ they’re possibly wading through dozens of messages from time wasters and fantasists and finding it overwhelming and confusing. The only thing I can think to suggest is to see if there are any group based socials in your area. We’ve only been to one but it was super-friendly and the women seemed to outnumber men. I really hope your racial background isn’t a factor but of course there are bigots out there - we’ve always been delighted to meet people of all backgrounds, cultures, religions etc., … to repeat what others have said - try to maintain outside interests too, Fab can be a dark place "
Thanks for your kind response, this makes sense a lot , but I still cannot fathom as to how much effort I take to read through hours of bios and then send a text just for them to ignore even though I match their criteria , its just so disheartening to see, even I would like to think its not a race thing but I do see patterns and they are not the good ones , hopefully get some activeness here soon enough ! 🤞 |
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Just because you want something to happen, doesn’t mean it will. YOU may think you match their bio, the recipient may not.
YOU may think your message is what they want, the recipient may not.
As a single man you are in a huge pool of others.
Single women and couples have the ability to choose in a way that is very much stacked against single men being successful.
If you dont have a thick skin on here, lots of patience and well developed resilience you’ll flounder.
If its getting you down it may not be the best place for you.
You just need to accept no one on here owes you anything and whatever you do get, if anything, should be viewed as a bonus, not an entitlement. |
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"I’m sorry to hear this is getting you down. I don’t have any answers as such but I hear it’s particularly difficult for lots of single men. We’re fairly new to this and although as a couple we’re privileged to get lots of messages and attention (simply because there are more men than women on the site) you’d be amazed even then how much work it takes to get a meet. In my last 5 attempted meets 4 were cancelled/stood us up and one guy’s behaviour was so bizarre that a fun meet was impossible. So hours of planning is often wasted and as working parents we don’t have much free time to start with. What I’m trying to say is that people aren’t necessarily looking at your profile and thinking ‘he’s no good’ they’re possibly wading through dozens of messages from time wasters and fantasists and finding it overwhelming and confusing. The only thing I can think to suggest is to see if there are any group based socials in your area. We’ve only been to one but it was super-friendly and the women seemed to outnumber men. I really hope your racial background isn’t a factor but of course there are bigots out there - we’ve always been delighted to meet people of all backgrounds, cultures, religions etc., … to repeat what others have said - try to maintain outside interests too, Fab can be a dark place
Thanks for your kind response, this makes sense a lot , but I still cannot fathom as to how much effort I take to read through hours of bios and then send a text just for them to ignore even though I match their criteria , its just so disheartening to see, even I would like to think its not a race thing but I do see patterns and they are not the good ones , hopefully get some activeness here soon enough ! 🤞"
Nobody owes anybody else anything, especially their body. You may think you meet their criteria, they do not agree. Go and meet people in real life, at your age most people are single with no ties it should be easier to meet. Good luck. |
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Guys I realise no one owes me anything or any reply , I am just flustered at the thought that no one would like to talk, unlike you guys you are actually having a conversation here, literally no person does that with me ofc after i send them my face pic , my concern is not attitude rather human |
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"Guys I realise no one owes me anything or any reply , I am just flustered at the thought that no one would like to talk, unlike you guys you are actually having a conversation here, literally no person does that with me ofc after i send them my face pic , my concern is not attitude rather human"
Everyone uses fab for their own reasons though. Me personally I don’t come on fab to chat, as I don’t use it to meet. I prefer clubs so chatting in my inbox just bores me to be honest. I do like the forums though. |
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"Hi There ,
Quite a few weeks I have been on here . I have given up and almost don't know what to do.
I don't get engagement or replies or even views.
I tey to engage and be polite I never jump off to obscene recommendation, anyone help me on what should I do or should I just give up on here since I am brown and no one wants that apprently"
Lower your expectations buddy. Expect nothing at all. Or... Join a different site... Or better still go to the office / pub / gym and do it old school. |
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OP don’t know if it makes you feel better but we get ghosted all the time, people are short on time and focus on what excites them at the time. We don’t let it get to us
We mostly meet at clubs now, it’s just easier |
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By *NLOS123Man 13 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
I have read this post a few times and am working out the best way to reply
Your profile has one photo and a very run of the mill bio where you refer to being demanding
You’ve been on here a short time
What were or are your expectations?
That within a few weeks you’d be meeting and talking to loads. It takes time and for many it doesn’t happen at all
Whether skin colour or height or weight or looks or anything else everyone has a choice of who they like and want to firstly interact with and potentially meet.
If you focus on one area then you’ll miss the others
How your profile is written, the headline you were displaying yesterday will help people make the decision also |
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By *enk15Man 13 weeks ago
Evesham |
Patience.
Find organized socials if you are comfortable with it.
Patience.
Engage positively in the forums. This has lead to more interaction for me than direct messaging.
Did I mention patience?
As a side note, if the site is affecting you mentally, lowering your self esteem or anything like that. Try taking a step back.
When the fun stops, stop. |
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Ignoring the fact you are only 24 which would be a no from me straight away as I don't meet anyone younger than my son. Your profile is very basic with only one photo. You haven't set an age range, would you really meet someone of 99?
You don't say on your bio what you do bring to the meet and you say you are demanding, that's not attractive.
Also remove the pointless line about not being able to use your pics etc. |
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Don't blame things you cannot do anything about (height, race, colour, dick size) just because things aren't going the way you want them to. Different things appeal to different people, what attracts one, puts off another. Instead concentrate on what you can influence, eg. One photo taken in a lift isn't exactly enticing, imaginative or appealing.
As other people have stated, your age goes against you on here, you'll probably have better luck on POF, Tinder etc, but even then you have to put the effort in.
If you walk into a bar , do you expect all the women you like in there to want to talk to you? If not why do you on this site. Everybody has a choice, but to be honest you'll probably have a better chance of success getting out there than trawling round this site. |
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'Can be demanding' ?, that might put off a few  ..
Keep chatting, winking, fabbing photos (on profiles and 'new photos'), don't be pushy. Set up various searches, various distances. Sometimes they give different results for odd reasons. Post positive forum posts. Get out in clubs but don't expect sex, chill, smile, chat to others then ask politely if they'll verify you on here (have profile name cards ready as many forget). We have been here for a decade with a couple and single guy profile. It's even harder now than it used to be !  |
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By *andb69Couple 13 weeks ago
leeds |
"There's 2 other threads asking for advice and there's some good replies
Use the search function to search for profile advice
Get involved in the forums
Don't rely on the site
I am using others' advice as well but it just doesn't seem to work for me people ghost me nonetheless and its left me feeling like the problem is just me
You are 24. Most people on here have kids your age or older. Get yourself out to bars and clubs and meet people that way.
You need thick skin to be on here and it looks like you are struggling after only being here a short time.
Best of luck for the future
So is it just my age ? Cause I do see a lot of youngins get a lot of action here , I dont even get conversation, I am not trying to be argumentative , hope you understand my problem"
I don't think it's your age (although it might be for some people it certainly isn't an issue for us), I think it's because you are too reliant on Fab to break into the swinging scene. In all honesty we think the best way for single guys (of any age) is to join a local swingers club: As long as you're clean, polite, friendly and respectful you'll be invited to play with couples. That will gain you some verifications and open up your swinging opportunities. Even after the length of time we have been on Fab we still make most of our contacts through the clubs, and use Fab to stay in touch. |
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You need a reality check I'm afraid.
I'm.just going to point out a few facts. What you do with them is up to you.
1) The site is about 75% single men. The odds are not in your favour.
2) This isn't like Amazon. You can just come online and expecto click buttons and get what you want. It takes effort and time. Some people never get meets through fab. I'm one of them....but I still get meets. Just not through fab.
3) You're young as swingers go. I started at 22 with my wife. It wasn't easy, especially when we just wanted to meet women and things like Fab didn't exist. Got easier in our 30s but we had to learn how this works.
4) The best results come from social not online interactions. I'd say go try one of the clubs in Leeds but you won't find many in your age range. I only know few who do the clubs and some clubs are a bit finicky about ages. Alternatively do one of the social events but eitherway, the online stuff is a waste of time.
Good.luck.
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"Hi Thanks everyone for your lovely responses , got a lot of feedback and Info on how to move ahead. Hopefully I understand all this and it works out"
Please take this advice as being honest and genuine. The Internet is not your friend when it comes to swinging, the answer to meeting people is to get out to clubs, parties and social events and meet people. On here you are one very small fish in a very large shoal of fishes. Real life is very different, we meet people we wouldn't have looked at twice on here and had a great time with then. Real world beats online all the time... good luck |
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"Hi There ,
Quite a few weeks I have been on here . I have given up and almost don't know what to do.
I don't get engagement or replies or even views.
I tey to engage and be polite I never jump off to obscene recommendation, anyone help me on what should I do or should I just give up on here since I am brown and no one wants that apprently"
Hello there.
I think that you are conflating your desire to meet people with an expectation that by joining a swinging site you will meet people.
In fairness, you acknowledge that you have only been a member for a short time. Developing a rapport with folks can take time and you must expect knock backs along the way. While it is frustrating to be ghosted, it’s also a commonly reported experience so don’t take it personally, and certainly don’t assume it’s because of your skin tone.
It’s more likely your youth, to be fair. |
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By *riel13Woman 13 weeks ago
Northampton |
You will get a reply once you message someone that finds you attractive... Then you might get a meet if that attraction remains once talking... And if what you are both looking for is the same... Unfortunately with the amount of women on here to the amount of men, that is way more difficult than most anticipate when joining... It doesn't mean you are ugly or any other terrible thing... It just means your people haven't found you yetbor you haven't found them... And tbh... You might not... It's just as difficult the other way around... It's rarely a place where people will have sex with absolutely anyone that asks... So lowering your expectations is the only way you will be ok on here |
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Pity you’ve blocked men from messaging. They might have given you some private advice. After all, what can they say that doesn’t prevent you from instantly blocking them?
PS. It’s not your skin colour - you’ve chosen that because it’s not anything you can change. |
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"Pity you’ve blocked men from messaging. They might have given you some private advice. After all, what can they say that doesn’t prevent you from instantly blocking them?
PS. It’s not your skin colour - you’ve chosen that because it’s not anything you can change. "
Yeah I do agree with what you say , its just that some man tried scamming me and later on I was suggested by someone to off the text by men feature but looking at the advice given by all the gentlemen here I might as well turn it on. |
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