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Feeling Disillusioned
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By (user no longer on site) OP 51 weeks ago
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Originally, I had planned to go along to Quest last Sunday, but I ended up not going as I just couldn't summon up any enthusiasm. I've been to Quest on a Sunday five times now, (along with once each on Tuesday and Thursday), and I don't know if I have any reason to go again.
I want to meet up with people, to have fun, and explore what I'm in to, try and work out if there's a place for intimacy in my life, or even if I can actually enjoy sex, but so far the swinging scene is a bit of a let-down in that regard.
The usual advice is to just go along to a club to enjoy yourself, without any expectations, but I'm finding that I don't particularly enjoy going to Quest. There's also the small matter that by the time I've bought the train ticket, and paid the entrance fee, I'm out at over £50, and there're other things I can spend the money and time on.
Are there better clubs to go to as a newbie single male, or should I just give up? |
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We can’t speak for Quest as we’ve not been however we’ve been to several clubs and club events and they’re all different. It can become costly, even for a couple we pay £45 entry to some events and our favourite club is 120 miles away so requires a hotel generally. Perhaps see what other clubs are around your area and try a different one.
Ask yourself what is attractive about swingers/clubs over finding a partner who enjoys similar kinks to you? We have found that some have the misconception that people in this lifestyle will fuck anyone and it couldn’t be further from the truth.
We love the social side more than anything else but that still requires a common ground or similar interests to get a convo started.
V&K x |
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By *oxy jWoman 51 weeks ago
somerset |
if your expecting sex from your club vists then thats where your going wrong clubs are not a guarantee you'll get your pecker wet ...
its no different than any other way of meeting ..sexual attraction in a must along with personality and confidence going to a club only means your with people who are likeminded thats all nothing is promised there are plenty of men who go to clubs and the most they get from it if lucky is a wank watching if they are lucky most go home with nothing because they just stand there doing nothing ... |
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OP, I read your published veri and sounds like you struggle with your social skills. That's not going to help in clubs, unfortunately, as you need to speak to people. Also, what do you mean by saying that you need to check if you can even enjoy sex? |
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I’ve never been to quest so can’t comment specifically there.
But I’d never just turn up to a club on a random night and expect it to be busy.
I’d pick busy party event nights only. Check out the forums and pick events that appeal to you. There’s loads of single men that have a great time and are welcome in clubs.
£50 all in is a cheap club night IMO. I’d be happy if it only cost me that lol. |
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"I'm out at over £50"
Honestly that would be a good trip for me. When you factor in club fee, transport and hotel im usually at least £150 light. The clubs i like are usually 100s of miles away.
Try a different club and see how you fit in. But do make some effort talking to people.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 51 weeks ago
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"OP, I read your published veri and sounds like you struggle with your social skills. That's not going to help in clubs, unfortunately, as you need to speak to people. Also, what do you mean by saying that you need to check if you can even enjoy sex? "
It's . . . complicated? I've put myself down as bi on my profile, but the overwhelming majority of people I've had sex with have been men, with mixed results. Too often, it's felt like I'm just going through the motions. |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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Sometimes it’s better to step away for a bit to “find you”.
Going through the motions is never what it should be and that will reflect in what you give and gain from it |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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Swinging clubs aren't a "free for all" orgy, consent is everything, Attraction is important also
Swinging is mostly social so if you struggle with the social aspect it's going to be very difficult for you
Maybe work on your social skills with your non-Fab friends and family?
Most of all Don't expect sex, just think of it as a bonus! |
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By *oxy jWoman 51 weeks ago
somerset |
"Swinging clubs aren't a "free for all" orgy, consent is everything, Attraction is important also
Swinging is mostly social so if you struggle with the social aspect it's going to be very difficult for you
Maybe work on your social skills with your non-Fab friends and family?
Most of all Don't expect sex, just think of it as a bonus! "
agree with this .... the men that do well are those who can be social and have confidence ... if your shy or not good socially or have little confidence then clubs and even the scene as a whole may not be for you because you need to be able to approach couples and women knowing that your confident enough that if someone say 's no thanks that it wont affect you ..
the fact you had only sex mainly with men and the way youve said it is that your not confident around women and that will be couples too from my point of view and our sxwinging friends point of view is we want confident fun men not shy or reserved ....been to clubs all over the uk and Europe they are all basually the same in how they work |
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Maybe try a step back from clubs OP and look at attending local munches instead? You state you want to explore your kink side, and you're not really sure where you actually stand in regards to sex currently. So perhaps friendly, fully clothed social mixer events might suit you better to meet folk? |
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By *oxesMan 51 weeks ago
Southend, Essex |
"Originally, I had planned to go along to Quest last Sunday, but I ended up not going as I just couldn't summon up any enthusiasm. I've been to Quest on a Sunday five times now, (along with once each on Tuesday and Thursday), and I don't know if I have any reason to go again.
I want to meet up with people, to have fun, and explore what I'm in to, try and work out if there's a place for intimacy in my life, or even if I can actually enjoy sex, but so far the swinging scene is a bit of a let-down in that regard.
The usual advice is to just go along to a club to enjoy yourself, without any expectations, but I'm finding that I don't particularly enjoy going to Quest. There's also the small matter that by the time I've bought the train ticket, and paid the entrance fee, I'm out at over £50, and there're other things I can spend the money and time on.
Are there better clubs to go to as a newbie single male, or should I just give up?"
Maybe quest isn't for you maybe try another club or maybe take a break from fab and swinging as we all can't rampert rabbit sex drivers all the time |
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"if your expecting sex from your club vists then thats where your going wrong clubs are not a guarantee you'll get your pecker wet ...
its no different than any other way of meeting ..sexual attraction in a must along with personality and confidence going to a club only means your with people who are likeminded thats all nothing is promised there are plenty of men who go to clubs and the most they get from it if lucky is a wank watching if they are lucky most go home with nothing because they just stand there doing nothing ..."
Agree with this.
When we started it was all about the sex, of course it was, that’s why anyone starts. But over time we have learned that our time in clubs is much more about meeting other people like ourselves, people who just want fun with no limits. As an example…..dancing! I do not dance, I never dance and wont dance in a pub, nightclub or party as I’m too self conscious. But at our favourite club, The Attic, no one cares what moves I have or not. No one judges and everyone is just having a fun time…..that’s why we go, we blend right in. If sec happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t and it’s no loss because we still have more fun than we would ever have in weatherspoons.
I would suggest you shop around. I have never been to quest however I do know that every club is different. Only last week we went to an alternative club because the attic is closed currently and it just wasn’t the same. And I don’t think we will go back because the vibe doesn’t suit us at all.
Try a different venue before you give up….I can recommend the Attic for sure. It’s like an old school disco with a naughty twist. |
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As said I think a little break from it all would do you good & spend some time with your friends/family & see where you are in your mind in a couple of weeks & just hide your profile instead of deleting it  |
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By *os19Man 51 weeks ago
Edmonton |
"Originally, I had planned to go along to Quest last Sunday, but I ended up not going as I just couldn't summon up any enthusiasm. I've been to Quest on a Sunday five times now, (along with once each on Tuesday and Thursday), and I don't know if I have any reason to go again.
I want to meet up with people, to have fun, and explore what I'm in to, try and work out if there's a place for intimacy in my life, or even if I can actually enjoy sex, but so far the swinging scene is a bit of a let-down in that regard.
The usual advice is to just go along to a club to enjoy yourself, without any expectations, but I'm finding that I don't particularly enjoy going to Quest. There's also the small matter that by the time I've bought the train ticket, and paid the entrance fee, I'm out at over £50, and there're other things I can spend the money and time on.
Are there better clubs to go to as a newbie single male, or should I just give up?"
. Is £50-£80 a lot to spend on a night out to an adult club for an adult who has an income coming in ?. Personally I don’t think it is.When I go to my local club on a Friday night it’s £50 entrance fee. I go with the attitude that it’s the end of my working week and I am going to go out and have a good night.No expectations no disappointments and any naughty fun is a added bonus. |
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"Originally, I had planned to go along to Quest last Sunday, but I ended up not going as I just couldn't summon up any enthusiasm. I've been to Quest on a Sunday five times now, (along with once each on Tuesday and Thursday), and I don't know if I have any reason to go again.
I want to meet up with people, to have fun, and explore what I'm in to, try and work out if there's a place for intimacy in my life, or even if I can actually enjoy sex, but so far the swinging scene is a bit of a let-down in that regard.
The usual advice is to just go along to a club to enjoy yourself, without any expectations, but I'm finding that I don't particularly enjoy going to Quest. There's also the small matter that by the time I've bought the train ticket, and paid the entrance fee, I'm out at over £50, and there're other things I can spend the money and time on.
Are there better clubs to go to as a newbie single male, or should I just give up?. Is £50-£80 a lot to spend on a night out to an adult club for an adult who has an income coming in ?. Personally I don’t think it is.When I go to my local club on a Friday night it’s £50 entrance fee. I go with the attitude that it’s the end of my working week and I am going to go out and have a good night.No expectations no disappointments and any naughty fun is a added bonus."
To be fair I spent a couple of hours on a second social tonight with someone I like, and as it was payday and he drove an hour plus to get to me, and dropped me home after... I paid circa £40 in drinks for both & snacks. As I frankly insisted it was my shout, and I wanted to spend time with him, plus he made the travel effort in shitty snowy conditions... Money well spent IMHO! And he did keep trying to pay at the bar instead... Bottom line I could have paid £2 to get the bus home instead, but I wouldn't have had such a good time. And sonetimes you need to budget to enjoy yourself too |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"Originally, I had planned to go along to Quest last Sunday, but I ended up not going as I just couldn't summon up any enthusiasm. I've been to Quest on a Sunday five times now, (along with once each on Tuesday and Thursday), and I don't know if I have any reason to go again.
I want to meet up with people, to have fun, and explore what I'm in to, try and work out if there's a place for intimacy in my life, or even if I can actually enjoy sex, but so far the swinging scene is a bit of a let-down in that regard.
The usual advice is to just go along to a club to enjoy yourself, without any expectations, but I'm finding that I don't particularly enjoy going to Quest. There's also the small matter that by the time I've bought the train ticket, and paid the entrance fee, I'm out at over £50, and there're other things I can spend the money and time on.
Are there better clubs to go to as a newbie single male, or should I just give up?"
Sounds like you're spending and there's an expectation.....that's why you're not enjoying it.
swinging sux being a single male... we're 50 a penny! |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"OP, I read your published veri and sounds like you struggle with your social skills. That's not going to help in clubs, unfortunately, as you need to speak to people. Also, what do you mean by saying that you need to check if you can even enjoy sex?
It's . . . complicated? I've put myself down as bi on my profile, but the overwhelming majority of people I've had sex with have been men, with mixed results. Too often, it's felt like I'm just going through the motions."
Mixed results in what way? |
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Just as different people like different pubs and social venues, the same is true for clubs. It may be that the one you've settled in may not be the best for you.
That said, I agree with much that others have said. I think it's valuable for you to really know what your objectives are, so that you can most fully identify how you may achieve them. It may be partly by several options, including identification of different clubs etc. Some clubs are more bisex open, whether events or central focus. Club Play is very much this way.
From this, I think you'd truly benefit greatly from determining your objectives and why you've settled at swinging.
Your well-being is essential for you and swinging can be costly to this, for a large number of single men. It may be that you've explored this enough to have learned about it and yourself - you'll know if and when that could be the case. |
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