FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Couples who play separately - Q?
Couples who play separately - Q?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
|
So for those of you who play separately out of your long term relationship.
How do you ensure that things never become 'more than sex.'
Or is 'more than sex' allowed.
So, I see a lot of people 'looking for someone they connect with' but also NSA. But also want to find them attractive and be able to trust them and also probably be friends.
So. If a FWB is hot, makes you feel safe, fucks you good and you get on with them really well - how is that ever not 'more than sex'
Bit deep for 1am. Sorry not sorry hah |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's early days for us on Fab but we are both playing separately but like you say to build a connection with someone means it is a type of "relationship". Fwb is a friend and therefore implies a bond of sorts. That can be someone you have a laugh with and have random chats with. Maybe for some it's difficult to not get too attached. I think you have to make sure that you reinforce the intimacy you have with your partner at a different level. But for me personally I have different "relationships" with different people I play with, like you would with people outside of fab. Some you can randomly chat with and some it's just sex talk...some not much chat at all!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oxy jWoman 35 weeks ago
somerset |
you should know this before you even swing couples that swing are generally strong loving trusting couple who just know if you arnt sure the the question should be why are you swinging in the first place ..
but saying that if you relationship is not strong then swinging will speed up the process of ending it sooner for most |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Nothing to be sorry for and it's a fair question.
Both my wife and I play seperatly. Details on our couples account in my profile which really says more on our swinging than this oneIF you care to look. We play seperatly and together. Been together since our early 20s and swinging for much of our relationship.
Now in our case, we have a certain dynamic. I'm straight and she's bi. She's also into the cuckquean kink so loves me being with other women. We do meet other couples and she will play with other guys in that setting but our prefrence as a couple is to meet single women for ffm fun.
Obviously thats as a a couple.
When we play seperatly things change. My wife dosent meet men or couples. Just women and usually in our local club. I love it. She's having fun and she comes back to me wetter than an otters sock. Never been an issue in 25 plus years.
However she also loves sending me out to meet other women and couples. Not an issue if I head to the club on my own or whatever. I have freinds at our local club and never short of fun However it comes. Social or otherwise.
However my preference is ine on one hotel meets with women. And usually someone i have a connection with... so normally ladies I meet at the club or at social events. I enjoy a more "date night" type vibe. Have a nice meal or drink then off to the hotel.room for a night of fun...or back to hers...and then come.home the next morning.
As such over the years I have had regular ladys. One in spesific Went on for 3 years.
Obviously you get close to some people so clear communication needs to key. My wife dosent mind me having a girlfriend so to speak.
She knows im never leaving her and I know she's never leaving me. 28 years together and all that. We are quite happy and could stop all of this tomorrow but we enjoy it.
So it's all sorted between my wife and I and we have rules we have always followed...know who we are talking to, where we are going etc and the power of veto if one of us is unhappy. Never used it and never been an issue.
Ideally, would have been great if we could have met the right lady had a thruple situation but....well no. Not gonna happen.
So most ladies I meet know my wife and have met her. They know its above board and know she's fine with it. None of them meet me thinking it's going to get deep, it's just a night of the things I do and some fun approached like it's a FWB situation and that's how it stays.
But it's never really off the table to be a little.bit more "if" that's how things go. I don't want to throw labels on it but we're open to exploring that option should it arise. It would just need some clear defined ground rules for all parties involved.
Again, the odds of it happening are slim (more often than not I meet married women anyway and yes their partners know) but if a single one want to.get closer...we can talk about it. We are after all, all adults.
So yeah, for us. Works fine as my wife and I have very clear discussions, are only really after certain types of meets in certain situations and are transparent with each other about everything.anyway. There's also no jealousy and active encouragement from.each other.
Other people however..well they are the wild card. Can only be honest with them and see what happens.
Ultimetly, you have to have that strong bond amd trust with your partner for this to work.
Yes, have seen other couples split over the years because things went south when they played seperatly but also know more who havnt. It's all about trust, respect, acctually letting your partner have a say in who you do or do not meet or talk to and meeting somone else who can respect that.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So for those of you who play separately out of your long term relationship.
How do you ensure that things never become 'more than sex.'
Or is 'more than sex' allowed.
So, I see a lot of people 'looking for someone they connect with' but also NSA. But also want to find them attractive and be able to trust them and also probably be friends.
So. If a FWB is hot, makes you feel safe, fucks you good and you get on with them really well - how is that ever not 'more than sex'
Bit deep for 1am. Sorry not sorry hah"
I’m ethically non-monogamous so that’s always been part of the deal.
I’ve never understood the idea of compartmentalising something as “just sex.” To me, I have to like a person to want to sleep with them. And if I like them then I have friendly feelings towards them.
If a partner has a problem with me having friendly feelings towards someone then I suspect they’re going to have a problem with me having friends as well as other lovers/partners. And that’s abuse.
Fundamentally I think feelings are wonderful. I have loving feelings for all my friends. I can’t just meet someone, enjoy their company, and not have loving feelings for them if they’re a person I want in my life because I enjoy their company.
Ultimately, feelings are not finite. You don’t have a limited amount of feelings to dish out in your lift. They’re not a scarce resource. The more feelings you feel, the more you’ll be able to feel. And isn’t that a joyous thing to be able to do? Make people feel wanted and desired and loved? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
|
"So for those of you who play separately out of your long term relationship.
How do you ensure that things never become 'more than sex.'
Or is 'more than sex' allowed.
So, I see a lot of people 'looking for someone they connect with' but also NSA. But also want to find them attractive and be able to trust them and also probably be friends.
So. If a FWB is hot, makes you feel safe, fucks you good and you get on with them really well - how is that ever not 'more than sex'
Bit deep for 1am. Sorry not sorry hah"
I have a long term fwb/lover, we are in love with each other, this happened naturally over time, we fancy each other, enjoy each others company and have the most amazing sex.
My husband is aware of this and is massively supportive x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
|
"you should know this before you even swing couples that swing are generally strong loving trusting couple who just know if you arnt sure the the question should be why are you swinging in the first place ..
but saying that if you relationship is not strong then swinging will speed up the process of ending it sooner for most"
I agree with why you're saying this as an outside point of view. Actually the reason I ask is because someone we have met have asked the question to me and insisted there was something more. They suggested that sex is 'Never' just sex. And I'm a horrific over thinker. So. I just wanted some sensible people to counteract it again.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
|
"Nothing to be sorry for and it's a fair question.
Both my wife and I play seperatly. Details on our couples account in my profile which really says more on our swinging than this oneIF you care to look. We play seperatly and together. Been together since our early 20s and swinging for much of our relationship.
"
Thankyou for taking the time to respond so in depth. That's so great to hear and it sounds like you guys have an awesome thing going. Lots to think about and much appreciated x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
|
"So for those of you who play separately out of your long term relationship.
How do you ensure that things never become 'more than sex.'
Or is 'more than sex' allowed.
So, I see a lot of people 'looking for someone they connect with' but also NSA. But also want to find them attractive and be able to trust them and also probably be friends.
So. If a FWB is hot, makes you feel safe, fucks you good and you get on with them really well - how is that ever not 'more than sex'
Bit deep for 1am. Sorry not sorry hah
I’m ethically non-monogamous so that’s always been part of the deal.
I’ve never understood the idea of compartmentalising something as “just sex.” To me, I have to like a person to want to sleep with them. And if I like them then I have friendly feelings towards them.
If a partner has a problem with me having friendly feelings towards someone then I suspect they’re going to have a problem with me having friends as well as other lovers/partners. And that’s abuse.
Fundamentally I think feelings are wonderful. I have loving feelings for all my friends. I can’t just meet someone, enjoy their company, and not have loving feelings for them if they’re a person I want in my life because I enjoy their company.
Ultimately, feelings are not finite. You don’t have a limited amount of feelings to dish out in your lift. They’re not a scarce resource. The more feelings you feel, the more you’ll be able to feel. And isn’t that a joyous thing to be able to do? Make people feel wanted and desired and loved?"
This is really interesting. Thankyou for sharing. I feel like this thread is going to get a lot of different dynamics |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We've always played together right from start but occasionally she's played solo with my permission , the only downside to it is once she played solo they expect it all the time to point it can ruin a decent swinging friendship .. they don't want to know me once she's been on her own . Finding a regular to meet us hard enough do from now on we're together .. if they don't like it they can always fuck off .
It's like guys on here looking for couples then aks to meet wife solo .. WTF .. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
|
"We've always played together right from start but occasionally she's played solo with my permission , the only downside to it is once she played solo they expect it all the time to point it can ruin a decent swinging friendship .. they don't want to know me once she's been on her own . Finding a regular to meet us hard enough do from now on we're together .. if they don't like it they can always fuck off .
It's like guys on here looking for couples then aks to meet wife solo .. WTF .. "
I dunno. I think there are gems but few and far between.
Both our male solo meets have been MFM to all be friends first and then we always keep the fact that we are a couple as part of the conversation and top of the priority list. If they weren't respectful of that then wouldn't have chosen them in the first place. They're men, of course they're gunna wanna fuck you're wife if you give them the option. But I also think there are tonnes of single guys on here just looking for single women and it's like fuck off back to tinder mate  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"But I also think there are tonnes of single guys on here just looking for single women and it's like fuck off back to tinder mate "
You don't tend to find swingers on Tinder, that's why us solo swingers use sites designed for swingers to be able to network with other swingers. Like this one! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Exactly one of our very 1st meets the guy got obsessed with me , so now we only meet a guy once , no matter how good or sexy he is that way everyone knows before we start it works for us and if the guy not happy then goodbye plenty more fish in the sea as they say |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
|
"
You don't tend to find swingers on Tinder, that's why us solo swingers use sites designed for swingers to be able to network with other swingers. Like this one!"
Oh I hear this loud and clear, but what I mean is, 2 of the men I've met with separately say they would never be NM when they actually find their partner. They just appreciate that other people are and want to find men to join in.
This is one of the people who told me that they felt more and basically told me not to lie to myself that sex is 'always more' and why they never would share with someone they love
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
You don't tend to find swingers on Tinder, that's why us solo swingers use sites designed for swingers to be able to network with other swingers. Like this one!
Oh I hear this loud and clear, but what I mean is, 2 of the men I've met with separately say they would never be NM when they actually find their partner. They just appreciate that other people are and want to find men to join in.
This is one of the people who told me that they felt more and basically told me not to lie to myself that sex is 'always more' and why they never would share with someone they love
"
Ah so, 'single men who want to meet women' are not actually the problem, but rather people who aren't committed to long-term non-monogamy are the problem. There's quite a few respected forum regulars who routinely say, in public and in private, that in a meaningful relationship they wouldn't be non-mongoamous. Both men and women. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
|
"Interesting topic
Very. As I'm very much I don't need the closeness... Mr does we aren't however playing separately just now x "
We are exactly the same. My man likes kisses etc but 'just fucking' he's still fine with.
For me personally, sex without any connection or friendship might as well be a rabbit.
Easier to do it myself hah
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have a feeling it’s very hard to keep it to just sex over a long time "
It can be for some but for others it can be just that. Sex and friendship. Been doing this with my wife for 28 years and honestly...never had an issue but some.of the women I've seen repeatedly may have a different take. I'm.just not aware of it... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *WB85Man 35 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
It's definitely more than just sex for me, I need that connection.
I like the friendship and having regular ladies to have special occasions with.
As close as we get though, my wife is my real life.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So for those of you who play separately out of your long term relationship.
How do you ensure that things never become 'more than sex.'
Or is 'more than sex' allowed.
So, I see a lot of people 'looking for someone they connect with' but also NSA. But also want to find them attractive and be able to trust them and also probably be friends.
So. If a FWB is hot, makes you feel safe, fucks you good and you get on with them really well - how is that ever not 'more than sex'
Bit deep for 1am. Sorry not sorry hah"
Yes we do !, more Tony than Cherry though. Our relationship is rock solid, no one else could put that asunder. We've talked about possible issues several times and how we'd deal with them (heard several nightmare stories from others). Tony has had a few long term naughty friendships and Cherry has played alone with friends we've met several times. Yes of course 'more than sex' feelings get involved just as they would for 'vanilla' friends yet we always put each other first. No insecurities, no jealousies, rock solid. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If you play seperately or together, developing feelings for others outside of your primary relationship is okay if it's agreed and understood by all parties and boundaries agreed with and stuck to by everyone. Its about risk management.
There's always a risk as everything in life but if you want No Risk at all, monogamy is probably more your thing imho. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Our agreement is that we would stop whatever we are doing if the connection outside of our marriage became romantic.
Sexual chemistry, and friendship is perfectly OK however.
We have been married 8 years though, and have 2 children. Anyone that knows us describes us as the perfect couple, we have such a solid foundation that we don't have any apprehensions or doubts whatsoever.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Our agreement is that we would stop whatever we are doing if the connection outside of our marriage became romantic.
Sexual chemistry, and friendship is perfectly OK however.
We have been married 8 years though, and have 2 children. Anyone that knows us describes us as the perfect couple, we have such a solid foundation that we don't have any apprehensions or doubts whatsoever.
"
I think this would be our view If we played separately and agree sexual chemistry and friendship would be our limit. Anything more would be not acceptable
Cali |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP 35 weeks ago
|
This is all very interesting to hear all your different opinions and dynamics.
I guess the answer is, as with many things 'figure out what works for you and talk and be honest and open at all times.'
I'm adding another thread with another Q related to this  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We've always played together right from start but occasionally she's played solo with my permission , the only downside to it is once she played solo they expect it all the time to point it can ruin a decent swinging friendship .. they don't want to know me once she's been on her own . Finding a regular to meet us hard enough do from now on we're together .. if they don't like it they can always fuck off .
It's like guys on here looking for couples then aks to meet wife solo .. WTF .. "
UPDATE . she's fucked off after 30 years . Sure she's fucking her old buddy . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
