I'm kind of shy in my regular life, so I really like sex clubs because I can hang around watching others until I feel ready to join in, if I ever do. It feels a lot lower obligation than organising to meet up with specific people with the intent of having sex, you know? Not to mention you can get away with a lot less talking because you're all there for the same thing.
But I find this frustrating because I often have chats on here with couples and singles who are interested in meeting, and the things we talk about sound fun, but the moment we get to actually organising anything i get cold feet. What if I get there and I'm too tired? What if they don't like me as much in person? What if my libido dies halfway? I don't want to be a time waster, but I feel bad coming up with excuses for it.
Does anyone else have these problems, and any advice for a nervous swinger?
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"I'm kind of shy in my regular life, so I really like sex clubs because I can hang around watching others until I feel ready to join in, if I ever do. It feels a lot lower obligation than organising to meet up with specific people with the intent of having sex, you know? Not to mention you can get away with a lot less talking because you're all there for the same thing.
But I find this frustrating because I often have chats on here with couples and singles who are interested in meeting, and the things we talk about sound fun, but the moment we get to actually organising anything i get cold feet. What if I get there and I'm too tired? What if they don't like me as much in person? What if my libido dies halfway? I don't want to be a time waster, but I feel bad coming up with excuses for it.
Does anyone else have these problems, and any advice for a nervous swinger?
"
For me it’s part and parcel of the scene. Sometimes I will be up for it during the day go to a club in evening , then not be up for it. I prefer to watch and join in if invited as well.
I rarely do hotel meets nowadays for the reason as I get nervous so it’s easier to keep to clubs |
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"I always have a social first.
For me that is part of the whole building up to anything sexual or in fact nothing sexual
Somewhere on mutual territory normal mid distance
"
Absolutely this. I find it much easier to meet people in a relaxed social setting first, with zero chances of play. After all, if I don’t like you with your clothes on, thats not going to change when you get naked.
Doesn’t work for all, lots on here have a “fuck and go” mentality and won’t/don’t put any effort into meeting people like this. But some will. Which should help your nerves. |
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I'd always have at least one, sometimes two or three social meets first.
Don't feel any pressure to hurry.
Be yourself with your sexual partners. Talk to them.
Most of us come with preferences, hang ups etc.
I find the more honest I am, the better the sex is.
If folks aren't interested in investing time with me to make sex ace. They're not my people.
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago
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Like others suggested, have a social first.
Even then, keep in mind that sex is likely to be their goal as much as yours, and if they agreed to meet they probably like you enough already.
So, unless you look totally different from your pictures (🔥), everyone should be on board.
A social beforehand helps take the edge off that plunge into the unknown, though. It can even be a social+, like a social with the option to continue it into the bedroom straight away, if everyone is happy to. So if you really clicked and are down for it, you don't have to wait until the next meet (which might be days or weeks down the line, because of life).
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By *bi HaiveMan 8 weeks ago
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"I always have a social first.
For me that is part of the whole building up to anything sexual or in fact nothing sexual
Somewhere on mutual territory normal mid distance
Absolutely this. I find it much easier to meet people in a relaxed social setting first, with zero chances of play. After all, if I don’t like you with your clothes on, thats not going to change when you get naked.
Doesn’t work for all, lots on here have a “fuck and go” mentality and won’t/don’t put any effort into meeting people like this. But some will. Which should help your nerves. "
100% this!
Gives you the chance to establish if the same attraction is there IRL as well as online and also an opportunity to have a little flirt and discuss preferences/boundaries and interests.
Some people will say all sorts online. If they can't have a similar chat face to face then it doesn't set things up well for later if you choose to get naked. Having those discussions in advance in a safe environment takes away a lot of the pressure and nerves when you reach the bedroom/lounge/shower.....😉 |
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We're very much club swingers because we really don't know if something is going to work until we meet someone. So for the vast majority of our encounters it's been with people we didn't even know existed until we bumped into them in the real world (on the scene or in the vanilla world). Mainly for the same reason we fear people having prior expectations that we may feel not up for when/after meeting them.
I guess firstly on your worry about reliability the decision is to either continue seeking to connect online or to just save it for real life events already happening such as clubs and parties (obviously understanding some people don't have much in the way of clubs or parties going on near by).
If your going to continue online maybe you need to look at how you do it? For example make people aware of your limitations and anxiety. Manage their expectations, let them understand that sometimes come the day you may not want to meet or may not feel like offering certain things. Granted this will put some people off but it will also help those than remain intrested aware of these factors and be accepting if you can't turn up or don't feel like it. Its also good for you because it means they are more likely to be understanding and thus more likely people it will work with and you'll feel safe and comfortable to be with.
Definitely stick to (on paper) a strictly social first. Remove any pressure to commit, preform or do anything. You can always plan secretly have a plan B to actually play should you feel it on the day. A lot of people do, I know when I was a single male I had a couple of strictly socials that ended up getting physical. That way be it you don't like them, they don't like you or you just need a cooling of period to decide first there's no obligation.
On the point of if they don't take to you that is purely out of your hands, don't worry about. None of us really know if the chemistry is there or not till we meet. And even then we don't 100% know if it'll work or not till we get into the bedroom. All we can do is do our ground work best we can and go forward with optimism or not meet and get nowhere.
And I think you do need to try really hard to be fair to others to try meet what you have arranged. Hopefully this is made easier by it always being a social first. It may also mean not getting carried away and being very realistic in your calculations before you agree to a meet. And sometimes it can be good to push ourselves a little socially as long as you set up a situation where you can put the brakes on whenever you want and not go in too deep too fast.
Mr
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I’m like you I get very nervous sometimes to the point of having a bit of a shake, but when you chat to someone ect ect I calm down and enjoy the moment.
Some times taking the blue pill I’m hard when walk on then it disappear  |
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