FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Standing out from the crowd
Standing out from the crowd
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"There are two main groups of factors affecting how a person manages their time on here. Group one are the ones you can't do anything (or much) about, like your height, weight, body shape, size of your cock etc. Then there is the second group, factors that you can change. Here you'd have things like: 1) your profile - it is your "shop window". Are you showing yourself there in the best possible light? Are you showing your potential meets what you can offer them and why they should choose you over others? Have you thought about what age of people you'd be the most interested in, or are you just leaving the default 18-99 setting? As a man, if you cannot accommodate, have you said why (unless you're fine with people assuming you're married/ in a relationship)? Is your sexuality label clearly reflecting who you'd like to meet? For example, saying you're straight yet looking to meet TV/TS may raise a few eyebrows and some may doubt whether that person is definitely straight. 2) forum - are you engaging on the forum, showing your personality through different posts than just the "help me get meets", "profile advice" or "woe is me" type of posts? I messaged my now partner because of how he was presenting himself on the forum. 3) outside world - are you prepared to get out into the wild and attend some organized socials or clubs? There you can allow your real life personality to, hopefully, shine. Or do you prefer more 1:1 interactions? Have a look at what you can change to make your experience on here better and don't worry about things you can't change. " On your third point . My preference is a 1 to 1 social meeting in a public place for a coffee or bite to eat to see if there is a spark and attraction, but clubs and large organised socials are a definite no no for me . I want to be able to chat and converse with one person (or one couple ), rather than engage in a swinging form of speed dating in large groups in a club or big social. I've been a member on here for well over a year ,yet the one constant response is GO TO A CLUB ,OR ORGANISED SOCIAL. It seems that people on here (like myself ), who are looking for a 1 on 1 public social ,are wasting our time. Does no one do 1 to 1 public socials anymore . ? | |||
"The thing is op ,most women will look at a profile first and if it's unappealing,they won't read your message .So you need to make your profile the best you can ,maybe more pics and expand on what you offer and are into. You can't accom and are looking for discretion,to many rightly or wrongly, that will sound like you're here behind someone's back. If you can't accom for other reasons ,maybe include that on your profile too. Sadly there's no magic message ,always read a profile and make sure you're what they may be looking for ,before you message them. I like a message that shows they've read my profile and maybe referred to something in it. " What she said  | |||
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"On your third point . My preference is a 1 to 1 social meeting in a public place for a coffee or bite to eat to see if there is a spark and attraction, but clubs and large organised socials are a definite no no for me . I want to be able to chat and converse with one person (or one couple ), rather than engage in a swinging form of speed dating in large groups in a club or big social. I've been a member on here for well over a year ,yet the one constant response is GO TO A CLUB ,OR ORGANISED SOCIAL. It seems that people on here (like myself ), who are looking for a 1 on 1 public social ,are wasting our time. Does no one do 1 to 1 public socials anymore . ? " I guess you did not read my 3rd point to the end, where I added a question "Or do you prefer 1:1 interactions?". However, I do stand by the "go to a club or organised social" for a few reasons: 1) there will be more than 1 person/1 couple there so larger pool for potential interaction 2) if the person/people you arranged to meet with don't turn up, or you don't hit it off with them, there are still plenty of other possible connections 3) in a club, even if you don't connect with anyone, you can use the facilities to just chill 4) safety in numbers - organized socials are usually in public places, and clubs have got their own ways to ensure safety of all attending. Yes, I do agree that clubs or organised socials are not for everyone, particularly if you're socially awkward, can't even say "hi" or smile to strangers. And yes, with clubs, there is the cost involved. However, many people choose them over 1:1 meets for at least the reasons mentioned above. I sure do. I am sure people still meet on 1:1 basis but it's not as often. | |||
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 and my profile leaves alot to be desired..attempting to be quirky n funny went down like a lead balloon.
Haha I'm a work in progress, I'll get there one day  | |||
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"Their is no magic formula ..." ^This. Nobody can really tell you how YOU can stand out from the crowd. It's really something you need to figure out for yourself. Different people will look at you differently. | |||
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"Just by attending an organised social immediately puts you in the top 5%* of guys on here. *Dept. of Guesswork number" I estimate closer to 3 % 
My first 6 months on fab were pretty fruitless , met one lady who really needed counselling and had a coffee with her...
I then went to the Oxford social ... I snogged two women ..(it got very boozy) and one nice lady invited me back to hers for the night , fed me breakfast and dropped me off at the station the next day ...I had no accomodation booked..so was greatly appreciated.
If I had messaged those ladies I'm sure I wouldn't have had any response ..
If your well turned out , smell nice , make a little effort (unfortunately the onus will be on you to initiate chat but generally people are more receptive than in a club ) you will succeed...if a middle aged codger can so can any guy. Perhaps it's my enormous cock ...but I don't think so. | |||
"Just by attending an organised social immediately puts you in the top 5%* of guys on here." 100% that
I consider myself very average, and have next to no luck with messaging, arranging meets etc.
But at the same time I've met so many amazing people in clubs, it's unreal
like playing on easy mode | |||
" It seems that people on here (like myself ), who are looking for a 1 on 1 public social ,are wasting our time. Does no one do 1 to 1 public socials anymore . ? " Dave, don't know about singles but I can assure you that couples do 1 to 1 socials, both with other couples and with singles. We do. So you are not wasting your time there and your preference for not attending social events or clubs should be respected. Where you might be wasting your time, however, is on the expectation that couples or singles may be willing to go to a 1 to 1 with you "to see if there's a spark." Our experience is that for couples like us who want both physical attraction and to like their personalities, if there's sufficient attraction based on profile and photos, then we arrange a 1:1 social (pub, Starbucks, whatever). And there is when we confirm that we are attracted to the other couple or not, and that it is reciprocal and want to move it to the next level. However, I can guarantee you that there is zero chance of us agreeing to meet socially a couple (or a single, if we were into 3somes) where we are not attracted on paper beforehand to one or the two of them, just to see if there might be a spark. Why would we, when we regularly find couples on Fab where the spark is there from the start and just need to confirm it in person in the social? People's personalities on their own is not going to make it, at least for us, since we are not sapiosexuals. At parties or socials or clubs, we chat with many people that are fun and entertaining, fascinating personalities, but we are not physically attracted to them, so we will never get into bed with them. Perhaps start a thread? maybe asking for couples and women for whom the personality and having things in common is far more important than the looks from a photo, and willing to try? I remember having chatted a while ago with a couple like that, so I am sure there must be many. A thread on this may get you leads of couples that are turned on by personality. | |||
" It seems that people on here (like myself ), who are looking for a 1 on 1 public social ,are wasting our time. Does no one do 1 to 1 public socials anymore . ? Dave, don't know about singles but I can assure you that couples do 1 to 1 socials, both with other couples and with singles. We do. So you are not wasting your time there and your preference for not attending social events or clubs should be respected. Where you might be wasting your time, however, is on the expectation that couples or singles may be willing to go to a 1 to 1 with you "to see if there's a spark." Our experience is that for couples like us who want both physical attraction and to like their personalities, if there's sufficient attraction based on profile and photos, then we arrange a 1:1 social (pub, Starbucks, whatever). And there is when we confirm that we are attracted to the other couple or not, and that it is reciprocal and want to move it to the next level. However, I can guarantee you that there is zero chance of us agreeing to meet socially a couple (or a single, if we were into 3somes) where we are not attracted on paper beforehand to one or the two of them, just to see if there might be a spark. Why would we, when we regularly find couples on Fab where the spark is there from the start and just need to confirm it in person in the social? People's personalities on their own is not going to make it, at least for us, since we are not sapiosexuals. At parties or socials or clubs, we chat with many people that are fun and entertaining, fascinating personalities, but we are not physically attracted to them, so we will never get into bed with them. Perhaps start a thread? maybe asking for couples and women for whom the personality and having things in common is far more important than the looks from a photo, and willing to try? I remember having chatted a while ago with a couple like that, so I am sure there must be many. A thread on this may get you leads of couples that are turned on by personality. " I always upload up to date face photos ,so people can see exactly what I look like now. Maybe that's why I'm having no luck . But clubs and organised socials are just not for me I'm afraid. I have no desire to be part of swinging speed dating . | |||
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" It seems that people on here (like myself ), who are looking for a 1 on 1 public social ,are wasting our time. Does no one do 1 to 1 public socials anymore . ? Dave, don't know about singles but I can assure you that couples do 1 to 1 socials, both with other couples and with singles. We do. So you are not wasting your time there and your preference for not attending social events or clubs should be respected. Where you might be wasting your time, however, is on the expectation that couples or singles may be willing to go to a 1 to 1 with you "to see if there's a spark." Our experience is that for couples like us who want both physical attraction and to like their personalities, if there's sufficient attraction based on profile and photos, then we arrange a 1:1 social (pub, Starbucks, whatever). And there is when we confirm that we are attracted to the other couple or not, and that it is reciprocal and want to move it to the next level. However, I can guarantee you that there is zero chance of us agreeing to meet socially a couple (or a single, if we were into 3somes) where we are not attracted on paper beforehand to one or the two of them, just to see if there might be a spark. Why would we, when we regularly find couples on Fab where the spark is there from the start and just need to confirm it in person in the social? People's personalities on their own is not going to make it, at least for us, since we are not sapiosexuals. At parties or socials or clubs, we chat with many people that are fun and entertaining, fascinating personalities, but we are not physically attracted to them, so we will never get into bed with them. Perhaps start a thread? maybe asking for couples and women for whom the personality and having things in common is far more important than the looks from a photo, and willing to try? I remember having chatted a while ago with a couple like that, so I am sure there must be many. A thread on this may get you leads of couples that are turned on by personality. I always upload up to date face photos ,so people can see exactly what I look like now. Maybe that's why I'm having no luck . But clubs and organised socials are just not for me I'm afraid. I have no desire to be part of swinging speed dating . " Swinging is often not at speed | |||
" But clubs and organised socials are just not for me I'm afraid. I have no desire to be part of swinging speed dating . " __ Speed dating? Not a clue what you mean by that, no idea what is your experience with socials. We have been in many parties and clubs so far, but only ever once in a social event for swingers, hosted by 3 lovely ladies and set in pub, easily 40-50 people there and open to single ladies, men and couples, of all ages. We spent at least more than good hour in a small group of 3 couples and a single guy. Clearly neither of the couples there had any intention to "swing" with us (we can tell) or us with them, because they were not our cup of tea (no physical "spark"), however we enjoyed talking to these other couples and the single guy because they were interesting, and we did not want to leave the conversation (save for the occasional trip to the loo) because everyone there, including the single guy, were contributing to it, sharing experiences, funny swinging stories, asking questions to each other, etc, relaxed because no one was looking for a date, at least not with us. One hour solid talking, I would not consider that "speed dating". I would consider that an opportunity to talk to human beings, in person. | |||
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" But clubs and organised socials are just not for me I'm afraid. I have no desire to be part of swinging speed dating . __ Speed dating? Not a clue what you mean by that, no idea what is your experience with socials. We have been in many parties and clubs so far, but only ever once in a social event for swingers, hosted by 3 lovely ladies and set in pub, easily 40-50 people there and open to single ladies, men and couples, of all ages. We spent at least more than good hour in a small group of 3 couples and a single guy. Clearly neither of the couples there had any intention to "swing" with us (we can tell) or us with them, because they were not our cup of tea (no physical "spark"), however we enjoyed talking to these other couples and the single guy because they were interesting, and we did not want to leave the conversation (save for the occasional trip to the loo) because everyone there, including the single guy, were contributing to it, sharing experiences, funny swinging stories, asking questions to each other, etc, relaxed because no one was looking for a date, at least not with us. One hour solid talking, I would not consider that "speed dating". I would consider that an opportunity to talk to human beings, in person." What a shocker 
People being sociable at a social, whouda thunk it 
What a lot of people, mainly single guys, seem to forget is that going to a social and interacting with people, whether you fancy them or not, gets you known to a wider circle which will include friends of their friends who might be as hot as fuck. | |||
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" It seems that people on here (like myself ), who are looking for a 1 on 1 public social ,are wasting our time. Does no one do 1 to 1 public socials anymore . ? Dave, don't know about singles but I can assure you that couples do 1 to 1 socials, both with other couples and with singles. We do. So you are not wasting your time there and your preference for not attending social events or clubs should be respected. Where you might be wasting your time, however, is on the expectation that couples or singles may be willing to go to a 1 to 1 with you "to see if there's a spark." Our experience is that for couples like us who want both physical attraction and to like their personalities, if there's sufficient attraction based on profile and photos, then we arrange a 1:1 social (pub, Starbucks, whatever). And there is when we confirm that we are attracted to the other couple or not, and that it is reciprocal and want to move it to the next level. However, I can guarantee you that there is zero chance of us agreeing to meet socially a couple (or a single, if we were into 3somes) where we are not attracted on paper beforehand to one or the two of them, just to see if there might be a spark. Why would we, when we regularly find couples on Fab where the spark is there from the start and just need to confirm it in person in the social? People's personalities on their own is not going to make it, at least for us, since we are not sapiosexuals. At parties or socials or clubs, we chat with many people that are fun and entertaining, fascinating personalities, but we are not physically attracted to them, so we will never get into bed with them. Perhaps start a thread? maybe asking for couples and women for whom the personality and having things in common is far more important than the looks from a photo, and willing to try? I remember having chatted a while ago with a couple like that, so I am sure there must be many. A thread on this may get you leads of couples that are turned on by personality. I always upload up to date face photos ,so people can see exactly what I look like now. Maybe that's why I'm having no luck . But clubs and organised socials are just not for me I'm afraid. I have no desire to be part of swinging speed dating . " I've been to many organised socials and none have come close to speed dating, it's a social you just get to know people. Mrs | |||
" It seems that people on here (like myself ), who are looking for a 1 on 1 public social ,are wasting our time. Does no one do 1 to 1 public socials anymore . ? Dave, don't know about singles but I can assure you that couples do 1 to 1 socials, both with other couples and with singles. We do. So you are not wasting your time there and your preference for not attending social events or clubs should be respected. Where you might be wasting your time, however, is on the expectation that couples or singles may be willing to go to a 1 to 1 with you "to see if there's a spark." Our experience is that for couples like us who want both physical attraction and to like their personalities, if there's sufficient attraction based on profile and photos, then we arrange a 1:1 social (pub, Starbucks, whatever). And there is when we confirm that we are attracted to the other couple or not, and that it is reciprocal and want to move it to the next level. However, I can guarantee you that there is zero chance of us agreeing to meet socially a couple (or a single, if we were into 3somes) where we are not attracted on paper beforehand to one or the two of them, just to see if there might be a spark. Why would we, when we regularly find couples on Fab where the spark is there from the start and just need to confirm it in person in the social? People's personalities on their own is not going to make it, at least for us, since we are not sapiosexuals. At parties or socials or clubs, we chat with many people that are fun and entertaining, fascinating personalities, but we are not physically attracted to them, so we will never get into bed with them. Perhaps start a thread? maybe asking for couples and women for whom the personality and having things in common is far more important than the looks from a photo, and willing to try? I remember having chatted a while ago with a couple like that, so I am sure there must be many. A thread on this may get you leads of couples that are turned on by personality. I always upload up to date face photos ,so people can see exactly what I look like now. Maybe that's why I'm having no luck . But clubs and organised socials are just not for me I'm afraid. I have no desire to be part of swinging speed dating . " I'd love to participate in swinging speed dating , where can I sign up | |||
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"For me the blokes that stand out have good pics & a decent bio that says enough about them and what they are looking for. Mrs " .Thanks for your reply. After changing my profile bio ,and photos regularly for over a year ,with no change in luck ,or replies to messages, I assume I am incapable of getting it right . | |||
"Great track by The Human League!!" That was Sound of the crowd... close though | |||
"For me the blokes that stand out have good pics & a decent bio that says enough about them and what they are looking for. Mrs .Thanks for your reply. After changing my profile bio ,and photos regularly for over a year ,with no change in luck ,or replies to messages, I assume I am incapable of getting it right ." Going to a social where you get the chance to chat to like-minded folks who can verify that you are a nice friendly interesting bloke, who dresses smartly, smells nice, could lead to someone who checks your profile and sees your verifications. They might then be more inclined to chat or meet you as they could see that other people have vouched for you. A two hour social could massively help and if it doesn't, you've lost two hours and not much more. Good luck Dave -try something different! | |||
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"For me the blokes that stand out have good pics & a decent bio that says enough about them and what they are looking for. Mrs .Thanks for your reply. After changing my profile bio ,and photos regularly for over a year ,with no change in luck ,or replies to messages, I assume I am incapable of getting it right . Going to a social where you get the chance to chat to like-minded folks who can verify that you are a nice friendly interesting bloke, who dresses smartly, smells nice, could lead to someone who checks your profile and sees your verifications. They might then be more inclined to chat or meet you as they could see that other people have vouched for you. A two hour social could massively help and if it doesn't, you've lost two hours and not much more. Good luck Dave -try something different! " I would love a one on one public social in a public place, but it seems unless you are prepared to go to a club or group social ,you have zero chance on here. | |||
"For me the blokes that stand out have good pics & a decent bio that says enough about them and what they are looking for. Mrs .Thanks for your reply. After changing my profile bio ,and photos regularly for over a year ,with no change in luck ,or replies to messages, I assume I am incapable of getting it right . Going to a social where you get the chance to chat to like-minded folks who can verify that you are a nice friendly interesting bloke, who dresses smartly, smells nice, could lead to someone who checks your profile and sees your verifications. They might then be more inclined to chat or meet you as they could see that other people have vouched for you. A two hour social could massively help and if it doesn't, you've lost two hours and not much more. Good luck Dave -try something different! I would love a one on one public social in a public place, but it seems unless you are prepared to go to a club or group social ,you have zero chance on here. " Thus you stand out from the crowd. Though maybe not in the way that is conducive to meeting people. Many people meet one on one. I certainly have. | |||
" I always upload up to date face photos ,so people can see exactly what I look like now. Maybe that's why I'm having no luck . But clubs and organised socials are just not for me I'm afraid. I have no desire to be part of swinging speed dating . " If you found someone this way, would you be into meeting other swingers for sex (individually or as a couple)? It’s just that, what you’re describing (meeting one-to-one then regular meets at your place) sounds more like dating than swinging. | |||
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"This is a suggestion that comes up often. That is, going to clubs. But I am a bit worried how a first time experience will be, particularly when you've never been to one and don't know anyone there. PS: I am black, most people don't like to admit it, but the attraction dynamic is a lot different" You're right. It's totally different. For us over fab, we don't have the social skills required to pick out the tiny minute nuances that exist between different cultures/nationalities, however face to face in a club, it's totally different. The reality is, we'd not meet someone of a different culture/nationality or race off fab, that could be black, Asian, Spanish or French, however in a club non of that exists because we feel we can determine things much better face to face. | |||
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"Just by attending an organised social immediately puts you in the top 5%* of guys on here. *Dept. of Guesswork number" SCEFFS Statistics Close Enough For Fab Swingers | |||
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