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Ambiguous Confirmation
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By *empted23 OP Couple 25 weeks ago
countryside |
So having spent the last four weeks or so messaging and actively engaging with couples we have found it pretty hard going to get actual confirmations
We ask after how ever appropriate amount of messages if they are free next Friday as an example
And we get “ we should be “
Or “ We think so “
Should and think aren’t yes
Or they say yes
So with 4 or five days to go we think we have something solid
But then they won’t confirm place or time then they go offline for three days
Then at 6pm they pop up and say
Hi been busy and just wanted to say 8pm (2 hours notice ) can’t wait to have fun
And we reply
No, you wouldn’t confirm anything earlier in the week
so we didn’t get a sitter as we didn’t have any plans arranged
Having been through this cycle now 4 times with broadly the same result
We could do with advice as to how to break out of it
And wonder why people who say they want to meet don’t ever seem to actually know if they are free or not 5 days in advance
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I wouldn’t be making plans based on “we should be” at all. A simple yes or no isn’t hard.
But equally I don’t like planning far ahead.
And if I said “yeah that’s fine”to a meet… I wouldn’t feel the need to be online/ speak in the run up. I’d just expect a time on the day with a couple hours notice.
I think people can be very needy with expectations of conversation and constant reassurance.
I think the best way to combat it is to club. Or arrange to meet at a club. That way you’ll have a good night either way and not be waiting round for what ifs x |
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By *empted23 OP Couple 25 weeks ago
countryside |
"I wouldn’t be making plans based on “we should be” at all. A simple yes or no isn’t hard.
But equally I don’t like planning far ahead.
And if I said “yeah that’s fine”to a meet… I wouldn’t feel the need to be online/ speak in the run up. I’d just expect a time on the day with a couple hours notice.
I think people can be very needy with expectations of conversation and constant reassurance.
I think the best way to combat it is to club. Or arrange to meet at a club. That way you’ll have a good night either way and not be waiting round for what ifs x"
I don’t think we need to become best friends all through the week
But we live somewhere pretty rural and so there needs to be compromise particularly on the “ where “
So if they don’t seem able to engage in that detail conversation with some days notice so we can figure out the logistics then nothing is going to happen |
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"I wouldn’t be making plans based on “we should be” at all. A simple yes or no isn’t hard.
But equally I don’t like planning far ahead.
And if I said “yeah that’s fine”to a meet… I wouldn’t feel the need to be online/ speak in the run up. I’d just expect a time on the day with a couple hours notice.
I think people can be very needy with expectations of conversation and constant reassurance.
I think the best way to combat it is to club. Or arrange to meet at a club. That way you’ll have a good night either way and not be waiting round for what ifs x
I don’t think we need to become best friends all through the week
But we live somewhere pretty rural and so there needs to be compromise particularly on the “ where “
So if they don’t seem able to engage in that detail conversation with some days notice so we can figure out the logistics then nothing is going to happen "
I live in the south Cumbria, totally rural and best part of an hour to the motorway. 2 hours to any of the clubs or manc/ Liverpool.
I’d expect a let’s book the hotel or the club and see you Friday. Wouldn’t expect the exact time til the day but would know the where. I’d set off based on this  x |
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By *empted23 OP Couple 25 weeks ago
countryside |
"I wouldn’t be making plans based on “we should be” at all. A simple yes or no isn’t hard.
But equally I don’t like planning far ahead.
And if I said “yeah that’s fine”to a meet… I wouldn’t feel the need to be online/ speak in the run up. I’d just expect a time on the day with a couple hours notice.
I think people can be very needy with expectations of conversation and constant reassurance.
I think the best way to combat it is to club. Or arrange to meet at a club. That way you’ll have a good night either way and not be waiting round for what ifs x
I don’t think we need to become best friends all through the week
But we live somewhere pretty rural and so there needs to be compromise particularly on the “ where “
So if they don’t seem able to engage in that detail conversation with some days notice so we can figure out the logistics then nothing is going to happen
I live in the south Cumbria, totally rural and best part of an hour to the motorway. 2 hours to any of the clubs or manc/ Liverpool.
I’d expect a let’s book the hotel or the club and see you Friday. Wouldn’t expect the exact time til the day but would know the where. I’d set off based on this x"
Can empathise with that exact travel situation
Maybe it is , as this is the second mention
We should just try and concentrate more on clubs I guess |
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"I wouldn’t be making plans based on “we should be” at all. A simple yes or no isn’t hard.
But equally I don’t like planning far ahead.
And if I said “yeah that’s fine”to a meet… I wouldn’t feel the need to be online/ speak in the run up. I’d just expect a time on the day with a couple hours notice.
I think people can be very needy with expectations of conversation and constant reassurance.
I think the best way to combat it is to club. Or arrange to meet at a club. That way you’ll have a good night either way and not be waiting round for what ifs x
I don’t think we need to become best friends all through the week
But we live somewhere pretty rural and so there needs to be compromise particularly on the “ where “
So if they don’t seem able to engage in that detail conversation with some days notice so we can figure out the logistics then nothing is going to happen
I live in the south Cumbria, totally rural and best part of an hour to the motorway. 2 hours to any of the clubs or manc/ Liverpool.
I’d expect a let’s book the hotel or the club and see you Friday. Wouldn’t expect the exact time til the day but would know the where. I’d set off based on this x
Can empathise with that exact travel situation
Maybe it is , as this is the second mention
We should just try and concentrate more on clubs I guess "
Even if clubbing isn’t what you want to do ideally. It usually opens up lots of friendships and social circles to then meet outside of the club with people who are actively part of the scene x
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I’ve gradually learnt that there are planners, and there are spontaneous meeters - and very few inbetween. And the two groups are completely incompatible! Nothing wrong with either, but it’s an art to work out which group people are in sometimes.
I’d agree that, short term, clubs might be best, to lower the frustration-level. |
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We have non of the frustration that you and many many others describe on here. We plan in advance to go to a club. If anyone wants to meet great, if they don't turn up it's still a great night. So many say on here about timewasters. We would advise to book a hotel and a sitter and have a great night whether they turn up or not. |
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By *empted23 OP Couple 25 weeks ago
countryside |
"I’ve gradually learnt that there are planners, and there are spontaneous meeters - and very few inbetween. And the two groups are completely incompatible! Nothing wrong with either, but it’s an art to work out which group people are in sometimes.
I’d agree that, short term, clubs might be best, to lower the frustration-level. "
That would be a great search filter
People could select if they are
“ Mostly” planners
Or
“ Mostly “ on the flyers
“ Mostly” , cos nobody is one thing all the time
And make that a search filter
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"We have non of the frustration that you and many many others describe on here. We plan in advance to go to a club. If anyone wants to meet great, if they don't turn up it's still a great night. So many say on here about timewasters. We would advise to book a hotel and a sitter and have a great night whether they turn up or not. "
We totally agree with this ^^. Of course people do want to arrange their own meets and that's great. But we couldn't be doing with the hassle. We all lead busy lives and faffing around; chasing people up, being let down last minute; we just couldn't be doing with it.
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"We have non of the frustration that you and many many others describe on here. We plan in advance to go to a club. If anyone wants to meet great, if they don't turn up it's still a great night. So many say on here about timewasters. We would advise to book a hotel and a sitter and have a great night whether they turn up or not.
We totally agree with this ^^. Of course people do want to arrange their own meets and that's great. But we couldn't be doing with the hassle. We all lead busy lives and faffing around; chasing people up, being let down last minute; we just couldn't be doing with it.
"
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We plan well in advance to meet up if it's a social.
We always do local and daytime so no great harm done if they are a no show, plus at something like as Costa on a retail park it's never a wasted trip.
Play meets are trickier: we look at it if we've booked a hotel we can still enjoy it or if it's at a club there's still fun to be had.
I think it's just part and parcel of being on here.
A)people change their mind
B)people "think" they are ready to meet up and then reality hit
C) a percentage has zero intention of meeting up at all and for reasons known only to their tiny minds find amusement in wasting the time of others
D) Normal life does occasionally and genuinely throw up a curveball that scuppers a meet
It happens.
We operate a one strike policy, have an excuse one time only and we shall take that on the chin.
Two times equals see you later. |
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"So having spent the last four weeks or so messaging and actively engaging with couples we have found it pretty hard going to get actual confirmations
We ask after how ever appropriate amount of messages if they are free next Friday as an example
And we get “ we should be “
Or “ We think so “
Should and think aren’t yes
Or they say yes
So with 4 or five days to go we think we have something solid
But then they won’t confirm place or time then they go offline for three days
Then at 6pm they pop up and say
Hi been busy and just wanted to say 8pm (2 hours notice ) can’t wait to have fun
And we reply
No, you wouldn’t confirm anything earlier in the week
so we didn’t get a sitter as we didn’t have any plans arranged
Having been through this cycle now 4 times with broadly the same result
We could do with advice as to how to break out of it
And wonder why people who say they want to meet don’t ever seem to actually know if they are free or not 5 days in advance
"
I’d say an easy way around this is to not plan meets ahead of time. Be spontaneous on the day.
Alternatively go to a club. |
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By *empted23 OP Couple 25 weeks ago
countryside |
"So having spent the last four weeks or so messaging and actively engaging with couples we have found it pretty hard going to get actual confirmations
We ask after how ever appropriate amount of messages if they are free next Friday as an example
And we get “ we should be “
Or “ We think so “
Should and think aren’t yes
Or they say yes
So with 4 or five days to go we think we have something solid
But then they won’t confirm place or time then they go offline for three days
Then at 6pm they pop up and say
Hi been busy and just wanted to say 8pm (2 hours notice ) can’t wait to have fun
And we reply
No, you wouldn’t confirm anything earlier in the week
so we didn’t get a sitter as we didn’t have any plans arranged
Having been through this cycle now 4 times with broadly the same result
We could do with advice as to how to break out of it
And wonder why people who say they want to meet don’t ever seem to actually know if they are free or not 5 days in advance
I’d say an easy way around this is to not plan meets ahead of time. Be spontaneous on the day.
Alternatively go to a club."
That’s rather the point
we can’t do spontaneous as we don’t have a spontaneous sitter available
And if we get a sitter this week and then get let down
it may be a couple of weeks till a sitter is available again
That’s kind of the point of the original post that it’s frustrating when people don’t seem able to confirm so we don’t know wether to spend our metaphorical
Sitter token
As we only have 1 or two of those tokens a month so they need to be spent wisely |
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Prehaps be gentle but firm fairly early on if a potential meeting is discussed and say we need a definite date/time confirming in advance because of circumstances - sure I'd maybe expect a message on the day just as a "see you later at X time" just as a bit of a double confirmation everything is still on. |
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I invite people here, or more specifically to a pub 10 mins walk up the road. Sometimes people turn up, sometimes I sit like Billy no mates reading my phone thankfully I'm not a regular and it's a big Harvester pub, so it's not like sitting in my 'local'.
Maybe before modern phones, people sitting alone would attract attention, but nowadays it's kind of expected. |
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"I think it's just part and parcel of being on here.
A)people change their mind
B)people "think" they are ready to meet up and then reality hit
C) a percentage has zero intention of meeting up at all and for reasons known only to their tiny minds find amusement in wasting the time of others
D) Normal life does occasionally and genuinely throw up a curveball that scuppers a meet
It happens."
In my experience, this is a good summary. I would add that for C, there are solo men profile who are attached and know full well it's their turn to change the nappies on a Saturday evening, but still need the week-long fantasy excitement that they can get out of their real Saturday evening boredom.
Through the week, I ask them to reconfirm by latest Saturday lunchtime. When they all do, I "shortlist the applicants"... If the guys are fully bi and versatile, then a spontaneous party is set for the evening... Woohoo... |
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I'd deffo consider a club op. You could put on your status where you're going to see if anyone else is going too.
Some like to keep their options open, others never intend to meet & then you have the ones who are maybe not sure they can arrange childcare or travel etc till later in the week.
In a club, you can chat to people, see if there's that attraction & have a great time with them there and then.
I've said this on other posts, I'm half a couple, when we're active we'll go to a club, as its hard to meet other couples just relying on fab. |
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i think folk plan meets when there feeling overly horny , or maybe even typsy/dutch courage , then on the day of the meet there feeling neither.........
if its not the above its a single bloke pretending to be a couple getting a kick out of it. |
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If there isn’t a hard time and date on the meet then it isn’t happening as far as I am concerned.
If they give a vague time/date then I tend to respond with something like “ok let me know when you can confirm - hopefully I won’t have organised something else.” and then I carry on organising something else if I can. I am not someone’s back up plan. |
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Like others, we gave up on Fab meets a long time ago. Too many wasted hours and trips to count. Hence we only meet at clubs, win win. They don’t turn up, so what, there’s plenty of other like minded people there. We keep our fab to stay connected to people and occasionally we will chat to people and meet them at a club. |
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I tend towards getting people to confirm detailed plans, including asking how they'd like to organise, alongside my suggestions.
Anything other than yes and detailed, I take as a no. I move on to others. There are people who resist, for whatever their reasons but I don't put faith in meeting those who are vague or elusive. |
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