FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > To swing or not to swing?
To swing or not to swing?
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"If I'm totally honest, this place will knock your confidence into pieces. There's 1000's of men to every woman and the majority of inboxes will go unread. She's already said she's happy for you to explore so just mention it again, she's already stated your size isn't an issue so maybe try to believe her. Personally cock size isn't relative to good sex, bigger isn't better it's the person, the connection and the foreplay as well as the sex that makes it good, big cock doesn't mean good sex. If you are looking to improve your confidence I'd run from this place as fast as you can. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady then no sneaky profiles, be open and honest, how would you feel if she found this profile and left you? Is it worth it? Talk to her 1st before joining places like this. Good luck Mrs " Thanks for the reply. You're right that this place is not great for confidence. I don't say that because of messaging people. Which I don't do because that absolutely would make me a cheater, and that's not me. But more because of how hot some of the guys are on here and how hung. I have to remind myself that it's not representative of average because bugger guys are more likely to show off what they have. I'm really trying. I think it's just the years of social/societal programming from a young age that size is a symbol of virility/fertility/masculinity etc... The more I reflect, the more I realise that penetration isn't even the best part for me. I love all of the build up and giving pleasure in all of the other ways. I love to see my partner enjoying herself. I'll make sure to communicate with her better. Thanks for your reply. | |||
"I've been swinging for 20 years and only recently come back as a single male profile and it can be the worst of places sometimes but now and then, there is a glimmer of light." Yeah I appreciate that. I think unless you're a Greek God with insane charisma on here and on dating apps, it's a bit of a struggle for most guys. I guess that's the way it's always been. | |||
"If I'm totally honest, this place will knock your confidence into pieces. There's 1000's of men to every woman and the majority of inboxes will go unread. She's already said she's happy for you to explore so just mention it again, she's already stated your size isn't an issue so maybe try to believe her. Personally cock size isn't relative to good sex, bigger isn't better it's the person, the connection and the foreplay as well as the sex that makes it good, big cock doesn't mean good sex. If you are looking to improve your confidence I'd run from this place as fast as you can. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady then no sneaky profiles, be open and honest, how would you feel if she found this profile and left you? Is it worth it? Talk to her 1st before joining places like this. Good luck Mrs Thanks for the reply. You're right that this place is not great for confidence. I don't say that because of messaging people. Which I don't do because that absolutely would make me a cheater, and that's not me. But more because of how hot some of the guys are on here and how hung. I have to remind myself that it's not representative of average because bugger guys are more likely to show off what they have. I'm really trying. I think it's just the years of social/societal programming from a young age that size is a symbol of virility/fertility/masculinity etc... The more I reflect, the more I realise that penetration isn't even the best part for me. I love all of the build up and giving pleasure in all of the other ways. I love to see my partner enjoying herself. I'll make sure to communicate with her better. Thanks for your reply. " Honestly please try not to compare yourself to other men, it's nothing but stress for you. Yes there's muscular guys with big cocks and some will look for that. But not all will, my man is perfect for me, he's not muscular or huge, I didn't see his cock before I met him, I liked him for him and the cock was just a bonus 
Not all people are looking for what you are comparing yourself too.
On this kind of site where people are after just sex some do look for more specifics as in size etc but many don't care.
Get chatting with your women about how you feel I know she's already tried to reassure you, just think she's with you because of you, you must be doing ok, she likes you and that's what matters.
If you want to explore more maybe do it together?
Mrs | |||
"If I'm totally honest, this place will knock your confidence into pieces. There's 1000's of men to every woman and the majority of inboxes will go unread. She's already said she's happy for you to explore so just mention it again, she's already stated your size isn't an issue so maybe try to believe her. Personally cock size isn't relative to good sex, bigger isn't better it's the person, the connection and the foreplay as well as the sex that makes it good, big cock doesn't mean good sex. If you are looking to improve your confidence I'd run from this place as fast as you can. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady then no sneaky profiles, be open and honest, how would you feel if she found this profile and left you? Is it worth it? Talk to her 1st before joining places like this. Good luck Mrs Thanks for the reply. You're right that this place is not great for confidence. I don't say that because of messaging people. Which I don't do because that absolutely would make me a cheater, and that's not me. But more because of how hot some of the guys are on here and how hung. I have to remind myself that it's not representative of average because bugger guys are more likely to show off what they have. I'm really trying. I think it's just the years of social/societal programming from a young age that size is a symbol of virility/fertility/masculinity etc... The more I reflect, the more I realise that penetration isn't even the best part for me. I love all of the build up and giving pleasure in all of the other ways. I love to see my partner enjoying herself. I'll make sure to communicate with her better. Thanks for your reply. Honestly please try not to compare yourself to other men, it's nothing but stress for you. Yes there's muscular guys with big cocks and some will look for that. But not all will, my man is perfect for me, he's not muscular or huge, I didn't see his cock before I met him, I liked him for him and the cock was just a bonus
Not all people are looking for what you are comparing yourself too.
On this kind of site where people are after just sex some do look for more specifics as in size etc but many don't care.
Get chatting with your women about how you feel I know she's already tried to reassure you, just think she's with you because of you, you must be doing ok, she likes you and that's what matters.
If you want to explore more maybe do it together?
Mrs "You're right, it's not really fair or logical to be comparing it myself to other guys. I guess it's just easy to pick a body part and blame everything on that because it's something I can't change. I understand that it's far more complicated than that. It's hard when the person you love doesn't want to make love. But I have to understand that while I some of it might be because of things I have done (or haven't done) a lot of it is probably because she has previous traumas regarding sex and she needs to heal those before she's able to explore anything with me, let alone involving other people. I think I'm doing everything as well as I can. She seems happy with me. Maybe one day I will pitch the idea of a threesome just to see how she reacts. But until she's feeling much better and secure with the sexual side of our relationship, I'm probably best just leaving it be for now. | |||
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"As others have said above, the goldilocks emotional and psychological profile for swinging is someone who is stable and confident enough to manage "swinger rejection" without it hurting their self-image, to get involved sexually with people without needing additional validation or in any way making your problems their problems, and to easily maintain a healthy barrier between their swinging activities and their "normal" life. If that's not you, you should stay well away for everybody's sake." Yeah that's definitely not us yet. At least definitely not me. It must take a lot of maturity to remain objective and level headed. Thanks. | |||
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"I think you should shelve the idea of swinging for the time being. If she has her own struggles, you bringing up swinging may make her feel inadequate too and make her feel even worse. As already said this place can knock anyone's confidence, but especially some men as it's hard due to the number of men on here. With low self confidence already it won't help you op. You're you & that's what makes you unique & why your gf is with you. Be supportive to her, try and come to terms with who you are too and remember in r.l most women are attracted to the man, rather than his bits. Experiment by all means and don't stop discussing your fantasies. You can always come back to the idea in future, but I'd delete this account, in case your gf sees it and assumed you're looking to meet others. Good luck.. " You're right. I want her to focus on her recovery and her own health, because that's what I really care about. As much as it's killing me that we don't make love any more, I have to make sure that expressing my own desires and needs doesn't make her feel pressured or inadequate like you say. Thank you for that. I have to accept that this is the way I am and I had no say over how my body turned out. I'm happy that she finds me attractive and enjoys being with me for lots of reasons. | |||
"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help. " Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother. | |||
"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help. Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother. " Sexually you mean or personality wise? | |||
"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help. Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother. Sexually you mean or personality wise?" Sexually. Our personalities are good together. We get along great 95% of the time. But in the bedroom I feel like we don't know eachother yet. | |||
"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help. Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother. Sexually you mean or personality wise? Sexually. Our personalities are good together. We get along great 95% of the time. But in the bedroom I feel like we don't know eachother yet. " Ok. I hope you work it out together | |||
"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help. Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother. Sexually you mean or personality wise? Sexually. Our personalities are good together. We get along great 95% of the time. But in the bedroom I feel like we don't know eachother yet. Ok. I hope you work it out together " Thank you! | |||
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"I'd avoid anything that involves other people for a very long time mate. If you don't have a fully secure seual relationship between the two of you now, then you won't fix it by further complicating things." Yeah you're right. I'm realising it's definitely not a great idea the more I learn about swinging. | |||
"Oooooff… right in the feels. First off - this is absolutely not the place for you - if you and your partner are not having sex together (and the drugs will do that to libido) a swinging site will utterly destroy your relationship. If you are not experienced and lack the necessary fortitude - it will destroy your mental wellbeing. Porn and Social media is already damaging you, it’s obvious from your post. First off - you are her partner and LOVER - you are not just having sex. Your sexual bonding doesn’t even compare to what goes on in the Lifestyle. Stop obsessing with the size of your cock - the obsession with freakish large cocks is driven by porn and fantasy/ kink. I’ve never seen yours but I’m pretty certain it will be perfectly fine at providing the sensation she needs - that’s 5% tops of making love to your partner- the rest is emotional bonding, desire, communication, tongues, fingers and getting to know her body and her mind. One of my best friends has a massive dick - he hasn’t been able to maintain a long term sexual relationship because it fucking hurts most women. He’s treated like a freak, one night stands where they can’t walk for a week afterwards and bleed. He hates it and I feel sorry for him. So forget swinging and porn and worrying about the size of your cock. Focus on your relationship, use her sexual experience to improve yours, top tip- if you’re horny and she isn’t, pick a good time and ask if you can masturbate to her, she may not physically want to have sex but will probably be more than pleased to get naked, provide inspiration, watch you, see the desire in your eyes… There’s lots of great self help books on repairing sexual relationships, get a couple, talk to a doctor about the drugs and effects on libido. Now scoot, get out of here, delete your account and good luck and best wishes " Thank you for this reply, it actually made me feel a lot better. I can appreciate that at the other end of the scale it's probably not easy to deal with either, as you said about your friend. I'm grateful that I can be fully inside without causing any pain or discomfort. Thanks again. I will take your advice and do the best I can can with the cards I have. | |||
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"You both have insecurities. Swinging will magnify them, not resolve them. If you want to resolve your insecurities, you need to talk to each other (and maybe get the professional help that you've already discussed). Good luck." Yes you're right. I think I just want to understand her better and figure out how I can give her what she wants. But I'm not sure how to navigate or communicate about it because I'm worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting her. Thanks. | |||
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"OP, you sound like a thoughtful and caring partner, as does your girlfriend. You are both in not-great places psychologically, so it doesn't seem surprising that your relationship isn't where you'd both like it to be. As many have said above, non-monogamous play, like swinging, really does need a stable basis to succeed. We've been doing this for a while, and have only ever seen swinging as a fix for relationship troubles end in disaster. However, if you are indeed both as thoughtful and caring as you seem, that puts you in an outstandingly good position to work on your relationship. Good luck!" Thank you. I'm very optimistic about us. I just want her to feel fulfilled and understand what she wants. Thanks for the reply. | |||
"Do not fall in to that trap of exploring by yourself and thinking she will be ok with it. She almost certainly won't and it will be the begining of the end for your relationship. If you are serious about her, make it very clear that you are in it for the good times and bad and that you have some ideas to spice things up but only when she is ready. " You're right. I don't think the suggestion cane from good place. More that she thought I would find someone else and her insecurities about not being good enough would be proved right (even though that's not true) Thanks. | |||
