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how to ask a partner?
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hey all, been wondering this one for a while...
in my last relationship the girl i was with was completely bi, had had gfs etc.
but as soon as i suggested a threesome or even us coming on here together she went absolutely ballistic. which confused me seen as she was super kinky and liked the thought of other watching etc.
so question is: for those of u brought into this world how did your husband/ partner ask you to get into this sorta thing and how did he convince you. clearly i did something wrong when i asked my last gf lol... discuss :P |
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Although I was turned on by the idea of threesomes and gangbangs ect, I had NEVER looked into making it a reality and had no idea if I even wanted it as I had only been in monogomous relationships and that mindset was sort of drummed into me.
It's just one of those things that aren't for everyone. She may have been with women in the past but monogamy and loyalty (possibly even jealousy) may mean that she prefers devoting herself to just one sexual partner (whether male or female).
Having a fantasy doesn't always mean you want it to become a reality (darker things, for example).
I actually have no idea how to advise you to broach the subject, lol. It's risky either way as it depends entirely on the individual.
- Amy. x
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how am i meant to get them to ask me? lol.
and thanks amy i guess u are right in what you are saying... just baffles me as she was really very kinky and naughty, may of been the jealousy thing i suppose :/ x |
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You're confusing fantasy with reality in that you thought that because your ex.liked the thought of something that she actually wanted to do it. Also being bi and being kinky does not mean that you want to swing.
You need to communicate openly with a partner about both of your fantasies and desires, discuss what you want to stay firmly in the imagination, what you definitely want to try and what boundaries might be flexible. If you're doing that in a supportive environment and really listening to each other the subject of swinging will come up naturally.
There is no way that you can persuade or talk a reluctant partner into swinging that will have a good outcome of any sort. I'm not suggesting that you would but I do think you're assuming that someone who enjoys sex in lots of different ways will automatically want to swing. |
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i think i just got confused by her, as she said she'd enjoy a threesome etc but would be jealous etc.
and we tried to have the conversation and i asked did she like this or how about this or what would she like or not like but it was as if at times she was saying it'd be fun but at the same time not wanting too. confusing stuff |
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"i think i just got confused by her, as she said she'd enjoy a threesome etc but would be jealous etc.
and we tried to have the conversation and i asked did she like this or how about this or what would she like or not like but it was as if at times she was saying it'd be fun but at the same time not wanting too. confusing stuff"
I can see why you would be confused. That sounds to me like someone who likes the idea of something but is unsure about taking the last step. That's the time to ask what a persons fears are, reassure them if you can then back right off until they are ready to discuss it again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"how am i meant to get them to ask me? lol.
and thanks amy i guess u are right in what you are saying... just baffles me as she was really very kinky and naughty, may of been the jealousy thing i suppose :/ x"
Do a bit of sub-concious suggestion...introduce some relevant porn...drop the odd comment...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although I was turned on by the idea of threesomes and gangbangs ect, I had NEVER looked into making it a reality and had no idea if I even wanted it as I had only been in monogomous relationships and that mindset was sort of drummed into me.
It's just one of those things that aren't for everyone. She may have been with women in the past but monogamy and loyalty (possibly even jealousy) may mean that she prefers devoting herself to just one sexual partner (whether male or female).
Having a fantasy doesn't always mean you want it to become a reality (darker things, for example).
I actually have no idea how to advise you to broach the subject, lol. It's risky either way as it depends entirely on the individual.
- Amy. x
"
...darer thing? Can you expatiate please? |
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"how am i meant to get them to ask me? lol.
and thanks amy i guess u are right in what you are saying... just baffles me as she was really very kinky and naughty, may of been the jealousy thing i suppose :/ x
Do a bit of sub-concious suggestion...introduce some relevant porn...drop the odd comment... "
I agree, drip feed ideas instead of going all out at once. Believe it or not, it wa finally her idea to start swinging (or at least have our first 3sum MFM) that man then told us about this site and here we are 12 months later and loving every minute |
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"how am i meant to get them to ask me? lol.
and thanks amy i guess u are right in what you are saying... just baffles me as she was really very kinky and naughty, may of been the jealousy thing i suppose :/ x"
So offer her a mmf, what's for her to be jealous of  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have had a similar issue - meeting guys not from this site and trying to bring the conversation around I tend to get the "oh I couldn't share my partner" hence my attempt to find a boyfriend on here - bridge already crossed |
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bec: lol i wasn't suggesting it was just men who asked women, simply in that scenario haha.
everyone: maybe the dropping of ideas etc would be a better approach, but even then we had watched porn together etc.
and in terms of a mmf she wasn't interested in other guys at all, i was the first guy of her last 2 proper relationships and the only guy who ever actually brought her to orgasm (not tooting my horn at all there) it was just that was why she had no interest in other guys as they never gave her any real enjoyment unfortunately x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're confusing fantasy with reality in that you thought that because your ex.liked the thought of something that she actually wanted to do it. Also being bi and being kinky does not mean that you want to swing.
You need to communicate openly with a partner about both of your fantasies and desires, discuss what you want to stay firmly in the imagination, what you definitely want to try and what boundaries might be flexible. If you're doing that in a supportive environment and really listening to each other the subject of swinging will come up naturally.
There is no way that you can persuade or talk a reluctant partner into swinging that will have a good outcome of any sort. I'm not suggesting that you would but I do think you're assuming that someone who enjoys sex in lots of different ways will automatically want to swing."
Perfectly put.  |
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"...darer thing? Can you expatiate please?
...Sorry?
You said "...(darker things, for example)" I just wondered if you could what darker things are?"
I don't know if I'm allowed to mention it in the forums so I'll word this as carefully as I can. Say for example a woman fantasises about forced sex... In the fantasy it is usually someone they're attracted to and they are not in any danger or excessive pain... But just because they fantasise about it, does NOT mean they want it to happen in real life, if that makes sense... x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if someone needs "convince" to join the scene then it isn't for them.
When we got together nearly 14 year ago we had never even heard of swinging
We watched a documentary on telly and decided to go to a club just for a laugh and see what people was doing...
Now we been on the scene over 8 year lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"hey all, been wondering this one for a while...
in my last relationship the girl i was with was completely bi, had had gfs etc.
but as soon as i suggested a threesome or even us coming on here together she went absolutely ballistic. which confused me seen as she was super kinky and liked the thought of other watching etc.
so question is: for those of u brought into this world how did your husband/ partner ask you to get into this sorta thing and how did he convince you. clearly i did something wrong when i asked my last gf lol... discuss :P"
talk to her about it during sex, when she is gettng excited,
just throw in fantasy stuff, eventually she will say yes.
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"Confussed you.? Im confussed.! Why just because she was bi would it mean for one minute she would swing or be into 3sums.? "
because she mentioned she would enjoy the thought of ppl watching and she'd like to try these things yet when i suggested actually doing it she became more reserved . |
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