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Private or Club ?
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Hi! My hubby and I are fairly new to this scene, having mostly frequented clubs. Lately, we’ve been considering more private meetups. Could you kindly share your advice and highlight the pros and cons? Cheers! x   |
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If you’re going to do private the main thing for me is to consider where this will happen
I always have a social first but with regards to a meet prefer hotels first and as many times after until I feel I trust them enough to know where I live |
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By *CBoyTV/TS 16 weeks ago
Tonypandy |
1 ask to chat on phone first and insist on getting their phone number and calling them. Thst should get rid of one set kg timewasters at least.
2 meet in a public social place as an initial meeting. Ensure you ask them what they would like out of a sexual meeting and tell them what you want from them. |
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By *aomilatteCouple 16 weeks ago
Visiting Blackpool |
If you arrange to meet in a club and they don't turn up you can still have a good night. If you meet in a club and the attraction isn't there you can have a chat and say "we'll catch up with you later". |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat…….  "
We have great times when we go to clubs. Each to their own. |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat……. "
Sound like they need more rooms where your no one does it in floor where I've been but maybe I need go there lol  |
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I think you have to work out what works for you. Me and my other half met on the scene and together for 6 years now. We go clubs a lot because they work for us. We've had subsequent private meets with people we've met in clubs before and simply people people and couples we've bumped into on holiday and vanilla nights out. Yet in all these years have never successfully arranged a private meet.
Why? First we don't really put any effort into this endeavour granted. First because we're not always on fab and seems a lot of effort for something that may either be a no show or a lemon. Plus we are really busy and it's hard to find a slot that suits everyone. It can take some arranging which is a less attractive concept if after all that there is a risk of it falling through or just not working out.
Simply for us we really need that chemistry and we can't judge that online. We can only judge in person. So we genrally chose to skip the flirting with the faceless account on line. Save it for environments where the first step is face to face in person. And for this we can do it at a time, place and opportunity purely of our convenience. Can simply go in club opening hours when we're free, even on a last minute wim. Also at clubs you get more options in terms of people and opportunities to do/experience more things. And of course like us you can take new friendships outside of the club going forward.
I would also say we've been to a couple of organised socials which have been good. A great place to bump into people first hand and make onwards connections. However you can do this at clubs with the added bonus in a club you have the facilities to take things to a more intimate level if you wish. |
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Personally I enjoy both for different reasons.
In a club, even if you've made arrangements to catch up with someone and see how it goes, you never know how the night will pan out and I like that. Also, there are things available to you that aren't in a private meet - I enjoy playing with an audience for example.
Private meets give you the capacity to get to know someone a bit more. They're often held with someone I know well and it's nice to take some time, chat inbetween ,get food, have a drink etc. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 16 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat……. "
Possibly not. But clubs are a great place to find people that you then arrange a more private meet with at a later date.
Sure beats mail ping pong, only to find when you do meet up there's no apsrk and no connection.
You get to see them face to face, chat, discuss preferences and boundaries, maybe indulge in some physical activity too, all with the bonus of getting to know people you can then spend more intimate time with.
I've never encountered a no show at a club. Never had to look for last minute alternatives because something has come up for the person/people I'm meeting. And yes. I've had fun in rooms where the bed wasn't the most comfortable, it was hot and there wasn't a fan blowing and a fridge full of cold drinks a few feet away.
Still good times though.
It doesn't have to be either/or. |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat…….
Possibly not. But clubs are a great place to find people that you then arrange a more private meet with at a later date.
Sure beats mail ping pong, only to find when you do meet up there's no apsrk and no connection.
You get to see them face to face, chat, discuss preferences and boundaries, maybe indulge in some physical activity too, all with the bonus of getting to know people you can then spend more intimate time with.
I've never encountered a no show at a club. Never had to look for last minute alternatives because something has come up for the person/people I'm meeting. And yes. I've had fun in rooms where the bed wasn't the most comfortable, it was hot and there wasn't a fan blowing and a fridge full of cold drinks a few feet away.
Still good times though.
It doesn't have to be either/or. "
This is our view without us having to bother writing it  sums it up nicely |
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By *oxesMan 16 weeks ago
Southend, Essex |
"Hi! My hubby and I are fairly new to this scene, having mostly frequented clubs. Lately, we’ve been considering more private meetups. Could you kindly share your advice and highlight the pros and cons? Cheers! x "
You might want to overbook better you may get 50% dropout. On negative side you may get one meet on a positive you may get two meets in a night.
But it is ultimately what you guys are into and after. |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat……. "
 you are funny Mr! All those years bashing clubs yet you still go |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat…….
you are funny Mr! All those years bashing clubs yet you still go "
Maybe this time will be different…..
Maybe this time will be different…..
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat…….
you are funny Mr! All those years bashing clubs yet you still go "
It’s a shame I was refused entry to Chams in February, you might have met me in the flesh, and shown me what I have been missing all these years….. |
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I only do clubs these days (even though haven’t for a while).
But that’s because I prefer to get ready for a night out, have a drink, enjoy myself and have the “party” type scene.
I love the type of sex I have in clubs, with audiences and it generally, being much quicker.
I don’t have any interest in getting to know people and spending a longer amount of time with someone so wouldn’t be comfortable giving my address out.
When I used to private meet, it was always hotels, in my name, and they didn’t stay the night.
Clubs for the win for me |
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We've done / do both but the Mrs prefers clubs over private meets for all the reasons already covered. Mainly when you meet a couple for drinks / food and the attraction is dead you're pretty much stuck.
In a club you can chat to who you want and more importantly if nobody tickles your fancy you just play together or head on home and have some outdoor fun on the way (well we do) |
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When you see all the threads about people not turning up for meets we stick to clubs which are always fun and you get to meet loads of fellow swingers plus we get to choose whether to play in open areas, locked rooms or more kink based areas. |
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"Hi! My hubby and I are fairly new to this scene, having mostly frequented clubs. Lately, we’ve been considering more private meetups. Could you kindly share your advice and highlight the pros and cons? Cheers! x "
We always have a social initially, it saves any back pedalling should the folks you meet are not sexually appealing to you.
The worse that can happen is you have a nice evening with like minded people.
Try as best you can to out timewasters and dreamers, the site is full of them.
Insist on a chat for the ladies.
We had one couple when we phoned his wife was always busy or just nipped out, eventually they or more than likely he, blocked us.
You can always use a organised social, meet people there.
Hope you have a great time.
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We love clubs, it’s neutral ground so no pressure but can be clicky we went to one the other week and literally only 2 people spoke to us. We find meets away from clubs difficult and there are so many time wasters. |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat……. "
Gaffer taped judo mat?
Go to a swinger club not a fucking dojo Mr Miyagi |
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"I would always say clubs for lot of reasons but safety being the main one....
However as a host of busy events in clubs I am a tad biased too "
This! As a couple we have code words for certain things if one isn’t happy etc but safety is key! |
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"Hi! My hubby and I are fairly new to this scene, having mostly frequented clubs. Lately, we’ve been considering more private meetups. Could you kindly share your advice and highlight the pros and cons? Cheers! x "
we had a hotel meet the other day and it was fantastic. There's a few factors to take in when having private meets. The biggest thing for us was communication and compromise. The couple who we met were great, we sorted out a location and hotels with no worries. I know that and cost can be a stumbling block for some, where as going to a club there isn't that logistical issue. |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat…….
Gaffer taped judo mat?
Go to a swinger club not a fucking dojo Mr Miyagi"
Oh, I’ve been to several swinger clubs (9 in total), most I wouldn’t return to….  |
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"We love clubs, it’s neutral ground so no pressure but can be clicky we went to one the other week and literally only 2 people spoke to us. We find meets away from clubs difficult and there are so many time wasters."
Some places can be cliquey but we always say hello to everyone when we first walk in.
Nothing fancy, just a quick "Hi, we're Liz and Paul, you having a good night" or similar.
Some couples light up and are so pleased to make contact.
Some look at you as if you have just pissed in the peanuts.
If no response, just move on.
We always say hi to single guys too.
We are amazed at the uptight, snotty attitude some couples have to single guys.
Even if you don't want to play with them, not even acknowledging them shows the cut of your jib.
We have often chatted to guys and said we are only here tonight to play with couples and they are happy with a straight explanation and they are usually a great source of information,fun, conversation and wonderful at pointing out the ball breakers...
They are also just as nervous as everyone else.
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By *rmrs95Couple 15 weeks ago
Chester |
"If you arrange to meet in a club and they don't turn up you can still have a good night. If you meet in a club and the attraction isn't there you can have a chat and say "we'll catch up with you later"."
Best advice |
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"Hi! My hubby and I are fairly new to this scene, having mostly frequented clubs. Lately, we’ve been considering more private meetups. Could you kindly share your advice and highlight the pros and cons? Cheers! x "
Personally, I prefer the ‘private party’ meets, just because it's usually more reliable than private meets, but less daunting than clubs. That's probably why I go to The Playgrounds so often! 😅 |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat…….
Sound like they need more rooms where your no one does it in floor where I've been but maybe I need
go there lol "
Where I go private and public rooms with beds |
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"There’s nothing private about a club setting, and let’s be honest; can anyone say they prefer sex on a sweaty, gaffer-taped judo mat……. "
we have amazing times at clubs... and yes prefer meets at clubs to private ones |
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We started going to clubs to get a feel… we have had a couple of interactions (quality over quantity) We enjoy being around likeminded couples and chatting, we learnt a lot from that!
Now we are more interested in socials and private meets (hate that word)… Fab has more people for us to be selective over.
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