FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Getting wife involved
Getting wife involved
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"Have a bottle of wine, or whatever you like to drink, one night and ask her if she has any fantasies. See where it goes, it's how we started." This  | |||
"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" Lay the law down and tell her this is what she is going to have to do to keep you happy. Otherwise........... | |||
"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard Lay the law down and tell her this is what she is going to have to do to keep you happy. Otherwise..........." Yeah, don’t do this. 
C x | |||
"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard Lay the law down and tell her this is what she is going to have to do to keep you happy. Otherwise..........."  , . He'll know one way or another for sure | |||
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"Show her your profile and let her have a browse around see what she thinks. Mrs " This. And make sure you show her your veri so she knows you mean business | |||
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"Show her your profile and let her have a browse around see what she thinks. Mrs " We agree totally with this, but how will she feel knowing that you have been on here for a while OP? | |||
"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" Swinging couples (I am half of one) need to have a strong relationship and be open about their sexual needs and desires. Good communication is essential. The fact that you've been on here several years, clearly without your wifes consent, suggests that you do not have the sort of relationship necessary for swinging. Sorry. | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" Got any friends that are into it? Get them round for drinks and bring it into conversation? While having sex/oral/etc say that you’d like to see xyz doing whatever to her as she doing something with you | |||
"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" Have you ever discussed it with her? Maybe asked what her fantasises are? | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard Swinging couples (I am half of one) need to have a strong relationship and be open about their sexual needs and desires. Good communication is essential. The fact that you've been on here several years, clearly without your wifes consent, suggests that you do not have the sort of relationship necessary for swinging. Sorry." | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard Swinging couples (I am half of one) need to have a strong relationship and be open about their sexual needs and desires. Good communication is essential. The fact that you've been on here several years, clearly without your wifes consent, suggests that you do not have the sort of relationship necessary for swinging. Sorry." this. If she is sexually reserved then the leap to swinging is pretty big ... I'd focus on your relationship on strengtheninf it and gently broadening her sexual horizons between the two of you. Then when you feel she is more open bring in your fantasies etc
There is a risk that if she finds out you've been on the scene a few years ... she is not going to be happy. | |||
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"Start with testing the water for porn " Not all swingers are into porn. | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" I'd guess that the decision is for her to make and not for you no matter how much you might want it. Respect her choice. | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" Demand it  | |||
"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" Always start with fantasies without suggesting you make them real. Seeing her with another man, kissing, oral,fucking, you fucking her afterwards and falling asleep in each others arms (keep pushing the security, honesty, openess and strength of your relationship and how no one could ever come between you). Is she bicurious at all ?, try that fantasy route too if she's interested.... Then one day visit a club just to watch others and chat, no play with others, absolutely ZERO pressure on her. It might take weeks or months to get to that stage ~ | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" plenty of hot guys on here with nice cocks just ask her if she wud consider and show her what's on offer. | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" she will only do what she wants to do | |||
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"Its always difficult to advise anyone as we are all different, the thought of this could cause a breakdown of your relationship, is that a price you are willing to gamble on ? For us we are old enough to trust each other & have been through so much together that it was time to liberate our minds from what society tells us is normal & doing what we feel is fun, perhaps a little naughty." Totally agree. | |||
"Definitely need more details about the type of person she is. " OP says she is "pretty prude" | |||
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"Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. " How do you mean 'knows what he's doing'? I'm pretty relaxed about my body, nudity etc but I wouldn't want a male masseur. | |||
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"Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. " It seems remarkably convenient that "finding someone who offers exactly what I offer will be perfect for you!" | |||
"Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. It seems remarkably convenient that "finding someone who offers exactly what I offer will be perfect for you!"" There seems to be an attitude (not specifically the contributor you quote) that if an unsure or reluctant woman is exposed to swinging or another man's touch she will change her mind. In my opinion that's more likely to reinforce any doubts she might have. Imagine telling a straight man that he only needs to attend a gay club or get a massage from a gay man and he'll want to have sex with men. | |||
"Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. It seems remarkably convenient that "finding someone who offers exactly what I offer will be perfect for you!" There seems to be an attitude (not specifically the contributor you quote) that if an unsure or reluctant woman is exposed to swinging or another man's touch she will change her mind. In my opinion that's more likely to reinforce any doubts she might have. Imagine telling a straight man that he only needs to attend a gay club or get a massage from a gay man and he'll want to have sex with men. " I've heard gay men say this, and it's just as gross when that happens. When I was younger I was very sexually insecure, and another man trying to come onto me would have made me run a mile. (Hell, if I thought a person was trying to set up a situation to get my boundaries down now, neither man in that scenario would appreciate the outcome, and my knees would slam shut) | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" There are some good recent programs from channel 4 about it. Maybe watch them by accident with her and see what she thinks | |||
"Its always difficult to advise anyone as we are all different, the thought of this could cause a breakdown of your relationship, is that a price you are willing to gamble on ? " As the OP already has this account and a verification I doubt this is an issue so may as well go for it and have the conversation. | |||
"Have a bottle of wine, or whatever you like to drink, one night and ask her if she has any fantasies. See where it goes, it's how we started." Exactly this | |||
"I published this elsewhere, copied for your benefit. So I wrote about my journey from monogomy to ENM, and my partners difficulty to let me play with her permission due to her longstanding and justified ideas of what a relationship should be, I've never written about the actual shift in her ideals to allow me out, so here it is... We started talking after she had a conversation with a couple of co-workers, they basically said she should let me out to play and it was unfair tostop me enjoying the sex life I used to have. This was a shock to me, I had never thought she would even talk about my needs over her lack of desire to be sexually intimate. We talked a little, and watched both series of open house, discussing the highs and lows of couples experiences. To be honest, the programe was quite bad, and our conversations were very open about my desires, her feelings, our future, and the possible impact allowing me to play would have. The reality is I love her, I'm in love with her. Whatever infidelity I have had has never changed this, of course she doesn't know that part because I have not, nor will tell her. So we talked, and talked, and talked for months. To the point I said I cannot live in a sexless relationship but I would never want to leave, then she went on a long holiday away with her mother. During the holiday, we messaged. A lot. She said things in writing she could never say to my face, we talked about her feelings, and discussed 'rules' for allowing me to play. This went on for most of the 3 weeks she was away and culminated in a set of rules that we both agreed to, at which pint she said I had her permission! Was this ideal? No. Not at all, but it is what worked for us at the time, I do feel like I pushed her in the end and I regret that, but we are strong together and I respect her needs for discretion, security and privacy. I am allowed to play on condition she knows nothing. No hints, no evidence, no blatant flaunting it. I can go to events and socials, these she can and does know about, because the liklihood is I won't play anyway. She would prefer me to meet couples so I don't risk romantic involvement, and above all else, I am to tell her nothing about any meets I have or our relationship is likely to be over. If someone else decides to tell her, that's on them, and she accepts that risk, it wouldn't end us because I am allowed out on her terms. So there it is, a journey that took almost a year in a few paragraphs. I have left out a lot because it is too personal, but you will get the bulk from this." Reading this made me feel quite sad for your wife  | |||
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"I published this elsewhere, copied for your benefit. So I wrote about my journey from monogomy to ENM, and my partners difficulty to let me play with her permission due to her longstanding and justified ideas of what a relationship should be, I've never written about the actual shift in her ideals to allow me out, so here it is... We started talking after she had a conversation with a couple of coworkers......" What you did worked for you. If you had asked for advice , you would've been given all sorts of right and wrong suggestions as well as plenty of judgmental grief, yet you made it in your own way. No relationship is truly identical to others and the person involved is likely in the best position to analyse the situation properly. Other people, we, can only shoot some random arrows with our views. Some may land in the aim, others would be far off from anywhere being useful. My method has successfully worked on a number of occasions and more importantly, never ever caused even the slightest of rift between the spouses. | |||
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"Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. " I should've said "Try a local masseur..." to avoid the appearance that I'm selling my services . I don't. If you are local and interested, by all means get in touch, but I'm in no way promoting myself by sharing my opinion on the subject. Good luck all! | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" From what I've gathered speaking to couples on here is that a big part of swinging is being open and honest and not cheating. So you may have fallen at the first hurdle. Imagine she says yes she's interested and then finds out you've been on here, meeting other women behind her back? | |||
"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard From what I've gathered speaking to couples on here is that a big part of swinging is being open and honest and not cheating. So you may have fallen at the first hurdle. Imagine she says yes she's interested and then finds out you've been on here, meeting other women behind her back? " It really is alot of talking when it comes to a couple swinging, plus the victims have to suit everyone, rather hard. But yeah, he failed at the first one as he is here already. Lina. | |||
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"If you don’t know each others fantasies now, I don’t think the lifestyle will work for you. It amazes me the number of couples who don’t know what each other like. Communication is key " Absolutely!! Just talk to each other, be open and honest. This works for everything not just sex and swinging. | |||
"We were in a similar predicament, one of us (me) wants to get in to this and start having some fun as a couple, 'A' is much more reserved. We tried opening up last year and discussed it lots, I have lots of fantasies to try where she doesn't have so many so in the end it fizzled out unfortunately. Her ex's were also just vanilla too so she's never had any experiences with this type of thing either. There is only so much you can do really, if one person just isn't interested in these type of things its never going to happen unfortunately. I think you either know for sure what you like or you dont and if your having to plan ahead this much & ask on here I suspect she's not the type interested in this tbh?" Ever thought of getting a divorce lol | |||
"We were in a similar predicament, one of us (me) wants to get in to this and start having some fun as a couple, 'A' is much more reserved. We tried opening up last year and discussed it lots, I have lots of fantasies to try where she doesn't have so many so in the end it fizzled out unfortunately. Her ex's were also just vanilla too so she's never had any experiences with this type of thing either. There is only so much you can do really, if one person just isn't interested in these type of things its never going to happen unfortunately. I think you either know for sure what you like or you dont and if your having to plan ahead this much & ask on here I suspect she's not the type interested in this tbh? Ever thought of getting a divorce lol" That’s not a nice comment Metropolitain People are together because they love each other. Swinging is just about sex, It’s just transitory. | |||
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"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard" all I would say is do not get your Mrs involved. You'll regret it.. it takes a special kind of man to accept it. You'll go through a roller coaster of emotions. Initially I thought I would be cool with opening my marriage. But as soon as there was a hint of my wife coming home and telling me her colleague fancies her and she also enjoys his company I was like right book closed.. open relationship not for me. This is because it was becoming real. It stays as a fantasy for me and that's absolutely fine. My wife is on board with me. | |||
"We were in a similar predicament, one of us (me) wants to get in to this and start having some fun as a couple, 'A' is much more reserved. We tried opening up last year and discussed it lots, I have lots of fantasies to try where she doesn't have so many so in the end it fizzled out unfortunately. Her ex's were also just vanilla too so she's never had any experiences with this type of thing either. There is only so much you can do really, if one person just isn't interested in these type of things its never going to happen unfortunately. I think you either know for sure what you like or you dont and if your having to plan ahead this much & ask on here I suspect she's not the type interested in this tbh? Ever thought of getting a divorce lol That’s not a nice comment Metropolitain People are together because they love each other. Swinging is just about sex, It’s just transitory." Totally agree with that ! | |||
"Any tips on getting the wife involved in this lifestyle? Pretty prude and not sure how she would take it…. Answers on a postcard all I would say is do not get your Mrs involved. You'll regret it.. it takes a special kind of man to accept it. You'll go through a roller coaster of emotions. Initially I thought I would be cool with opening my marriage. But as soon as there was a hint of my wife coming home and telling me her colleague fancies her and she also enjoys his company I was like right book closed.. open relationship not for me. This is because it was becoming real. It stays as a fantasy for me and that's absolutely fine. My wife is on board with me." I agree with you. There are ways of getting something extra without fully opening up the boundaries of your unit. You've done the right thing in your circumstances. | |||
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