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How to encourage wife back to sex
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By *AULED OP Man 43 weeks ago
Bridlington |
My wife over the past few years has become very uninterested in any form of sex or serial contact.
I'm looking for was to encourage her again. Please help
Toys, underwear, role-playing, anything??? |
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OP I don’t mean to offend or assume, but have you tried talking to her without an agenda? And I mean openly talked about her, you, what’s been going on etc. all without trying to steer it towards sex?
I’m no psychologist, not full time anyway, but it could be anything and not necessarily obviously linked to sex.
A little patience and empathy may get her to open up and share. Have you tried romance with no sex? So she can see you value her in that way as well? |
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By *ee VianteWoman 43 weeks ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
Are you listening to her and doing your share of the chores, childcare and other unpaid labour? Perhaps she's tired or stressed?
Have you asked her what the issue is? She may be sensing that you're looking for sex elsewhere. Some women have very accurate intuition about these things.
Have a talk with her and listen to what she says. She's the only one who can tell you what's going on with her. |
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"My wife over the past few years has become very uninterested in any form of sex or serial contact.
I'm looking for was to encourage her again. Please help
Toys, underwear, role-playing, anything???"
Talk to her ? Isn't it obvious?
Can't see how cheating on her will be helping that situation at all. A better question would be what have you done to help her and why isn't it working ? Abit of self reflection rather that expecting an easy fix ?
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By *sWyldWoman 43 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"I try every single night, I pay her attention every day but I don't know what else to do!"
But do you communicate with her? Do you really listen to her? Do you ask her what she wants (not sex related) do you make her feel special? Valued? Wanted? Loved?
I don't mean to be judgey because I can't be given I cheated on my husband once upon a time etc but maybe you're relationship needs work in the living room before you can expect it to work in the bedroom |
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By *AULED OP Man 43 weeks ago
Bridlington |
I've tried the talking guys , I'd say 6ywars ago we lost a child.but since we have married and had another child, I do the romance (flowers,meals), I compliment, i tell her i love her. I do the chores, childcare etc some may say I'm a modern man.
I'd say everything is great but the sexual contact. |
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"I've tried the talking guys , I'd say 6ywars ago we lost a child.but since we have married and had another child, I do the romance (flowers,meals), I compliment, i tell her i love her. I do the chores, childcare etc some may say I'm a modern man.
I'd say everything is great but the sexual contact."
I'm sorry you lost your child.
Grief counselling and couples counselling for you both. Nobody here can help you because both of you need to be involved |
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There's 'talking about it' and actually being properly honest about it. Until you're both ready to be properly honest then you've got no chance. I will say that if she finds out you're on this site your relationship will be extremely rare to survive that. And she will have noticed that your energy and attention is elsewhere.
J |
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"Straight forward ultimatum should work. Something along the lines of; "hey hunni, let's get naked in bed and have sex, I suggest you act enthusiastic too, or else""
That won't work especially if there are underlying issues. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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My go to with any relationship issues or changes in behaviour are to communicate first to see if everything is alright.
If your wife has something personal going on buying her new underwear isn't going to make her want to give you sexy time.
Some times people just change and no amount of communication can resolve that.
But I'd talk to her, see if she is ok. |
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You can only communicate with her and be there for her. This development of trust, honesty and communication is your priority challenge. Are you able to do this and meet this challenge, with the motivation to do so? |
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By *hirleyMan 43 weeks ago
somewhere |
"Straight forward ultimatum should work. Something along the lines of; "hey hunni, let's get naked in bed and have sex, I suggest you act enthusiastic too, or else"
That won't work especially if there are underlying issues."
Was just a bit of irony, I don't think that would work lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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"There's 'talking about it' and actually being properly honest about it. Until you're both ready to be properly honest then you've got no chance. I will say that if she finds out you're on this site your relationship will be extremely rare to survive that. And she will have noticed that your energy and attention is elsewhere.
J"
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By *STOOCouple 43 weeks ago
durham |
If she has issues going on, even if you don't know about them which looks likely to then there's nothing you can do, absolutely nothing as she needs to sort this before she can think about before anything else. |
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OP You want to have your cake and eat it. You've been on here over 4yrs. Be honest with your wife and more importantly with yourself.
She might not be able to prove it but she possibly knows you're playing away and your attempt at toys, underwear is more about you than her. |
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By *aznlouCouple 43 weeks ago
co durham |
Can I ask why you’re trying to get your wife “interested” in sex again? You’ve already been meeting other people for sex, do you intend putting a stop to it if she starts having sex with you or get her into swinging or just push the poor lass over the edge?
I mean it’s a shit situation losing a child & whatever else your wife has going on to then have him cheating on you |
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"I've tried the talking guys , I'd say 6ywars ago we lost a child.but since we have married and had another child, I do the romance (flowers,meals), I compliment, i tell her i love her. I do the chores, childcare etc some may say I'm a modern man.
I'd say everything is great but the sexual contact."
I'm sorry for your loss.
Did you and your wife properly process this at the time together? And have you revisited since. Losing a child will create a trauma response, and that can put our libido out. But that doesn't have to be forever. |
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Hi OP.
Sorry to see that you're getting dumped upon by everyone here. Unfortunately, the fab community is populated by (mostly lovely) people who are uncommonly in touch with / open about their sexual needs. But these are the elite sexual athletes not the average Joes and as you've found here (and as can be seen in lots of other threads) there's very little understanding and empathy for people who are aren't or can't be sexually open and driven.
I've lots of sympathy for your predicament and for the all consuming, soul eating, tear inducing frustration that comes from being unceasingly rejected by your partner, not out of hostility, but because they think about sex in the same way that they think about Scrabble or baking. Been there. Got the t-shirt.
This isn't the place to come for that kind of advice though. A relationship counsellor would be a good start (lots of good online services these days). They would facilitate a mutually agreeable dialogue between you and your partner. Alas, coming here is a bit like asking a native french speaker what's the best way to start learning french. It's problem they've never had.
Chin up and spend lots of time in the gym.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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You’ve been cheating on her for (at least) 4 years already, what’s changed? Why the sudden interest? Clearly you haven’t minded getting what you need from other people previously, regardless of the potential devastation to her, so why bother caring now? seems a bit pointless.
And I would echo above, she almost certainly knows/suspects what you’ve been doing. It takes two to end up in a situation like yours.
Come to think of it, maybe she’s struggling to take your magnificent girthy manhood because she’s worn out from all the Fab meets she’s been having on her own profile?  |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Or..( and this does happen in the real world), may she just have fallen out of love? Sounds bad or negative to say this but it could be, and that is not really something that all the sex on earth can fix...Sorry to sound discouraging, and not meaning to be. Also as many other posters have said, the loss of a hold can have way deeper long term effects on a mother as opposed to the father.. |
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"Or..( and this does happen in the real world), may she just have fallen out of love? Sounds bad or negative to say this but it could be, and that is not really something that all the sex on earth can fix...Sorry to sound discouraging, and not meaning to be. Also as many other posters have said, the loss of a hold can have way deeper long term effects on a mother as opposed to the father.."
To echo the point above, it may be that your wife has checked out of the relationship and is not feeling it anymore. Time to have a proper convo and get all the fact on the table so that you can address it. If you have been here for 4 years as they say, then clearly there is an issue in your relationship that needs to be address. Even though most men are predisposed to sexual variety, doing it behind her back is not great and you need to be honest about what you want.
While I don’t condone people using sex as a weapon to protest, it might just be what some of us think - your wife no longer finds you sexually attractive, which happens a lot. |
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"My wife over the past few years has become very uninterested in any form of sex or serial contact.
I'm looking for was to encourage her again. Please help
Toys, underwear, role-playing, anything???"
Take her out to Nandos, tell her no limit, have what she wants, if you’re not finger fucking her in the car on the way home time to dial divorce lawyers for u |
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Sounds like with the loss of a child you have been through quite a bit.... and everyone deals in their own way. Maybe yours was to cheat?!
I would echo what others have said in terms of really talking. Be honest with her and say you would like more and ask her thoughts and be open to hear what she says..
I'd also say..... get off your phone and off here and dedicate your time and attention to your relationship as being on here will be a temptation.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Break the routine, do something out of the normal pattern. Suggest a weekend away somewhere, take her out for a meal, he'll have a date night. Sitting with her watching the idiot box won't cut it. |
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She probably feels pressured into sex, because you want it and she doesn't. She's not stupid.
So getting her sexy underwear will just increase the pressure on her.
So tell her that sex is really important to you, but that she's even more important, and that she can have as long as it takes. And then completely write off sex with her and assume it's not going to happen.
And she may surprise you at some point. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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There’s a lot of judge Julie’s on here ,my option for what it’s worth ,if that part of your relationship has finished like mine has ,that’s fine respect your wife’s wishes .For the judge Julie’s yes mine knows I’m on here and yes knows my bi side ,I don’t meet women just a guys and bi cpls . |
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