FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Why must things be spoiled :(?
Why must things be spoiled :(?
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I’m absolutely gutted. The fun has been tainted on here by my real life ex. He has somehow found my profile. I’ve now made all but one of my pics friends only, hid my verifications, removed myself from ‘near me’, changed my username and my profile pic. I’m sure he’ll find it again though - he’s an ass like that.
Swinging was not something we did together as he didn’t approve of it, but I had experience with a prior ex and figured now I’m single this would be good fun to get back into, and it has been up to now.
Not sure what I would like to achieve from this post  |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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That's unfortunate.
Maybe it's possible to change user name or start again on here depending on how long your subscription has to run?
Pain in the arse and all that but it's no fun being stalked by an ex. |
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Sorry to hear this. What are your actual concerns?
Are you just annoyed that he has reappeared on the scene or are you more concerned that he might use it against you in some way? Or do you have some other concern? |
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"Sorry to hear this. What are your actual concerns?
Are you just annoyed that he has reappeared on the scene or are you more concerned that he might use it against you in some way? Or do you have some other concern?"
He’s sending passive aggressive texts with pineapple and unicorn emojis attached. We have a child together so it’s not great. He’s now saying that due to my “antics” I need to arrange for someone else to collect/drop off our child as he doesn’t want to see me. He is an incredibly toxic person and I feel like I’ve handed him ammunition
He’s not into the scene, he’s actually incredibly disapproving of it |
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"Sorry to hear this. What are your actual concerns?
Are you just annoyed that he has reappeared on the scene or are you more concerned that he might use it against you in some way? Or do you have some other concern?
He’s sending passive aggressive texts with pineapple and unicorn emojis attached. We have a child together so it’s not great. He’s now saying that due to my “antics” I need to arrange for someone else to collect/drop off our child as he doesn’t want to see me. He is an incredibly toxic person and I feel like I’ve handed him ammunition
He’s not into the scene, he’s actually incredibly disapproving of it"
That sucks. I am not sure I have any meaningful advice as I don’t really know your situation. All I would say is don’t let him get to you - you are free to do what you want and no one should think they are able to stand in judgment. For what it is worth I would ignore him and carry on as normal - I dislike bullies. |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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" He’s sending passive aggressive texts with pineapple and unicorn emojis attached. We have a child together so it’s not great. He’s now saying that due to my “antics” I need to arrange for someone else to collect/drop off our child as he doesn’t want to see me. He is an incredibly toxic person and I feel like I’ve handed him ammunition
He’s not into the scene, he’s actually incredibly disapproving of it"
You've done nothing wrong. If he joined here just to keep tabs on you that's very pathetic of him. Have you blocked him? |
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By *orny PTMan 39 weeks ago
Peterborough |
That sucks.and he is disgusting. Giving the rest of us men a bad name.
You've done all the right things and gone for the damage limitation option, regarding privacy
Sharing it on here helps to offload.
You could let you ex know that blàckmail and staking and revenge porn will not taken lightly by the police. You do have rights to protect your sexual identity and lifestyle.
Reverse picture searches can show you if your pictures are out in the wild. Bing, Google and Tin eye are a good place to look.
As for parental access/shaming the ex stunts. You should get some legal advice, this won't be the first case they would have heard of like this. He might be breaking some rules, re the access protocols.
Offending his prudishness is not a protected category, when it come to safeguarding practises.
Good luck nipping this in the bud. |
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"
You've done nothing wrong. If he joined here just to keep tabs on you that's very pathetic of him. Have you blocked him? "
I can’t see which viewer would have been him. He’s most likely looking in hidden mode or has a fake profile. I can only see the last 100 views x |
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"That sucks.and he is disgusting. Giving the rest of us men a bad name.
You've done all the right things and gone for the damage limitation option, regarding privacy
Sharing it on here helps to offload.
You could let you ex know that blàckmail and staking and revenge porn will not taken lightly by the police. You do have rights to protect your sexual identity and lifestyle.
Reverse picture searches can show you if your pictures are out in the wild. Bing, Google and Tin eye are a good place to look.
As for parental access/shaming the ex stunts. You should get some legal advice, this won't be the first case they would have heard of like this. He might be breaking some rules, re the access protocols.
Offending his prudishness is not a protected category, when it come to safeguarding practises.
Good luck nipping this in the bud. "
Thank you. I’ve gotten some advice and my concerns have been logged. I’ll have to see how it pans out from here x |
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By *orny PTMan 39 weeks ago
Peterborough |
Good advice for everybody:
If you are being stalked, here are some tips and advice12:
Do not engage with your stalker in any way.
Talk to family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, or your manager about the harassment if you feel comfortable doing so.
Be aware of how much of your personal information is in the public domain and take steps to protect your data.
Trust your instincts.
Take stalking seriously.
Report stalking to the Police. |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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Be aware if he had you hotlisted, unfortunately you will still show on the list, but under the new name.
I had a similar issue and moved my profile postcode around 50-100 miles away |
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"Be aware if he had you hotlisted, unfortunately you will still show on the list, but under the new name.
I had a similar issue and moved my profile postcode around 50-100 miles away "
Thank you that is helpful. How would I know if he did? Or would I not be able to see that? |
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By *bi HaiveMan 39 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Be aware if he had you hotlisted, unfortunately you will still show on the list, but under the new name.
I had a similar issue and moved my profile postcode around 50-100 miles away
Thank you that is helpful. How would I know if he did? Or would I not be able to see that?"
You can't see who's hotlisted you.
If he's sending texts and messages that you feel are harassment the I'd advise a call to the local police. They won't care that you're on here - you've done nothing wrong. But it's important to get it logged with them in case he does anything further, such as sharing photos or making claims on social media etc. It's better to have something on record than have to deal with it down the line. Good luck.   |
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"
You can't see who's hotlisted you.
If he's sending texts and messages that you feel are harassment the I'd advise a call to the local police. They won't care that you're on here - you've done nothing wrong. But it's important to get it logged with them in case he does anything further, such as sharing photos or making claims on social media etc. It's better to have something on record than have to deal with it down the line. Good luck. "
Thank you, I’ve reported it to my case worker so we’ll see what happens x |
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"I’m absolutely gutted. The fun has been tainted on here by my real life ex. He has somehow found my profile. I’ve now made all but one of my pics friends only, hid my verifications, removed myself from ‘near me’, changed my username and my profile pic. I’m sure he’ll find it again though - he’s an ass like that.
Swinging was not something we did together as he didn’t approve of it, but I had experience with a prior ex and figured now I’m single this would be good fun to get back into, and it has been up to now.
Not sure what I would like to achieve from this post "
He sounds like a bell end, and possibly a dangerous one too.
You have every right to be you as long as you keep it legal, but you know that 
You realise of course that your Ex can also see these posts, even if you have him blocked? Regardless of whether it is true or not, it might not help you if he can prove you have called him toxic etc, especially if you are worried you have given him 'ammunition'.
Unfortunately Fab allows you to set your maximum view limit, but not a minimum view limit which would be beneficial for many
This looks like one of those situations where you'll need to be strong, good luck |
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"
You can't see who's hotlisted you.
If he's sending texts and messages that you feel are harassment the I'd advise a call to the local police. They won't care that you're on here - you've done nothing wrong. But it's important to get it logged with them in case he does anything further, such as sharing photos or making claims on social media etc. It's better to have something on record than have to deal with it down the line. Good luck.
Thank you, I’ve reported it to my case worker so we’ll see what happens x"
Blocking his profile should remove you from his hotlist, admin can confirm that |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"Sorry to hear this. What are your actual concerns?
Are you just annoyed that he has reappeared on the scene or are you more concerned that he might use it against you in some way? Or do you have some other concern?
He’s sending passive aggressive texts with pineapple and unicorn emojis attached. We have a child together so it’s not great. He’s now saying that due to my “antics” I need to arrange for someone else to collect/drop off our child as he doesn’t want to see me. He is an incredibly toxic person and I feel like I’ve handed him ammunition
He’s not into the scene, he’s actually incredibly disapproving of it"
This is really awful to hear your going through this. Sorry he’s being so toxic.
If my ex found me it would do him more harm than me harm as he is in a religious organisation and they would discipline him for even looking at the site
Where as my partner needs to be discreet and he would certainly understand about using children as weapons.
So so sorry for you xx |
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By *orny PTMan 39 weeks ago
Peterborough |
"Sorry to hear this. What are your actual concerns?
Are you just annoyed that he has reappeared on the scene or are you more concerned that he might use it against you in some way? Or do you have some other concern?
He’s sending passive aggressive texts with pineapple and unicorn emojis attached. We have a child together so it’s not great. He’s now saying that due to my “antics” I need to arrange for someone else to collect/drop off our child as he doesn’t want to see me. He is an incredibly toxic person and I feel like I’ve handed him ammunition
He’s not into the scene, he’s actually incredibly disapproving of it
This is really awful to hear your going through this. Sorry he’s being so toxic.
If my ex found me it would do him more harm than me harm as he is in a religious organisation and they would discipline him for even looking at the site
Where as my partner needs to be discreet and he would certainly understand about using children as weapons.
So so sorry for you xx"
Children-as-weapons is disgusting. |
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I'm so sorry you're having this op, if he doesn't approve of swinging, it sounds like he's purposefully joined to see what he can find out.
Keep a log of all that's been said and contact made.
You're doing absolutely nothing wrong and it's him who is being unfair, if you're not together, you're free to do as you choose.
I'd probably hide myself for a bit, although you shouldn't have to. X |
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"
He’s sending passive aggressive texts with pineapple and unicorn emojis attached. We have a child together so it’s not great. He’s now saying that due to my “antics” I need to arrange for someone else to collect/drop off our child as he doesn’t want to see me. He is an incredibly toxic person and I feel like I’ve handed him ammunition
He’s not into the scene, he’s actually incredibly disapproving of it"
Damn he sounds like my nasty psyco ex ! (Tony). Hence little of our profile is 100% true, ages, names etc. Maybe turn off location and put yourself down as living in John o' Groats Scotland lol |
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What business is it of his what you do in your personal life. Sounds like you may have options to see your local police about an injection as he seems very stalker like. Hope everything gets better for you soon and sending you big hugs |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"What business is it of his what you do in your personal life. Sounds like you may have options to see your local police about an injection as he seems very stalker like. Hope everything gets better for you soon and sending you big hugs"
Sadly injection is illegal
Auto correct at it's best 
Sorry i refreshed the page just before it posted. All what i wrote vanished
I had to start over due to an ex.
Peace of mind over annoyance is a better place to be.
If you do a new profile, I'd suggest tweaking your personal details a little.
Keep records.
Keep your head high!
You will not be brought down by the very sad low ex
Be proud and do what you enjoy! |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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Devils advocate here and we have zero clue about any of the history.
From his perspective, there is probably an element of bitterness and loss that a relationship with someone he had a child with broke down. Throw in that he has found out his child's mother is now sleeping with random men, from his perspective at least.
You'll know him better than anyone here. You had a relationship for a reason so he can't be that bad. Everyone, even nice folk, can be total arse holes when they are hurting. All you can do is be the grown up.
Make it clear what you do personally is none of his business but your/his child take priority. As others have said, keep notes for a while, but he'll probably calm once he accepts it.
Sorry if that sounds shitty, its not meant to be. Scrolling the thread it looked like opinions were a little too one sided, and its good to be kept grounded sometimes. |
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