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By (user no longer on site) OP 51 weeks ago
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So I'm a rather shy person and don't do well in crowds or unfamiliar places as it makes me anxious. How would one go about getting hyped uo enough to go to a meet or a club on my own?
I know the words anxiety and shy aren't exactly what people wanna hear but unfortunately it happens. Any advice is massively appreciated.
I had thoughts of messaging some people to maybe go to a club with as a sort of tag along type thing and see what happens but nerves are beating me at the moment  |
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It would be easy to say man up and get on with it, but understandably that isn't a viable option for some.
Interaction online is one way of getting to know people a little, before meeting up face to face. Don't rely solely on messages, use the chatroom too, perhaps the South East room in a bid to meet people in your general area. It's never easy to get that first face to face interaction, but perhaps if people got to know you better your chance of a one on one social or invite to an organised social might improve.
It is understandable why you would be nervous of attending a club, however the rest of the people there will know what it has taken you to get there and you're likely to pick up some kudos for that alone. That said, go with zero expectations and you won't be dissapointed and anything more is a bonus.
Probably the best bet for you if you are going to be nervous in a one on one situation or club is to hit the middle ground and go to an organised social. Once again, you'll pick up some kudos just for going and you are likely to speak to a wide range of people, which may open doors further down the line. The beauty of an organised social is that it is just people getting together for a drink, no one expects more, and no one has to feel anymore awkward than if they started chatting to someone in a bar or a train station. If you don't want to hang around you can always leave.
Whatever you decide to do, we wish you luck.
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Maybe try a club that is open in the daytime; less folk and less expectation.. there are Kik or FB groups for some of the clubs and of course the chat rooms on here.
I would advise against ‘Dutch courage’ or any stimulants as that has the potential for you to come across as a dick if you’re too d*unk etc..
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The What Women Want event could be a start (check their Fab profile) It’s a day event and there is a social the night before at a local pub. There is also a Telegram chat which opens about 10 days before the event where people get to know each other. |
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Some good ideas from everyone
If you do still want to try clubs out -
Check to see if there are nonmembers days, that might be a lower level financial commitment for you and you could evaluate how you may fare there. Some clubs may be more suited to you than others. Management are always very supportive and friendly.
Don't force any pressure on yourself before or whilst there, including about how long you must stay, what you must do, etc. |
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"It would be easy to say man up and get on with it, but understandably that isn't a viable option for some.
Interaction online is one way of getting to know people a little, before meeting up face to face. Don't rely solely on messages, use the chatroom too, perhaps the South East room in a bid to meet people in your general area. It's never easy to get that first face to face interaction, but perhaps if people got to know you better your chance of a one on one social or invite to an organised social might improve.
It is understandable why you would be nervous of attending a club, however the rest of the people there will know what it has taken you to get there and you're likely to pick up some kudos for that alone. That said, go with zero expectations and you won't be dissapointed and anything more is a bonus.
Probably the best bet for you if you are going to be nervous in a one on one situation or club is to hit the middle ground and go to an organised social. Once again, you'll pick up some kudos just for going and you are likely to speak to a wide range of people, which may open doors further down the line. The beauty of an organised social is that it is just people getting together for a drink, no one expects more, and no one has to feel anymore awkward than if they started chatting to someone in a bar or a train station. If you don't want to hang around you can always leave.
Whatever you decide to do, we wish you luck.
"
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Practice by going to a pub in a nearby town and striking up conversation with strangers.
Acclimatisation to the pressure of thinking of something to say and opening lines should be a practiced skill and can be learned. |
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"It would be easy to say man up and get on with it, but understandably that isn't a viable option for some.
Interaction online is one way of getting to know people a little, before meeting up face to face. Don't rely solely on messages, use the chatroom too, perhaps the South East room in a bid to meet people in your general area. It's never easy to get that first face to face interaction, but perhaps if people got to know you better your chance of a one on one social or invite to an organised social might improve.
It is understandable why you would be nervous of attending a club, however the rest of the people there will know what it has taken you to get there and you're likely to pick up some kudos for that alone. That said, go with zero expectations and you won't be dissapointed and anything more is a bonus.
Probably the best bet for you if you are going to be nervous in a one on one situation or club is to hit the middle ground and go to an organised social. Once again, you'll pick up some kudos just for going and you are likely to speak to a wide range of people, which may open doors further down the line. The beauty of an organised social is that it is just people getting together for a drink, no one expects more, and no one has to feel anymore awkward than if they started chatting to someone in a bar or a train station. If you don't want to hang around you can always leave.
Whatever you decide to do, we wish you luck.
"
This is some of the best advice you're going to get. |
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By *DW1983Man 51 weeks ago
Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield |
Some very good advice above.
Also don't be afraid to talk to people. If it's quieter it's easier but even in a busy club, try and strike up a conversation. Even make a bit of a joke about it - "Hi, I'm new here and don't want to spend the evening propping up the bar like a Billy no-mates..." let's people know your situation. Even if it's asking to join in on the pool table or chatting to another single guy, or a couple you don't want to play with. It won't always work, and make sure to read the situation and move on if they're not wanting to talk, but remember: no matter how attractive or well dressed, we're all just people underneath. Flesh, bones,... We all have insecurities, and we all have empathy.
I struggle at times too. Sometimes I have a great night, other times I do feel like all I've done is stand in a corner and watch. It depends as much on the other people as you, sometimes it's easier than others.
I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but just going and trying is really the best way. |
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By *oxy jWoman 51 weeks ago
somerset |
you'll find most people are really friendy in clubs and will talk ...but dont take talk as your in and if some dont want to talk then respect that too ..
nerves are a good thing it keeps you on your toes it how you deal with the nerves thats the problem ..
to go forward on this scene you need to be confident in yourself you cant be weak as people will walk all over you dont matter if your a couple woan or man me n hubs will talk to anyone in a club until they think they are in |
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Like most have said, try a social first or several socials.
You may find another single guy who wants to attend a club and arrange to go together.
Don't be afraid to tell folks its your first time and are a quivering wreck.
We drove up and down outside for 30 minutes on our first club visit and both said no playing on first visit.
We stood at the bar and shook like leaves and could hardly speak when someone approached us but were so glad folks took the time and effort to chat.
The rest, as they say, is history. |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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I know we're a couple so automatically we find clubs etc slightly more relaxing. But, I'd say just go to a club without an expectation for sex. By that I mean be open to the idea, but expect to just have a drink and a chat like a normal club. Removing the expectation removes some of the nerves. We've spoke to alot of single men in the same boat and we're more than happy to meet up with them from a social point of view. Either way, good luck and hope you have a great time.
Oh, we were bricking it before our first club night. Thinking it was going to be full of hundreds of immaculately groomed, well experienced people but it wasn't. It was alot of very down to earth, friendly people who were there to have a laugh etc. Go for it. |
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