FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Manners and respect
Manners and respect
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've been on fab many years and the level of manners and courtesy is probably as low as it can get. I'm fortunate in a way that I experience both sides , my wife has her own separate profile and I have my own but we often chat about the messages we receive . This is only my experience but I have to say the messages my wife receives from the guys on the whole are very respectful and polite I sadly cant say the same from the messages I receive from the ladies. I appreciate women receive a much higher volume of messages but my wife does however make a point of answering her messages , most are a polite no thank you . Most of the messages I send are read but never responded to and some are read and just deleted. Again I do appreciate it takes time to answer messages but really does it take that much time for a quick thank you for message but not for me ?? We are all busy people but I dont think that is an excuse for lack of manners. My wife gets messages back from guys who she isnt interested in just thanking her for at least responding to them i think that tells it's own story. All i would say let's all try to be a bit more respectful of each other. It's a pretty nasty world out there let's not let fab go that way. Sermon over happy fabbing  |
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No reply or deletion is a clear indication that the person isn't interested though. Also (and I know this is always mentioned in these threads but it bears repeating) the FAQ state that no reply means no thanks.
I think in the world at large we're used to a certain social etiquette which just doesn't apply here |
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"Yes totally understand, just a shame that's the standard we want on fab. But it is what it is I guess. "
I think that experience makes many women wary.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'the standard we want '. Most of us set our personal standards by our own expectations and experiences. Hence we reply to some messages which is hardly an arduous task given that we have good filters and are way out of most age ranges. However we don't respond to many for various reasons and it isn't lack of manners and respect on our behalf. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
no sorry but its pretty simple nobody owes anybody anything on this scene nobody owes you a reply or anything else for that matter.. and its alway been that way online ... attraction and rejection are the scene in a nutshell
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It’s a killer OP so I fully empathise. It can be disheartening making a conscious effort to read and dissect a profile, construct a well thought out message only to have it ignored altogether or read and deleted. However, the fact of the matter is, the receiver is well within their right to choose not to respond if they do not wish to - that’s just the way it goes on here |
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I think people would have a better experience on here if they acknowledged no reply /deletion is the message intended to be sent.
For me personally I'd rather be ignored quietly than read a lot of no thank yous one after the other.
Also need to remember what one person considers a well thought out opening message might be completely unwelcome to the recipient. |
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If someone sends me a decent message and I can see they've read my profile, I always reply even with a no thanks.
If its a clear they haven't or its a rubbish message, I delete it.
I don't get many messages and use filters to keep mail down, but some fems and couples get a lot of messages a day and can't reply to all.
Why not just delete your sent messages from your outbox and then any reply is a bonus.
I know it can be frustrating, but I genuinely don't get why 30 no thanks would be any less depressing than 30 deletes. |
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"If someone sends me a decent message and I can see they've read my profile, I always reply even with a no thanks.
If its a clear they haven't or its a rubbish message, I delete it.
I don't get many messages and use filters to keep mail down, but some fems and couples get a lot of messages a day and can't reply to all.
Why not just delete your sent messages from your outbox and then any reply is a bonus.
I know it can be frustrating, but I genuinely don't get why 30 no thanks would be any less depressing than 30 deletes. "
Exactly this. We always respond to message from people who have read our profile properly. Anything else gets binned. Not enough hours in the day and one of the many reasons we prefer clubs over Fab/SH or whatever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes totally understand, just a shame that's the standard we want on fab. But it is what it is I guess. "
And yet here you are trying to fuck that standard of woman...
If someone replies to a message it means that message filters won't work on them in the future. So if they block men, the men they said no to will still be able to message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP you say you’ve been on Fab for a number of years so I’m quite surprised after all this time that you’re not accepting of the fact that no reply means no interest.
Your wife has been very lucky if she has escaped receiving abuse after turning guys down. It was a daily occurrence for me as I tried to do the right thing by replying to messages, mostly from people who hadn’t bothered to read a word of my profile.
I now delete and block and I make no apologies for it. I learned the hard way that even those who sent well written messages could turn nasty as soon as I said no. |
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By *an1978Woman
over a year ago
GONE/TIMEOUT (No DMs please) |
"I'd also maybe mention on your profile that your wife is here too, currently people could interpret it that she is unaware op. "
Also this.. many would take it as that and not deserving of a reply.
But worth bearing in mind for example, in a day, if I get 10 messages a day from friends and try get them all answered, back in the day when I was more active I was getting 50+ a day and impossible to get round to answering them all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP you say you’ve been on Fab for a number of years so I’m quite surprised after all this time that you’re not accepting of the fact that no reply means no interest.
Your wife has been very lucky if she has escaped receiving abuse after turning guys down. It was a daily occurrence for me as I tried to do the right thing by replying to messages, mostly from people who hadn’t bothered to read a word of my profile.
I now delete and block and I make no apologies for it. I learned the hard way that even those who sent well written messages could turn nasty as soon as I said no."
Agree. Often a polite ‘no thanks’ turns into 5 follow up messages about why not / trying to persuade me then get abusive when i refuse to engage further.
Equally a ‘thank you for a compliment’ opens the floodgates sometimes and you end up bombarded with hallo’s 10 times a day.
I’d like to be nice but just not possible or worth it sometimes tbh |
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I can see why you would think that but when you receive numerous one liners amongst well thought out messages we would need to employ a secretary to process our admin owing to the volume we receive. A no reply is a no thanks in our view.
Only persistent offenders who repeatedly message get blocked. If we had a pound each time we hit block we could go for a night out lol |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"Yes totally understand, just a shame that's the standard we want on fab. But it is what it is I guess.
And yet here you are trying to fuck that standard of woman...
If someone replies to a message it means that message filters won't work on them in the future. So if they block men, the men they said no to will still be able to message. "
This. and a lot of men take a no thank you as an invitation to converse and keep coming back again and again and again.
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By *UFSWoman
over a year ago
belfast |
Why should I say "thanks but no thanks" to someone who either hasn't read my profile or completely ignores what's said on it?
Manners and respect work both ways,and if a guy,or couple can't respect what's on my profile,they certainly won't get any respect from me. |
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By *enk15Man
over a year ago
Evesham |
I totally understand not sending a "thanks but no thanks" message.
I've seen the other side of it and the sheer number of messages that can come through on a single female account. Most of which are uninspired and only a couple of words. Replying to them all would take quite a bit of time.
I would rather messages were not left unread though. A read with no reply, or an unread deletion sends a clear "Thanks but not thanks" message... I think I just need resolution and unread messes with my brain lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its not that I get 100ps of messages but honestly I don't. I use my message filters etc and my filters are pretty tight so it stops that sheer volume.
I am not replying to people who cannot be arsed to actually put in any effort though. Hi, you free, want to fuck, come and suck my cock haha.
If someone has taken the time to actually give me a respectful polite message I will say thanks but no thanks as a general rule but I honestly am not really that bothered about being polite to people who are not polite themselves. |
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We always respond even if to say 'sorry not for us' yet so many here keep us hanging on by ghosting us after claiming great interest. Others talk of meeting but shy away ftom arranging something for weeks or even months, hell of a waste of our time !.... Sorry but just a little manners goes a long way yet sadly most on here now don't even have that and it can also be seen in many of the replies to this post. |
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Gosh. How entitled. Really don’t have time to reply to all messages on couples account and worse for a lady. Some people seem to think that popping online to check things means got an hour free to type no thank you to 50 people and then get the obvious follow up messages. And I can guarantee just saying no thanks would still be seen we lacking manners by somebody like the OP. Life is too short and doesn’t revolve around Fab. |
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"I totally understand not sending a "thanks but no thanks" message.
I've seen the other side of it and the sheer number of messages that can come through on a single female account. Most of which are uninspired and only a couple of words. Replying to them all would take quite a bit of time.
I would rather messages were not left unread though. A read with no reply, or an unread deletion sends a clear "Thanks but not thanks" message... I think I just need resolution and unread messes with my brain lol
"
Absolutely, even a deletion sends a clear message and is a response.... unlike ghosting or misleading. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lot of women are just making excuses and hiding behind the “No reply means not interested” policy when I’ve known this to not be true, as sometimes they just forget to reply or were busy at the time.
Then you just have others who get shit loads of abuse from single men on here and so far other men with the same brush before giving a chance.
And then you have cases where women just can’t be arsed to say they’re not interested.
Maybe we need a unanimous consensus universal rule on here that fully means not interested, and not ‘No reply means…’ as it’s been established sometimes that’s not the case.
My advice to men is if you’ve put in effort with a message and get left on read twice, just block them and move on – not worth it. |
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"Gosh. How entitled. Really don’t have time to reply to all messages on couples account and worse for a lady. Some people seem to think that popping online to check things means got an hour free to type no thank you to 50 people and then get the obvious follow up messages. And I can guarantee just saying no thanks would still be seen we lacking manners by somebody like the OP. Life is too short and doesn’t revolve around Fab. "
Yes we knew a young lady who would get up to 500 messages a day  (she showed us on her mobile), obviously that's a different situation and impossible to manage... Yet we're talking of those who get far less and can't even be arsed to delete your last message even if we've been chatting a while  . There are a lot of bad mannered folk and timewasters on here, let's not make excuses for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lot of women are just making excuses and hiding behind the “No reply means not interested” policy when I’ve known this to not be true, as sometimes they just forget to reply or were busy at the time.
Then you just have others who get shit loads of abuse from single men on here and so far other men with the same brush before giving a chance.
And then you have cases where women just can’t be arsed to say they’re not interested.
Maybe we need a unanimous consensus universal rule on here that fully means not interested, and not ‘No reply means…’ as it’s been established sometimes that’s not the case.
My advice to men is if you’ve put in effort with a message and get left on read twice, just block them and move on – not worth it."
There is already a universal rule, no reply, deleted or blocked means not interested, it's up to the sender to deal with that at an individual adult level, doesn't need a rule.
For those of us who were an adult before widespread internet, chat rooms, forums when we approached someone in person say in a pub or club we'd either chat, get told not interested, or maybe they'll just turn their back on me, it's no different now just deal with it and move on. |
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"Lot of women are just making excuses and hiding behind the “No reply means not interested” policy when I’ve known this to not be true, as sometimes they just forget to reply or were busy at the time.
Then you just have others who get shit loads of abuse from single men on here and so far other men with the same brush before giving a chance.
And then you have cases where women just can’t be arsed to say they’re not interested.
Maybe we need a unanimous consensus universal rule on here that fully means not interested, and not ‘No reply means…’ as it’s been established sometimes that’s not the case.
"
Here, here.... Let's say delete means not interested !. Maybe a quick delete AND block button would help those who receive too many messages ? (just not on the edge of our mobile screens please) |
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"Lot of women are just making excuses and hiding behind the “No reply means not interested” policy when I’ve known this to not be true, as sometimes they just forget to reply or were busy at the time.
Then you just have others who get shit loads of abuse from single men on here and so far other men with the same brush before giving a chance.
And then you have cases where women just can’t be arsed to say they’re not interested.
Maybe we need a unanimous consensus universal rule on here that fully means not interested, and not ‘No reply means…’ as it’s been established sometimes that’s not the case.
My advice to men is if you’ve put in effort with a message and get left on read twice, just block them and move on – not worth it.
There is already a universal rule, no reply, deleted or blocked means not interested, it's up to the sender to deal with that at an individual adult level, doesn't need a rule.
For those of us who were an adult before widespread internet, chat rooms, forums when we approached someone in person say in a pub or club we'd either chat, get told not interested, or maybe they'll just turn their back on me, it's no different now just deal with it and move on."
Lol, we've had many over the years who read and don't reply, then a week later 'sorry we've been so busy' and the chat continued... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lol, we've had many over the years who read and don't reply, then a week later 'sorry we've been so busy' and the chat continued..."
Definitely can happen, a couple of vanilla friends on my WhatsApp are like that, we just dip in and out every little while. |
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By *heelerMan
over a year ago
Northants |
Im always respectful and good mannered i sometimes quirk a little funny cheeky comment for a laugh but it still dont work for me .I sometimes feel like messaging a obscene request and see if i get replies that way but its not in my nature to do that. |
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"Im always respectful and good mannered i sometimes quirk a little funny cheeky comment for a laugh but it still dont work for me .I sometimes feel like messaging a obscene request and see if i get replies that way but its not in my nature to do that."
Difficult for single guys as so many on here, might help to explain on your profile why you can't accomodate. Many will assume you're cheating... |
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I just do not bother after reading thread after thread on this subject, it seems that there is no point to it.
I just use the forums and hid my profile, there are other places where I can find my kinks. |
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"Manners and respect. Something only 2 in 10 people have"
I think most people do actually. They just don't have the time (or a Fabmin assistant) to reply to all messages when life is busy and doesn't revolve around Fab. Some people just don't seem to understand there are times when you are in chatty mode, search mode, meet mode and actively looking and other times when online just for a browse, Forum, cam, etc. and don't want to deal with messages (and each mode can last weeks or months). |
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