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Turned up at a meet and felt obliged
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I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? |
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So you didn’t want sex
You felt obliged to have sex
What a load of crap. Sorry
As adults we all have opinions and choices. Why would you do it?
To make them feel better?
As an adult you can say no thank you.
As a person of any any age you can say no thank you |
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By *bi HaiveMan 3 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? "
Nope. Never.
I don't meet on a whim. There's always a social or if in a club, some good conversations before anything happens.
That way you've established a desire to get naked with someone, rather than just swap a few words on a screen and rely on the accuracy of any pictures seen, which can often lead to disappointment for many when you finally meet face to face.
But everyone has the right to change their mind right up to the point where clothes have come off and you're horizontal. |
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"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ?
Nope. Never.
I don't meet on a whim. There's always a social or if in a club, some good conversations before anything happens.
That way you've established a desire to get naked with someone, rather than just swap a few words on a screen and rely on the accuracy of any pictures seen, which can often lead to disappointment for many when you finally meet face to face.
But everyone has the right to change their mind right up to the point where clothes have come off and you're horizontal. "
And beyond that too 
No, OP. I've never felt obliged to have sex with a someone I've met here. I'm willing to take a punt that they also would have preferred you to walk away rather than have sex with them out of obligation |
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By (user no longer on site) 3 weeks ago
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We won't be meeting anyone at all if we aren't genuinely interested in swapping. The travel time alone acts as a good check and balance. That said, if we were at a party and were approached we didn't fancy we'd certainly not take one for the team or feel obliged to give them a jump. |
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Happened to me twice in the past, that I wasn’t sexually attracted to them but they were nice and put some effort in meeting me so I had sex with them out of politeness 🫣
Not anymore though, if we’re having sex it’s because I want you. |
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"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? "
What an absolute hero you are please reply directly with your details so I can nominate you to the cabinet office for a medal in the kings new years honours list for your selfless act of sacrifice and community spirit!!!!!
Ffs???? |
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It shouldn't matter if it's meet one or meet fifty, there should never be an obligation or any perception of one.
We understand a lot of people do socials to avoid this. We don't because we feel that it can be made clear without artificial limitations but either way, the only obligation anyone should be under in exchange for turning up is manners. |
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I'm amazed at how mean some of these posts are. I'm sure everyone has found themselves in a situation in life and acted in a way other people wouldn't.
Op you are not alone, I have found myself in that situation many many years ago, before my swinging life actually. He was so nice and had travelled quite a long way to see me that I felt that I couldn't let him down.
It wasn't a pleasant feeling and have made sure never to put myself in that situation again. It's why I won't let anyone travel to meet me now. Limits my options but I still struggle to say no online so no way I am putting myself in that position in person.
A social in a public place that cannot turn into more is the only way I will meet now. |
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Felt very obliged to “do something” but person clearly needed a good shower and some antiperspirant… asked me to “go down” and couldn’t go through with it… made some excuse and then left… had blocked them by the time I made it to the car and had a sit-down-shower and a cry when I got home to wash away the shame |
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Some of the comments are a bit harsh. Kudos to people who set strong boundaries. People can lay it on thick that they have made and effort to meet you and you should be grateful etc. Sometimes theres a fear you’ll be branded a timewaster or tease. That being said its not worth feeling obligated, better they're upset than you do something you don't want to OP. |
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It can be very difficult.
We chatted to a couple for a little time before a meeting.We travel over an hour to meet them in a club.We were chatting away then Toyah needed to go to the ladies on returning they had vanished.No your not for us or enjoyed chatting.We couldn't understand as they had done all the running.It was upsetting and never had this happen before.
I don't think you should beat yourself up about this.We all just learn things from our separate journeys. |
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"It can be very difficult.
We chatted to a couple for a little time before a meeting.We travel over an hour to meet them in a club.We were chatting away then Toyah needed to go to the ladies on returning they had vanished.No your not for us or enjoyed chatting.We couldn't understand as they had done all the running.It was upsetting and never had this happen before.
I don't think you should beat yourself up about this.We all just learn things from our separate journeys."
That has happened to me sometimes, you just have to think they are a bit unsure and maybe will come back.
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"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? "
A simple “thanks for the invite but I’m not feeling this. I’m going to go” would be accepted by any sane and rational person who understands consent. If you’re not in it, they’re probably not either. |
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Should've walked.
We've had a meet, our last one with a single guy, where the messaging was good etc. However on the day he was saying how tired he was and had been up all night. Had a shag and then said too tired, call it a day. With hindsight we reckon he was obliging us or at least getting his dick wet then sack us off.
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Nope. I have standards. If the attraction isn't there or something feels wrong I make my polite excuses and end it there.
In exactly the same breath, I'd hate it if I found out a woman had sex with me because she felt "obliged". Not only is that how trouble starts, i want to be as desirable to them as they are to me.
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"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? "
If I don’t feel like having sex then little Mr DD will make damn sure it won’t be happening, so wouldn’t have this issue. |
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This is why so many people say that the first meet is only ever promised as a social.
Preferably somewhere public where you're less likely to feel pressured to take it further than you want to
Live and learn OP 💜 |
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By *abioMan 3 weeks ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
If you are adult enough to be on this site….
….. and you are adult enough to arrange a meet……
…. Then surely you should be adult enough to say no thank you!
This isn’t “make a wish”!!! |
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That's why I like to chat a bit before an initial social meet over coffee or a drink. There's no pressure and either party could walk away without any awkwardness. Yes, Im fully aware it's a sex site but I'm not willing to go with just anyone, there has to be chemistry |
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By *hav02Man 2 weeks ago
Glasgow/London |
Years ago. She was very nice and pleasant, good chemistry etc. Soon as the clothes came off though, omg it was as if she hadn't washed in a month with foul crusty stuff under her breasts and around her waist/thighs.
Being close to her was physically making me wretch. Frustratingly, I invited her to my place so I couldn't leave.
Since we were already nude by this point, I felt an obligation to continue....So finished the deeds quick and promptly got her out.
Immediately opened the windows after and Febreze'd the heck out of my room. |
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"Years ago. She was very nice and pleasant, good chemistry etc. Soon as the clothes came off though, omg it was as if she hadn't washed in a month with foul crusty stuff under her breasts and around her waist/thighs.
Being close to her was physically making me wretch. Frustratingly, I invited her to my place so I couldn't leave.
Since we were already nude by this point, I felt an obligation to continue....So finished the deeds quick and promptly got her out.
Immediately opened the windows after and Febreze'd the heck out of my room. "
Why didn't you just suggest you two took a shower together, is the real question... Could've pretended it was your biggest fantasy/turnon. 😅 |
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By *essTTWoman 2 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? "
Happened to me before
I got dick fished in a big way(no pun in intended) and ended up just letting him do his thing and then made my excuses and left straight after
Blocked him as soon as I got to the car |
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This happens because people haven't exchanged enough actually revealing enough pictures or had a social first. I'd say about 60pc of the meets I've had resulted in no further meets because the ladies were a good bit larger in real life than in their pictures .. on 3 occasions I was harangued and made to feel like it was me that was at fault because i didn't have sex with them.. calling me a time waster !! When they looked nothing like their pictures !! .. this is why I insist on a social or two first. Sensible really. |
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"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? "
Just the once, my first meet on here - I was invited to her house (after much chatting over several days). She opened the door, looked nothing like her photos, took me direct to her bedroom and insisted that the lights were turned out and in complete darkness.
I confess I did the bare minimum and left. Disappointed with my first meet, even more so because she told me she didn’t give verifications, so I really did get absolutely nothing from it.
Thankfully, it didn’t put me off and I’ve had other exciting spontaneous meets since. But nowadays, prefer to meet in a public place first and chat over a coffee - even if we do get takeaway cups . Or a drink from the hotel bar…
Only had one ‘disappointment’ since but that’s a very long story….
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I can definitely see why this could be a problem.
Sometimes you arrange a meet without a social as it fits with some kink.
Upon meeting, if the situation doesn't feel right, you can tell the other person in the politest of ways and be met with vitriol.
Being denied can be a knock to the ego, which can bring out the worst in people.
Not saying may seem like an easier route. |
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I have zero problems or feelings walking out of meets. Done it a good few times. They are adults and can take it on chin I am sure .
I have no emotional failings that make me feel guilty / bad for leaving a meet. I may not give them the full reason other than I gave changed my mind and cues not working for me .
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Never, ever have we had sex with someone without an attraction, apart from blind folded gang bangs.
On 121 over 50% we have not taken it any further than a social.
Don't commit to anything other than a friendly drink and chat, gives both parties a chance to leave.
This site is full of dreamers, delusional and just plain, old fashioned liars and some mingers.
Don't put yourself in a position you can't exit, both swinging and vanilla.
We've met couples, single men and women at parties, clubs and later on read their FAB profile and it nowhere resembles the reality.
If you are getting in this position multiple times you have to ask yourself if you are at fault in someway.
Remember, you are a grown man and have to make difficult decisions, don't be a pushover for anyone.
Good luck  |
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Im trying to understand why you felt obligated to have sex wouldnt it have been kinder to have just been honest regardless of effort on either side I would hate to feel like im only getting to play because they felt obligated must be horrible to know that |
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Sometimes when you meet couples it becomes obvious that the wife is not that keen on being there and is only doing it to placate their husbands. One really should not go through with the meet, but I must confess I never did and fucked her anyway, does that make me a bad person. |
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"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? "
Where was a rookie on here I did a few times
Zero attraction to them but I felt obliged
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"I have been on several meets and thought this wasn’t for me but felt obliged to have sex.
Some guilt in the fact that they have turned up made an effort but then I walked away.
Maybe this is my issue only ?
So has anyone actually had sex at a meet they diddnt really want to ? "
Perhaps they felt the same.
Communicate. |
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If I don't wanna fuck i say it..like say swap pics.and then when we meet you dont look like your pics. Peace and bye. Helps that I arrange to meet in the day so I can get home easily or I just give out my address tell them to come and then I can buzz them in if I like or just ignore |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 days ago
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I've had chats with people on this site and things are going well and the majority of people are happy to meet for a social BUT I have been called a tease for not agreeing to going straight to sex without a social. Obviously I blocked them |
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"Happened to me twice in the past, that I wasn’t sexually attracted to them but they were nice and put some effort in meeting me so I had sex with them out of politeness 🫣
Not anymore though, if we’re having sex it’s because I want you. "
Why meet for sex then feel obliged to have sex when that’s the reason you are there in the first place and you were attracted to them |
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"I've had chats with people on this site and things are going well and the majority of people are happy to meet for a social BUT I have been called a tease for not agreeing to going straight to sex without a social. Obviously I blocked them "
My first couple of meets when on here first time around was straight sex and I found it quite difficult at first but am fine now with it |
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By *ojo2joWoman 6 days ago
Penclawdd |
"I apologise for asking does anyone else know on here of other hook up sex sites other than fabswingers "
Fab is a swingers site not a hook up site. Tinder is pretty good for people expressing their needs and has a ‘meet tonight’ button. |
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"I'm amazed at how mean some of these posts are. I'm sure everyone has found themselves in a situation in life and acted in a way other people wouldn't.
Op you are not alone, I have found myself in that situation many many years ago, before my swinging life actually. He was so nice and had travelled quite a long way to see me that I felt that I couldn't let him down.
It wasn't a pleasant feeling and have made sure never to put myself in that situation again. It's why I won't let anyone travel to meet me now. Limits my options but I still struggle to say no online so no way I am putting myself in that position in person.
A social in a public place that cannot turn into more is the only way I will meet now."
I totally agree about some of the mean posts.
When I was much younger and not as self-confident I have done the same thing OP.
It made me feel even worse about myself and I still feel ashamed looking back on it now.
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i purposely leave my phone and condoms in my car....if hygiene or cleanliness etc etc aint there , i say , just popping to my car, its kinda polite as opposed to being rude.............then drive away. |
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"This is why my first meets are “social and see”. If I'm not into it, it’s not happening. This scene is meant to be fun, not a chore x"
Even then a social can go great and meet up for sex but something doesn’t resonate. I have had this and just stopped and says it’s not working so not wanting to waste anyone’s time with flogging a dead horse so to speak. Just left |
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When we were alot younger and starting out and finding our dynamics as a couple we met straight people and it wasn't that I was disgusted or anything their was just 0 connection and without sounding harsh it was boring.
When your younger and less confident and you see everyone around you enjoying themselves you don't want to be that person that ruins everyone else's fun.
It was only after we accidentally stumbled upon the dynamic that suited us best that I knew I wasn't going to be faking or put myself in them types of situations again.
I like to think that we learn by our mistakes as we go along and the older and maybe wiser me would not feel obliged in any way and if their were situations that I wasn't comfortable with I have no issues now in removing myself and not worrying about ruining other people's fun. |
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