FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Trying to get wife interested in the idea of swinging
Trying to get wife interested in the idea of swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi everyone, looking for advice!
My wife and I are looking to spice up our sex life and the ideas of swinging and 3 some’s turns me on a lot. We have discussed it but that’s about it.
I also like the idea of other men and women hitting in her. However, she does not seem too interested.
Any ideas or suggestion? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need to talk with each other properly.
It doesn't matter what you want, if she does not want the same then it will end in tears.
Of course, she might be surprised to learn about your profile on here. 
Swinging is an emotional minefield, if you do not communicate and are not honest with each other.
We would counsel against getting involved sexually with anyone after "drinks".
Certainly don't take a mate home, and surprise your wife.
So have a rethink and be mindful.
M and M |
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"Thanks for the replies so far. Anyone willing to help or interest my wife , let me know"
You said she's not interested. Try to find other ways to spice up your sex life that don't involve you getting other people to try and change your wife's mind. Does she know you're doing this? |
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"Hi everyone, looking for advice!
My wife and I are looking to spice up our sex life and the ideas of swinging and 3 some’s turns me on a lot. We have discussed it but that’s about it.
I also like the idea of other men and women hitting in her. However, she does not seem too interested.
Any ideas or suggestion?"
Spice up your sex life between the two of you first, that may involve trying new things, dressing up, weekends away. Too many get into swinging and it doesn't end well. Unless you have a great sex life between the two of you leave it as a fantasy. |
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If she's not interested don't try and push her.
For me swinging takes a huge amount of trust and communication if you don't have it then don't start.
Does she know your here? Can you show her the site?
Mrs |
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By *am SmithMan
over a year ago
Around and about |
I'm in a similar situation.
I've approached the subject several times gently but she's never really engages the conversation.
I don't want to shock her as we've been married a very long time and I'd like to keep it that way.
So I'm adopting a casual 'mention in passing' while having sex approach. |
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This isn't a criticism of anyone, more an observation.
I think a lot of the issues with this kind of thing arise because many men feel afraid to talk openly to their partners about their desires and are not emotionally open either. For a lot of us women the feeling that your partner trusts you enough to talk to you about anything builds emotional intimacy and that is what leads to the confidence in a relationship that encourages sexual experimentation.
Trust me, turning outside a relationship to discuss issues within it or to recruit help to get a partner in board with something isn't going to help if you aren't communicating with your partner.
After reading quite a few threads like this and the current 'how to approach women in a bar' one I wonder if even now men see women as a separate species. We're not, talk to us |
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By *andK78Couple
over a year ago
Newport |
Lots of porn, all categories, toys, lightly engage in conversation while playing.
Yes or no should not be the question, what's your thoughts, would you like, how would you, did you enjoy, that sort of thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We were first intrigued by a friend explaining the club scene to us. He said that in a normal night club 99% of the time he would end up in an altercation but at swingers clubs everyone is much more relaxed and uninhibited. He sometimes goes just to meet and chat, no sex stuff and it's just a nice atmosphere. Perhaps you could see how she would feel about that? No pressure to have sex with anyone just go somewhere together where you can meet people and chat about it and just get a feel for what you both want, and if she doesn't like it you just leave/dont go again and accept that it's not for her?
If you push her AT ALL then it's never going to work, if she feels at all pressured to do something she's not comfortable with then she will never get comfortable. Let her dictate the pace, give her lots of options but most of all stop when she says stop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This isn't a criticism of anyone, more an observation.
I think a lot of the issues with this kind of thing arise because many men feel afraid to talk openly to their partners about their desires and are not emotionally open either. For a lot of us women the feeling that your partner trusts you enough to talk to you about anything builds emotional intimacy and that is what leads to the confidence in a relationship that encourages sexual experimentation.
Trust me, turning outside a relationship to discuss issues within it or to recruit help to get a partner in board with something isn't going to help if you aren't communicating with your partner.
After reading quite a few threads like this and the current 'how to approach women in a bar' one I wonder if even now men see women as a separate species. We're not, talk to us "
So true! |
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"Lots of porn, all categories, toys, lightly engage in conversation while playing.
Yes or no should not be the question, what's your thoughts, would you like, how would you, did you enjoy, that sort of thing."
What if she has no interest in porn or toys? |
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I remember having a 'how did you get into swinging' conversation with a single lady on another site. A boyfriend had browbeaten her into going to Rio's where she reckons she shagged at least 6 guys.
Boyfriend fucked of with the hump and never spoke to her again
Be careful what you wish for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd err on the side of caution with this one mate. You've put the suggestion out there and so it's registered in her brain on some level. Every so often you could mention it again and see if her thoughts on swinging have opened up. You definitely can't press too hard on it otherwise if it does happen too fast, when she's not 100% bang up for it, that's literally the exact moment your relationship could slowly start take a downturn.
She may well have previously thought about it. It could be one of her deepest fantasies but she has never mentioned it out of fear of what you might think. Who knows. Maybe slowly starting watching that sort of porn together to 'normalise' it in her mind - but be careful of your intentions - because that's pretty much what grooming is!
My advice would be not to force it. Accept that we are the minority of the population and even though its the sexiest thing ever, for some people it's always never going to be completely ok.
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
There is only one way to do this and that is by talking. Discuss fantasies and suggest swinging. If however she is not interested then you have to accept it and give up. Pushing it will end badly for all concerned. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a big issue for a lot of women would be that you suggesting swinging might mean she is not good enough, or you don’t love her, don’t find her sexy etc. So be very careful how you raise it
Why not watch one of the recent programmes on TV together about people trying a threesum and see how she reacts? Or tell her you heard of friends who tried it and loved it?
If you’ve raised it repeatedly she might just not be interested. Why not try other things - take her away for a night, buy her some new lingerie? Ask her what you can do to please her or what she wants to try?
You can’t force someone into swinging. Good luck |
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"Hi everyone, looking for advice!
My wife and I are looking to spice up our sex life and the ideas of swinging and 3 some’s turns me on a lot. We have discussed it but that’s about it.
I also like the idea of other men and women hitting in her. However, she does not seem too interested.
Any ideas or suggestion?"
Guys I'm sure will be queuing up for her, that's the reality. |
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100% agree with other posters on being honest. Both in what your “end goals” are and when you have the conversation. And it needs to be a conversation not just one partner telling the other what’s happening.
When I have played with partners in the past then I’ve always been honest. Along the lines of “I’ve been involved with this scene in the past; I’ve enjoyed it, no pressure but perhaps we could talk about and see how you felt”. Some liked the idea, some liked the idea but were too shy and some weren’t keen. All of which are fine.
Also be prepared and willing to compromise. What happens if she says yes but is only interested in MFM? (In my experience that’s not unusual, suited me, I like it) I think that scenario is a good one to self question your motivation before persuing things and to think am I doing this for “us” or me?
Good luck if you both make the choice to try things. If she’s not interested and you love her then move on from the fantasy and find other things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trust me - if she isn't interested it is highly unlikely she ever will be.
If you love her don't waste your time or potentially endanger your relationship trying to "encourage" her into doing things you both may regret. |
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Difficult getting someone to venture into the 'taboo' if the desire is not there, or is it ?. She may love the idea deep down yet be shackled by convention and fears. Firstly your relationship must be as solid as a rock so no fear of losing either to another. Talk about your relationship, how much you love each other and that no one can change that, both your fears, your fantasies. Discuss folk who swing and what it must be like for them, to touch and kiss others yet still have just each other afterwards. You can then approach via fantasy play and see how she reacts to it all in time. No pressure at all.. |
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We started by visiting a naturist beach and daring the other and gradually built on that over 35 years ago, You have to have a happy relationship for it to work - we got into Cuck status gradually built of mrs being kissed, kissed naked and then full sex but it was years ago and stopped close to 40 and now getting back into it |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
I have a FWB and we tried a 3sum with a friend of mine.We discussed it before hand and exchanged face pictures so she and he knew what each other looked liked.We went for a evening meal just her and me then on to my friends house where we had a drink and chat before the fun started.All 3 of us enjoyed and we are looking to repeat again.We have also been to Rios a few times where some guys have asked if they can join us in the room but she said no the main reason she said no is because they made little or no effort before hand but if they had she may have said yes. |
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"Hi everyone, looking for advice!
My wife and I are looking to spice up our sex life and the ideas of swinging and 3 some’s turns me on a lot. We have discussed it but that’s about it.
I also like the idea of other men and women hitting in her. However, she does not seem too interested.
Any ideas or suggestion?"
Show her your profile, I'm sure she'll soon warm to the idea  |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
"Hi everyone, looking for advice!
My wife and I are looking to spice up our sex life and the ideas of swinging and 3 some’s turns me on a lot. We have discussed it but that’s about it.
I also like the idea of other men and women hitting in her. However, she does not seem too interested.
Any ideas or suggestion?
Show her your profile, I'm sure she'll soon warm to the idea "
That!! The truth..   |
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Show her your profile, I mean she does know about it and there’s good communication and trust between you both right ?
If not I fear you’ve probably screwed the pooch already on her entering into this and trusting each other and I really wouldn’t push or manipulate it further if I were you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi everyone, looking for advice!
My wife and I are looking to spice up our sex life and the ideas of swinging and 3 some’s turns me on a lot. We have discussed it but that’s about it.
I also like the idea of other men and women hitting in her. However, she does not seem too interested.
Any ideas or suggestion?"
Don’t and I’d say if she we’ve know you where on this site she would be angry and annoyed and feel hurt and betrayed! |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
only you know your wife ?? how can strangers who dont know you or your wife or what state your relationship is helop ??
if your relationship is not open in how you talk to each other ie if you dont have a great sex life and if you dont in general talk about sex then forget it because to swing you need a solid loving open talking relationship swinging is fun not a repair or to save the marriage ..
and how will she feel once she learns your on here those that hide and lie away get found out so maybe tell her you joined this site first and see how she reacts |
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"
You need to talk with each other properly.
It doesn't matter what you want, if she does not want the same then it will end in tears.
Of course, she might be surprised to learn about your profile on here.
Swinging is an emotional minefield, if you do not communicate and are not honest with each other.
We would counsel against getting involved sexually with anyone after "drinks".
Certainly don't take a mate home, and surprise your wife.
So have a rethink and be mindful.
M and M"
Exactly this. Talk her and be honest with her whatever it is you might or might not like. Until can be honest with yourself you’ll always be fighting a losing battle instead of opening fun filled doors |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do YOU want to get out of it.. seeing her with other men or women. Sharing her with others. Or is it an excuse for you to shag other women with her "permission". ? I discovered by talking that my partner had wanted to have sex with two guys at same time but didn't feel her previous boyfriends would have liked the idea. Either through jealousy or thinking it was because they weren't satisfying her. It did take talking over a long time for me to assure her I was different and wanted to held her maximise her sexusl pleasure that we did embark on setting up MMF threesome. However conversely she made it clear that she didn't want me to fuck other women! And that was fine by me because it was MMF threesome I wanted with her myself. Its a difficult topic to bring up with a partner and I only brought it up because part of our foreplay at the time involved porno mags and I noticed she seemed particularly turned on by girls with several guys. It took a lot of gentle coaxing to get her to admit to wanting to try it herself . |
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We talked a lot about finding other people attractive and talking to them.
Then we joined a site.met acouple on there met in a pub flirted (short skirt etc)..talked about that meet .arranged to meet again at ours..played strip poker..had a great nite..its a slow process but you want your partner to be happy. |
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I'd recommend finding documentaries, films, podcasts, something to learn more about the realities of the scene and suggest watching/listening together. If she's not interested in these safe options, it's highly unlikely she's interested. Timing and how you bring a suggestion would be key. Be open to lots of talking, the whole journey is about learning more about one another's desires/interests, but also turn offs and why. These can change when people feel safer,become more curious... If your communication with one another isn't great, that'd need working on first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How would all you married men with single profiles like it if your wife's had single female accounts on here. Not the brightest idea is it talk to your partner even show her the site or maybe goto a Newbie night at a club.it's not fair to your partner or genuine members on here. |
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Personally, I would suggest creating a space for open and honest communication and a sense of safety before embarking on any swing/open conversations. Work on communication between each other first. Have a look at non-violent communication style and loved languages. Lots of “I feel” “I” statements over “you” statements.
Try conversing side by side, say on a walk, so it feels less confrontational, and gives the person somewhere to look away when thinking. Conversations during sex can lead to avoiding sex as it’s not a place to have these discussions so might stop being a safe space for you both and end up with higher barriers to the conversation. Consider ensuring her non-physical and emotional needs are met before these discussions.
We use the R.A.D.A.R. Communication technique monthly and it is highly effective. We now do an abridged version after meets to help us improve. Google multiamory RADAR communication technique.
Great communication is a hard work but completely worth the effort.
Xx
P |
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If a husband/partner/bf has to talk his wife/partner/gf into doing swinging then it’s a bad move, same as inviting a mate over for drinks then hitting on her, most females would expect their husband/partner/bf to knock their mate out for trying it on, not sit there enjoying it |
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Been in the situation myself but I finally grew some balls and we sat down and spoken about it although it took some time we eventually decided on going to a club to see what it was all about and luckily for me mrs absolutely loved it and now we can’t keep away.
Sit down and talk,watch porn and talk have sex and talk,talk talk and more talk communication it the absolute key here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If a husband/partner/bf has to talk his wife/partner/gf into doing swinging then it’s a bad move, same as inviting a mate over for drinks then hitting on her, most females would expect their husband/partner/bf to knock their mate out for trying it on, not sit there enjoying it "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How would all you married men with single profiles like it if your wife's had single female accounts on here. Not the brightest idea is it talk to your partner even show her the site or maybe goto a Newbie night at a club.it's not fair to your partner or genuine members on here."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think sometimes a women is interested their just embarrassed to admit it or what you will think of them. Me and my wife taken a long time to get to the point where we both feel like we wanna take it to reality it was my fantasy at first then I mentioned it she was acted abit freaked out to start with said no way etc so I let it go and she then came up to me and said show me what you like then ? Then it all went from there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then it all went from there
How's it going for you both ?"
We are nearing the step to reality now we going to make a joint couple profile on here in the coming weeks and see how we go |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Hi op
Try understanding it from her point of view, find out why and if she says something along the lines it's not something that she wants to do accept this remember it's not for everyone this lifestyle and pushing you could always end up ruining your relationship... |
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By *xeterCandRCouple
over a year ago
Digby & Sowton, Exeter |
I do agree that sometimes people are hiding their activity from partners however, sometimes not being able to accommodate can be because of other people in the house, we are set as cannot accommodate, mainly due to a teenage daughter but also down to two very excitable dogs. Please don't tar all with the same brush because of some sneaky ones (male & female). |
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"Hi everyone, looking for advice!
My wife and I are looking to spice up our sex life and the ideas of swinging and 3 some’s turns me on a lot. We have discussed it but that’s about it.
I also like the idea of other men and women hitting in her. However, she does not seem too interested.
Any ideas or suggestion?"
Send a message to her single profile on here and hope she replies
On a serious note good luck with what ever you decide to do but be careful that it doesn’t cost you everything you love.
I’d come off fab and find another way |
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My wife always knew I was into the idea of swinging decades ago when we first met.
Couple of years ago we had a serious talk about it and tried it and never looked back.
One of our best female friends knows about us and joins us in threesomes and foursomes.
We were a strong husband and wife unit before and this has made us even stronger. We are honest with each other and only do it when we are both involved. |
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