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Post Menopause - Help for Husband
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I would really appreciate your varied but genuine advice....
Wife and I have played together over the years, been to Abfabs and Xstasia and a couple of other places over the years.
Now though the Menopause has visited us and she is no longer wishing to do anything... She is basically done with any desire to have sex or sexy fun - with me, others or at all...
My genuine question is when a couple get to this place, and we cannot be the only couple by a distance facing this, what is the hubby supposed to do...?
Lets understand right now that sex is important to him, he doesnt want to face a life of no sex but has done now for well over 2 years....
Should he...
A) Just accept that is how it is - 'for better for worse' - just accept it...
B) Spend longer in the shower
C) Is it acceptable to play away...
FWB / Clubs / Affair / Pay for it...?
Genuinely guys when you still want sex, but dont want to cheat or feel your cheating, what do other guys do?
And is what you do socially acceptable?
Morally correct?
Decent????
I would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions - genuine ones...
Thanks (in advance) for discussing this with me...
xx |
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By *r_LickCouple 15 weeks ago
aberdeen |
"I would really appreciate your varied but genuine advice....
Wife and I have played together over the years, been to Abfabs and Xstasia and a couple of other places over the years.
Now though the Menopause has visited us and she is no longer wishing to do anything... She is basically done with any desire to have sex or sexy fun - with me, others or at all...
My genuine question is when a couple get to this place, and we cannot be the only couple by a distance facing this, what is the hubby supposed to do...?
Lets understand right now that sex is important to him, he doesnt want to face a life of no sex but has done now for well over 2 years....
Should he...
A) Just accept that is how it is - 'for better for worse' - just accept it...
B) Spend longer in the shower
C) Is it acceptable to play away...
FWB / Clubs / Affair / Pay for it...?
Genuinely guys when you still want sex, but dont want to cheat or feel your cheating, what do other guys do?
And is what you do socially acceptable?
Morally correct?
Decent????
I would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions - genuine ones...
Thanks (in advance) for discussing this with me...
xx"
Not sure on an answer for you because everyone is different. Only thing I would say would be think about what you’re wife’s answers to the question'swould be if you asked them to her. |
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I think it's difficult to say because it's really down to individual situations and personal choices.
If the boot was on the other foot how would you like your wife to approach things?
If you can talk to her about it you might be able to come to an agreement that suits you both. I do understand that might be very difficult.
Are you clear in your mind about what you're missing, is it swinging and the excitement of sex with others or the intimacy of touch with your wife? |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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I know I'm a guy and really young but was on tiktok and one reddit story came up with what u explained
Was hella messy but wife went to see the doctor
Wasn't included what the doc talked with them but was something to do with hormones
Again I have no clue about this stuff and others who are older and women will help more
But apparently the doctor helped them |
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"I know I'm a guy and really young but was on tiktok and one reddit story came up with what u explained
Was hella messy but wife went to see the doctor
Wasn't included what the doc talked with them but was something to do with hormones
Again I have no clue about this stuff and others who are older and women will help more
But apparently the doctor helped them"
Probably HRT . |
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"I would really appreciate your varied but genuine advice....
Wife and I have played together over the years, been to Abfabs and Xstasia and a couple of other places over the years.
Now though the Menopause has visited us and she is no longer wishing to do anything... She is basically done with any desire to have sex or sexy fun - with me, others or at all...
My genuine question is when a couple get to this place, and we cannot be the only couple by a distance facing this, what is the hubby supposed to do...?
Lets understand right now that sex is important to him, he doesnt want to face a life of no sex but has done now for well over 2 years....
Should he...
A) Just accept that is how it is - 'for better for worse' - just accept it...
B) Spend longer in the shower
C) Is it acceptable to play away...
FWB / Clubs / Affair / Pay for it...?
Genuinely guys when you still want sex, but dont want to cheat or feel your cheating, what do other guys do?
And is what you do socially acceptable?
Morally correct?
Decent????
I would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions - genuine ones...
Thanks (in advance) for discussing this with me...
xx"
Probably start with reading this post to your wife, discuss it, see if she has a compromised solution for you both.
Consider her visiting a GP, see if help is available.
Relationship counselling maybe? Sexual therapy can really help any people. Relate is affordable and wide spread.
Consider, if this was the other way round, how would you want tour wife to approach this
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You can break your situation down to 3 options that you have:
1. Put up and shut up - live with what you have and make your own decisions about the lack of sex.
2. Change it - for it to change you need 2 willing parties.
3. Bring it to an end.
She might benefit from going to her GP, or specialist clinic. If going to her GP, a female Dr will probably be best as they are generally more understanding. A blood test can test for testosterone, which if low, can lower sex drive. If treated, it can send her sex drive through the roof.
You need to talk to her and maybe have the conversation that I had with my (now ex) wife. I asked her 'Is sex important in our relationship?' If she says no, say 'so it doesn't matter if I get it somewhere else then?' She replied, 'now you've put it like that, yes, it is', so I asked her why don't we have it more often? |
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By *MandMMCouple 15 weeks ago
Welwyn garden city |
We had this a few years ago, although we weren't in the lifestyle then. Loss of libido was one of the symptoms, but not the main reason she went to the doctors. They started her on hrt, and her libido returned. |
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By *vaRose43Woman 15 weeks ago
Forest of Dean |
I can’t quite work out if the point of your post is somehow you asking to be validated for cheating… let’s assume not .
Ok so my situation is different but similar
Currently my husband has a medical condition that means he has zero sex drive. No urges, no desires, nothing.
What we did was TALK.
Communication really can’t be underestimated and yes it meant some really difficult conversations. Ultimately though it meant everything was out in the open.
We’ve always practiced ENM so it wasn’t a new concept for us and the upshot is I’m here as a still happily married woman on a single profile with my husbands blessing and encouragement.
Intimacy can also be found in other places. There are lots of ways to be intimate with your wife that aren’t sexual so make sure you’re feeding that bond and need too…. It’s not all about getting your dick wet.
My answer is therefore none of the above , until you’ve really communicated together |
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As many women will tell you, going through menopause can be both physically and emotionally unpleasant.
If you have both always been sexually active, then I would suspect that your wife is probably emotionally impacted by this changing. She will probably have feelings that she is disappointing you, and that she is somehow now inferior. It is important to keep this in mind.
She might suggest that you should find sex somewhere else, but personally I would be concerned that it would really hurt her emotionally to do so...
The absolute best thing she can do is talk to her doctor about the menopause, not for your sex life, but for her own wellbeing. Once the symptoms of menopause are dealt with, she will be feel like herself again... and you will see your old wife back to normal.
Cal |
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You both need to have a chat, or lots of chats, in different places.
Don't put any time limits or unreasonable resolutions.
If you both agree, make an appointment with your GP.
If you find it embarrassing in any way, maybe a Zoom consultation may work.
There are many avenues you can travel and be assured your GP and all other consultants have heard your tale a thousand times before and want to help.
We all tend to think we're the first to take this journey.
Good luck, take your time and both of you cut yourself some slack.
It's not a race.  |
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Don't cheat or play away, you're risking losing your marriage and hurting your wife if you do.
Only you know her op, sit and have an open conversation with her.
Be supportive and say that you understand she isn't interested at the min, but would she let you meet alone, that way your needs are met too. |
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"I can’t quite work out if the point of your post is somehow you asking to be validated for cheating… let’s assume not .
Ok so my situation is different but similar
Currently my husband has a medical condition that means he has zero sex drive. No urges, no desires, nothing.
What we did was TALK.
Communication really can’t be underestimated and yes it meant some really difficult conversations. Ultimately though it meant everything was out in the open.
We’ve always practiced ENM so it wasn’t a new concept for us and the upshot is I’m here as a still happily married woman on a single profile with my husbands blessing and encouragement.
Intimacy can also be found in other places. There are lots of ways to be intimate with your wife that aren’t sexual so make sure you’re feeding that bond and need too…. It’s not all about getting your dick wet.
My answer is therefore none of the above , until you’ve really communicated together "
I second this, as someone in a similar situation (male partner has 0 interest) it's all about the communication, we've come to an agreement that everyone is happy with and it works for us, intimacy and sex are different.
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Do whatever feels right for you both. You'll never find a perfect outcome, but talking it through together I'm sure you can come to done conclusion. The problem normally lies when 'both' don't talk, you're half way there already 👍 |
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I am in Menopause. People need to start knowing about this stuff because it isn't just women affected. Its their partner and families affected as well.
Put simply women have a supply of Estrogen. But around early 40s it starts to run low. But not noticeable at first. It's a gradual change. There are other hormones as well. But Estrogen is a big one.
Some women have a sex drive that hits the floor. Others have one that hits the ceiling. You don't know until it happens. For me it's never been higher. It's pretty common, my female friends are often reporting higher sex drive.
Why do you think Cougars and Milfs are thing! They give off an energy!
My symptoms are Brain Fog, Insomnia and some aches especially in my legs. I don't have hot flushes but I do feel hot much of the time! (I am hot lol).
My leg pain and Insomnia (and Brain Fog to a lesser extent) are improved by taking extra Estrogen. It's a clear patch about an inch square on my hip and it gets absorbed through the skin. This is also known as HRT. I change it twice a week. I have had sex with 5 other people in the room and nobody even noticed it.
The Estrogen is natural. All it's doing is replenishing what is lost. Most medical intervention is done by trial and error. So I've started on a low dose (25) but there is 50, 75 and 100 too. You kinda just start and scale up until you feel like your normal self again. I wish I'd started about 5 years ago but I wasn't educated and I kept dismissing my own symptoms. It costs an insignificant amount per year to NHS (about £150) but the cost to the economy of a bunch of Brain foggy women is far greater. Not able to function or cope, sometimes giving up work, depression sets in etc.
The risks are minimal and there's some health benefits especially with lower risk of dementia.
A woman may be annoyed at other things, the fact that she's getting older, maybe she sees changes to her shape and weight and it makes her feel less sexy. You can help by reassuring her how sexy she is. And not being critical of her body or shaming her in any way.
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An excellent comment above. That’s where I am too right now, luckily I don’t feel the pressure of having (temporarily) lost my libido as I don’t have a partner but it’s an overall complex situation. |
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By *elkieWoman 15 weeks ago
Durham |
Similarly there: my partners are getting me through it but my sex drive has taken a massive hit, and the way I have sex has changed. I need longer to feel aroused, for instance.
I would put money on her having at least one symptom that is knocking her self esteem. Try and figure out what’s bringing her down at the moment and then build her back up. My partners are doing that for me, and it helps so mich |
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"I am in Menopause. People need to start knowing about this stuff because it isn't just women affected. Its their partner and families affected as well.
Put simply women have a supply of Estrogen. But around early 40s it starts to run low. But not noticeable at first. It's a gradual change. There are other hormones as well. But Estrogen is a big one.
Some women have a sex drive that hits the floor. Others have one that hits the ceiling. You don't know until it happens. For me it's never been higher. It's pretty common, my female friends are often reporting higher sex drive.
Why do you think Cougars and Milfs are thing! They give off an energy!
My symptoms are Brain Fog, Insomnia and some aches especially in my legs. I don't have hot flushes but I do feel hot much of the time! (I am hot lol).
My leg pain and Insomnia (and Brain Fog to a lesser extent) are improved by taking extra Estrogen. It's a clear patch about an inch square on my hip and it gets absorbed through the skin. This is also known as HRT. I change it twice a week. I have had sex with 5 other people in the room and nobody even noticed it.
The Estrogen is natural. All it's doing is replenishing what is lost. Most medical intervention is done by trial and error. So I've started on a low dose (25) but there is 50, 75 and 100 too. You kinda just start and scale up until you feel like your normal self again. I wish I'd started about 5 years ago but I wasn't educated and I kept dismissing my own symptoms. It costs an insignificant amount per year to NHS (about £150) but the cost to the economy of a bunch of Brain foggy women is far greater. Not able to function or cope, sometimes giving up work, depression sets in etc.
The risks are minimal and there's some health benefits especially with lower risk of dementia.
A woman may be annoyed at other things, the fact that she's getting older, maybe she sees changes to her shape and weight and it makes her feel less sexy. You can help by reassuring her how sexy she is. And not being critical of her body or shaming her in any way.
"
Absolutely agree with you hun there needs to be more talk and understanding of menopause I'm suffering some of same symptoms as you but also do of hot flushes and limited treatment as other health issues it definitely has effected my husband and young adults as it can be stressful also have to have regular bloodiest as little known information but there is a type of leukemia that can be brought on by menopause that I have have been diagnosed with |
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Thank you to everyone who’s posted, makes me feel like I’m not alone in this situation, wife is menopausal, we were swingers and party hosts for 20years, it’s how we met, we both had a high sex drive, and had a very good sex life, sadly which has been none existent now for 5 years…..
I love my wife dearly, am supportive and understanding……but sometimes I just need a shag! I have to settle for a wank instead……  |
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