FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Correct wording?
Correct wording?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
If I say I’m a ‘sole parent’ would you understand what I meant?
Circumstances are that I live alone with my kids after my wife passed away. I’m single and not in a relationship.
I usually use this.
‘Have children that live with me and I’m a sole parent which complicates when I’m free.’
But wondered if that wasn’t clear.
Thanks
Oh - if you look, different wording currently on profile as it’s the half term break here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
I think most parents use solo parent - no other parent to support them and share custody, as opposed to single parent, where the kids have two parents, both of whom are single. So at one point I was both a single and a solo parent.
However, people will always assume you have an army of grandparents willing to babysit at the drop of a hat  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"I think most parents use solo parent - no other parent to support them and share custody, as opposed to single parent, where the kids have two parents, both of whom are single. So at one point I was both a single and a solo parent.
However, people will always assume you have an army of grandparents willing to babysit at the drop of a hat "
Both my parents passed a while ago, long generations thing, so I don’t have that option either. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
If I was being pedantic I’d say that the ‘and’ should really be ‘as’….also I’ve never heard the term ‘complicates my free time’ before, I don’t really see how free time can be complicated….I assume that you mean either your free time is limited or it’s difficult for you to find free time.
Personally I’d have written it as ‘My children live with me as I’m a solo parent so I have limited free time’
But saying that, what you’ve written it’s clear enough and can’t be interpreted in any way other than how you intend it to be. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If I say I’m a ‘sole parent’ would you understand what I meant?
Circumstances are that I live alone with my kids after my wife passed away. I’m single and not in a relationship.
I usually use this.
‘Have children that live with me and I’m a sole parent which complicates when I’m free.’
But wondered if that wasn’t clear.
Thanks
Oh - if you look, different wording currently on profile as it’s the half term break here."
Yes that's clear.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Personally, I don't like seeing the mention of children on profiles.
That can need explained in a private message."
The only reason I can see is the "We have kids and can't meet at the drop of a hat..." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"Personally, I don't like seeing the mention of children on profiles.
That can need explained in a private message."
Me either, but I see status updates that say men are liars if they say they can’t do anytime meets. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"Hi op
Sure I'd understand that, same as you are here for you which wouldn't involve me in any way shape or form. Whether I agree or disagree would also be none of my business "
I don’t quite understand, but hey no. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"Personally, I don't like seeing the mention of children on profiles.
That can need explained in a private message.
The only reason I can see is the "We have kids and can't meet at the drop of a hat...""
Pretty much but, I’m wondering how far to strip back profile. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"If I was being pedantic I’d say that the ‘and’ should really be ‘as’….also I’ve never heard the term ‘complicates my free time’ before, I don’t really see how free time can be complicated….I assume that you mean either your free time is limited or it’s difficult for you to find free time.
Personally I’d have written it as ‘My children live with me as I’m a solo parent so I have limited free time’
But saying that, what you’ve written it’s clear enough and can’t be interpreted in any way other than how you intend it to be. "
Thanks. I’ll probably rewrite/edit. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Personally, I don't like seeing the mention of children on profiles.
That can need explained in a private message."
I agree but on the other hand, hopefully it stops the parent having to explain they're a parent in every message so cuts down abit of that maybe? I'd assume that'd be the reason to explain being a parent on your bio anyway |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
" I'd assume that'd be the reason to explain being a parent on your bio anyway "
Partly. I’m time limited and I’d prefer not to have people in the house, if possible, as it’s their house too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"Personally, I don't like seeing the mention of children on profiles.
That can need explained in a private message.
The only reason I can see is the "We have kids and can't meet at the drop of a hat..."
Pretty much but, I’m wondering how far to strip back profile."
Well just say ‘I have kids so can’t meet at the drop of a hat’ if that’s all you want to say. Your profile is a reflection of you, if you overthink it and write what you think people will want to read then it defeats the whole purpose of it. Obviously your kids are the most important people in your life and always will be, if you’re editing your profile to take the emphasis off you being a solo parent then you’re taking out what’s most important to you. I’m sure you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t interested in that aspect of your life and would prefer you not to mention your kids so why are you tailoring your profile to attract someone like that. If you talk about your kids in your profile and explain your situation then at least you know that anyone who shows any interest in you is cool with you being a solo parent. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Personally, I don't like seeing the mention of children on profiles.
That can need explained in a private message.
Me either, but I see status updates that say men are liars if they say they can’t do anytime meets."
Indeed or if they can’t accommodate and claim to be single. I think your wording is perfectly clear and sorry for your troubles. Hope you find some fun. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
" If you talk about your kids in your profile and explain your situation then at least you know that anyone who shows any interest in you is cool with you being a solo parent. "
Yeah there’s maybe a point that someone else that understands the situation is better than someone else that doesn’t. It’s how much to say I guess. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"
Me either, but I see status updates that say men are liars if they say they can’t do anytime meets.
Indeed or if they can’t accommodate and claim to be single. I think your wording is perfectly clear and sorry for your troubles. Hope you find some fun. "
Yep. The default assumption that man with kids means extramarital cheating is what I’m trying to get around. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Me either, but I see status updates that say men are liars if they say they can’t do anytime meets.
Indeed or if they can’t accommodate and claim to be single. I think your wording is perfectly clear and sorry for your troubles. Hope you find some fun.
Yep. The default assumption that man with kids means extramarital cheating is what I’m trying to get around."
You'll never get around that, no matter what you say! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If I say I’m a ‘sole parent’ would you understand what I meant?
Circumstances are that I live alone with my kids after my wife passed away. I’m single and not in a relationship.
I usually use this.
‘Have children that live with me and I’m a sole parent which complicates when I’m free.’
But wondered if that wasn’t clear.
Thanks
Oh - if you look, different wording currently on profile as it’s the half term break here."
There’s no word limit on profiles so explain it like you have here and you’ll be fine! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"
Yep. The default assumption that man with kids means extramarital cheating is what I’m trying to get around.
You'll never get around that, no matter what you say!"
Yeah it’s inevitable unfortunately and can understand. Even regular dating has that same issue. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"Hi OP,
Technically, you are a widower, which explains everything. Why not use that:
‘I am a widower and have children who live with me, which complicates when I’m free.’
"
Thanks, had different advice in past on saying widower, so probably why I swerved using word. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
In Ireland single parent and solo parent are interchangeable.
I'm single and I co parent with equal time
My bio simply says
"I am a parent so happy to accommodate in a decade or so."
I don't feel the need to explain in any more detail until it becomes necessary. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"In Ireland single parent and solo parent are interchangeable.
I'm single and I co parent with equal time
My bio simply says
"I am a parent so happy to accommodate in a decade or so."
I don't feel the need to explain in any more detail until it becomes necessary."
I’m not a lone parent though, why I used Sole. There’s no-one I co-parent with. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
"If I say I’m a ‘sole parent’ would you understand what I meant?
Circumstances are that I live alone with my kids after my wife passed away. I’m single and not in a relationship.
I usually use this.
‘Have children that live with me and I’m a sole parent which complicates when I’m free.’
But wondered if that wasn’t clear.
Thanks
Oh - if you look, different wording currently on profile as it’s the half term break here."
its clear what it means but i dont get what your trying to say ??
are you trying to say that people wont give you a chance because of you being a sole parent ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"If I was being pedantic I’d say that the ‘and’ should really be ‘as’….also I’ve never heard the term ‘complicates my free time’ before, I don’t really see how free time can be complicated….I assume that you mean either your free time is limited or it’s difficult for you to find free time.
Personally I’d have written it as ‘My children live with me as I’m a solo parent so I have limited free time’
But saying that, what you’ve written it’s clear enough and can’t be interpreted in any way other than how you intend it to be. "
Fucking hell, mister! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"If I say I’m a ‘sole parent’ would you understand what I meant?
Circumstances are that I live alone with my kids after my wife passed away. I’m single and not in a relationship.
I usually use this.
‘Have children that live with me and I’m a sole parent which complicates when I’m free.’
But wondered if that wasn’t clear.
Thanks
Oh - if you look, different wording currently on profile as it’s the half term break here."
God there are some semi-literate pedants on here. Just ignore them. I'm a widower with kids too. No need to mention that really. I usually just say that "I have kids, no woman, so need to plan a little." Or something like that. Everything else is your business. It won't get you laid! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"
God there are some semi-literate pedants on here. Just ignore them. I'm a widower with kids too. No need to mention that really. I usually just say that "I have kids, no woman, so need to plan a little." Or something like that. Everything else is your business. It won't get you laid! "
That’s clearer actually. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"I'm also a widow so completely get where you are coming from! Its a nightmare being the only parent and having limited childcare options"
Ach, it is what it is. Always seems I’m free at dumb times |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
"
are you trying to say that people wont give you a chance because of you being a sole parent ?
I don’t think I am, I was wondering if I’d phrased my situation right or not. "
seems clear to me but i do agree with the chap who said you dont really need to put it on your profile just mention it if someone wants to meet after a few messages nobody needs to know everything its swinging not relationships.
thats how i see it anyway
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"
seems clear to me but i do agree with the chap who said you dont really need to put it on your profile just mention it if someone wants to meet after a few messages nobody needs to know everything its swinging not relationships.
thats how i see it anyway
"
Thanks. Ideally I wouldn’t say anything and that’s how I started off. I guess a step back from things and have another go at profile in a few weeks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Different circumstance but likewise I use the term lone parent, not single parent. Simply because I am not single relationship wise but I raise my kids in a one adult household.
We are in a peculiar situation of being in a committed life relationship but split between two households in two seperate cities. We are both full time lone parents and for various reasons it's not possible to combine our households at this stage sadly.
Likewise when I am talking about doing things on the scene solo like going to a clubs solo or my personal profile I like to use the terms lone/solo male or my solo profile. Simply because I'm not single and I'm not shy about that when solo because I am proud to be with Mrs Misfit and of what we have. So the term single male really doesn't sit easy with me as well as being technically inaccurate.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’d understand it, but don’t think it needs advertising.
I expect “most” adults on here will be parents. I expect them to say when free to meet and it’s not my business to know why they aren’t other times (as long as confirmed not cheating to me).
Find it a bit strange anyone needs to mention their kids on a swinging site x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I’d understand it, but don’t think it needs advertising.
I expect “most” adults on here will be parents. I expect them to say when free to meet and it’s not my business to know why they aren’t other times (as long as confirmed not cheating to me).
Find it a bit strange anyone needs to mention their kids on a swinging site x"
I think guys do because if they put can't accommodate in their profile many will take it as a red flag. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I’d understand it, but don’t think it needs advertising.
I expect “most” adults on here will be parents. I expect them to say when free to meet and it’s not my business to know why they aren’t other times (as long as confirmed not cheating to me).
Find it a bit strange anyone needs to mention their kids on a swinging site x
I think guys do because if they put can't accommodate in their profile many will take it as a red flag."
I get that.
But I think advertising family life is more of a red flag.
Each to their own I guess |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
are you trying to say that people wont give you a chance because of you being a sole parent ?
I don’t think I am, I was wondering if I’d phrased my situation right or not.
seems clear to me but i do agree with the chap who said you dont really need to put it on your profile just mention it if someone wants to meet after a few messages nobody needs to know everything its swinging not relationships.
thats how i see it anyway
"
Personally from my experience of when I was a single guy on here and a single parent I would say it is handy to give a brief insight to your situation with kids without the need for vast details (likewise if your vanilla dating too). It's reasonably rare on here for a male. On the flip it's reasonably expected of women 30-50. So it does raise big questions of why a man can't accommodate and/or is very inflexible in a way it just simply doesn't for women.
Obviously not everyone will believe but it does in my opinion and experience help your situation more than it hinders it. I would say the vast majority of the women I met on Fab and dating sites were single parents. Most likely because the reality of social norms and life see's many single women age 30+ raising kids alone and many single guys same age kid free. Practically and logistically it makes life harder because its more difficult for two lone parents to align free time together than one lone parent and one kid free adult. However when women understand your situation they tend to relate to it and try that extra mile for you to make arrangements that work in my experience. So it's totally worth pointing out where your coming from and your limitations rather than just being another shady guy off the Internet who can't accommodate and is generally illusive. People often make a quick judgment on a profile and won't go out of their way to investigate the nuances of your situation. So I think it helps just to be Frank and say a little something basic about you're situation. I my experience it helped.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I’d understand it, but don’t think it needs advertising.
I expect “most” adults on here will be parents. I expect them to say when free to meet and it’s not my business to know why they aren’t other times (as long as confirmed not cheating to me).
Find it a bit strange anyone needs to mention their kids on a swinging site x
I think guys do because if they put can't accommodate in their profile many will take it as a red flag.
I get that.
But I think advertising family life is more of a red flag.
Each to their own I guess "
The trouble is the male experience as a lone parent is different from that of a female lone parent. As is the make up of society single females passed a certain age are expected to be highly likely to be a single parent. However single males are expected not to be. I remember as a single dad (especially one with a 6 month old and 4 year old back then) the almost guaranteed suprise when people found out I was a single parent. So naturally the default assumption without explanation is just another dodgy/cheating man. Likewise because of the make up of society single guys are expected not to have the limitations of parenthood, especially that of parenthood of very young children.
So basically what is assumed for single females is not assumed for single males.
Obviously a brief explanation of circumstances is needed not a full debrief on family life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"I’d understand it, but don’t think it needs advertising.
I expect “most” adults on here will be parents. I expect them to say when free to meet and it’s not my business to know why they aren’t other times (as long as confirmed not cheating to me).
Find it a bit strange anyone needs to mention their kids on a swinging site x"
Advertising? Hmm. Other than saying what I said in that sentence, I’m don’t think I’m doing that, but hear what you say, although quite discouraging I guess if other women think way too.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
" I get that.
But I think advertising family life is more of a red flag.
Each to their own I guess "
So being genuinely on my own with time restrictions is a red flag.
Maybe I’m as well chucking it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
" I get that.
But I think advertising family life is more of a red flag.
Each to their own I guess
So being genuinely on my own with time restrictions is a red flag.
Maybe I’m as well chucking it."
Everyone has different circumstances. I don’t feel the need to explain mine on my bio and don’t feel the need for men to do the same.
I expect everyone to have time restrictions, at no point did I say anyone should be available 24/7. My point was I won’t be explaining why I’m not available and don’t expect men too.
If my opinion makes you want to “chuck it” then that’s fine. But you posted publicly and that’s only why I commented. No ill intent |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *unchalMan
over a year ago
Dartford |
"I’d understand it, but don’t think it needs advertising.
I expect “most” adults on here will be parents. I expect them to say when free to meet and it’s not my business to know why they aren’t other times (as long as confirmed not cheating to me).
Find it a bit strange anyone needs to mention their kids on a swinging site x
I think guys do because if they put can't accommodate in their profile many will take it as a red flag.
I get that.
But I think advertising family life is more of a red flag.
Each to their own I guess "
Curious. What kind of red flag is that? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
OK, you're a single guy, so the most important thing is to stand out as much as you can. You don't want a profile that everyone thinks is sort of OK. You want one that positively attracts some people, even if puts off others.
So be you, and it sounds like your children are important to you, so mention them. I'd mention you're a widower too.
It may put some people off, but then you probably weren't going to get anywhere with them anyway. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Personally, I don't like seeing the mention of children on profiles.
That can need explained in a private message."
I've always thought it was odd - we don't have kids and won't be having them - but sadly it doesn't mean we're always free! We often get messages talking about people's "child-free" nights too lol. Good to know people are actually eager to meet us, and not just looking for something to do  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"OK, you're a single guy, so the most important thing is to stand out as much as you can. You don't want a profile that everyone thinks is sort of OK. You want one that positively attracts some people, even if puts off others.
So be you, and it sounds like your children are important to you, so mention them. I'd mention you're a widower too.
It may put some people off, but then you probably weren't going to get anywhere with them anyway."
Thanks. Being truthful to ourselves is probably a better way than creating a fiction. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sorry to hear that your wife has passed away. That can't be easy.
I think what you've said is clear. You can always explain more if you connect with someone. No need to put your whole life story in your profile.
Wishing you well.
Dee x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"Sorry to hear that your wife has passed away. That can't be easy.
I think what you've said is clear. You can always explain more if you connect with someone. No need to put your whole life story in your profile.
Wishing you well.
Dee x"
Thanks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Sorry for your loss. Use whatever word describes you best. I think it’s important to say why you can’t accommodate as some people assume you’re married and can’t accommodate which can be hurtful especially in your circumstances. They can decide whether they want to meet knowing that you have commitments.
I’m a single parent and although they are in their 20’s mine live at home.
Some of us run socials and they are usually in the forums. It’s a good way to meet people. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *agnar73 OP Man
over a year ago
glasgow-ish |
"Sorry for your loss. Use whatever word describes you best. I think it’s important to say why you can’t accommodate as some people assume you’re married and can’t accommodate which can be hurtful especially in your circumstances. They can decide whether they want to meet knowing that you have commitments.
I’m a single parent and although they are in their 20’s mine live at home.
Some of us run socials and they are usually in the forums. It’s a good way to meet people."
Thanks.
I have to rethink on what to say on not accommodating, I suppose it’s as simple as that I live with kids, but again assumptions are made, so I’ll have a think.
I see the socials on the Scottish forum and unfortunately there’s not many I can make with the ‘me time’ at moment but I’ll have to see if I can get more time in evenings so I that could. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
