FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Advice required about messages recd
Advice required about messages recd
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Hi all
I have though hard about it and my wife agrees with me that I'm not being petty.
It's about first contacts from Fab people that can't be bothered to say a simple , 'hi/hey/hello' and some once sentence contacts that talk about 'I'm free lets fuck etc' then there are others that have clearly not read the profile nor the ad about us not hosting etc amt.
Initially i was ignoring them but with a few I told them it was a no as they could not be bothered to say hu/etc. Myself and my wife feel a first contac can give a lot away and we are right to do this
The other thing is we have seen some very long prfiles and other with a few words or sentences. I've shortened our profile and have tried to make it clear what we are looking for, what to expect on a fist meet and what may happen on first meet but a lot dont seem to understand them
We get people constantly wanting to book a hotel and I think, FFS did you not read the profile as a first meet may just be a cha
Constructive advice would be gratefully digested, acted on possibly
Btw, as a couple, how long did it take to get the first meet and what homework do you do.
FYI, we ask those that cross the first hurdles and a chat on the phone to both of us to post a pic of their face holding our user name. We were going meet one guy that was travelling for work, sadly MiL fell that day and a couple of hours before leaving we got the call and had to cancel and the guy lives hundreds of miles away. We have noted that often older guuys are more polite but not always
Cheers. |
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Unfortunately the ones who don't read profiles never will, the copy and paste messengers will continue to do so, the one word people will carry on regardless.
My advice is use all you've written as a filter and block those profiles they aren't for you.
Mrs |
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Cheers to both of you. I have started blocking them striahgt away and went through a few older posts and blocked them as well
As many that are willing to meet can't host or too far away, we may just book a hotel for a couple of days and invite them there. |
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My advice would be to put all the message filters in place so that nobody can contact you (except those that already have). Then look through profiles and message those you're interested in. That way you're only in contact with people you're interested in.
I think it's wise to check that the people you're talking to are genuine, we do that by meeting in a public place for coffee. If anyone asked us for specific pictures we would refuse. |
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What you need to understand is that they are not seriously trying to meet with you
The thrill is having you read the message and possibly reply
Like lab rats hitting the pleasure button. They dont have the time or the inclination to meet |
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"Cheers to both of you. I have started blocking them striahgt away and went through a few older posts and blocked them as well
As many that are willing to meet can't host or too far away, we may just book a hotel for a couple of days and invite them there."
You may be better meeting first to see if you like each other before going to the expense of booking a hotel. Regarding messages, welcome to Fab! We ignore 95% of messages, most we reply to don't lead to anything anyway. Many people prefer to go to club's where you can actually see and talk to people, then if you get on you can head into a playroom. |
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"Cheers to both of you. I have started blocking them straight away and went through a few older posts and blocked them as well
As many that are willing to meet can't host or too far away, we may just book a hotel for a couple of days and invite them there.
You may be better meeting first to see if you like each other before going to the expense of booking a hotel. Regarding messages, welcome to Fab! We ignore 95% of messages, most we reply to don't lead to anything anyway. Many people prefer to go to club's where you can actually see and talk to people, then if you get on you can head into a playroom."
A big thanks as what you experience is what we are getting and I was doubting our profile and a few said I asked too many questions but I need to as we are meeting a stranger
Re the hotel, I would have shorted a few guys and if we clicked/they turned up etc good and if not, then we are enjoying a day or so away from home.
I'm always looking for ideally at least two verifications and then read the verifer to see if they are still there and how many veris they have had, then asking the guys if they can host, where they live, then a phone chat, had three so-car and then finally they hold up our username next to their face
Asin my OP, we were set to meet in a hotel not too far away from us but Mil had a spell.
If you or anyone feels we need to adjust profile, change pics etc nd what to, please share with us here or pm us. I think the profile is good as it details what may happen when we meet, EG just a chat or a semi nude massage but no sex 1st meet or kissing and not just concentrate of tits as massage will soon end.
Not sure how to improve profile/pics but we did not get our account verified for a few wekeks as we have other family living with us and its hard for mrs to get comfortable but since getting verified, it looks more promising As we will not share face pics, in our profile we also state the potential guy giving massage to my wife can speak with her for a few minutes
Cheers for being very helpful |
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Block single men and do your own searches op
Sadly people don't read profiles on fab and that won't change .
Also remember it's a 2 way thing with doing checks on people,you don't have any verifications as a couple and you're expecting the man to host you also.
If you look for profiles yourself hopefully you'll find someone who can meet your requirements. |
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"Block single men and do your own searches op
Sadly people don't read profiles on fab and that won't change .
Also remember it's a 2 way thing with doing checks on people,you don't have any verifications as a couple and you're expecting the man to host you also.
If you look for profiles yourself hopefully you'll find someone who can meet your requirements."
Cheers was doing that right now, ie searching profiles. Initially I was only searching meet for today but now looking at just guys of a certain age with xx miles of where we live and that have verification, can host and we meet their age requirements and see if thy have been on in the last few hours, sent a few clicks
Re verifcations, we could I suppose get off the webcam but the prob is family live with us and mrs does not like web stuff other than the occasional naught well hung stuff we watch together when at a hotel
re our lack of verifications other than we FS is that mrs will chat to a guy we are really interested in and that does put the guys mind to rest but hoping to meet soon a verified guy that meets us and hoping for more and then verify us and this may make stuff easier
Cheers.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know it’s not easy when you’re new to this OP but in the gentlest way try not to overthink the process.
As time goes on you will find it easier to deal with some of the more frustrating issues on Fab.
Sadly some don’t respect profiles and you will come across many who are not genuine.
As a couple you can support each other and sort the wheat from the chaff. Take your time and you will eventually find what’s right for you.
It’s supposed to be enjoyable and it will be.
Good luck x |
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Messages are another simple tool to use to help to filter people out or into your interests list. Communication is generally pretty essential to get right.
Thankfully, the initial first messages often make it extremely easy to know that someone is definitely not interesting to you. Be grateful that you discover it quickly before wasting energy.
It takes as long as it takes to get the right people to then meet. You can look out for others who interest you too.
No reason to explain why people haven't met your interests. |
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You’re looking for someone with very niche interests/needs in a small geographical area, with very focussed hosting and ID requirements.
Just be prepared for the fact your search may take some time, even with the enormous number of single men on this site. |
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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
What advice are you actually asking for here because you go on a long rant about the messages you receive without asking a single question and then ask other couples how long it took them to get a meet and whether they did any homework, which is completely unrelated to the OP headline and everything else you wrote about in the OP. If you’re asking for advice on how to make people send you well written and polite first messages that show they’ve read your profile and understand your requirements then you might as well be asking for the winning numbers for next week’s lottery draw because no one has the answer to either of them….if you’re going to get frustrated every time someone doesn’t do exactly what you want and expect them to do then the best advice I can give you is to stay off this site and 90% of the internet, otherwise you’re going to spend a lot of your time being frustrated.
If so many people can’t understand what your requirements are and what it is you’re looking for have you considered that it’s because it’s not very clear in your bio what your requirements are and what it is you’re looking for, rather than blaming everyone else for not understanding it? Obviously I’m not allowed to comment on your profile specifically but you’ve stated that most people who message you don’t understand what you’re looking for and assume it’s because they haven’t read your profile but if your profile was full of spelling and grammar mistakes and almost incoherent then that would also be a reason why they don’t understand….obviously I’m not commenting on your profile specifically I’m just giving an example of an alternative reason why someone wouldn’t know what your requirements are other than not reading your profile. |
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Hey, stick to your prerequisite and if anyone crosses the line just block. We are a new couple and get some absolute arses messaging or going straight to a friend request, they get blocked no matter how gorgeous they are. We’ve also had a woman try, literally and blatantly to steel my partner and be quite vile to me about it needless to say she got blocked!!! Also watch out for the fakers we had one yesterday posing as a Brighton couple it was a bloke!! The language they used and that lack of tense and language gave them away!
We always send a pic as our first message and that works for us! Good luck and enjoy fabbing xx |
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"Gotta be honest, If I was a single guy I'd give this a miss.
Too mant red flags I'm afraid. "
I got the same impression. No explaination why they can't accomdate but specific rules for your home and how the first meeting would go.
However descriptive profiles like this also help other people knowing what they don't want to interact with either.
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"I'm always looking for ideally at least two verifications and then read the verifer to see if they are still there and how many veris they have had, then asking the guys if they can host, where they live, then a phone chat, had three so-car and then finally they hold up our username next to their face"
The more hoops you make someone jump through and the less you are offering the more likely it is to alienate even the people who would be interested in what you do offer.
There's been plenty of advice regarding block-deleting the unsuitable ones, but also do take care not to be pushing away the suitable ones. If you want respect and trust you need to reciprocate, so ask yourself if your profile, verification&other requests cultivate the right climate for it. |
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"Hi all
I have though hard about it and my wife agrees with me that I'm not being petty.
It's about first contacts from Fab people that can't be bothered to say a simple , 'hi/hey/hello' and some once sentence contacts that talk about 'I'm free lets fuck etc' then there are others that have clearly not read the profile nor the ad about us not hosting etc amt.
Initially i was ignoring them but with a few I told them it was a no as they could not be bothered to say hu/etc. Myself and my wife feel a first contac can give a lot away and we are right to do this
The other thing is we have seen some very long prfiles and other with a few words or sentences. I've shortened our profile and have tried to make it clear what we are looking for, what to expect on a fist meet and what may happen on first meet but a lot dont seem to understand them
We get people constantly wanting to book a hotel and I think, FFS did you not read the profile as a first meet may just be a cha
Constructive advice would be gratefully digested, acted on possibly
Btw, as a couple, how long did it take to get the first meet and what homework do you do.
FYI, we ask those that cross the first hurdles and a chat on the phone to both of us to post a pic of their face holding our user name. We were going meet one guy that was travelling for work, sadly MiL fell that day and a couple of hours before leaving we got the call and had to cancel and the guy lives hundreds of miles away. We have noted that often older guuys are more polite but not always
Cheers."
Sorry you are having problems. Sad reality is that a large chunk of people here will behave as you describe.
The most simple thing you can do is focus on people with some meet veris. So many are just dreamers. If you meet people without veris then might work out of course but just need to be extra careful and half expect that might not go through with it.
Phone call is good but many will be wary of giving out number as links into social media in this day and age and even people who are genuine may want to keep this side of life away from that side of life just in case.
As for picture with your user name that would be a huge no from me and many others I suspect.
Best would be meeting for a quick coffee/drink somewhere convenient so if a no show then not too much time wasted. Many will baulk at that but sure you will find some who will be interested.
You might also go searching for the right people yourself and message them. A lot of the more genuine people don't even send out messages that much. They rely on getting messages from others or meeting at group socials, parties, clubs etc. Actually perhaps you could find group socials to attend locally. |
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Actually typed that without reading your profile. Now I've read I think you might struggle. Asking for face pics from others with your user name but you won't send yours? Screw that. It's not blind date. This is particularly true if you want somebody to accommodate and go to their place. Also I find the detailed description of what you expect on a first meet a little off putting. Remember it's for the man's pleasure as well and we are not robots. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's nothing you can do about those who don't read or understand your profile except block everyone and seek out those who meet your requirements yourself. It will always happen, people will always take a punt and there's really no point getting overly frustrated by it.
It CAN take a while to find the right people for you. What you're looking for is incredibly prescriptive. Added to that, you're looking someone who will accommodate (and in a home that meets your standards) and you want them to go through a fairly protracted process to verify themselves. All of these things will further narrow your possibilities. I'm not saying you should change those things, but you should be prepared for your search to be more difficult. |
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Another thought is that you may be better off going to a pro if this is just an itch that needs scratching, or at least for the first time.
Otherwise you’re requiring such one-sided hoop-jumping that you’ll get no sensible safe takers. Because, what are you offering this single guy? I’m not saying you’re wrong to have those boundaries/requirements, just that it reduces the pool to practically zero. |
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"You’re looking for someone with very niche interests/needs in a small geographical area, with very focussed hosting and ID requirements.
Just be prepared for the fact your search may take some time, even with the enormous number of single men on this site. "
THIS....
Having said that, its your profile you can put anything on it. 
Sadly I cant do a very good massage. |
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Personally I think reading a profile and replying with some mention of something in it to at least show you have taken the time to see what you like and not just copied and pasted a generic message.
On the other hand the amount of times this even gets a response is minimal but it’s the nature of the beast and my personal pet hate is this code word profiles seem to put in capitals at the very bottom of a profile, now call me daft but it’s pointless and I just don’t get the point. Be creative and half way just say to ignore the code word etc and see who actually does read it properly. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Even though approaching to say a simple hello it's not enough for people. What do you expect?!!"
A little bit more than just hello can also give an opportunity to give a response otherwise it's going to fall  |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
I’m trying to find a nice way of putting this.
What separates swinging from random sex, mostly, is the idea that we’re friends with people we fuck. We like them. We trust them.
Your profile is a long list of ways you want people to prove they are trustworthy. That attitude is kind of off putting and comes across as quite dehumanising? If you warm up a bit, you’ll attract nicer, warmer, more reliable people. |
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By *issC_UseMeWoman
over a year ago
London & South Coast |
I'm not entirely sure what you're actually asking for, but after experience of receiving dozens of messages from people who evidently aren't responding to what I quite specifically talk about in my profile, I'd say you have a perfect right to delete and block as you see fit. Nobody is entitled to your time and attention, especially if they can't even be bothered to compose a decent message |
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By *issC_UseMeWoman
over a year ago
London & South Coast |
"Gotta be honest, If I was a single guy I'd give this a miss.
Too mant red flags I'm afraid. "
I have to agree there is *a lot* of detail! If people still message and ignore it all though they are being numpties |
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