FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Wife agrees to open up
Wife agrees to open up
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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So my wife and agreed to open up our relationship and is now thinking how to find someone. I've shown her fab and she said it scares her. She want to meet someone outside in a normal way, the fab world is all too crazy for her cause she's wanting a regular thing not a one night stand. How do we go about? BTW the going to clubs falls in the same category as fab for her. She's not making it easy for me.. hehe |
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Fab is a bit much for some, tbh it's put me off men for life.
Maybe see if there's some local socials it's just a normal night in a pub with a load of swingers that may ease her in, theres also no pressure to play. alternatively look at some poly type dating apps.
Mrs |
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If you read the forums for a while, you'll see that people rarely find someone long-term. It happens, but it's rare.
It seems that 95% of guys who believe they could handle a long-term arrangement are wrong - they're really looking either for something short-term, or a relationship.
And to be honest, the same is probably true of you, if your wife is as inexperienced as you say. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Fab is a bit much for some, tbh it's put me off men for life.
Maybe see if there's some local socials it's just a normal night in a pub with a load of swingers that may ease her in, theres also no pressure to play. alternatively look at some poly type dating apps.
Mrs "
yep her words "men on fab seem so predetory" & she's only seen the site once. We're going to have to try something different. We've agreed do not mess with anyone at work it's too close and could get messy. |
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By *an1978Woman 30 weeks ago
GONE/TIMEOUT (No DMs please) |
I guess she doesn't want to be a piece of meat.
And wants the natural connection first.
It depends what you are looking for.
If polyamorous, then socialising is often the best way, meet open minded people.
Just be careful what you wish for, and have a LOT of talking beforehand.
What if someone falls in love?(fine in most poly) what if someone gets pregnant? what if someone brings home an STD? what are your boundaries?.
Sounds "boring" to do homework but you'll get a lot more fun and a lot less anguish.
(I went the disappointment and anguish route first time round  ) |
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"Organise a fab meet in secret then bump into them on a night out this has crossed my mind but then I feel it's not fair play.
Under no circumstances do this. "
If you start off with secrets it's not 'open' |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Agree 100% and will not do it.
Really?"
ofcourse I won't do it. Like to say it's not 'open' if I don't tell her about a possible meet social or otherwise. |
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"Agree 100% and will not do it.
Really? ofcourse I won't do it. Like to say it's not 'open' if I don't tell her about a possible meet social or otherwise."
I see. You've changed your mind since March then. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"Agree 100% and will not do it.
Really? ofcourse I won't do it. Like to say it's not 'open' if I don't tell her about a possible meet social or otherwise.
I see. You've changed your mind since March then. "
yes we were visiting London then and I thought it would be fun. But I didn't follow through because it didn't feel right. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"I’d try a different app like Feeld where she can swipe and see actual pictures of people. Feels less like a meat market like fab tbh."
thanks will give this a try.
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"She's not making it easy for me.. hehe"
OP, you need to listen to her really carefully. She probably doesn’t know what she wants and there’s often a bit of difference between agreeing to do something and finding the best way forward. Forgive me, but I’m glad she’s not making it ‘easy for you’ - it’s not her job to do so either and I suspect what she really needs is to know you’re right by her side every step of way. I promise you it works.
Ella x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"She's not making it easy for me.. hehe
OP, you need to listen to her really carefully. She probably doesn’t know what she wants and there’s often a bit of difference between agreeing to do something and finding the best way forward. Forgive me, but I’m glad she’s not making it ‘easy for you’ - it’s not her job to do so either and I suspect what she really needs is to know you’re right by her side every step of way. I promise you it works.
Ella x"
you're right.. I need to let her lead.. I'm acting like a child now and I need to calm the F down.. |
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"Organise a fab meet in secret then bump into them on a night out this has crossed my mind but then I feel it's not fair play. "
Don't do this op,its not fair and she may feel you're putting pressure on her. |
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By *ee69Man 30 weeks ago
glasgow |
It a very different place on here , I like to leave the odd comment in chats , a find other sites and the real world more for me when it comes to meeting people , perhaps your wife will be the same , it must be pretty mad being a women in here Tbf |
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"So my wife and agreed to open up our relationship and is now thinking how to find someone. I've shown her fab and she said it scares her. She want to meet someone outside in a normal way, the fab world is all too crazy for her cause she's wanting a regular thing not a one night stand. How do we go about? BTW the going to clubs falls in the same category as fab for her. She's not making it easy for me.. hehe"
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Forgive me but it sounds like your wife is a reluctant participant, showing interest to placate your needs rather than her own. You say she was scared when you showed her fab, was this her reaction to your profile or the site generally? |
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OP Have you shown her your profile? Did she spot you've been on here for over a year already? How honest are you willing to be; or is it all on a 'need to know' basis?
Do you really think this is something she wants or rather you'd like her to be interested so as to make things easier for you?
I could be totally wrong but from your responses and the thread in general I feel this may not work out as you expect/hope. |
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By *ee69Man 30 weeks ago
glasgow |
"OP Have you shown her your profile? Did she spot you've been on here for over a year already? How honest are you willing to be; or is it all on a 'need to know' basis?
Do you really think this is something she wants or rather you'd like her to be interested so as to make things easier for you?
I could be totally wrong but from your responses and the thread in general I feel this may not work out as you expect/hope."
After reading all this again I’d say I agree with you guys |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"So my wife and agreed to open up our relationship and is now thinking how to find someone. I've shown her fab and she said it scares her. She want to meet someone outside in a normal way, the fab world is all too crazy for her cause she's wanting a regular thing not a one night stand. How do we go about? BTW the going to clubs falls in the same category as fab for her. She's not making it easy for me.. hehe
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Forgive me but it sounds like your wife is a reluctant participant, showing interest to placate your needs rather than her own. You say she was scared when you showed her fab, was this her reaction to your profile or the site generally?"
reaction to the site and vulgarity. She knows I have a profile on here. Yes she's reluctant but she's by no means going to do this for my pleasure. She's made it very clear that it'll all be on her terms and I'm not to be around when she's playing either. So she'll be playing solo. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"OP Have you shown her your profile? Did she spot you've been on here for over a year already? How honest are you willing to be; or is it all on a 'need to know' basis?
Do you really think this is something she wants or rather you'd like her to be interested so as to make things easier for you?
I could be totally wrong but from your responses and the thread in general I feel this may not work out as you expect/hope."
she knows I have profile here for over a year. She is interested and I think she's still bit undecided and a bit nervous. I'll let her take her time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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"the same ''scary men'' on fab are the same men on many many other sites ... also she wants to find someone in the vanilla world to me suggest shes looking for more than swinging "
you hit the nail on the head. She wanting bit of regular chemistry and not just the sex bit, which is the hard bit.
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"OP Have you shown her your profile? Did she spot you've been on here for over a year already? How honest are you willing to be; or is it all on a 'need to know' basis?
Do you really think this is something she wants or rather you'd like her to be interested so as to make things easier for you?
I could be totally wrong but from your responses and the thread in general I feel this may not work out as you expect/hope. she knows I have profile here for over a year. She is interested and I think she's still bit undecided and a bit nervous. I'll let her take her time."
If nothings happened in a year I’d chalk it up as a no go. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 30 weeks ago
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She said her hormones are changing and she's feeling horny again. Went through few years of her not being bothered at all. Now we're having a lot more sex and she's wanting more .. |
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"So my wife and agreed to open up our relationship and is now thinking how to find someone. I've shown her fab and she said it scares her. She want to meet someone outside in a normal way, the fab world is all too crazy for her cause she's wanting a regular thing not a one night stand. How do we go about? BTW the going to clubs falls in the same category as fab for her. She's not making it easy for me.. hehe"
I would suggest going to a club as purely a "fact finding mission". If you know in advance that you're not going to let anything happen, but just talk to folk and watch what goes on, then it will seem a lot less scary.
You could also consider attending an organised social.
Cal |
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By *ee69Man 30 weeks ago
glasgow |
"She said her hormones are changing and she's feeling horny again. Went through few years of her not being bothered at all. Now we're having a lot more sex and she's wanting more .."
Why no jump on that and be together then , saves all the hassle off other stuff |
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I’m astounded how such bullshit can lure people in for commentary! If OP’s wife or otherwise is interested in any kind of open/swinging relationship given he’s “on the hunt again”, I’ll eat his haggis and hers!
OP, instead of fantasising about what you’d like your wife to do/be, perhaps “opening” up your communication with her rather than day dreaming!
Over and out  |
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OP I was on FAB for ages before Jenny agreed to play & yes I was one of the dreamers
Well the dream come true & now we are known as a genuine couple who go out and have fun with people from fab
All of us start somewhere & the forum is a good starting point |
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"So my wife and agreed to open up our relationship and is now thinking how to find someone. I've shown her fab and she said it scares her. She want to meet someone outside in a normal way, the fab world is all too crazy for her cause she's wanting a regular thing not a one night stand. How do we go about? BTW the going to clubs falls in the same category as fab for her. She's not making it easy for me.. hehe"
There are other Apps and websites that might be more appropriate, I’m not sure I’m allowed to list them here - but they enabled me to establish a long-term FwB that theoretically continues as a relationship, although distance currently curtails any physical activity.. |
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Don't settle for what's easy, at the expense of what could be your priorities. Really focus on the foundations of this potential aspect of your relationship. Then pursue what could be the solutions, once you're more secure and certain.
You could include getting to know people as friends, where you could learn, gain ideas etc |
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