FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Should we try newbies or experienced.....
Should we try newbies or experienced.....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi,
We have been talking about sorting a meet out soon but we are both still really nervous. For a first meet, would it be best to go with an experienced couple who could take us under their wing and introduce us gently into the fab world, or, meet with other complete newbies?
R&R |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its more about that couple themselves than how much experience they have.
I would say find someone who you know (from talking to) understands your position. We found a lovely couple for our first 4sum who we knew had been in a similar position to ourselves not too long before-worked well!
I would definately recommend going for a social meet first though-good luck and have fun!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If neither of you has ever swung before, I would urge you to arrange a social first. You really do need to feel comfortable with the couple you are going to have a meet with, and it can be too much pressure to to both the social and the meet at once.
Anyone who is genuinely 'experienced' will understand this and will show you the patience you need.
By doing the social first, if you are unsure about the other couple then you have the option to not take it further - and if your gut instinct says 'No', then listen it.....
'Newbies' in Fabs terms can be a bit misleading as it only refers to how long a particular profile has been on the site. People come and go, and return. If, by 'Newbie' you mean Swinging Virgins, then the biggest worry is actually whether they'll turn up at all!! People get nerves... unfortunately.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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go with what feels right for you,you dont need advice from others,who dont know you from adam.and should you decide to meet someone and you dont feel comfortable at the idea of making the next step,simply say so and walk away,no harm done,the others may be disappointed,but what price your own dignity and self comfort |
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"If neither of you has ever swung before, I would urge you to arrange a social first. You really do need to feel comfortable with the couple you are going to have a meet with, and it can be too much pressure to to both the social and the meet at once.
Anyone who is genuinely 'experienced' will understand this and will show you the patience you need.
By doing the social first, if you are unsure about the other couple then you have the option to not take it further - and if your gut instinct says 'No', then listen it.....
'Newbies' in Fabs terms can be a bit misleading as it only refers to how long a particular profile has been on the site. People come and go, and return. If, by 'Newbie' you mean Swinging Virgins, then the biggest worry is actually whether they'll turn up at all!! People get nerves... unfortunately.."
^^^ this...
Listen to the Forum Sage, for he is wise   |
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you'd be better off going to a club. There will be plenty of "newbies" and experience to mingle with. Pick which night suits best and dive in and swim. I don't think there is a single swingers club in the country where you have to do things you don't want to.Enjoy |
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"If neither of you has ever swung before, I would urge you to arrange a social first. You really do need to feel comfortable with the couple you are going to have a meet with, and it can be too much pressure to to both the social and the meet at once.
Anyone who is genuinely 'experienced' will understand this and will show you the patience you need.
By doing the social first, if you are unsure about the other couple then you have the option to not take it further - and if your gut instinct says 'No', then listen it.....
'Newbies' in Fabs terms can be a bit misleading as it only refers to how long a particular profile has been on the site. People come and go, and return. If, by 'Newbie' you mean Swinging Virgins, then the biggest worry is actually whether they'll turn up at all!! People get nerves... unfortunately.."
^^^^This!
Pretty much spot on I'd say. |
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Lots of good advice here. Sometimes you get a good feel for other members really quickly, whether to avoid but equally that they seem great. As you're meeting a couple, ensure that you all communicate together, so that you don't get a potentially unbalanced view of what they both want. Phone chats are really beneficial and are more natural than just written messages.
Some clubs have events where you don't need to be members, so it's an ideal place where you could possibly find other partners, without needing to splash out on the joining financial commitment. Equally there are some social events where you could just relax. All the swingers that I've met have been lovely, and I enjoy the social aspects of a club as much as the sex - well, both are valuable to me, I mean, but the right sex beats it all.
It's important to be clear yourselves what scenarios are up for grabs, what may be excluded etc, so that you can find the right people to get involved with. it's likely that your interests will change, as you gain experience.
You'll also be likely to get far better at selecting the right people over time. This helps reduce the amount of time spent chatting to those who may not be right for you two, and vice versa. Getting your profile as good as possible is also really profitable, as this can screen out those who might otherwise message you, as sometimes message overload can be a burden, if you're short of time.
Whatever you do, take things in your strides, as each potential set of partners will be different to the next. Use the forums, and you'll feel less isolated but better informed.
Good luck and wishing you lots of fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"you'd be better off going to a club. There will be plenty of "newbies" and experience to mingle with. Pick which night suits best and dive in and swim. I don't think there is a single swingers club in the country where you have to do things you don't want to.Enjoy"
I agree. If you're nervous, try a club first. Loads of people to chat with, and no pressure to play. If you tell people that you are new to swinging, they will be delighted to tell you of their own experiences, and help you to 'find your feet' at your own pace. You will also get a chance to watch other people, which will help the two of you to discuss and agree your personal boundaries.
La Chambre in Sheffield is not far from you, and its website includes lots of information about 'the lifestyle', which you will find helpful whether you decide to use that club or not.
Good luck, and happy swinging!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We completley agree, we went to a club first and it was very friendly. We didn't feel any pressure to "perform" or get involved, so when we did, in the hot tub, it wasn't at all stressful, just felt natural. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi,
We have been talking about sorting a meet out soon but we are both still really nervous. For a first meet, would it be best to go with an experienced couple who could take us under their wing and introduce us gently into the fab world, or, meet with other complete newbies?
R&R"
A social meet 1st is my advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If neither of you has ever swung before, I would urge you to arrange a social first. You really do need to feel comfortable with the couple you are going to have a meet with, and it can be too much pressure to to both the social and the meet at once.
Anyone who is genuinely 'experienced' will understand this and will show you the patience you need.
By doing the social first, if you are unsure about the other couple then you have the option to not take it further - and if your gut instinct says 'No', then listen it.....
'Newbies' in Fabs terms can be a bit misleading as it only refers to how long a particular profile has been on the site. People come and go, and return. If, by 'Newbie' you mean Swinging Virgins, then the biggest worry is actually whether they'll turn up at all!! People get nerves... unfortunately..
^^^ this...
Listen to the Forum Sage, for he is wise "
You cheeky young whipper-snapper....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure if a club might be a bit "in your face" for first timers. A social meet with a view to playing is probably best, and then maybe meet up again at the nearest opportunity. You might be better going to a club WITH another couple who have been themselves. They will know your worries and could answer your questions. |
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We met an experienced couple for our first meet last year at butlins of all places on an adult weekend after looking on the forum. We was a little scared lol. Met them for drinks and a social then they invited us back to their caravan the next afternoon with out the alcohol so we all new what we were doing. The fem started of with the misses then got us guys to join in. Wow wow and more wow we ticked so many boxes in our first meet it is hard meet to beat now lol  so i would go for experience if you feel at dare with the right couple  |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
"All the meets ive had with newbees has gone fucking terrible, i always these days recommend, experience couples who know what there doing and there boundary have been set and tested"
We are all newbies at some point. If no one met us there would be no swinging at all |
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"
We are all newbies at some point. If no one met us there would be no swinging at all"
true, but from my experience its gone badly, maybe its just me, but ive had much better experiences with experienced couples |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if a club might be a bit "in your face" for first timers...."
I agree, there are some clubs that would be too overwhelming for first timers. "Towel" clubs, for example, would probably be too intimidating for nervous newcomers.
However, there are clubs where there are quite differentiated "social" (dressed) areas and "play" areas. At those clubs, it's very easy for newbies to move at their own pace.
I particularly like clubs such as Partners and La Chambre, where we can stay dressed in the bar/lounge. But they have pool/jacuzzi/sauna, as a reason for me to take my clothes off 
I'm not getting undressed for sex - honest! I just like the pool/sauna |
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"Not sure if a club might be a bit "in your face" for first timers....
I agree, there are some clubs that would be too overwhelming for first timers. "Towel" clubs, for example, would probably be too intimidating for nervous newcomers.
However, there are clubs where there are quite differentiated "social" (dressed) areas and "play" areas. At those clubs, it's very easy for newbies to move at their own pace.
I particularly like clubs such as Partners and La Chambre, where we can stay dressed in the bar/lounge. But they have pool/jacuzzi/sauna, as a reason for me to take my clothes off
I'm not getting undressed for sex - honest! I just like the pool/sauna "
We went to infusion last year in Blackpool before we had even swung and crapped our selves lol
we did find it intimidating, we found a room and had some fun on our own behind closed doors, we have been to a club since but with some one else and had fun as a foursome which we thoroughly enjoyed , but if you fancy a club you would probably be better with a couple of chaperones on a first visit |
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