FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Ever feel threatened?
Ever feel threatened?
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"I wouldn't say threatened but I've felt intimidated by other women before. Are they slimmer, younger, better in anyway than me. Because I can take a long time before my first orgasm and then I'm fairly quiet I feel uncomfortable. It sounds like the other women is having a better time than me. This also effects me in bi play as I worry that the other woman will get bored with me or I think im not good at turning them on. Yet in a club I can happily play with 5 or 6 guys at a time with confidence but the moment a women starts to watch I feel judged. I know its in my own head and the only person judging me is me but I can't help myself. " Can relate to some of this. For me as I get older sometimes I do feel threatened (not sure that’s the right word) with the younger slimmer woman but when it turns out they can’t or don’t give head very well I relax haha | |||
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"This one is more for the women here than the men but also interested in your thoughts too. We are here to find bi guys but every now and then we get approached by a couple, asking maybe have a coffee and some same room fun (but no swapping). We always turn this down because the wife has said that she would feel threatened simply by having another woman in the room. Were you ever like this in the beginning or maybe you still are? " I think this is quite common for both male and female to feel this especially at the beginning. Known people who stop swinging very early on in their journey for this reason. I think a lot of others, either conscisouly or subconciously, end up meeting people who don't make them feel threatened - eg if worried a slimmer, more attractive lady might make them feel threatened then they focus on meeting people who are similar size and attractiveness. Ditto many men - for all those men who like seeing partners with more attractive, perhaps younger men, perhaps with much bigger cocks there are a lot who feel threatened by this end and end up meeting couples with similar type men. | |||
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"I’ve used the wrong word with threatened I think… I thinks it’s more she doesn’t want another woman to play with me at all… As I said she said another woman can’t give or do anything to or for me that she can’t do and that’s why she’s happy for a guy to join us and that’s just for me to be played with by her and another guy… " I mean, I disagree. I think everyone fucks differently because we’re all different people with different experiences we learnt from. She has the right to say she doesn’t want to play with or alongside other women, though. | |||
"I’ve used the wrong word with threatened I think… I thinks it’s more she doesn’t want another woman to play with me at all… As I said she said another woman can’t give or do anything to or for me that she can’t do and that’s why she’s happy for a guy to join us and that’s just for me to be played with by her and another guy… " Thats very different...so you're just looking for bi guys...not women, to play with. Should be easy enough to find on here. | |||
"I’ve used the wrong word with threatened I think… I thinks it’s more she doesn’t want another woman to play with me at all… As I said she said another woman can’t give or do anything to or for me that she can’t do and that’s why she’s happy for a guy to join us and that’s just for me to be played with by her and another guy… I mean, I disagree. I think everyone fucks differently because we’re all different people with different experiences we learnt from. She has the right to say she doesn’t want to play with or alongside other women, though. " Absolutely this!! I love meets where I learn new skills and things that turn N on and new techniques from other women. We are really open with each other after meets about what we enjoyed and show the other. It’s a real opportunity to learn. Just this weekend I was working on my oral with condoms skills with him to see what guys might or might not like. I love that we are always learning and improving with new meets and experiences. But as you say, if she doesn’t want to play with other women around, that’s entirely her choice and consent is key. If it doesn’t work for you, it is up to you to communicate your wants and needs. | |||
"I’ve used the wrong word with threatened I think… I thinks it’s more she doesn’t want another woman to play with me at all… As I said she said another woman can’t give or do anything to or for me that she can’t do and that’s why she’s happy for a guy to join us and that’s just for me to be played with by her and another guy… " __ Great thread OP, one of the best in a while. Very clear now. Your words are all about what someone (her, another women, a male) can or cannot do to you. Sounds like your couples dynamic is about you being done things by others, you being the recipient of the attention. If you are ok with that then happy days. But If you want to experience another woman, so you being the active one doing things to her, then you need to tell your partner. Your partner may be the best at sex, but there's is something that she cannot give you: to experience sex with a different person. So it's not a matter of better or worst, but different. Another point is that you are missing two or more women paying attention to you at the very same time. Your partner can't give you that either, unless she's "The Flash" superhero. | |||
"I wouldn't say threatened but I've felt intimidated by other women before. Are they slimmer, younger, better in anyway than me. Because I can take a long time before my first orgasm and then I'm fairly quiet I feel uncomfortable. It sounds like the other women is having a better time than me. This also effects me in bi play as I worry that the other woman will get bored with me or I think im not good at turning them on. Yet in a club I can happily play with 5 or 6 guys at a time with confidence but the moment a women starts to watch I feel judged. I know its in my own head and the only person judging me is me but I can't help myself. Can relate to some of this. For me as I get older sometimes I do feel threatened (not sure that’s the right word) with the younger slimmer woman but when it turns out they can’t or don’t give head very well I relax haha " _ To you Baciami and Lustylou, from my male perspective, slimmer, younger, big tits, perfect arse, cute face...it does not matter an iota. If I was to make a line up of all the women I have had sex with and ask who you think I had the best sex with, I bet you'd be mostly wrong if you chose based on those physical traits. The best sex I have had is with the women I felt they were also into me, the ones with a naughty streak, the ones with a cheeky sense of humour, and that clearly are enjoying having sex with me as much as I am with them. Being comfortable with who you are makes you sexy as hell. | |||
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"She's also straight so there isn't much gratification she can get from another woman unless she is gratified by watching. " I think this is the crux of it. I assume from what I've read on the thread you BOTH enjoy playing with another man. Only YOU would be getting any enjoyment from another woman, as she doesn't have any interest in women and no desire to play with them. Therefore, why would she want to watch something that does nothing for her? Unless she is a cuckqueen then its not really a stretch to see why she is not into this idea. Just my thoughts MrsAbz | |||
"Ok maybe I’ve got it wrong as she’s just put me straight about it… It more the case of she doesn’t want another woman doing what she can to me… She wants a guy to join us she can peg me but it’s not the real thing and she can’t give me that and she wants me to have all that I want and not from another woman…. " I think it's really common for women to measure themselves against other women and to potentially feel intimidated. Steph tended to be anxious about other women 'doing a better job' on me than her. We had one encounter in a club with an older lady who wanted to take turns sucking me with Steph whilst I had my eyes covered. She was lovely but her oral skills weren't as good as Steph's. It gave Steph a real confidence boost to see and hear me reacting way more to her touch than the other woman's. Especially when I couldn't see who it was. | |||
