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Too fussy
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 15 weeks ago
Glasgow |
Do you reckon you can be too fussy on Fab?
We are looking for people around our age who are in reasonable shape and reasonably educated. Basically similar to our vanilla friends.
It seems to be a small niche that we can’t seem to find but we can’t help what we find attractive. We are beginning to think maybe we won’t find what we are looking for.
Are we just being too fussy ? Do the type of people we are looking for actually make up a decent proportion of the swinging community or are we chasing unicorns?
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I don’t think you’re being fussy at all
We are all attracted to a certain look and add a personality in with that and we/you are at a very good starting point
Whether that particular look or body style or personality is currently on here, well that’s a different matter.
But why would anyone want to sleep with someone they are not physically or mentally attracted to or both, I personally don’t get, but that’s up to them |
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I'm picky, but I'd rather that than meet people I know I won't fancy.
It's hard to find other couples or partner swaps. So many don't have pics of the man, so we rule those out immediately.There would be nothing to attract me to those profiles at all.
When we're more active, we prefer a club or social as a way to meet other couples. |
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I think all online dating/meeting/sex sites and apps make people too fussy just because theres so much choice.
We reject many many people that if we met in person and got to know a bit we'd play with
I'm not saying it's bad but personality etc doesn't come across well so you make more physical and sometimes quite random decisions! |
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This is part of the reason that we prefer clubs and organised socials. It's too easy on here to base things on looks alone.
When you meet someone in person it's a lot easier to tell if they have that certain something about them that you connect with.
Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy. |
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"This is part of the reason that we prefer clubs and organised socials. It's too easy on here to base things on looks alone.
When you meet someone in person it's a lot easier to tell if they have that certain something about them that you connect with.
Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy. "
I do agree with you
The social side is so important and it’s so much easier to meet people you are attractive to both physically and mentally at a club
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Having your preferences and knowing what/who you want and being prepared to wait for it/them is not fussy.
Why would anyone meet with someone they don't find attractive or actually want to spend time with?
I've been accused of being too fussy in the past but funnily enough that's only by the people I say no to.
They use it to try and make you rethink your choices.
If you are are happy with your own choices and decisions then that's all that matters. |
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I don’t think you can be ‘too fussy’ when it comes to sexual attraction - you either fancy them or you don’t..
A question though - are you both equally fussy? Or one more than the other?
Couples finding other couples equally attractive must be a minefield - too many variables I guess? |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 15 weeks ago
Glasgow |
" …
Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy.
I do agree with you
The social side is so important and it’s so much easier to meet people you are attractive to both physically and mentally at a club
"
Yes the social side is important and we have been to a club, big social and we’re currently in PDI so went to a couple of swingers bars. In PDI we really struggled to find a couple we both found attractive and unless people knew each other everyone was just sitting around in couples drinking. We didn’t feel there was anyone we wanted to approach enough to even find out their personality.
To us it seemed like sitting in a Wetherspoons when we were hoping it would be a sexy wine bar. In the bars whilst lovely people, there was almost always one member of the couple who we’d say was seriously out of shape. As we looked around we could not see any couple where we’d both be interested in swapping. That sounds so judgemental and we’re no oil painting ourselves but if you don’t like overweight people or smokers then, in your 50s, it tough to find people unless you lower your expectations. We wonder if we are expecting too much but then we have lots of in shape vanilla friends, but not swingers , so we persist because we have found the odd diamond. Maybe this just isn’t for us either. |
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When I came to fab I was generally attracted to my 'type' but along the way I started to meet people that made me question where I got that type from. I was pleasantly surprised that as I challenged myself to question my where my bias comes from I also began to find a wider range of women attractive and for different reasons than I was accustomed to.
I'm not suggesting you lower you standards. But it's no harm to question them. |
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By *SCouple81Couple 15 weeks ago
Between Edinburgh and Scottish Borders |
" …
Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy.
I do agree with you
The social side is so important and it’s so much easier to meet people you are attractive to both physically and mentally at a club
Yes the social side is important and we have been to a club, big social and we’re currently in PDI so went to a couple of swingers bars. In PDI we really struggled to find a couple we both found attractive and unless people knew each other everyone was just sitting around in couples drinking. We didn’t feel there was anyone we wanted to approach enough to even find out their personality.
To us it seemed like sitting in a Wetherspoons when we were hoping it would be a sexy wine bar. In the bars whilst lovely people, there was almost always one member of the couple who we’d say was seriously out of shape. As we looked around we could not see any couple where we’d both be interested in swapping. That sounds so judgemental and we’re no oil painting ourselves but if you don’t like overweight people or smokers then, in your 50s, it tough to find people unless you lower your expectations. We wonder if we are expecting too much but then we have lots of in shape vanilla friends, but not swingers , so we persist because we have found the odd diamond. Maybe this just isn’t for us either. "
We have similar feeling in any swingers club. To be fair the ones in GC are much better than UK but it's still quite difficult to find a couple that we are both attracted to. |
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When I was with the ex, we found that generally we made better ‘couple’ connections by attending club nights as you got to know the person, not just the look.
Everyone has their own criteria, but you can’t really get to know someone from a few messages on here, they may look great, write great messages, but that ‘something’ isn’t there when you meet.
Likewise, we met people in clubs and hit it off big time that we likely would have filed under ‘unsuitable ‘ on a site if they’d messaged us. Indeed, some people in that category went on to be great friends and regular playmates.
We always found the sites better for meeting singles for ‘quick fucks’ almost where we never wanted anything more than sexual satisfaction. |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 15 weeks ago
Glasgow |
"
When I came to fab I was generally attracted to my 'type' but along the way I started to meet people that made me question where I got that type from. I was pleasantly surprised that as I challenged myself to question my where my bias comes from I also began to find a wider range of women attractive and for different reasons than I was accustomed to.
I'm not suggesting you lower you standards. But it's no harm to question them."
Yes it’s always good to question your preconceptions and we have. Unfortunately we’ve found we are attracted to similar people to ourselves. Wife has played with a few rough round the edges guys who she would not normally play with but in the end did not like the experience. Husband has played with a few girls who were a bit different than he’d go for but ultimately there was not the same level of turn on.
If you have a list of things you find attractive we find it difficult to drop those. When people do tick those boxes it is brilliant but hard to find. We probably are too fussy but can’t seem to help it. It certainly limits our meets. lol |
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"
When I came to fab I was generally attracted to my 'type' but along the way I started to meet people that made me question where I got that type from. I was pleasantly surprised that as I challenged myself to question my where my bias comes from I also began to find a wider range of women attractive and for different reasons than I was accustomed to.
I'm not suggesting you lower you standards. But it's no harm to question them.
Yes it’s always good to question your preconceptions and we have. Unfortunately we’ve found we are attracted to similar people to ourselves. Wife has played with a few rough round the edges guys who she would not normally play with but in the end did not like the experience. Husband has played with a few girls who were a bit different than he’d go for but ultimately there was not the same level of turn on.
If you have a list of things you find attractive we find it difficult to drop those. When people do tick those boxes it is brilliant but hard to find. We probably are too fussy but can’t seem to help it. It certainly limits our meets. lol "
I don't think you sound fussy at all. Knowing what you want and sticking to that is a quality. |
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We would rather have one great meeting than 100 mediocre ones. If that means sticking to our guns and playing the long game for the right people to pop up, us work them, them for us and then putting some effort in to sorting it out, so be it.
There are people on here who play the numbers game and the mote the merrier. Good luck to them.
But ultimately we are putting our own needs, wants desires and indeed standards first, and I don’t think anyone should ever feel thats not a good thing if its right for them.
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"Do you reckon you can be too fussy on Fab?
We are looking for people around our age who are in reasonable shape and reasonably educated. Basically similar to our vanilla friends.
It seems to be a small niche that we can’t seem to find but we can’t help what we find attractive. We are beginning to think maybe we won’t find what we are looking for.
Are we just being too fussy ? Do the type of people we are looking for actually make up a decent proportion of the swinging community or are we chasing unicorns?
"
You have a preference, and a very reasonable one at that (I mean most preferences are valid, but yours is really flawless and 100% agreeable with). I don't think you're being fussy at all.
And it's still better than just trial&error'ing your way through swathes of people you knew you didn't really like. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"This is part of the reason that we prefer clubs and organised socials. It's too easy on here to base things on looks alone.
When you meet someone in person it's a lot easier to tell if they have that certain something about them that you connect with.
Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy. "
agree with this |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 15 weeks ago
Glasgow |
"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy "
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. |
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. "
I'm sure they do.
But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 15 weeks ago
Glasgow |
"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist.
I'm sure they do.
But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers "
That’s interesting. Are you saying people like us don’t swing? You might be right. |
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy "
Not at all. If there’s no spark of attraction, it’s just not going to work, that’s all. It’s not about being ‘too fussy’, or having expectations of any kind, it’s all about whether two people hit it off together, simple as that, and neither party should feel upset if it doesn’t work out, nobody is everyone’s cup of tea   |
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. "
Why not try converting your vanilla friends? |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 15 weeks ago
Glasgow |
"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist.
Why not try converting your vanilla friends?"
Converting vanilla friends is a very risky and awkward thing to do. You could, and possibly would, lose friendships as well as risking a wider group of people knowing about your ‘hobby’. Whilst it could be tempting it’s something we would resist. |
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist.
Why not try converting your vanilla friends?
Converting vanilla friends is a very risky and awkward thing to do. You could, and possibly would, lose friendships as well as risking a wider group of people knowing about your ‘hobby’. Whilst it could be tempting it’s something we would resist. "
My suggestion was based on the possibility of a shared sense of humour! |
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist.
I'm sure they do.
But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers
That’s interesting. Are you saying people like us don’t swing? You might be right. "
No, I'm saying the odds of you meeting another couple who tick all of your boxes and also swing are low |
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By *orl1971 OP Couple 15 weeks ago
Glasgow |
"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist.
I'm sure they do.
But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers
That’s interesting. Are you saying people like us don’t swing? You might be right.
No, I'm saying the odds of you meeting another couple who tick all of your boxes and also swing are low "
Yes that could be true. Within our age range, reasonable shape, reasonable education, non smokers, happy to play without F/F play. It is a few boxes to tick. |
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By *renzMan 15 weeks ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
I don't think you can be too fussy. You have to find what works for you. I've become more discerning over the years and what I'm looking for now is different to years ago. Body shape and personality over looks for me. You shouldn't cheat yourselves otherwise you won't have the enjoyment you're looking for. |
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy
Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist.
I'm sure they do.
But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers
That’s interesting. Are you saying people like us don’t swing? You might be right. "
The great thing about this lifestyle and life in general is we are all attracted and want different things so what happens if you meet that elusive couple that tick all your boxes but you don't tick theirs..
Finding a couple where you are equally attracted to the male and the female is hard work finding a 4 way attraction is even harder. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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You have to be attracted to the people and we all have different tastes / likes & dislikes it’s nothing personal. I never take it to heart if they say thanks but no thanks and I’ve had to do the same also.
At the end of the day attraction and connection is the main thing for me |
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