FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Are we too shy for this?
Are we too shy for this?
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Heya!
We're very new to swinging, but have started by going to clubs and social events. We've been to 4 club nights so far and made some baby steps, progressing from not talking to anyone the first times to slowly talking to more people each time.
But I still feel like we are both too shy to approach people in a club, or even if we do chat for a while, it never turns sexual.
How do people make that step from socially chatting to finding the right person/people to play with? |
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One way might be to connect with people on fab before meeting in a club. As introverts it can often be easier online to strike up the sexual chat than in person.
Then you've already broken the ice a bit before you meet so will be easier to take that next step |
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"One way might be to connect with people on fab before meeting in a club. As introverts it can often be easier online to strike up the sexual chat than in person.
Then you've already broken the ice a bit before you meet so will be easier to take that next step"
Yeah, maybe we just need to do more of that. We've tried chatting with couples and singles, and then planned on meeting them in clubs but it hasn't really happened yet. |
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If you're in a club and you're all attracted to each other, just suggest a private room where you can all lock yourselves away, have a chat about what you're all comfortable with in the room and then slowly start things off however you all want to play, that's how we started.
Nowadays we just say, shall we all go and play then haha!  |
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I agree with the idea about talking to people before you go. Another idea might be to just start playing together - many clubs have a couples area and you will probably find people will join in or say hello there if you are already enjoying yourself. If no one says hi then at least you will have had fun together.
Don’t over think it is my biggest advice. |
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"If you're in a club and you're all attracted to each other, just suggest a private room where you can all lock yourselves away, have a chat about what you're all comfortable with in the room and then slowly start things off however you all want to play, that's how we started.
Nowadays we just say, shall we all go and play then haha! "
Definitely need to be less shy to suggest that I think! I worry that no one else has suggested that just because they aren't interested in us, or we're giving off the wrong signals? |
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"I agree with the idea about talking to people before you go. Another idea might be to just start playing together - many clubs have a couples area and you will probably find people will join in or say hello there if you are already enjoying yourself. If no one says hi then at least you will have had fun together.
Don’t over think it is my biggest advice."
We usually do play together and we enjoy that a lot! So we've never been disappointed. But no one else has ever approached us or said anything, so I wasn't sure if we were scaring them off, or they just aren't interested. |
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I think most people suffer from this from our experience of the club scene (us included). Sadly so many missed opportunities happening in clubs up and down the nation every weekend.
The trouble is these things rarely fall on your lap. So many opportunities and mutual intrest failed by no one making the leap and popping the question. So it's often the case if you don't take the initiative who will? You just can't expect others to do so.
So in my opinion if you want check out someone or a couple you just have to be brave and go say hello. If there's mutual intrest hopefully things should just flow.
Likewise if you want to take them to the bedroom you just have to be brave and propose it. Maybe test the waters a bit first by suggesting you kiss (the quality and chemistry of a kiss is a good indication to if it'll work in the bedroom). We're all adults and it is a swingers club, no one will be offended by a proposition even if it's a no.
The irony 99% of people I think prefer people to be plain speaking with their intentions yet a huge majority of the same people are not that good at being forward themselves.
Personally I say just be brave. Go introduce yourselves to people you're intrested in. And don't be afraid to proposition someone/s to the bedroom. You really have nothing to lose
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There's a couple on here called lubie couple, you can find them in our veris, they host club nights around the northwest, mainly Alchemy and cupids I think, we've been a few of their event and they're so much fun, they do games and dares which you can join in or just watch, they've got a group chat on telegram as well so people can chat and get to know each other before events. You should give them a message, definitely helped us. Good luck |
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"Heya!
We're very new to swinging, but have started by going to clubs and social events. We've been to 4 club nights so far and made some baby steps, progressing from not talking to anyone the first times to slowly talking to more people each time.
But I still feel like we are both too shy to approach people in a club, or even if we do chat for a while, it never turns sexual.
How do people make that step from socially chatting to finding the right person/people to play with?"
.
Hi I’m Lloyd I’m new to this as well I’ve been looking at clubs but the prob I’ve got is my wife doesn’t want to go with me she doesn’t want to get jealous so to speak which in turn makes it very difficult for me as I really wish to participate with couples so I just look like a single guy which means I’m not getting a look in unless I can find a couple or a date that I can join with. I love to chat with people and I find I can relate to people well. And that’s the key point I’m making you need to get a conversation going on a subject that you’re really happy and enthusiastic about that shows confidence and when you get the conversation going you could say ohh I’ve not seen it done that way. I would be ever so intrigued if you could possibly demonstrate or talk me through it whatever the result you need to show your interest and that you’re open to suggestion.
I wish loads of success and I really hope to hear back from you on how it all went. Lloyd xxx |
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I'd recommend a night with more single guys than couples, mainly as we find most couples want ff play.
You'd do well at a bi event, that's our preference, not specifically for the mm bi play, but just because most guys there are there to play and bi guys love couples with a bi male!
Try Biphoria at Pandora in Leeds on a Thursday day time. |
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"Heya!
We're very new to swinging, but have started by going to clubs and social events. We've been to 4 club nights so far and made some baby steps, progressing from not talking to anyone the first times to slowly talking to more people each time.
But I still feel like we are both too shy to approach people in a club, or even if we do chat for a while, it never turns sexual.
How do people make that step from socially chatting to finding the right person/people to play with?"
we are still looking for the right people  and we have been on the scene for 8 years yes we are super fussy but that's not a bad thing. We still have a great time at clubs and have made friends for life. X |
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"Heya!
We're very new to swinging, but have started by going to clubs and social events. We've been to 4 club nights so far and made some baby steps, progressing from not talking to anyone the first times to slowly talking to more people each time.
But I still feel like we are both too shy to approach people in a club, or even if we do chat for a while, it never turns sexual.
How do people make that step from socially chatting to finding the right person/people to play with?"
I'm pretty much the same.
But some people you feel at ease and just click with .
I'm sure it will get easier and more relaxed over time.
Just see how you go and take your own pace.
It's not a race and better when you are comfortable. |
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By *JohnMan 8 weeks ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
You're very much not alone.
I think it's a good idea to examine why you don't initiate play. For me, it's generally fear of them saying no, and the treatment for that is reminding myself that a no isn't scathing judgement of me - it's just a no. With a bit of practice, the 'no's can be brushed off, and the 'yes's among them are a wonderful confidence boost.
You have the advantage of there being two of you, so that conversation doesn't have to be one-sided.
If you've been talking with someone that you want to play with, ask each other why you didn't act. If you're at a club and they're still around, you have another chance.
If a couple is playing and totally focussed on each other, I'll happily watch but won't interrupt. If you work some breaks into your play, that gives people an opportunity to approach. If someone you've got on with socially and would like to have join you is watching, eye contact and a smile is practically an invitation.
Watch what other people do. Pay attention to the people who are getting the things that you want, and how they go about getting them. |
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We feel the same. We struggle to meet people we like. We have been in Playa Del Inglés this week because it’s a hotspot for swinger meets. However despite going to swinger bars we can’t seem to find people who are in our age group and we would want to play with. Shyness and tastes can make this pretty frustrating.
We’re beginning to think maybe this isn’t for us especially trying to meet couples. |
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"There's a couple on here called lubie couple, you can find them in our veris, they host club nights around the northwest, mainly Alchemy and cupids I think, we've been a few of their event and they're so much fun, they do games and dares which you can join in or just watch, they've got a group chat on telegram as well so people can chat and get to know each other before events. You should give them a message, definitely helped us. Good luck"
Personally we're not so much for the chatting beforehand. We never know how we'll find people in real life and I think we fear expectations from people if we get to know people online prior. Its not a bad thing and makes total sense, it's maybe something we should try.
It's nice to hear people organising events with a veiw of helping people brake the ice. When done well this is great and yet something that's provided a lot on the club scene. Many years ago we popped into Purple Mamba. It was a quiet night only a hand full of people in. No one really talking to each other. So the lady of the house (who is quite a magical and charismatic woman) rounded us all up, picked out a couple of sexy games and got us introducing ourselves and playing the games. Before long everyone was a little more at ease with each other, clothes were coming off, people were giggling and the temperature of vibe went up a few notches. It's amazing what difference can be made when you have the right host/hostess. |
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"I'd recommend a night with more single guys than couples, mainly as we find most couples want ff play.
You'd do well at a bi event, that's our preference, not specifically for the mm bi play, but just because most guys there are there to play and bi guys love couples with a bi male!
Try Biphoria at Pandora in Leeds on a Thursday day time. "
Yeah, most couples we've spoken with are only interested if FF play is available. In fact the only time anyone has approached us and offered to play was a single woman who wouldn't stop hassling the Mrs! Even though she kept saying that she wasn't interested she followed us around the club and kept trying. We'd heard that single guys could be like that, but they've all been very respectful!
We'd love to find a bi guy, or couple with a bi guy to play with. But have found that we chat to plenty but none actually want to meet in clubs with us. |
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By *bxanfCouple 8 weeks ago
Shadow Moses, Stourbridge |
Alot of club nights will have group chats on telegram/discord for people to mingle before hand. That is a good way of meeting people you may want to play with.
But also going slow is fine. While the excitement and anticipation is high and you are eagar to go, pacing it and finding just the right people will be far more rewarding ❤️ |
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"I'd recommend a night with more single guys than couples, mainly as we find most couples want ff play.
You'd do well at a bi event, that's our preference, not specifically for the mm bi play, but just because most guys there are there to play and bi guys love couples with a bi male!
Try Biphoria at Pandora in Leeds on a Thursday day time.
Yeah, most couples we've spoken with are only interested if FF play is available. In fact the only time anyone has approached us and offered to play was a single woman who wouldn't stop hassling the Mrs! Even though she kept saying that she wasn't interested she followed us around the club and kept trying. We'd heard that single guys could be like that, but they've all been very respectful!
We'd love to find a bi guy, or couple with a bi guy to play with. But have found that we chat to plenty but none actually want to meet in clubs with us."
There's so many thread recently about couples wanting bi guys or dom bi guys.
Is there anything stopping you from posting a meet, getting a social together and if it clicks getting back to yours or theirs, if not obv a later date.
Why are you looking at clubs as being the way forward - you obviously want to meet and you sound like you want to either shag or explore..
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