FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Not so nice side of FFMs.
Not so nice side of FFMs.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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After the latest shitty ‘couples’ encounter. Im growing more and more wary about ffm threesomes. Especially contact from single women or FB couples. Ive found with FB couples, its all about them and their enjoyment. The single women seem to present as the bait mostly for a ‘dom’. I get that not everyone is like this.
Ive met some amazing couples in my past times on here. Lately it just seems not worth the bother. Which is sad as theres many threads on here about couples looking for a single lady. I’d like to hear from others if this is common or not and constructive advice for others.
Please keep replies to the forum and remain kind. Thanks. Xxx
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Unfortunately, your experience is a reflection of my experience, too. I have never made any connection between regular couples and FB couples, or not experienced significant differences, but even when I was assured beforehand that the lady is "very bi", I was getting the feeling on the meet that she actually was only doing it because of him. I was doing all the work only to get a little bit of reluctant kisses or some boob play from her.
Yes, I did have some great meets, too, but those were very much a minority, and a reason I only meet in clubs now. |
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All my fmf threesomes have been with friends I have played with individually and who also knew each other beforehand. Perhaps try to meet others similarly yourself? It always feels like three friends just having fun together, than any pre-disposed expectations about two girls and one boy....  |
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Very few genuine couples on here from what I've seen. A lot of fwb couples who present themselves as partners but its mostly the guys living out his fantasies through the female half. Its not always what it seems. This is why I see more singles than couples these days. Less problems. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a shitshow to say the least. As a genuine couple, it's hard to find genuine couples too. Unicorns stand true to their name.
Found that sticking to clubs works best. Get to know people face to face rather than waste time chatting just to get ghosted.  |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
One of the irritating things on the BDSM scene and a rarely mentioned stupidity on Vordermortlife site is female submissives contacting submissives who are in an existing D/s relationship trying to persuade the other submissive to play with her and her "dom". |
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It's common for this with MFM where the extra man is simply a plaything for the couple, to be used and discarded afterwards.
Mostly the guys don't care so long as they get their end away, but increasingly we are hearing this about women invited to join a couple as well.
It's not something we do, we treat single men, couples and single women equally and make sure everyone is included. |
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Based on our locations OP, we're probably fishing in the same pool, but yep that's my experience too.
I've sidestepped couples for a while now, and while I'd never say never, it's just vastly less hassle to only go with singles - i don't mind if the 'single' is part of a couple that plays separately, but i tend not to get involved if both at once is the deal. |
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"After the latest shitty ‘couples’ encounter. Im growing more and more wary about ffm threesomes. Especially contact from single women or FB couples. Ive found with FB couples, its all about them and their enjoyment. The single women seem to present as the bait mostly for a ‘dom’. I get that not everyone is like this.
Ive met some amazing couples in my past times on here. Lately it just seems not worth the bother. Which is sad as theres many threads on here about couples looking for a single lady. I’d like to hear from others if this is common or not and constructive advice for others.
Please keep replies to the forum and remain kind. Thanks. Xxx
"
I have been lucky enough to have only met one couple who were all about themselves, and often you could get a sense that they just want entertaining from their profile, in which case I would tell them that I'm not interested in being used as a novelty sex toy or putting on a 'show' for them.
I have had a couples profile with an fwb and the women or men who met us were the centre of attention, but maybe that was just as neither of us would enjoy being 'used' as a single. I find having a social first with no option of playing is a good way to gauge if there is genuine attraction with both of them. |
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That's a real shame to read. It can be hard on here finding the right dynamic. We really struggle with finding ladies for FFM as we are looking for a woman who is more interested in the FF side of things.
We have spoken to lots and began to make arrangements but it soon becomes more about the MF play and the FF becomes less of a focus which is then not what we are looking for. |
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"I always fancy the ladies, the guys 8 times out of 10 I don’t.
Sad times  "
Yep - this goes for quite a few couples we've met. This has pushed us towards trying to find good looking guys to balance things out. |
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"I always fancy the ladies, the guys 8 times out of 10 I don’t.
Sad times "
Yes, that's similar to what I have noticed. If I fancy the lady, the guy doesn't do much for me. Or the other way round! |
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"That's a real shame to read. It can be hard on here finding the right dynamic. We really struggle with finding ladies for FFM as we are looking for a woman who is more interested in the FF side of things.
We have spoken to lots and began to make arrangements but it soon becomes more about the MF play and the FF becomes less of a focus which is then not what we are looking for. "
Honestly one time, swear we're just going to let the girls go at it and the fellas just play cards or something |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have been very lucky to enjoy many fun experiences with single ladies but we know exactly what you are on about. We find (having watched lots of FFM) that it can all seem one sided, rushed and a little forced. We much prefer it when the play naturally evolves and 3 bodies become 1 and everybody takes a turn at being the centre of attention. We also think the same of MFM, the extra body is an equal part of play and not just an extra cock that is there solely to please Penny and cum on command. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"One of the irritating things on the BDSM scene and a rarely mentioned stupidity on Vordermortlife site is female submissives contacting submissives who are in an existing D/s relationship trying to persuade the other submissive to play with her and her "dom"."
Even worse when you’re not sub at all and you state this repeatedly and these women try to recruit you for their dom. ‘oh he can play vanilla too’ just doesn't cut it. very inconsiderate. |
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Going by fab standards , we have done as well as anyone on the single bi female front
So much so that 1 we know , if we are out and she can't make , she will say , make sure you call in before heading home
The fact that mrs j is bi and we dont mean fab bi , really helps
Theres no putting on a show
Shes lived with a lady and had a girlfriend , which helps to settle the nerves of some single ladies
We count ourselves lucky when we meet a single lady and make sure that they know just how much we appreciate them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was speaking to a FF couple the other day added each other on WhatsApp and all I asked her was could she send a 2 second video of her saying my name then she went batshit saying “you’re proper para aren’t you “ and “if you don’t believe me then just delete me” I said fine nice to meet and left it there 
The more I’m on this site the more it’s swaying me towards going back to clubs only  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's finding the right couple.
One of my worst meets was when the woman laid there in silence and motionless as I was pleasuring her. It was so obvious that she wasn't bi and was only doing it to please her man. It's so selfish and pathetic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's finding the right couple.
One of my worst meets was when the woman laid there in silence and motionless as I was pleasuring her. It was so obvious that she wasn't bi and was only doing it to please her man. It's so selfish and pathetic."
Bet that felt awkward  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes with a ffm, the females get a comparing each other vibe as to which is better.
Which can add tension
When it's a mmf, the guys seem slot more happy to just enjoy"
I think men are just as worse but better at hiding it |
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"Sometimes with a ffm, the females get a comparing each other vibe as to which is better.
Which can add tension
When it's a mmf, the guys seem slot more happy to just enjoy"
See, this is what I think it would be like having an fmf... I don't understand the logisitcs of it at all, so stick with deffo bi women, who have tried it before.
With ffm, I'm far too busy enjoying having the best of both worlds to play with to think about comparing myself
MrsAbz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With couples I’ve met, I’ve not had a problem.
I was contacted by one couple who said in their profile that they were interested in their enjoyment only. They seemed amazed that I wasn’t interested |
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"Sometimes with a ffm, the females get a comparing each other vibe as to which is better.
Which can add tension
When it's a mmf, the guys seem slot more happy to just enjoy
See, this is what I think it would be like having an fmf... I don't understand the logisitcs of it at all, so stick with deffo bi women, who have tried it before.
With ffm, I'm far too busy enjoying having the best of both worlds to play with to think about comparing myself
MrsAbz "
So it never crosses your mind what your man is thinking of the guest female that's joined you? |
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"With couples I’ve met, I’ve not had a problem.
I was contacted by one couple who said in their profile that they were interested in their enjoyment only. They seemed amazed that I wasn’t interested "
As you're a male then you can see that you wouldn't have a problem . Your single self, with 2 other females is most mens dream .
It's if your the other half of the couple that tension is felt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It would appear that clubs are the way fwd. However, it can be slightly off-putting when cpls enter a playroom and watch and/or talk without either getting involved or politely leaving said playroom...
Any opinions on this (apologies for going off piste)? |
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"Sometimes with a ffm, the females get a comparing each other vibe as to which is better.
Which can add tension
When it's a mmf, the guys seem slot more happy to just enjoy
See, this is what I think it would be like having an fmf... I don't understand the logisitcs of it at all, so stick with deffo bi women, who have tried it before.
With ffm, I'm far too busy enjoying having the best of both worlds to play with to think about comparing myself
MrsAbz
So it never crosses your mind what your man is thinking of the guest female that's joined you? "
I tend to think he finds her attractive, like I do. He wouldn't want to play otherwise.
Maybe she has better boobs or a nicer bum etc but thats ok?
If I was going to have a jealous/insecure wobble it wouldn't be during the act. My brain is usually filled with "fuck, thats hot/feels good/is amazing".
I will say Ive had the odd insecure moment in days after, as has Mr (normal I think? Then you talk it through and reassure) but never during actual play time.
However, if I wasn't also involved with the guest female, I think I would feel insecure... I don't know if I can explain why well though.
Sorry, OP, My bad for going off topic!
MrsAbz
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"It's common for this with MFM where the extra man is simply a plaything for the couple, to be used and discarded afterwards.
Mostly the guys don't care so long as they get their end away, but increasingly we are hearing this about women invited to join a couple as well.
It's not something we do, we treat single men, couples and single women equally and make sure everyone is included."
Really????
I have _never_ been in a situation where the guy (ie me) is discarded as a plaything. |
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"Sometimes with a ffm, the females get a comparing each other vibe as to which is better.
Which can add tension
When it's a mmf, the guys seem slot more happy to just enjoy
See, this is what I think it would be like having an fmf... I don't understand the logisitcs of it at all, so stick with deffo bi women, who have tried it before.
With ffm, I'm far too busy enjoying having the best of both worlds to play with to think about comparing myself
MrsAbz
So it never crosses your mind what your man is thinking of the guest female that's joined you?
I tend to think he finds her attractive, like I do. He wouldn't want to play otherwise.
Maybe she has better boobs or a nicer bum etc but thats ok?
If I was going to have a jealous/insecure wobble it wouldn't be during the act. My brain is usually filled with "fuck, thats hot/feels good/is amazing".
I will say Ive had the odd insecure moment in days after, as has Mr (normal I think? Then you talk it through and reassure) but never during actual play time.
However, if I wasn't also involved with the guest female, I think I would feel insecure... I don't know if I can explain why well though.
Sorry, OP, My bad for going off topic!
MrsAbz
"
Brilliant response
Spoken like a true swinger with the right attitude .
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"It would appear that clubs are the way fwd. However, it can be slightly off-putting when cpls enter a playroom and watch and/or talk without either getting involved or politely leaving said playroom...
Any opinions on this (apologies for going off piste)?"
You have made a fair point, very valid in these current times. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
There is no problem with the dynamic, it’s just a matter of finding a fun female who can get beyond “me and them” and see the stunning erotic relationship of ‘us’without being a pillow princess.
We love repeat encounters and great fun female friends
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"It's common for this with MFM where the extra man is simply a plaything for the couple, to be used and discarded afterwards.
Mostly the guys don't care so long as they get their end away, but increasingly we are hearing this about women invited to join a couple as well.
It's not something we do, we treat single men, couples and single women equally and make sure everyone is included.
Really????
I have _never_ been in a situation where the guy (ie me) is discarded as a plaything."
In the swinging scene, isn't half the point to be a plaything or have a plaything. It's not a negative its a positive. |
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"Sometimes with a ffm, the females get a comparing each other vibe as to which is better.
Which can add tension
When it's a mmf, the guys seem slot more happy to just enjoy
See, this is what I think it would be like having an fmf... I don't understand the logisitcs of it at all, so stick with deffo bi women, who have tried it before.
With ffm, I'm far too busy enjoying having the best of both worlds to play with to think about comparing myself
MrsAbz
So it never crosses your mind what your man is thinking of the guest female that's joined you?
I tend to think he finds her attractive, like I do. He wouldn't want to play otherwise.
Maybe she has better boobs or a nicer bum etc but thats ok?
If I was going to have a jealous/insecure wobble it wouldn't be during the act. My brain is usually filled with "fuck, thats hot/feels good/is amazing".
I will say Ive had the odd insecure moment in days after, as has Mr (normal I think? Then you talk it through and reassure) but never during actual play time.
However, if I wasn't also involved with the guest female, I think I would feel insecure... I don't know if I can explain why well though.
Sorry, OP, My bad for going off topic!
MrsAbz
Brilliant response
Spoken like a true swinger with the right attitude .
"
Enjoyed the discussion nice to have some more indepth chat sometimes.
Happy swinging to you guys
MrsAbz |
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"There is no problem with the dynamic, it’s just a matter of finding a fun female who can get beyond “me and them” and see the stunning erotic relationship of ‘us’without being a pillow princess.
We love repeat encounters and great fun female friends
"
Great,but females as you describe are very few
Hence term Unicorn
Not sure why though ?
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That's a shame you've had some shitty experiences
I can only speak from our POV..... but...
I think it would be naive of me to suggest that we go into meets wanting our own desires and needs fulfilled. However some of our desires would then hopefully line up with a single females. We're defo not about bringing in a girl for me to play with or then for him to watch ...
We've had some amazing FFMs and think (if I do say so myself) that we're VERY unselfish and try and make it about the SF not us.
It's all about communication really.... finding out what they're in the mood for and defo what they (and us) aren't
Kat
X |
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"Obviously being 'discarded' is another matter."
It is the discarded bit I reacted to.
To your other point - I think it depends on how you “play the game”. For me I am not interested in having/being a plaything. I am interested in good sex with people who treat each other as equals.
I don’t get this whole thing about putting a woman on a pedestal - just as I don’t get the idea of treating her like shit. I am not saying you are saying that - just explaining where I come from and I guess that impacts the type of people I meet. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"There is no problem with the dynamic, it’s just a matter of finding a fun female who can get beyond “me and them” and see the stunning erotic relationship of ‘us’without being a pillow princess.
We love repeat encounters and great fun female friends
Great,but females as you describe are very few
Hence term Unicorn
Not sure why though ?
"
Don’t think so.
We (mainly L) likes playful and joyful erotic encounters, she gets great pleasure in sharing her man and filling her bi desire.
Me… well. |
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It's just a hard to find genuine cpls. A few met it was all about what they wanted to do to get them off. I understand your frustration as a single lady on here, we have met a few single ladies and all of us had a brilliant time. I guess it's hit and miss for all of us on here these days.
Mrs |
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"Unfortunately, your experience is a reflection of my experience, too. I have never made any connection between regular couples and FB couples, or not experienced significant differences, but even when I was assured beforehand that the lady is "very bi", I was getting the feeling on the meet that she actually was only doing it because of him. I was doing all the work only to get a little bit of reluctant kisses or some boob play from her.
Yes, I did have some great meets, too, but those were very much a minority, and a reason I only meet in clubs now. "
Well the thing is, when someone says "very bi" is actually a way to undermine the fact it describes.
A bit like if you say "I love you very much" it means a lot less than if you say "I love you".
So whenever someone says very bi, read "not very bi". If they're bi they'll say bi without any extra qualifier.
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So many disgruntled ladies - it's a travesty!
We were both on here as singles before, and so we see both sides of the coin and have empathy for someone joining us, whoever they are.
We happen to have played more FFM than any other dynamic and importantly, we're all still friends, which must say something.
There's no 2+1 with us, we're 3 living breathing sexual fireballs. Our only difficulty is finding people more local to us.
I hope all you single ladies can find an awesome FFM to restore your faith in this amazing dynamic  
C |
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I found this too with some couples and so tend to avoid couple only meets for ffm. The best ffm times I have had were in clubs where it’s evolved naturally with the women wanting to play. If I know a couple I’m happy to do meets with them after as we know it will work. |
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Spose a club provides better personal safety and is easier to extract yourself from when you want to.. but like most things there is probably a weigh off on the downside to allow for the up side..?! |
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"I found this too with some couples and so tend to avoid couple only meets for ffm. The best ffm times I have had were in clubs where it’s evolved naturally with the women wanting to play. If I know a couple I’m happy to do meets with them after as we know it will work. "
That scenario is ideal,but is there the possibility (being in the club) of slightly being distracted by others - less invited ?  |
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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago
Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish) |
It is a shame when self centered people are out for their own gains. A play session should be for the benefit of all involved, which is what we aim for.
I hope everyone who has had negative experiences here finds future meets to be the opposite.
Clubs are often a better option for a unicorn as it is easy to part ways if things are not what you were led to believe. |
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"It is a shame when self centered people are out for their own gains. A play session should be for the benefit of all involved, which is what we aim for.
I hope everyone who has had negative experiences here finds future meets to be the opposite.
Clubs are often a better option for a unicorn as it is easy to part ways if things are not what you were led to believe."
a club is better for personal safety and easier to extract from situations.. but like most things there is probably a downside to allow for the up side..?! |
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"It is a shame when self centered people are out for their own gains. A play session should be for the benefit of all involved, which is what we aim for.
I hope everyone who has had negative experiences here finds future meets to be the opposite.
Clubs are often a better option for a unicorn as it is easy to part ways if things are not what you were led to believe.
a club is better for personal safety and easier to extract from situations.. but like most things there is probably a downside to allow for the up side..?!"
The downside is things like cost, but then your perspective changes. It's not a venue where you pay to have the fun, it's a venue with security and CCTV so it's an insurance policy. In a club we feel totally safe, or certainly safer than vanilla world. |
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Quote....One of the irritating things on the BDSM scene and a rarely mentioned stupidity on Vordermortlife site is female submissives contacting submissives who are in an existing D/s relationship trying to persuade the other submissive to play with her and her "dom".
Quote..
Even worse when you’re not sub at all and you state this repeatedly and these women try to recruit you for their dom. ‘oh he can play vanilla too’ just doesn't cut it. very inconsiderate.
This....
Or when you repeat you are not a Sub and said "Dom" insists you are and he can 'tame you' and make you one of his subs..... and then cowers when you reach into your bag, take out your floggers and strap on and reply...i dare you!
Ive had some weird experiences with couples where they just want you as a fuck toy accessory to their fantasies and thats just a big nope for me....
When i play as either a ff or fm couple, the 3rd is always equal and spoilt.... id hate for them to feel anything less x
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It’s the same for some of us “girls” too. So much so I will mostly only visit people I’ve met previously.
Maybe its time for a name and shame list ? I would love to start one for people who agree to meet and then don’t even turn up…
however mustn’t get to despondent there are many nice people, single and couples still out there |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Quote....One of the irritating things on the BDSM scene and a rarely mentioned stupidity on Vordermortlife site is female submissives contacting submissives who are in an existing D/s relationship trying to persuade the other submissive to play with her and her "dom".
Quote..
Even worse when you’re not sub at all and you state this repeatedly and these women try to recruit you for their dom. ‘oh he can play vanilla too’ just doesn't cut it. very inconsiderate.
This....
Or when you repeat you are not a Sub and said "Dom" insists you are and he can 'tame you' and make you one of his subs..... and then cowers when you reach into your bag, take out your floggers and strap on and reply...i dare you!
Ive had some weird experiences with couples where they just want you as a fuck toy accessory to their fantasies and thats just a big nope for me....
When i play as either a ff or fm couple, the 3rd is always equal and spoilt.... id hate for them to feel anything less x
"
Too many F##kits. The scene should be about respect and understanding, not imposing. |
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By *ezandCCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
That’s a terrible experience, it should be about fun all around, for us the focus is on the ladies, if need be I will sit back enjoy the view until otherwise asked, I find it so hot to watch Kerry’s body against another womens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single gal on here, it’s always about the couples. Wether it’s legit couples or FWB couples.
Hence I don’t meet them anymore haha "
This to be honest.
I do find that I feel like I'm literally just there to please the wife or whatever and to fulfill their fantasy or desire solely that is my purpose regardless of what they have said or what we have spoken about.
I very rarely meet them now and it is a shame as I have had some fantastic meets with couples. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately, your experience is a reflection of my experience, too. I have never made any connection between regular couples and FB couples, or not experienced significant differences, but even when I was assured beforehand that the lady is "very bi", I was getting the feeling on the meet that she actually was only doing it because of him. I was doing all the work only to get a little bit of reluctant kisses or some boob play from her.
Yes, I did have some great meets, too, but those were very much a minority, and a reason I only meet in clubs now.
Well the thing is, when someone says "very bi" is actually a way to undermine the fact it describes.
A bit like if you say "I love you very much" it means a lot less than if you say "I love you".
So whenever someone says very bi, read "not very bi". If they're bi they'll say bi without any extra qualifier.
"
My profile actually states this to tell people I am not here to just get your missus off ha.
I have had girlfriends and I am equally attracted to women as I am men . So that is a huge sweeping generalization. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is so sad to read! I’m sorry you girls have had some selfish experiences with couples. I’ve got to be honest, I never even thought about that side of it! I think some people lose sight of the fact a 3sum is exactly that, all 3 parties enjoying their time with each other. Mutual pleasure is what it’s all about
Mrs |
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This thread is eye-opening as a couple for sure! Disheartening too. We get the vibe quite often when talking to couples that it's the male half pushing things and she's just tagging along. It's very frustrating and more often than not we only realise once we've exchanged contact info and are talking off-site.
We're still fairly inexperienced when it comes to meets so any advice on do's and don'ts is welcome!
D x |
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This thread makes for sad but not at all surprising reading. I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say the world is getting more and more selfish, and this is reflected in the way we treat others.
I think, if anything, we have gone the other way. We’ve had meets where we have been so concerned about making the other person happy we have reflected on it afterwards that we didn’t really enjoy it that much ourselves.
It’s all a learning experience, you get to recognise the sort of people who match up with you, and the sort who treats other fabbers as sentient sex dolls. |
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"It's finding the right couple.
One of my worst meets was when the woman laid there in silence and motionless as I was pleasuring her. It was so obvious that she wasn't bi and was only doing it to please her man. It's so selfish and pathetic."
That sounds horrendous it can't have been enjoyable for anyone. |
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Coming from a couples pov the 3 way attraction is so difficult!
We've had the pleasure of enjoying women join us and it is that joining us, I'm not a performing monkey for my partner, I tend to find with a lot of bi couples this is what they want, watch the FF then all get stuck in and it's just not for me, I want everyone to have an amazing time & not feel like I have to put on a show for anyone.
I totally get it from a single womens view as I'm the same with other couples, some aren't bi & just play that way to please, some guys are more interested in watching the women than actually swapping.
I can understand why so many women don't want to meet couples, but also saying we aren't all bad.
Mrs |
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"Coming from a couples pov the 3 way attraction is so difficult!
We've had the pleasure of enjoying women join us and it is that joining us, I'm not a performing monkey for my partner, I tend to find with a lot of bi couples this is what they want, watch the FF then all get stuck in and it's just not for me, I want everyone to have an amazing time & not feel like I have to put on a show for anyone.
I totally get it from a single womens view as I'm the same with other couples, some aren't bi & just play that way to please, some guys are more interested in watching the women than actually swapping.
I can understand why so many women don't want to meet couples, but also saying we aren't all bad.
Mrs "
This is refreshing, where possible we try to satisfy the kinks of our guest, rather than use them to satisfy ours. We will definitely still enjoy ourselves and be it a man, woman or a couple it will enrich our experience but if we ever made someone feel they were just used like a toy we would be horrified. |
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"Obviously being 'discarded' is another matter."
I'm a bit worried by this...
We are on Fab for fun and it would be absolutely no fun for either of us if anyone we met didn't have a great time, that's really important.
But afterwards...? I suppose they could come back and help us take the bins out or walk the dog, but we just tend to go our separate ways. What's the etiquette?
Mr |
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"Obviously being 'discarded' is another matter.
I'm a bit worried by this...
We are on Fab for fun and it would be absolutely no fun for either of us if anyone we met didn't have a great time, that's really important.
But afterwards...? I suppose they could come back and help us take the bins out or walk the dog, but we just tend to go our separate ways. What's the etiquette?
Mr"
This is a fair point, however you would imagine such things might be discussed prior to meeting? I think we all acknowledge that meeting for sex isn’t being in a relationship but there should always be some human decency afterwards. |
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"
This is a fair point, however you would imagine such things might be discussed prior to meeting? I think we all acknowledge that meeting for sex isn’t being in a relationship but there should always be some human decency afterwards."
I'm not sure we've ever discussed what would happen after a meet before we've had one.
Like most people though, we are decent and friendly, and that's no different afterwards. |
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We hear this a lot and its awful and gives genuine couples a bad name.
As far as we are concerned the female we are meeting calls the shots, and its about everyones pleasure and fun.
We only hope that a couple of bad experiences doesn't put the OP and others off exploring what they want to. |
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"
This is a fair point, however you would imagine such things might be discussed prior to meeting? I think we all acknowledge that meeting for sex isn’t being in a relationship but there should always be some human decency afterwards.
I'm not sure we've ever discussed what would happen after a meet before we've had one.
Like most people though, we are decent and friendly, and that's no different afterwards."
I think it’s always worth discussing because an intense sexual experience can affect people in different ways, some it can make feel very vulnerable after the euphoria has died down, and that might not be initially apparent. Checking in to see how someone is a day or two later is always a good thing. |
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"
Checking in to see how someone is a day or two later is always a good thing."
Hadn't really considered that but it makes sense. I think we've had at least some communication from everyone we've met with afterwards, so that's a positive |
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"
Checking in to see how someone is a day or two later is always a good thing.
Hadn't really considered that but it makes sense. I think we've had at least some communication from everyone we've met with afterwards, so that's a positive "
As the couple it’s an instinctual thing, you look after each other because that’s what couples (hopefully) do, less so when it comes to the third person but it’s definitely something that should be normalised. |
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"
Checking in to see how someone is a day or two later is always a good thing.
Hadn't really considered that but it makes sense. I think we've had at least some communication from everyone we've met with afterwards, so that's a positive
As the couple it’s an instinctual thing, you look after each other because that’s what couples (hopefully) do, less so when it comes to the third person but it’s definitely something that should be normalised."
I still talk to our last regular "friend", whos now in a relationship. We were her emergency rescue plan while she was dating. Would never have occured to us not to chatter away and check in with her
MrsAbz
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
Wow! We feel incredibly honoured that each and every person we've played with wanted to share their time, body and pleasure with us..
Guess it's our mentality, but we have only experienced one couple that made it feel that way early on understand the hollow feeling afterward. |
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By *ezandCCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
It’s such a shame that some a creating negative experiences, its hard enough to find a lady to join a couple. We know clubs can be good but we are after a more relaxed sensual experience which we don’t feel you get at a club, its a different kind of naughty there |
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"
This is a fair point, however you would imagine such things might be discussed prior to meeting? I think we all acknowledge that meeting for sex isn’t being in a relationship but there should always be some human decency afterwards.
I'm not sure we've ever discussed what would happen after a meet before we've had one.
Like most people though, we are decent and friendly, and that's no different afterwards.
I think it’s always worth discussing because an intense sexual experience can affect people in different ways, some it can make feel very vulnerable after the euphoria has died down, and that might not be initially apparent. Checking in to see how someone is a day or two later is always a good thing."
That is a really thoughtful and considerate approach. Fab would be much better with more of that attitude.  |
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The few fmf meets I've being lucky to have over the years have all gone extremely well, with all 3 of us thoroughly pleasured. I've always joined 2 ladies who were friends or had played together before.
As with everything swinging wise, good communication is key, both before & during play. There needs to be a genuine connection between all 3 of you, or you'll end up having a bad experience |
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Any FFM with me has to be with a real couple, ideally married out at least long term living together.
Fuck buddy couples are not interesting.
As you said, many fuck buddy couples are just together to attract you, and it is not a safe situation to be in.
But even just from a fun perspective - there is something so naughty about being invited into a private couple and being between them in their marital bed lol. That is 99% of the fun of an FFM for me and doing it with two people that don't have that connection just has no appeal at all |
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By *ezandCCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
"Any FFM with me has to be with a real couple, ideally married out at least long term living together.
Fuck buddy couples are not interesting.
As you said, many fuck buddy couples are just together to attract you, and it is not a safe situation to be in.
But even just from a fun perspective - there is something so naughty about being invited into a private couple and being between them in their marital bed lol. That is 99% of the fun of an FFM for me and doing it with two people that don't have that connection just has no appeal at all"
That’s hot  we agree.
married for 20 years and would both love sharing a lady and bringing them to full pleasure as many times as we can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately, your experience is a reflection of my experience, too. I have never made any connection between regular couples and FB couples, or not experienced significant differences, but even when I was assured beforehand that the lady is "very bi", I was getting the feeling on the meet that she actually was only doing it because of him. I was doing all the work only to get a little bit of reluctant kisses or some boob play from her.
Yes, I did have some great meets, too, but those were very much a minority, and a reason I only meet in clubs now. "
As a couple we have experienced this too. And in some cases, where we only played with the fem of the couple, they (the fem) has been reluctant to kiss or play with with me (the fem). |
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"I found this too with some couples and so tend to avoid couple only meets for ffm. The best ffm times I have had were in clubs where it’s evolved naturally with the women wanting to play. If I know a couple I’m happy to do meets with them after as we know it will work.
That scenario is ideal,but is there the possibility (being in the club) of slightly being distracted by others - less invited ? "
As I said this is when it has evolved naturally so others don’t come into it and in most clubs you can go into a private room if that’s what you want. But if I’ve clicked with a couple in a club then I will happily do a 1-1 ffm with them subsequently anyway as I will know what their expectations are. I have also had ffm when I was part of a couple do do see it from both sides. I really love particularly being fucked from behind whilst I have my tongue deep inside his woman or holding her and kissing her whilst he fucks her. Or licking them both from underneath as he slides into her doggy style. |
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By *atnSolCouple
over a year ago
Selby |
We find clubs are best, we've had the odd pillow princess but they were clear from the off that's what they wanted, you can usually tell with the couples who are vicariously living their fantasy at their partners expense very off putting, if the vibes right and everyone is honest about what they're playing for it's safer all around, |
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Surely it's not difficult to read a profile properly and get a reasonable feel for the type of people they are. Married couples will usually tell you they are married. Next will be their verifications and how they are written and checking out the people that have written them too. You should be able to formulate a decent idea about the couple.
For us, a connection with the other parties, whether that be another couple or a single guy or lady, is the most important thing. Ideally, sufficient to want to meet again as they have got out of the meeting equally as much as we did as a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I first started this lifestyle I found it very similar to yourself and I felt like I was the new "sextoy" and only there for their benefit! Now after a few experiences, I know exactly what I'm looking for and I tend to get a vibe from messages etc...I have been very fortunate to meet some lush couples and have amazing experiences...please don't let one or two encounters put you off...when there's a good connection with you all, its so much fun and very rewarding  |
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By *ezandCCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
If distance isn’t an issue a social meet first would be good to see if there is chemistry, hard to tell over messages sometimes, we don’t always communicate things in the right way, I imagine that is the same for many. A message can be read in a different tone to what it was written in.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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can usually tell from chatting with couples early on what it will be like ....
there are some who just list all the things they want you to do . never a thought or question about what you'd like or want in the scenario...
I hardly meet couples now or anyone really...been too put off ....
satisfied to browse the forums and maybe find a club buddy(female) |
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Agree with a lot of comments here re couples. Have found some great ones but very much the minority sadly. Situations where everyone is single in ffm or mmf or any small group setting 4 people is the ideal! |
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I expect this occurs with a lot of dynamics - I’ve been approached by couples where it seems so led by one of the pair, or simply about their needs, that it’s instantly off putting for me personally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s so frustrating as we’re new to the scene, and have struggled to make a connection with anyone…mainly down to their past experiences. Would love to meet a likeminded woman who would be up for socials too!
Have decided on trying a club for the first time, as safest environment for both parties. Any recommendations close to Shropshire would be appreciated x |
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"It’s so frustrating as we’re new to the scene, and have struggled to make a connection with anyone…mainly down to their past experiences. Would love to meet a likeminded woman who would be up for socials too!
Have decided on trying a club for the first time, as safest environment for both parties. Any recommendations close to Shropshire would be appreciated x "
I suggest you read the thread about what puts you off peoples profiles. I won’t give you advice because you haven’t asked for it but you aren’t going to make connections with single women by your profile alone. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I’ve had more fun with MMF threesums with bi guys than with another couple. My last meet with a couple was a pre- covid and we’d had a drink in the hotel bar, agreed to play and went upstairs.
Ended up just playing with the guy while she sat and watched. Put me off playing with couples. |
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"Any chance I could PM you?? Would love some advice on our profile! X"
If you press reply & quote it'll show who you are replying to, if your looking for women I'd suggest some pics of the man.
Mrs |
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We avoid FB couples. I am sure many are great but we like the dynamic of genuine couples where they are totally into each other and doing what ever for each other, not just themselves. We have experienced one encounter with a couple in a club where enjoyment seemed asymmetrical which was not fun so we stopped. We have not been lucky enough to meet and play with a single woman but when we do play we ensure everyone is involved all the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After the latest shitty ‘couples’ encounter. Im growing more and more wary about ffm threesomes. Especially contact from single women or FB couples. Ive found with FB couples, its all about them and their enjoyment. The single women seem to present as the bait mostly for a ‘dom’. I get that not everyone is like this.
Ive met some amazing couples in my past times on here. Lately it just seems not worth the bother. Which is sad as theres many threads on here about couples looking for a single lady. I’d like to hear from others if this is common or not and constructive advice for others.
Please keep replies to the forum and remain kind. Thanks. Xxx
"
I think this is very common unfortunately and it makes it difficult for anyone who is genuine.
For us it’s as much about who joins us as it is ourselves.
Sorry for your bad experiences |
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"One of the irritating things on the BDSM scene and a rarely mentioned stupidity on Vordermortlife site is female submissives contacting submissives who are in an existing D/s relationship trying to persuade the other submissive to play with her and her "dom"."
Yeah we see that alot too! Unfortunately anyone who describes themselves as a "dom" is usually a total pillock sadly..... In our experience. We find that conversation with genuine people in the BDSM world/dynamics very much make either no real mention of BDSM untill later on when trust and interest has been established, or state that is something that they only do together/with trusted play partners.
Helps sort the wheat from the chaff we think
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By *rmrs95Couple
over a year ago
Chester |
"It's a shitshow to say the least. As a genuine couple, it's hard to find genuine couples too. Unicorns stand true to their name.
Found that sticking to clubs works best. Get to know people face to face rather than waste time chatting just to get ghosted. "
Agreed, we have always stuck to clubs in this lifestyle, always have a great time and have made alot of friends, couples and singles.
We started to think about having private meets as a couple and on our own but soon realised it's just easier to go to clubs x |
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We have given up entirely on single females I'm sad to say.
We still throw a halfhearted wink out occasionally but the reality is that there are zero available options who aren't effectively demanding way above their station when it comes to looks and pre-requisites.
If we weren't getting decent responses from couples we would assume it was simply that we aren't very appealing; but we do alright there.
It is what it is, but I do miss FFMs. Probably been about 4 years now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After the latest shitty ‘couples’ encounter. Im growing more and more wary about ffm threesomes. Especially contact from single women or FB couples. Ive found with FB couples, its all about them and their enjoyment. The single women seem to present as the bait mostly for a ‘dom’. I get that not everyone is like this.
Ive met some amazing couples in my past times on here. Lately it just seems not worth the bother. Which is sad as theres many threads on here about couples looking for a single lady. I’d like to hear from others if this is common or not and constructive advice for others.
Please keep replies to the forum and remain kind. Thanks. Xxx
"
Does making sure they have nice veris help? |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"
I think it’s always worth discussing because an intense sexual experience can affect people in different ways, some it can make feel very vulnerable after the euphoria has died down, and that might not be initially apparent. Checking in to see how someone is a day or two later is always a good thing."
This is really good advice. It should be second nature for couples who have welcomed a third into their bed to do this, but we’ve heard it’s not always the case. It really should be!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It must be sometimes difficult for coupes and single women to meet on here we are very lucky that it’s pretty easy to find single men that are looking for the same as us |
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"It must be sometimes difficult for coupes and single women to meet on here we are very lucky that it’s pretty easy to find single men that are looking for the same as us "
We’ve not really found what we were after when it comes to men so we are moving on to herself’s preference and looking for a woman. It’s certainly not just a case of looking through your inbox, that’s for sure! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It must be sometimes difficult for coupes and single women to meet on here we are very lucky that it’s pretty easy to find single men that are looking for the same as us
We’ve not really found what we were after when it comes to men so we are moving on to herself’s preference and looking for a woman. It’s certainly not just a case of looking through your inbox, that’s for sure!"
I could quite imagine.
I have had some fun with single women but never through fab. But we have been lucky to have some great meets with single guys so definitely going to stick to that good luck |
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It’s quite sad reading some of these posts.
Such a shame that these experiences are off putting to people, especially couples.
We’ve had amazing experiences and hope our veri’s give that impression. Can’t guarantee what our reason for success is other than we make sure we’re both engaged with the people/person and and that we both want to meet them.
We also like to make people feel comfortable and equal.
Honestly, it’s not all bad. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
Yes, that’s the hardest thing of all in finding play partners for FFM. You’ll never know if there is an attraction until you meet face to face.
As has been noted though, when you do meet the right people and interests, geography and schedules all align, the results are amazing, so it is worth the effort!  |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
"Sadly I've found this,think that is why I now meet in clubs,that way u can get a feel of the place and people.
It takes awhile to get a good connection and for me that is a must."
Not far from us and already on our hotlist.. We've not contacted as we always read profiles and respect people's preferences.. |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
"Yes, that’s the hardest thing of all in finding play partners for FFM. You’ll never know if there is an attraction until you meet face to face.
As has been noted though, when you do meet the right people and interests, geography and schedules all align, the results are amazing, so it is worth the effort! "
Oh yes!!! Just aligning diaries with the fantastic ladies we've met, preventing repeat experiences at the moment |
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"My limited experience met few couples where the female is used by male to attract another female and they do not really want to ne there"
So when it's a MFM, is the male used to attract another male?
OK, I'll yield the point that it happens sometimes, but there are many others where the woman is clearly leading and gets what she wants and Mr is happy with what he gets, and couples where both are equals and people that join are welcome guests treated as equals also. You can't tar everyone with the same brush. |
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As a couple with a genuine bi female for us it’s all about the woman. I (mr) love pleasing a woman Mrs loves being with a woman, we’d like to think that a night with us would leave the 3rd person as happy and satisfied as we are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My limited experience met few couples where the female is used by male to attract another female and they do not really want to ne there
So when it's a MFM, is the male used to attract another male?
OK, I'll yield the point that it happens sometimes, but there are many others where the woman is clearly leading and gets what she wants and Mr is happy with what he gets, and couples where both are equals and people that join are welcome guests treated as equals also. You can't tar everyone with the same brush."
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a shame many ladies have had bad experiences with couples.
Not all of us couples are like that.
We have played with many single ladies. We are not selfish and want the person, to be comfortable and everyone to have a great time.
Three way attraction is hard to find. Couples finding other couples is very difficult aswell. |
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"We've been lucky enough to have one experience of this and we really did consider ourselves lucky. Amazing night and the focus for both of us was making sure she left a happy as us "
Sounds like it is possible then! X |
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My purpose for joining this site was to meet gals and couples. Gals haven’t bothered and couples have been hard to get an actual meet BUT I am so lucky to have found a couple who are now considered friends. They consider ME at every point and it’s never just about them. They’ve been in the swinging world a long time and know how to treat others - love them loads |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well it's on our list to do,ours comes with some strings attached ( limitations if u will) so that maybe puts some women or couples off !!! "
What strings?
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We have had a few experiences of this and have never just thought about our own pleasure. We connected so well that one of them even commented that she felt like a part of us as though she had known us for years (quite the compliment). |
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Im not saying this would be easier but potentially if you can find a female friend(s) that you get on with socially, then you could both invite single men into that dynamic.
I know it limits perhaps the amount of ladies you interact with but it improves the chances of it being an experience where everyone gets the same level of enjoyment.
My best experience was with two fwb and we chatted online for awhile beforehand and came up with a few ideas and that gave us some starting points without it being too structured. I definitely didnt feel left out as the outsider and we all had a fantastic time. |
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"We have had a few experiences of this and have never just thought about our own pleasure. We connected so well that one of them even commented that she felt like a part of us as though she had known us for years (quite the compliment)."
This is how it should be. Where is the gold star emoji!
Single ladies message this friendly couple |
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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago
Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston |
When we’ve had an ffm, we’ve spent a long time getting to know them before we’ve played. We definitely treated with respect and made sure she didn’t feel left out. We wouldn’t want someone to feel like a performing seal. Everyone involved should have an equally enjoyable time.
Red |
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"We have had a few experiences of this and have never just thought about our own pleasure. We connected so well that one of them even commented that she felt like a part of us as though she had known us for years (quite the compliment).
This is how it should be. Where is the gold star emoji!
Single ladies message this friendly couple "
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"We have had a few experiences of this and have never just thought about our own pleasure. We connected so well that one of them even commented that she felt like a part of us as though she had known us for years (quite the compliment).
This is how it should be. Where is the gold star emoji!
Single ladies message this friendly couple
"
We too have been lucky enough to connect with several ladies but its never been or will it be, just about us.
Sorry to hear about your experince x |
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