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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm looking for couples that have been into the lifestyle a while maybe husbands who's wife was introduced into the lifestyle.
How did you bring up the situation with your SO. How slowly do I need to raise the subject. Do I need to be confident with it or drip feed my ideas through with her?
Looking for genuine advice please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd suggest drip feed. She'll ask questions herself once she will hear you mention stuff a few times.
In my scenario it was that my sex drive is so big that she can't keep up as hers isn't. We still have sex a few times a week if time allows it. However for me that isn't enough.
Hence why we chose this path. I need more sex and she needs more BDSM stuff and rough treatment. Also that was a big part why she agreed that we'd explore outside the bedroom.
All that hardcore BDSM stuff where you tie your partner up and treat her like a whore isn't for me. I just don't want to treat her that way.
However I can do that to other women without an issue. I can treat them like the precious beautiful affectionate creatures they are or like complete whores if that's what they want. Just not my wife. 
Each to their own. Just have to talk to each other. We're human at the end of the day. Dip your toes, try, if it works, great. If it doesn't, close that chapter and move on. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I'd suggest having an open honest conversation with your wife
You know her, we have no idea if she'd be interested in joining the lifestyle.
Tell her you have some fantasies you want to try out and ask if she'd join you.
There are a few documentaries about swinging you could watch together, so she could see what it's all about etc.
Just remember if she says it's not for her, don't push it or try to persuade her, it's not for everyone. |
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Only you know your wife and the best way to approach this. If you're unsure I'd suggest you need to get to know her a little better, open up communication between the two of you, foster an atmosphere where she feels safe and confident to talk to you about things (not just sex) in the knowledge that you will listen and understand. There isn't a single person among us who knows your wife better than you and not one of us can tell you the best way to talk to her about this.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you all for the advice I do appreciate it, we have been together for 16 years so grew up together.
It just feels strange as she is very reserved when it comes to sex she has only recently started to enjoy toys and lingerie, but I think I may sit down with her and see where she is as well as myself and go from there.
Just wondered if there where many other people in the same situation before they opened up with their SO |
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"Thank you all for the advice I do appreciate it, we have been together for 16 years so grew up together.
It just feels strange as she is very reserved when it comes to sex she has only recently started to enjoy toys and lingerie, but I think I may sit down with her and see where she is as well as myself and go from there.
Just wondered if there where many other people in the same situation before they opened up with their SO"
Just be careful you don't push too hard and she feels the pressure. Also make sure you're not just trying to do this to give yourself more sex because she is not that interested. I tried having the gradual conversation with my ex many years ago, not even about full on swinging just being a bit more kinky, and she just wasn't interested. Anything I said or did she saw as putting pressure on her and made her less interested. Sexy lingerie and a £150 wand went straight in the bin. |
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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire/Northwest |
We got into this together through pillow talk. We were always kinky and enjoyed risky sex outdoors etc so swinging was just a natural progression.
So a vote for pillow talk from me, try bringing up fantasies and see where it leads. |
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talk about it but dont hound them with it
start slow, possibly naturist beach "go to look at" then sit on the fringes on a quiet day - we did that and i asked my wife to take her top off and she asked me to take everything off and she would - i though she was joking - we did and it was a sunny hot day, sat i a small dune and one foot long grass = mostly guys there walking about or sat in other dues and several said hi - we spoke to a couple of them as they sat near us and then we tried a club a after a few visits to the beach went on a quite mondy years ago lucky we met a nice guy and started off with massages and then ful sex but it was years ago - now we are gradually getting into it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thank you all for the advice I do appreciate it, we have been together for 16 years so grew up together.
It just feels strange as she is very reserved when it comes to sex she has only recently started to enjoy toys and lingerie, but I think I may sit down with her and see where she is as well as myself and go from there.
Just wondered if there where many other people in the same situation before they opened up with their SO
Just be careful you don't push too hard and she feels the pressure. Also make sure you're not just trying to do this to give yourself more sex because she is not that interested. I tried having the gradual conversation with my ex many years ago, not even about full on swinging just being a bit more kinky, and she just wasn't interested. Anything I said or did she saw as putting pressure on her and made her less interested. Sexy lingerie and a £150 wand went straight in the bin. "
No definitely not just looking at ways to slowly spice up the sex life I'm not looking at sleeping round or going off without her.
Will definitely been done in a gently way with no forcefulness if it looks like she's not interested the so be it we all have our own little kinks. Or not |
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"I'd suggest drip feed. She'll ask questions herself once she will hear you mention stuff a few times.
In my scenario it was that my sex drive is so big that she can't keep up as hers isn't. We still have sex a few times a week if time allows it. However for me that isn't enough.
Hence why we chose this path. I need more sex and she needs more BDSM stuff and rough treatment. Also that was a big part why she agreed that we'd explore outside the bedroom.
All that hardcore BDSM stuff where you tie your partner up and treat her like a whore isn't for me. I just don't want to treat her that way.
However I can do that to other women without an issue. I can treat them like the precious beautiful affectionate creatures they are or like complete whores if that's what they want. Just not my wife.
Each to their own. Just have to talk to each other. We're human at the end of the day. Dip your toes, try, if it works, great. If it doesn't, close that chapter and move on. "
Very similar to our dynamic although we go through peaks and troughs of urges and specific interests.
To OP: You cannot unsaid once you have brought this up so tread carefully and try and gauge her interest. It is quite possible she maybe thinking the same about you. You can always suggest going to an adult club for the experience, it may help. |
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reading the above post reminded of a couple we met at a eurekas over 30 years ago and what the other lady told my wife - at the time we were aged late 20's or 30ish and the couple we in the late 40 or 50 ish. The woman told my wife that she was eager to try another man and fuck him as suggested by her husband many times but was shy and really worried that after fucking a guy, younger fitter, well hung etc guy/s that her husband would become jealous and call her names when the argued over almost anyhting like they did. But, having a fucked a few guys at clubs and their place, she suggested to hubby re gang bang ie trying about 3 guys husband agreed, but it was months before they got there - she said her husband to her surprise was ok with gangbangs etc as long as he got his sex and she was happy with him. To us they appeared happy |
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