FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > How donyou couples that play together decide
How donyou couples that play together decide
Jump to: Newest in thread
So we are fairly new to this as a couple and when looking for other couples or single F on here how do you come to an agreement on who you like?
Problem we have is I Mr like a certain type of woman. Now we have also discovered on our journey that Mrs also has a type of woman but different to me 
Would you say compromising is the way to go or wait for someone who we both like is the way to go. I Mr am personally not in any rush btw |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
As a man you do whatever it takes to keep the Mrs happy...we all know the rule
Joking aside, if you're not ugly people and can hold a conversation then don't rush in to anything until you're both happy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I would say finding a couple swap is maybe one of the hardest things to do. We often find a couple where we both find the woman attractive but not the man.
I agree that no one should be 'taking one for the team'... but I guess is looks the be all and end all? (A question to ourselves there as well) so could you bend on what it is you prefer a little?
Or...... could you instead start to play a little more separately?
K
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *oxy jWoman 46 weeks ago
taunton somerset |
op thats how it should be ... getting a meet should be based on attraction but not only attraction ... dont be tempted to take one for the other one as youll regret it and regret will cause cracks ...
couples meeting couples will alway be hard via the internet there's that saying if its too easys then its too good to be true ... never ever lower your expectations with any body its 100% about you both so until both happy then nothing will happen ...you'll find couples and then as time goes by you find more and before you know it you'll need a little black book for the contact numbers..
its always hard when you start but 100% stick to you guns after all its about you not them |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It’s really difficult. As others have said you shouldn’t take one for the team, it will cause problems in the long run. Its the reason we don’t really play with couples anymore, singles are much easier to agree on |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *bi HaiveMan 46 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"So we are fairly new to this as a couple and when looking for other couples or single F on here how do you come to an agreement on who you like?
Problem we have is I Mr like a certain type of woman. Now we have also discovered on our journey that Mrs also has a type of woman but different to me
Would you say compromising is the way to go or wait for someone who we both like is the way to go. I Mr am personally not in any rush btw"
Just find two women, one that suits each of your preferences, and have an FFFM
They're ten a penny on Fab.
Should be a doddle.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
"So we are fairly new to this as a couple and when looking for other couples or single F on here how do you come to an agreement on who you like?
Problem we have is I Mr like a certain type of woman. Now we have also discovered on our journey that Mrs also has a type of woman but different to me
Would you say compromising is the way to go or wait for someone who we both like is the way to go. I Mr am personally not in any rush btw"
My advice would be if you are willing to wait then wait til you find someone you both find attractive. It’s one thing engaging in the sexual act but for me there has got to be chemistry, if there isn’t we don’t go there. Taking one for the team, it happens to all of us and just brush it off as experience, let’s not do that again.
I think the biggest thing for me when I started this journey was that it would be easy, it’s certainly not. Attraction between more than 2 people is very hard.
Talk to each other, consider what each other find attractive but I would say don’t compromise if you can help it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So we are fairly new to this as a couple and when looking for other couples or single F on here how do you come to an agreement on who you like?
Problem we have is I Mr like a certain type of woman. Now we have also discovered on our journey that Mrs also has a type of woman but different to me
Would you say compromising is the way to go or wait for someone who we both like is the way to go. I Mr am personally not in any rush btw
My advice would be if you are willing to wait then wait til you find someone you both find attractive. It’s one thing engaging in the sexual act but for me there has got to be chemistry, if there isn’t we don’t go there. Taking one for the team, it happens to all of us and just brush it off as experience, let’s not do that again.
I think the biggest thing for me when I started this journey was that it would be easy, it’s certainly not. Attraction between more than 2 people is very hard.
Talk to each other, consider what each other find attractive but I would say don’t compromise if you can help it"
That's what we say I think. For us both there has to be some physical attraction and a need to connect on a mental level I.e we get on, click etc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I know people will say that neither side should ever take one for the team but we never think it's quite that clear cut.
For us the best way to express it would be that we both have a minimum threshold. If the other party really likes the look of someone, but us not so much, but they are above the threshold, then one will "take one for the team" to that extent.
But if the person/couple are below that, then no |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I know people will say that neither side should ever take one for the team but we never think it's quite that clear cut.
For us the best way to express it would be that we both have a minimum threshold. If the other party really likes the look of someone, but us not so much, but they are above the threshold, then one will "take one for the team" to that extent.
But if the person/couple are below that, then no"
Now thats an intriguing thought. I would love to know what the threshold is |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Nobody should take one for the team, wait till you find someone you both like...otherwise it could well end in regrets and a shit night."
“Nobody should take one for the team”
Most broken rule in the lifestyle. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Now thats an intriguing thought. I would love to know what the threshold is"
As the 4 way attraction is so hard to find we do have a threshold....
So... say it was myself that wouldn't 'choose' the male half of the other couple. I would go ahead with it if he wasn't an absolute no, if there were things about him I could focus on as positives ...
I've a friend in the scene who has said she's had some of the best sex in her life with men whom were initially a 'no' due to attraction for her.
K |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So we are fairly new to this as a couple and when looking for other couples or single F on here how do you come to an agreement on who you like?
Problem we have is I Mr like a certain type of woman. Now we have also discovered on our journey that Mrs also has a type of woman but different to me
Would you say compromising is the way to go or wait for someone who we both like is the way to go. I Mr am personally not in any rush btw"
Cherry is certainly more fussy than I Tony yet neither will take one for the team. Luckily in general we go for the same type and look. We have some basic wants, once enough boxes are ticked it's down to face pics then social (with no promises of play after) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ickD80Man 46 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
It seems like you’re both hoping to meet your perfect partner and you aren’t prepared to accept anything less than that. My preferred type would be someone who’s chatty, confident, light hearted, dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin tone, but that doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to women who don’t tick all those boxes….I can still be attracted to someone who’s a bit shy and retiring and has blond hair and blue eyes. I’ve never known anyone say that they have a type and they aren’t attracted to anyone who doesn’t match that type.
I’d be interested to know what both of your types are, maybe that would clarify matters if your types are so completely polar opposites that it makes it difficult for you both to be attracted to the same person.
I feel like I’m the weird one, along with everyone else I know, because so many people here are saying how difficult it is to find people who both partners are attracted to. So have you all only ever had sex with one particular type of person? Have you never deviated from that type? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Never take one for the team!
If we both aren't interested it's a no.
I'm extremely picky ill happily say no 1000 times and yes to 1, if the attraction isn't there then it's not hot.
It's new and exciting it can be disappointing when one half isn't into someone but you can't push attraction, would you want to fuck someone you didn't want to to please someone else because I certainly wouldn't & I'd hate for someone to pick us that wasn't really interested in me, we get this often where there's a clear attraction to either me or him and not both, again that's a no.
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm half a couple,
We only meet other couples for full swap.
I'm v picky and it's tricky here as many couples only show the woman in pics.
If one of us doesn't fancy the opposite person, neither will play. Getting 4 way attraction is v difficult.
Hence why we kept our single profiles (we met here). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I (mr) am not attracted to men at all but I need to think he’s a good bloke and Mrs to think he’s attractive. with women we both have a varied taste which helps quite a bit in giving us more option |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
This site is great but meeting online kinda doesn’t work for us and we prefer to meet at a club. Well sometimes arrange to “say hi” with someone we meet here but generally meets from here don’t go well. We all put our best photos forward but truth is a photo doesn’t tell the whole story.
If you have tried internet dating I’m sure this isn’t news.
Taking one for the team: I think this really depends on the team. We have done this plenty of times but usually it happens because we both get excited by the others pleasure. However there are always some limits.
That said I really wouldn’t recommend taking one for the team until you’re comfy with the reality of seeing your partner with someone else.
A club is a great way to start, just to get chatting to other couples or singles and chat between yourselves about who you find attractive and why.
Everyone is different and no one piece of advice is going to work. So pick through what seems right for you both
Also who knows at a club there may be other elements to swinging you like… for example some gloryhole or cinema fun |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rpeggioCouple 46 weeks ago
Baughurst |
Your profile says that Ms H is bi curious and "very open minded to play with both" men and women. If she does not like the woman and you do, but she likes the man, then play straight with that couple. Not ideal for you both but you can still play without anyone taking one for the team (which we are totally against)
If Ms H does not find this acceptable and she wants to always play with both the man and the woman, that's totally ok, but then she's not as open as claimed and perhaps better to reconsider your profile.
If she likes the woman and you don't, since you are straight, either Ms H plays solo with the couple or you both pass the opportunity if you are keen on playing always together.
In summary, there's more options than just passing opportunities until you find a woman in the couple that you both like. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
Neither of us would put the other in such a situation where we're taking one for the team. That said, being pragmatic with expectations and flexible if one of us takes a particular liking to a couple or wants to try a certain thing is a must. But then good comms should be standard in any couple really. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Neither of us would put the other in such a situation where we're taking one for the team. That said, being pragmatic with expectations and flexible if one of us takes a particular liking to a couple or wants to try a certain thing is a must. But then good comms should be standard in any couple really."
I think pragmatism is the answer |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We don't play unless both are happy and attracted to said person (excluding single guys because the Mr is straight so its my monopoly). We aren't willing to take one for the team personally and neither of us wants to watch the other with someone they also aren't attracted to as we don't play separately.
Means we don't play alot but we see it as quality over quantity xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Go to clubs, you will find that you are more likely to play with people you speak to in person than by sifting loads of pics and profiles. "
Yeah starting to agree with that one. Been to a club twice now met some lovely people |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
4 way chemistry is hard but not impossible!
I use to like a very specific look for ladies - tall, skinny, pert boobs, flat tummy. Basically the opposite of me tbh. My ex I use to swing with liked curvy ladies. Luckily we both loved a nice smile and some banter!
After the first time we had a 4sum with a lovely curvy lady I was hooked - realised I adored curves too, I just never experienced it before!
That said, unless it was a ‘yes’ from both of us we didn’t meet - but focussing on the characteristics we both liked such as smile, eyes helped |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Yeah that’ll make it even more difficult for you both.
A four way attraction is very hard to get right - liking different types of women, even harder still! 
We fancy the same type of women but mostly it falls down on the man for us. Firstly it’s so hard to find a couples profile that has any pics of Mr and even more difficult as it’s usually just his cock  - I feel sorry for C having to base a decision on a cock pic
Then if you dare ask for pics, you get pics taken last decade 
That’s why we tend to stick to singles - much easier to chat and arrange to meet.
K |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Yeah that’ll make it even more difficult for you both.
A four way attraction is very hard to get right - liking different types of women, even harder still!
We fancy the same type of women but mostly it falls down on the man for us. Firstly it’s so hard to find a couples profile that has any pics of Mr and even more difficult as it’s usually just his cock - I feel sorry for C having to base a decision on a cock pic
Then if you dare ask for pics, you get pics taken last decade
That’s why we tend to stick to singles - much easier to chat and arrange to meet.
K"
Firstly it’s so hard to find a couples profile that has any pics of Mr and even more difficult as it’s usually just his cock
10/10 incredibly accurate statement.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) 46 weeks ago
|
Interesting reading a lot of the replies that don't really seem to have considered what you said - that you are attracted to different types - so waiting for a magical unicorn that ticks both boxes doesn't seem possible?
So my POV is that perhaps you can take turns to choose and the other person is supportive because they get their pick the next time... But you must appear united to the person being invited to join you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
