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Anxiety at swinger clubs
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Don't go too quickly. Spend enough time in the club and around the action until you're completely comfortable with it. You don't have to leap straight to 'performance'.
It was six weeks before I first asked someone to play. By then I knew the club, the staff, the regulars, I was used to being naked in the hot tub with a group of strangers having a chat, and I'd seen plenty of play. Joining in was a natural next step.
If you're there with a partner, you can start in a private room. Just knowing that the people outside can hear you without seeing anything is a thrill. Giving them a show can come later. Or it doesn't have to come at all - everyone has different comfort limits.
And while a drink can help you relax, do not overdo it. Overindulging won't help your performance, and can turn others off you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find some guys can struggle in public so I'll always ask if they what somewhere a little more private like a lockable room.
I can struggle if too many people about, especially if there is any commentary   . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As others have suggested, try going to a lockable room. You may find you're able to transition after you're more relaxed or may always prefer that. Someone you're comfortable with for starters could help.
I like being watched and so people around can be exciting. Although commentary can kill it. Unless it's positive.  |
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"Vodka and viagra  "
Slightly conflicting advice there! Alcohol in general is a cause of ED and even a little bit can have that effect if already nervous. I know OP is young and more of an issue as get older but not sure it's the best idea. |
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"I’m a newbie to going to clubs, sometimes with or without my partner it can be a nervous event. And my ‘performance’ has struggled, how did you concur this hurdle? "
It is very common and don't think there is a magic formula. Just got to get comfortable over time. Private room is good advice although being in public and in little groups is half the fun  And also seen it many times even in private at say foursome two couple meet. Sometimes the excitement can be a bit overwhelming - more than many realise until faced with it. |
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By *apa 888Man
over a year ago
mount hawk |
I live 8n Weston-super-Mare, 2 minutes walk from route 69, I'm looking to go on my own as don't have a partner, the thought of walking in feels me with anxiety being a single man, any suggestions please feel free to DM me |
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"I live 8n Weston-super-Mare, 2 minutes walk from route 69, I'm looking to go on my own as don't have a partner, the thought of walking in feels me with anxiety being a single man, any suggestions please feel free to DM me"
Thought that said walking in heels for a brief moment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First time I went I was like a rabbit in the head lights never felt so nervous and it still kicks in now but only wen I go on my own if go with partner I don’t feel as bad it must be a thought of no one gna come talk to me so get all hot n botherd |
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"I live 8n Weston-super-Mare, 2 minutes walk from route 69, I'm looking to go on my own as don't have a partner, the thought of walking in feels me with anxiety being a single man, any suggestions please feel free to DM me"
Think you might just have to suck it up and take the plunge. Worse case you have a drink, feel awkward and leave relatively quickly but susepct it will be fine once in there and just like going into any bar. Or find another man to go with |
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"Don't go too quickly. Spend enough time in the club and around the action until you're completely comfortable with it. You don't have to leap straight to 'performance'.
It was six weeks before I first asked someone to play. By then I knew the club, the staff, the regulars, I was used to being naked in the hot tub with a group of strangers having a chat, and I'd seen plenty of play. Joining in was a natural next step.
If you're there with a partner, you can start in a private room. Just knowing that the people outside can hear you without seeing anything is a thrill. Giving them a show can come later. Or it doesn't have to come at all - everyone has different comfort limits.
And while a drink can help you relax, do not overdo it. Overindulging won't help your performance, and can turn others off you."
^^ This ^^
Don’t overthink it, pretty much every man has had performance issues despite what they may say.
Feeling comfortable and enjoying it are paramount..
Failing that speak to GP as Viagra can make a difference - no shame in it.. |
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"Vodka and viagra
Slightly conflicting advice there! Alcohol in general is a cause of ED and even a little bit can have that effect if already nervous. I know OP is young and more of an issue as get older but not sure it's the best idea. "
Think it was a tongue in cheek statement |
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"I find some guys can struggle in public so I'll always ask if they what somewhere a little more private like a lockable room.
I can struggle if too many people about, especially if there is any commentary ."
The commentary is very off-putting for me, too. Or very loud sex noises that you can tell are just for the audience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We get this before and on arrival at a club. We almost left on one occasion but went into the glory hole room instead which was a lot of fun.
Anxiety is pretty much why arranged things don't work for us and everything we have done is spontaneous.
The downside is that we don't get to play very often. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find some guys can struggle in public so I'll always ask if they what somewhere a little more private like a lockable room.
I can struggle if too many people about, especially if there is any commentary .
The commentary is very off-putting for me, too. Or very loud sex noises that you can tell are just for the audience. "
It's why I'll only play in certain areas now, I just hate it.
Is she any good, no obviously I'm shit mate ffs  . |
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Viagra.
Complete game changer. I never really rhought my myself as having performance anxiety but found that the Ms quite likes group rooms, exhibition rooms etc and I was struggling sometimes to keep up.
I went to the GP first and had a chat about, he ran my blood work which showed higher than average testosterone levels (just higher by a smidge) so that 100% ruled out any medical problem at all whether sexually or other. I then bought Viagra Connect just over the counter at Asda Pharmacy.
Don't always use it as we don't always play but for moments when I feel like I need a boost, it's been amazing. Also helps me last longer when I want to. Couldn't recommend it enough however, I now buy the generic brand of Viagra after it was recommended by the pharmasists, half the price, works exactly the same if not a little better as instead of working for 6-8 hours this one pushes closer to 12 hours |
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Anxiety comes from expectation. Expect nothing and expect to give nothing. Go and enjoy yourself.
Our first time in clubs was nerve wrecking, because we over, thought it, but over time we just attend clubs to enjoy ourselves. Sex is an extra, we go for fun, dancing, drinking, socialising, smiling. We have a great night out without any nerves because we are only there to have fun without expectation |
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"Viagra.
Complete game changer. I never really rhought my myself as having performance anxiety but found that the Ms quite likes group rooms, exhibition rooms etc and I was struggling sometimes to keep up.
I went to the GP first and had a chat about, he ran my blood work which showed higher than average testosterone levels (just higher by a smidge) so that 100% ruled out any medical problem at all whether sexually or other. I then bought Viagra Connect just over the counter at Asda Pharmacy.
Don't always use it as we don't always play but for moments when I feel like I need a boost, it's been amazing. Also helps me last longer when I want to. Couldn't recommend it enough however, I now buy the generic brand of Viagra after it was recommended by the pharmasists, half the price, works exactly the same if not a little better as instead of working for 6-8 hours this one pushes closer to 12 hours "
You should try Cialis, it lasts for about 2 days. Some call it the weekend pill and is amazing.
I have no issues in the bedroom but do take one on club nights for the same reasons you describe, it’s amazing. |
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